Disclaimer: I do not own Capcom's Dragon's Dogma and, after seeing the ending, I don't want to.

This fanfiction is rated T for violence and some strong language. This story also contains popular culture references, since it is a parody.

Intro: The End

The scene: A space above the clouds, between the sunrise and the sunset. There is only a stone throne present, along with a robed figure cloaked in light sitting in it. The figure is looking down on the world, looking particularly bored.

Believe it or not, I used to be this hero called "The Arisen". Believe it or not, I used to be a normal, living human being who spent most of her time sleeping on a grassy cliff. Believe it or not, I used to be the Smartass Slacker of Cassardis. Now, I guess I'm something equivalent to the Right Hand of God, and I hate this job. I could actually quit, if I wanted to, but that would mean getting myself killed, again, and placing the burden on some other poor soul who most likely doesn't want this job. Ah, but I'm getting ahead of myself, so I might as well start from the beginning.

It all started…with the last boring day of my (mortal) life.

Chapter 1: The Beginning

The scene: a small fishing town with the citizens moving at a slow, steady pace. The day is sunny without a cloud in the sky.

All my life, I lived in a small fishing town called Cassardis, which was also called "the town where nothing ever happens". Though I grew up in a fishing family, I did not fish, since I had little to no patience. Instead, I would wander around outside of town, picking up herbs and flowers and shooting goblins with my bow whenever I felt like it. Aside from goblin hunting, I contribute almost nothing to the town. As far as my hobbies went, all I really like to do is wander around aimlessly and nap whenever I felt like it. Because of my nonchalant, lazy, and sarcastic attitude, I came to call myself the "Smartass Slacker of Cassardis".

In all my twenty years, nothing has ever really happened. Well, there were lizard monsters living in the well, and there were goblins that attacked anyone on the roads outside town, but all of that was just everyday stuff. For twenty years, from my birth to today's date, my life was boring, and that was just the way I liked it. Of course, all those years of boredom had to come an end eventually, and it just had to be today.

On that particular day, I was napping at my favorite spot, the small grassy cliff next to the chapel, when I was waken up by the screams of the whole town. I got up and ran to the marketplace to see what was going on. Odds were, another Saurian crawled out of the well.

Apparently, that was not the case this time around. People were running around like ants, with some of them shouting, "The dragon has come! The dragon has come!"

A loud roar shook the whole town and I turned my head to see just what made that roar. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped as I saw a red dragon flying over the ocean, towards Cassardis. It landed on the beach and started to breathe fire on all that were unfortunate enough to be near it. I turned to the lookout guards for help, but they were busy hiding in barrels.

"You chickenshits!" I yelled at them in a panicked voice. "Do something!"

Of course, they did nothing. I looked at the dragon again and I saw that its attention was focused on some small children, who were being led out of danger by my older cousin, Quina. It turned its body around and it took a step towards them.

I cursed myself for having left my daggers and bow at home. I looked around for a weapon and I found a sword that one of the lookout guards had dropped. I snatched it up and decided to the heroic, and stupid, thing that most heroes do: face the big, bad monster.

Normally, I would run, but my cousin and those children were in danger. I knew I couldn't kill the overgrown lizard, but at least I could get it to focus its attention on me and not on those in immediate danger. I ran past my cousin and the children and I stood in front of the dragon. Somehow, it did not seem to notice me, so I decided to get its attention by whacking at its wrist with the sword.

The dragon stopped in place and looked down at me. I suddenly felt like an insignificant speck in the dragon's presence. I gaped at it, shook my head in disbelief, and bolted towards the shore. I looked over my shoulder and saw that the dragon was following me, and that my cousin and the children were still running until they were at a safe distance. The dragon raised its head and breathed a jet of fire at me. Instead of running from the jet of fire, I ran towards it until I was underneath it and the dragon. The dragon lowered one of its front claws to squash me, but I raised my sword straight up into the air and it pierced the pad of the dragon's claw.

The dragon gave an angry roar and it slapped me forward several feet with its injured claw. I skidded backwards on the sand and I cried out in pain. I tried to get up, but it felt like every bone in my body was broken. As I stared at the cloudless sky, the dragon lowered its head and stared at me with interest. It moved its lips and said some words, but I had no idea what it said. With its foreclaw, it reached for me until one of its nails rested on my chest.

Without warning, my chest exploded. No, it's not figurative, it's literal. My chest really did explode, with blood flying out of my chest like water when a fish jumps back into the sea. I could only stare in shock as the dragon withdrew its claw. In its nail was a glowing heart, my heart, and it was still beating. The dragon brought my heart to its jaws and it dropped it into its open mouth. Having eaten my heart, the dragon flapped its wings and flew off.

I could not believe what had just happened. That dragon… ate…my heart! I tried to breathe, but my lungs would not work. As I stared at the sky, I realized that I was losing consciousness. Great, so now I was dying. For once, I decided to do something heroically stupid, and I wound up getting killed for it. Well, at least Quina and those children are safe.

Somewhere, I could hear Quina shout, "Oh my God! The dragon killed Kennedreth!"

"That bastard!" I heard a man shout.

Then and there, I blacked out, but the story doesn't end there, and this is only the first time I died.

When I woke up, I found myself on a bed at the chief's house. At first, I thought the whole thing was a dream, that is, until I looked in a nearby mirror.

The thing about me: I'm short, like, a few inches below five feet short. Also, I have short flaming red hair and green eyes. When I looked in that mirror, I expected to see just that: a short twenty year old with flaming red hair and green eyes. Instead, I saw a short twenty year old with flaming red hair, green eyes, and a large scar across her chest. So…all of that wasn't a dream, but if that dragon really took my heart, then I shouldn't even be alive!

I put a hand on the scar, to see if it was real, and I was greeted by a dull ache in my chest, along with a voice in my head.

"If you would face me, the voice echoed, "then take up arms, newly Arisen."

I moved my hand away from the scar. Somehow or another, I think that voice belonged to the dragon. Was it talking to me through the scar? I placed my hand on the scar again and said, "Hello?"

"If you would face me," the voice repeated itself, "then take up arms, newly Arisen."

"I heard you, but why did you take my heart?"

There was no answer. I moved my hand away from the scar, then placed it back on it.

"If you would face me, then take-."

I moved my hand away, then placed it on my scar again.

"If you would face me-."

And again.

"If you-."

I had enough of the voice repeating itself, so I lowered my hand. I realized that it had called me "Arisen", and I couldn't help but think back to some old stories the chief used to tell me and Quina. Arisen were warriors who had their hearts taken out by a dragon, so they had to get them back, or their fates forever remained in the claws of the dragon, oh, and it will destroy the whole world to boot. Arisen were also considered to be heroes of Gransys who did good deeds for its people.

Great, so on some dragon's whim, I am now officially a hero? I did not want to be a hero. As far as heroes went, they always put their lives on the line over the stupidest things, like trying to kill any giant monster they see just because it's a giant monster. I will admit, they do genuine heroic things, like protecting people, but other than that, I think that these heroes have nothing better to do than trying to get themselves killed.

Now, you may have heard about the five stages a person goes through when he or she finds out that he or she is going to die, but that can also apply to other things, like finding out your destiny. These five stages are as follows: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Right now, I'm at stage one: denial.

I did not want to be an Arisen; I wanted to remain Kennedreth, the Smartass Slacker of Cassardis who does nothing but collect herbs and flowers, kill goblins, and being a smartass. On the other hand, the dragon took something that was mine and ate it like an after dinner snack, and I was mad. I know I am too puny to kill it, but at the very least, I wanted to know why it took my heart, as well as give it one hell of a yelling.

Stage two: anger.

I was about to leave the chief's house when I heard voices whispering nearby. I sidled alongside a wall and listened in. I found that it was a short conversation between Quina and the chief.

"She's alive," Quina whispered, "yet her heart remains still!"

"These are dark times indeed." The chief murmured.

I moved away from the wall, walked through the doorway to meet with the two whisperers, and said, "Yes, I'm a zombie, are you going to burn me at the stake now?"

Quina cried out in surprise and hugged me tightly. She said, "I thought you would never wake!"

"So you overheard?" The chief asked. "No, you are not an undead, but looking at that scar, it looks like you are the new Arisen."

I squirmed out of Quina's tight hug and said, "And now I have to go after the dragon, right?"

"You can't!" The worrisome Quina blurted out. "You have already escaped death once, don't go get yourself killed!"

"Coz," I sighed, "I don't want to go either, but I want to know why that lizard took my heart. I'll just ask, then run back home."

"It's not as simple as that," the chief noted, "all Arisen have to defeat the dragon that marked them, if they are to save Gransys and the rest of the world."

"Are you crazy? I can't kill a dragon! I only distracted it so that Quina and those children could get to safety!"

Before anyone could say anything else, I walked to the doorway. Just before I left the house, I said, "I'll confront that dragon, but there's no way I'm fighting it."

No, I have not skipped ahead to stage five: acceptance. I said I would confront that dragon, but I was still unsure of myself.

I went to my house to get my things together. I removed my bloodstained clothing and put on the light armor that I wear on my goblin hunting trips. I grabbed my daggers, bow and quiver, a lantern, and some herbs and berries to eat along the trip. As far as gold went, I only had 500 pieces, which was only enough to buy me a few carrots.

I swear, the duke needs to stop raising taxes.

Anyways, I was all decked out to go. I had no idea where the dragon would be, but the first step in my little quest would be to leave Cassardis. I strode out the door and briskly walked up to the front gate.

Just as I was about to leave, however, a hole appeared in the air in front of me and a man dropped out of it. As soon as he landed on the ground, the hole in the air vanished as fast as it had appeared. He faced me and showed me the palm of his right hand, which had a glowing scar on it. Judging by the scar on his hand, this "man" was actually a pawn. Based on the robes he wore, he was also a mage. Supposedly, pawns looked like humans, but unlike them, they have no emotions and they come from another dimension called "the Rift". I have heard that pawns are mostly there to help out the Arisen, yet I've heard of pawns that live out their own lives in Gransys.

"Uh…" I tried to find something to say. Just what could I say to a pawn who just dropped out of the air? I finally said, "Hello?"

"Follow me, Arisen." With that abrupt greeting said, the mage ran down the path that led out of Cassardis.

"Wait a minute!" I called back. I ran after him, shouting, "I don't even know your name!"

Instead of giving me his name, he said, "The Encampment is this way."

Near Cassardis, there was an Encampment that was home to warriors that fought monsters and accepted local requests. I have been there a few times, but I have not found much there that interested me. On the way to the Encampment, I kept asking and repeating questions to the pawn, none of which he answered.

And therein begins the misadventures of Kennedreth, the Smartass Slacker of Cassardis.

Next time, Kennedreth fights a Cyclops and gets a Main Pawn.

Chapter 2: The Pawns (excerpt)

Why did that dragon take my heart? Why couldn't it have taken someone else's heart instead? I'm the last adult in Cassardis that would be selected as hero of the world. I placed my hand over the scar again and asked, "Why me?"

"If you would face me," the dragon's voice said, "then take up arms, newly Arisen."

"Well," I moved my hand away from the scar, "you're no help."

I heard a light tapping on my window and I turned my head to see what it was. Staring at me through the window was Quina. I walked up to the window, opened it, and asked, "What is it?"

"I wanted to see how you were faring, coz." She said with a look of concern on her face.

"You were right, Quina," I lowered my head, "I can't face the dragon."

"What made you change your mind so quickly?"