Chapter 1

It had been weeks since Magnus had said they were over. At first, it had been really hard. Alec wasn't used to sleeping in his own bed, let alone being home for more than a few hours a day.

Ever since Max had died, he had taken to staying at Magnus's more often. Being inside the Institute only brought back memories of Max that Alec couldn't deal with now, or ever. He wound was too fresh, and the pain had only recently become bearable, because of Magnus. Magnus had been there for him, more than anyone else. Alec didn't like showing emotions, didn't like sharing his feelings with others. Magnus had a certain way of getting around that shell and coaxing Alec into spilling his utmost secrets.

Even then, after all of that, it was still so hard for them to understand each other. Alec loved Magnus with all of his heart, there was no doubt about that, and he felt terrible about what he did. Especially now that Magnus had dumped him and Alec was at home, curled up under the covers in his bed, biting into his bottom lip to keep from crying.

He was so used to sleeping with Magnus, waking up with his head on Magnus's chest, or vice versa. He liked feeling Magnus's body heat, liked seeing his spiky, glittery hair spread out along the pillows, eyes closed as he breathed deeply. He was always so peaceful while he slept.

Alec sighed and sat up, rubbing at his sleep deprived eyes. They were baggy and so purple around the edges, but it was his fault. He couldn't stop thinking about the things he could have differently, the things they both could have done to keep this from happening. But it had happened anyway, and now Alec was left to deal with the consequences of his actions and it freaking sucked.

He dressed slowly, lips pressed together tightly as he pulled on his jeans and then a black sweater that Magnus had once said complemented his body type. His frown only deepened.

Alec grabbed his jacket and wallet from the chair next to his bed, closing his bedroom door behind him as silently as possible. He walked quickly down the hallway, only pausing once to rub his hand along the back of Church's ears, smiling slightly when the cat purred and rubbed against him.

He stepped into the elevator and pretended that he didn't see Isabelle standing there, raising an eyebrow at him. She was wearing her gear, whip wrapped around her arm like a ring of bracelets. Her eyeliner was smudged, which somehow only gave her that smoky, sexy look instead of making her look like a raccoon.

"Going somewhere?" she asked, clicking her tongue against her teeth.

"Yes." Alec answered, almost smiling when Izzy rolled her eyes.

"This is the part when you tell me where you're going."

"Does it matter? Out. I'm going out." Alec answered with a shrug, strong gaze not withering in the slightest when Izzy stepped out of the elevator, throwing her long black hair behind her shoulder.

"It's late. You never go out this late."

"And you never come back this early. Iz, just drop it."

"Going to see Magnus?" her voice was quiet, almost a whisper. Alec looked away from her piercing gaze. "Did he even talk to you the last time?"

Alec shook his head. "Slammed the door in my face."

Isabelle sighed. "Alec – "

"Just drop it, Iz. I'm going out. End of discussion."

Isabelle shook her head sadly. "I just don't want you to hurt any more than you are already."

"I don't think I can hurt any more than this." Alec smiled wistfully and waved Isabelle away with his hands. "Go. Okay? I'll be fine. Just go."

Isabelle nodded and didn't look back as she made her way down the hallway, stopping once to bend down and scratch Church's back. Alec sighed and closed his eyes while he waited for the elevator to stop. Once it did he stepped out of the elevator and out of the Institute.

He had been doing this a lot lately, going out late, or more like early in the morning, to think as he walked. It helped. He had been thinking of ways to apologize, like Magnus's neighbors had.

Would Magnus accept a card, or a bouquet of flowers? No, it needed to be something different…

Another scarf from the GAP? He seemed to like the scarfs they sold in those mundane stores. Alec had never been in one. He mom usually bought clothes for them, had them brought in from Idris.

Maybe flowers would be a good start. Magnus seemed to like them. He would sometimes steal flowers from the park when he and Alec would go for a walk.

So Alec did just that. He bought a dozen lilies from the nearest florist that was open at 6:00 o'clock in the morning and a vase. He asked for it to be filled with water so that it wouldn't tip over when he set it on Magnus's door step, and then he did just that. He walked up the many steps to the doorway of Magnus's apartment, and set the flowers down on top of the doormat.

He worried his bottom lip, something he had been doing more often. It was a nervous habit, something Magnus liked to pick on him for. When they had been searching for Jace, Alec had sat on Magnus's couch, biting his lip until it would start to bleed, and Magnus would scold him.

"Injuring yourself won't do Jace any good." he would say, wiping away the blood from Alec's lip with his thumb.

It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that Alec missed Magnus. It was way more than that. Alec longed for him, yearned for even so much as a glance of Magnus's face.

It was pathetic, but Alec didn't care. He loved Magnus, and he admitted he had messed up big time.

He stared down at the bouquet for a little while longer, hoping that he had bought the right type of flower. He knew Magnus liked lilies, but would he have preferred tulips? Alec knew Magnus liked those too.

It was stupid to worry like this, and Alec knew it, so he stopped and turned, trying so hard not to look back at Magnus's door with longing as he made his way back home, dreading another sleepless night in his own bed.