"You're going to have to stop blaming yourself sometime, Max."

I tore my gaze away from the flickering white snow flakes whipping around outside the window to face the person behind me. Absentmindedly I flexed my sore hand, which I had been resting my hand on. It was all pins and needles as the blood cam rushing back.

"Kinda hard not to blame yourself when the fault is your own," I answered.

Maya sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "You're 98% human, Max. And being human means you can't do everything."

"You just don't get it! I saved the whole fucking world. Billions of people are alive because of me, yet I couldn't protect one of my family members? Some hero I am."

Maya made her way to the window sill I occupied and took a seat next to me. She glanced out the window at the flurries of snow before turning to me. "And that's what you don't get. You saved the world."

"But I. Didn't. Save. Angel." I practically growled. "I grew up with her. I helped raise her. I protected her. When she got captured, I saved her. But not this time. She always counted on me to come rescue her, and this time I failed her. I screwed up."

"This is reality, though. Not some movie. You can't always save everyone. Sometimes people have to be lost to give you a foundation to push forward on. To give you the strength you need to rise above it all. To win."

Maya reached out to grab my hand but I wrenched it away, giving my eyes a harsh rub. I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't. Crying solved nothing. Crying wasn't going to bring her back. Neither will brooding, the Voice chimed in, but I promptly ignored it.

"So you're saying she's a martyr. No, she can't be. It's not fair. She had her whole life ahead of her. Why couldn't it have been me instead? Everyone used to want me dead anyway, why not satisfy them?"

"You have your whole life ahead of you, too." Maya said softly. "And I think Angel would want you to forgive yourself and move on. She had faith in you, that you would prevail. You didn't let her down."

"Oh, but I did. I let everyone down." I shook my head, rapidly blinking away tears. "I would give anything to get her back."

"Even the lives of innocent people?" Maya asked.

I glanced at her. Would I- no, could I trade away a world of souls for the life of one child, even if they were my entire world? "I-I-" I paused to swallow the rising lump in my throat. I tried to keep it together, to no avail. I broke down sobbing.

"Hey, it's okay," Maya whispered, drawing me into a tight hug. I cried into her shoulder. I cried away months worth of guilt and frustration and anger and sorrow. I cried until my throat was raw and I felt as if I'd cut myself open. Maybe it was a step towards healing, or at least it was steering me in the right direction. But it was going to be a long time before I could really let it all go.

X X X

Author's Notes: I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. I guess since I'm already doing a Fax story, I felt like I needed some other pairing (that doesn't really exist, I don't think) to kind of vent off steam. Well, this pairing is growing on me, oddly enough. So I decided to base this off of them. You could say this whole thing will be a companion to 'Safer to Hate Her', but obviously set in the future where Max and Maya actually pursued a relationship.

I guess we'll just have to see where this goes. . .