SPRING

Though the ice of the sleepy kingdom melted in the new season, it took Ravenna's frozen heart a lot longer to thaw. She found herself feeling things she hadn't felt since she was a little girl, emotions such as fear and guilt. As a woman held under what was supposed to be a gift, Ravenna's magic was instead a curse. She felt nothing more than the anger and sadness of her past, the lust for immortality and beauteous youth. She never had the need to think on the aftermath of her actions, as long as she got what she wanted. She never cared for those lost in her endless wars, the poor, or the women she stole years of life from. Ravenna felt it all now with a force that kept her on her knees. Her nightmares made it so that she feared sleep. As queen, she had serums and potions to help her at night if memories of her past became too much to bear. She never had nightmares as a cursed queen, but that didn't mean she slept well then, either. Now all she had behind her eyes were images of the clash of swords against glass, the cries of children, the bright light of fire and the men who burned within them.

Those first few nights, she had visits from Queen Snow White; however they were short and often filled with large silences. Neither knew what to say to the other, and sometimes Snow would squirm so much that she had no other choice but to say goodnight and leave Ravenna's bedchamber. For the first time, Ravenna hadn't meant to cause discomfort, but she, too, was conflicted by the visits. Why was the younger woman still there? She had saved her life and given her a place in the palace to stay. She could sleep now, knowing she had done something noble and Snow could have gone about her life as queen. Ravenna wasn't sure she could trust Snow's actions, though. She worried that this would end, that the young queen would have her exiled after all. She knew the queen wouldn't kill her, as she was too pure for that, but at any moment, Ravenna must be prepared for the queen's change of heart.

When a few more days passed and nothing had changed, Ravenna out of sheer boredom left her room. She found herself looking around the castle she had ruled for a decade only to see it all in a new light. How blind she had been to the colors that surrounded her in those years! How could she not have seen how much darkness the magic had allowed her eyesight? Ravenna found herself captured by the tapestries along the wall, and the many years of history told within them. Sometimes it wasn't just history, but a folk story, stories retold in Ryder's scrolls. She would spend half of her morning looking at just one tapestry, admiring its beauty even as she tried to understand all of what it was trying to tell her. She wouldn't see the many servants who passed her, or hear their gossip. Never did she go anywhere in those days but the main hallways, but those alone gave her much to view.

One such day, when cold breezes of the castle were minimal and the warm places where the sun came in through the windows where many, Ravenna found herself venturing further away from her room than she had gone before. Having seen all of the tapestries in the East Wing of the castle already, her curiosity for other hallways and public spaces like the library and the grand hall made her feet move further. As usual, she heard voices of servants and the overall sound of work, the heavy boots against stone, and the typical sound of men walking about. She felt she may have even recognized a voice or two, but they were too far at first for her to place a face to these voices. Along this new wall, Ravenna saw that the stories in the tapestries were more violent, stories of war and battle, even one with a king being eaten by a lion while a young woman wept.

There was a shout, which startled Ravenna out of her thoughts. She turned towards the sound of running, realizing too late that they were advancing. Her arm was held in a vice like grip, and her head hit into the wall behind her. Another shout came, one of a voice she knew. "Christian!" Erik called out as he ran after the man. Ravenna felt the grip tighten around her arm, so much so that she couldn't hold back the cry of pain that escaped her.

"I was told that you had died in Queen Snow's battle! I will make sure these rumors remain true, you vile woman," the man said. The metal of his wrist band cut into Ravenna's arm. Though it was at first unintentional, he allowed it once he realized it was happening. His face held a fury that Ravenna was too familiar with, his hair was slick and greasy from an unknown amount of travel, and his breath smelled of something old and dead.

The pressure on her was released and the man was gone. Ravenna nearly fell to the floor at the force of it. She stepped away as she watched Erik roughly shake the man. "Christian, stop this. It was Queen Snow who spared her life."

"After all she had done? Especially to the queen? I've watched as families- as MY family starved to death and wasted away in their endless miseries."

"I know her deeds," Erik said in a low dark voice, one that told any and all who heard- Ravenna especially- how much his words rang true and just what he thought of the woman in question. "However, we mustn't go against the queen, not after we both swore our allegiance to her. Besides, does she appear as one who could destroy you now?"

"She may look like a lamb now, but who's to say she isn't a wolf in disguise?"

"Where are her fangs? Do you see anything more than someone just as broken as the rest of us?"

Christian snorted. "Perhaps they'll appear upon the full moon. Watch your flock." He looked as if to say something more, when Queen Snow White appeared down the hall and, seeing Erik restraining Christian instead of the bantering of before, took steps towards them.

"What is going on here?" Snow asked, looking to Ravenna, whose head hung low even as she was the first to make a bow to her queen. She refused to look up.

Erik stood up from his bow before he spoke. "It appears Christian was... startled by the appearance of Lady Ravenna, Your Majesty. He has been told her place within the castle and still needs a moment to adjust his mind to it."

"I still don't understand, My Queen," Christian added as he, too, lifted from his bow.

"The situation is difficult, and I understand that it would concern many to know that I spread rumor of her death. If this matter will shake our alliance, we can discuss it somewhere out of the public eye." When after a small moment no one spoke, Queen Snow White glanced to Ravenna and looked her over. She spotted the redness upon her arm. The queen's mouth twisted before her shoulders shifted. "Erik, please escort Lady Ravenna to her quarters while I speak with Christian." She turned back to Ravenna and nodded slightly. The older woman didn't realize what this meant, but understood that whatever ire the queen seemed to feel was not aimed at her.

Ravenna bowed again and turned to walk behind Erik, who had already begun the trek towards her quarters. She made quick movements after him, but returned to her normal pace when Erik slowed down. The two of them walked side by side back into the East Wing, passing tapestries that Ravenna had already seen and suspected she would only see in her future if an outing past the hall would always result in the way it had that afternoon. Once they reached Ravenna's quarters, Erik turned to her and said, "I too do not understand, but should you come across further conflict within this walls- or anywhere and I am in range, call upon me, and I will protect you." There was a moment of silence, as Ravenna didn't know what to say to the man and seemed to realize that perhaps 'thank you' or 'I'm sorry' weren't welcomed or needed from her. "I pray Her Majesty's actions will one day prove to have been necessary."

Ravenna nodded once to the man in response, and Erik copied the motion before he took his leave. The woman went to her window and looked out, watching as birds flew overhead and listened as people worked outside. Her mind's eye showed images of the events that had just happened. It reminded her that both Erik and the queen had referred to her as Lady Ravenna, a title that she knew she didn't deserve, and it made her ill to think of it truly belonging to her. Ravenna waited hours for Snow to perhaps come to her, to inquire on her version of the events of the day, but she heard gossip between the servants who dressed her for the night that she had left the castle with her huntsman. Even as this information wasn't spoken directly to her, as the servants spoke over her head even as they worked for her, Ravenna was impacted by the force of it, as if Christian had attacked her all over again. The feeling of disappointment and slight fear was one she forced within herself. She knew such things she had to try and ignore.

It was many more days before Ravenna ventured out of her room again. Since the attack on her, it seemed as if the air in the castle had shifted. The servants spoke directly to her, not out of a polite necessity of their position, but because they seemed to want her input. When one of the servants had asked her opinion about the gossip she had heard while putting up her hair, Ravenna told her she didn't know, which had not been a lie. Still, she was glad that they didn't speak over her head anymore. Snow had yet to return, and the days quickly turned to weeks. Ravenna wondered how long William could keep the castle and the kingdom running while Queen Snow was away. After all, the man had his own people to look after, as well as his father to assist.

The rainiest portion of the season came and went, mostly keeping those inside if they could help it, but once the sun came out again, it brought with it beautiful flowers and fruit that Ravenna never appreciated as queen. She had her old habits of course. Her eyes would widen whenever a black bird perched not far from where she sat in the garden, and she had trouble keeping her sneer from appearing on her face at the sight of anything that grew. These took time to fade. Even so, she found the castle's large garden to be her solace. One such sunny afternoon, the heat of the castle brought her outdoors for fresh air. She passed by servants who nodded or greeted her in some way as she walked by. She made her way slowly around the castle, allowing her thoughts to run freely. This was the only thing she could do anymore, seeing as the one person she felt she could trust was gone, and she hadn't the courage to ask after her. She could only think about her deeds, her dreams, and her tragic past as she waited patiently for Snow to come home. It was strange, the place she was in now. The one person who could have destroyed her had saved her instead. There were many moments when she wondered if perhaps that was what the mirror had meant, that only Snow could end her, the evil being that had ruled the land. Had Ravenna known that then, would she have still tried to end Snow White? Her mind was so far gone that Ravenna honestly didn't know what she would have done.

Before Ravenna could think too far into these new, depressing thoughts, she heard a loud rustle in the bushes not too far from where she stood. The rustling was followed by a shout and the snap of branches before it went still. Ravenna followed the sound just as a muttered curse left the lips of the one making so much noise. She turned to walk around a bush only to find a plump man on his back in the grass. He was still breathing, and his eyes were open, but that seemed to be the extent to his movements. Ravenna took in the sight, wondering if she should speak to the man, to ask if he was alright, but he took that decision from her when he spoke up.

"No need to look so frightened, my lady," he said. As if to prove his words to her, he sat up. "Thorns are a little bit sharper this season," he murmured, though it was uncertain if this was said to the woman or not.

"Perhaps to prove they can survive after such a... harsh sleep," Ravenna said back as she fought the guilt that rose up within her. She hoped that her decision to leave the castle that day wasn't a bad one.

"The need for a fight now is the same as the need to wear a layer of fur. That time has passed. It is only time for rebirth and a new beauty, don't you think?" he asked her. Ravenna didn't speak at first. "If you don't mind, m'lady, I was hoping I could ask for your help." Ravenna bent to extend her hand. "No no," he said. He let out a small chuckle. "I may have some years and some extra weight on me, but I am not without the ability to rise to my feet. Thank you. No lass, I was hoping your hands, far more dainty than my own, could assist me in getting to that berry there. It is the best of the branch, but I cannot get to it."

Ravenna looked at the dark berry the man spoke about. It was on a branch encased in thorns save for a small opening created, she assumed, by the plump man next to her. "I will try," she promised, though she knew that with her smaller hands and longer arms, she would succeed where the man could not. Ravenna moved the sleeve of her dress up and walked slowly towards the bush, extending her hand so that it was ready to grab her prize. It took little time, and the task was an easy one. She turned to the man, berry in hand now. He bent to the side to grab for his basket, and the woman added the fruit to the pile. Looking at what was already there, she saw that the man was right. This berry was the best of the lot, and would make a fine addition to whatever it was that the man was to do with them. As if to know her thoughts, the man began to speak again.

"I am making a pie for the castle tonight. I spoke to the cook of a neighboring kingdom and he gave me the recipe that I have not seen before. It is his king's favorite, and I thought I might learn it for His Majesty's next visit. If I can go back for the berries I have missed, I will have enough for the servants to try some as well."

The question hung in the air, unspoken, but Ravenna nodded and said, "If you show me where you have plucked the other berries, perhaps I can help you if you need it." The man smiled and handed her the basket. Once she had taken it, he extended his elbow to her. She hesitated, but at his warm smile, she hooked her own arm with his. They made quite the pair, with the man being short as he was and round, while she was taller than many of the men in the castle, her fame so slim due to her lack of appetite and nightmares. Together they walked along the outer boundary of the garden where the berries were, and she grabbed at the fruit that had been too high or too far back for the man to reach. "I assume you to be the cook of the castle," Ravenna said after a few minutes of this.

"You assume correctly, m'lady."

"Were you always the cook here?" she asked softly, thinking back to a time when she had first become queen, and the harsh words she had said about the food brought to her. With such a nice man next to her and the words she had spoken about him and his cooking in her head, she felt badly. His demeanor showed that he knew exactly who she was and her place within the castle, but he was the only one besides the new Queen who hadn't made a face first upon seeing her. Ravenna knew she spoke back then out of her own hatred, and, considering her diet then, it was clear that she had no say in what food was good.

"For many winters, yes," he replied as they moved to a new berry bush. "My mother was the cook before me, and she taught me all I know. When she died one winter, there was no time to replace her with someone else, and I had nowhere to go, being not yet a man m'self. For almost a full season, the king never knew that the cook had died until he had caught me there in the kitchen."

"Were you punished?" Ravenna asked, her voice that of a child hearing the story of a knight and his adventures.

"He was disappointed to learn that my mother had fallen ill, but also surprised that my cooking was identical to hers." Together, as the man told the story of how the king had quizzed him on recipes for his wife's favorite dishes, the two moved to a new bush. Without saying so, Ravenna plucked the berries at the top, while the cook grabbed those below. They made a good team, and Ravenna found the task to be good for her mind. She hadn't thought once about the dreams or Snow's absence because Cook kept her mind filled with images of servants' actions in the kitchen, the guests that had come and gone through the castle, and the words they had about his food, both good and bad. Ravenna learned more about another person in only moments than she cared to know since her brother was alive. She found that she liked hearing his stories, especially since they came in such a large supply. Almost as soon as he was finished with one story, he launched into another. And he was funny. Even if she never laughed outright, she did find herself smiling more than once per story.

So caught up in the current story of the clumsiness of the most recent of cook's assistants he had gone through, a boy of twelve who wasn't the brightest of his village, the two of them made it to the back of the castle, where the entrance to the kitchen was held. Ravenna slowed in her walking. Cook, however, kept walking, dragging the tall woman along with him with bit more urgency. "Ah no, my lady. You are not yet finished with kitchen duties today," he told her, tugging once more on her arm. And that was the only invitation Ravenna needed.

Ravenna spent many days in Cook's kitchen, something she found she enjoyed. The work was menial at best, and it took little to no concentration to do the work. Even so, it seemed to make less work for others, and Ravenna appreciated being helpful in some way. It made her miss Snow a little less, and her thoughts were no longer depressed during the day. In the time she spent in the kitchen, she found herself eventually speaking to the other servants of the castle as they washed linen or cut the grass that grew along the foot paths. She found herself entered into a routine. She would awake with the sun and take her bath. The servants would gossip together behind her as they dressed her, and at times, if she cared enough to, she would add information on the kitchen events. Cook was readying the kitchen for the May Day festival, and that kept everyone busy. She would help in the herb garden before joining the house for breakfast, and then she would continue her tasks by washing and cutting anything that was set in front of her (something that had surprised her the first time, seeing as she assumed that she would be the last anyone should trust with a knife). She took her meals with the castle, even as she felt strange in doing so. She would much rather sit with Cook and his staff than listen to the rumors and politics the kingdom was going through, even if she was curious as to where Snow was at any given moment. Ravenna still had her nightmares - that was something she told herself she would have to be used to. After all, her entire life felt like a fright, and her mind would have no choice but to relive it all in sleep. She would awake in the night, read scripture, and then sleep again for as long as her mind would allow her to.

Ravenna worried after another fortnight passed with no word from her queen. Even those in the court worried about her absence. Surely the new queen had fallen ill, or had perhaps been taken for ransom. Yet when no note beholding such news arrived, the court had no choice but to assume that the queen was alive and well. But where had she gone, and why has it taken so long for her to return? There were rumors of course- in a place so large, there was nothing but- and what Ravenna heard varied from talk of the Queen's new alliances to the capture of Christian in order for him to hold his silence of Ravenna's presence in the castle. Whichever story was true (that is if any of them were), the blonde woman hoped the situation resolved itself soon. The once evil queen missed Queen Snow the most, it seemed, at night, or when she spent another Sunday mass without her. She had many worries about her queen when she was forced to stay in her room after Cook no longer needed her help, or when she grew tired of his stories, which was a rarity. One such afternoon, Ravenna sat down to the newest Ryder scroll that had been placed with her water cup, when one of the servants came to fetch her.

"Lady Ravenna," she said, "the Queen's horses were spotted in the market, and word was sent stating she will arrive tonight!"

Ravenna's heart leapt slightly, but before she could think to reply, the servant was off in a hurry. Minutes later, three more servants were at her door with fresh water for a bath and another dress for her to wear. The next hours were spent presenting herself for her queen, and she nearly ran outside when the horses came through the castle walls. She stood with the rest of the house, waiting for them to approach, and when they did, she watched as Erik the Huntsman helped Snow off of her horse. The queen was weary, as the past month and a half of travel had been rough on her. She smiled at those who welcomed her home, bowing to her as she passed them. She nodded at those in her court, but when she stopped at Ravenna, she slowly reached out her hand and placed it upon the blonde woman's cheek before she could complete her bow. The slight pressure on her chin forced her back to a full stance.

"I need to speak with you, Lady Ravenna, but I must bathe and eat first." Her voice rose by the end of her statement as if to address the servants. They took this as a dismissal and left back into the castle to fulfill this request.

"Yes, Your Majesty," Ravenna responded once the servants were gone and the young queen seemed to expect an answer of some sort from her.

"I will meet with you after supper."

"Yes, Your Majesty," Ravenna said again. The authority of which the queen spoke to her made her worry for her future, but the gentle touch of her chin made her curious as well. Ravenna went back to her room, where she read until the knock came to her door. She opened it, expecting to see a guard to escort her to the Queen's quarters. Instead, she stood face to face with Queen Snow herself. Ravenna's eyes widened slightly and didn't hesitate to bow. She stepped back to allow her queen entrance into the room. "You wished to speak to me, Your Majesty?"

"Please, Ravenna, this room is yours. I hope you will believe me when I tell you this. No one will take you from this castle and it shall always be your home. The only one who may tell me otherwise is you. In this room, I am not royalty. In this room, I am simply Snow." In the silence that followed, Ravenna only nodded. Snow then began to speak again. "You may have heard, but some of the men who were once allies of this castle have turned their backs at the news of your existence here. Christian's men move fast, but some of our own men were faster. We managed to keep most of our allies, however, they needed to know that my position on this matter will not change. I stand by my decision. I always will."

"Thank you, Your- ... Snow." Ravenna said. She allowed Snow to take a look around her room. Everything, with the exception of the food placed on the table near the window was much the same as the queen had seen it before she assigned it to the older woman. There were no personal items placed, nothing to show just who lived there. The queen's eyes landed on the fire, and then to the food on the table.

"Is the food not to your liking?"

"The food is fine. I helped make it, so I know this to be true," Ravenna replied.

"Your plate looks barely touched."

"I have not been hungry as of late," Ravenna said almost dismissively.

"Lying to royalty is treason."

" 'In this room, I am not royalty,' " Ravenna quoted. She glanced at the young queen to see the reaction, and instead of a stern look she saw a hint of a smile.

"Touché," the queen replied, walking to the table. "If not for your queen, then for a friend, will you try and eat? When it takes so much energy just to breathe sometimes, you will need all that you obtain."

Ravenna's eyes locked with Snow's, her chest tightening with emotion. She watched as the dark haired queen stepped towards her, extending the bread she held in her hand. Ravenna slowly took the bread, her eyes never leaving those of her queen. As she took a bite, relief crossed Snow's face, almost as if she believed Ravenna wouldn't do as requested.

"If this is to be, a friendship of sorts between us," Ravenna started haltingly after she swallowed her bite, "then it is only fair that I return your gesture with one of my own." Ravenna turned away from Snow and looked at the fire as her mind conjured images of what had to be the worst night of the young queen's life. "I cannot ever apologize for what I have done, but that night I awoke after you brought me back, you wanted to know why..." And then, Ravenna could no longer speak. The young queen more than anybody had the right to know these things, but Ravenna wasn't sure if she could get the words out to explain what she had gone through and what she had done in return. "When I was a little girl, there were raiders in my village. Children were taken from their homes, and often sold as slaves. My mother thought that by using magic to enhance my beauty, it would keep me and my brother safe. And it did.

"I was taken into the home of a lord. At first, I was the playmate for his daughter, and though I loved her, I was only a servant, and she was cruel in the way that rich children are. I had learned of the magic within me, and used it in small ways to amuse her. Nearly ten winters had passed before she found other friends and grew tired of me... But her father hadn't. If ever I felt that his daughter's cruelty was too much to bear, I soon found how wrong I was, for he was far worse. Each time he forced himself into my bed, I felt so much hatred. And in that hatred, the magic within me grew until I found his head in my hands, while his body fell to the ground. As I grew dark, so did the world around me, and I wanted to take as much from other men as he had taken from me. My mind thought of little else but the life I needed in order to carry out such tasks, as well as what I needed to keep my youth and beauty. The more hearts I broke, the more hearts I... ate, the less I felt my own within my chest.

"I had been bested once and locked away in a carriage to be taken God only knows where, but your father had saved me from that fate. But it wasn't your father I had seen. It was him, the Lord who had stolen so much from me, as well as every man just like him who felt superior of women… who felt they had the right to take hold of them. I saw that I had to overtake him before he could overtake me. I was so dark, such a monster then that I didn't see King Midas, or my husband, or even a father." Ravenna looked over to Queen Snow, who had remained silent as the blonde woman spoke. The young queen's jaw was tight, as if she barely suppressed the disgust and horror the older woman's tale had surely made her feel. Snow said nothing, nor did she run from the room to cry or lose her supper. Instead, she held Ravenna's gaze, waiting for more to come, and so Ravenna went on. "It was the entire gender I wanted to kill, and I don't know if any man could have changed that. If they could have, it would have been by loving me as your father had. Somewhere deep, I knew that he loved me, but something even deeper told me that he would also betray me."

In the silence that followed, both Snow and Ravenna stared at the fire as it crackled in its place. "Did you feel it?"

Ravenna's entire body seemed to turn towards the young queen in surprise. "I do not understand," she said after a moment.

"Those... things you had done," Queen Snow clarified.

"No," Ravenna nearly whispered in return.

"And now?"

"Every breath is one I am guilty for taking," Ravenna admitted. "There are no apologies for what I have done, or I would have offered them already. His would be the life I would bring back first, even before my own brother's." She looked away at this, no longer able to hold the queen's eye. "This is madness," the older woman nearly whispered. "You cannot really hope for a friendship between us." The blonde's eyes flickered to Snow's, glittering as she wondered this of the queen.

It took a long moment for Snow to reply. "We've already tried killing each other, and as that hasn't worked, there must be no alternative. I believe you when you say that you are now remorseful, if what you say about it taking over your mind and heart are true. That dark magic you had is truly gone now, its last act used to bring you back into being. We can only continue our lives from there."

"It has left quite the shadow in its wake," Ravenna said. She didn't tell the young woman before her that faces emerged in and out of those shadows or that she heard phantom screams from time to time.

"You were right when you told me as a little girl that we are forever bound to one another- Especially now," Snow White said. She took a look around the room quickly before she got to her feet. "You will always have a place here in this castle, Ravenna," Snow said again, as if she knew the older woman wasn't convinced. The tone of her voice when speaking the older woman's name was soft, even though it was clear that the new queen had a lot to think about now. Ravenna hurried to her feet as well when it looked as though Snow was about to leave her quarters. "If you desire or need anything, you only have to ask. And I beg you, eat."

"I will," Ravenna promised, and she planned to keep that promise if only for the young woman.

"Will you permit me to call upon you again soon? I know that I have missed reading Ryder's Scrolls while I was away. I would like to know what I have missed."

"Of course. The frequency of which the scrolls are written shows that the castle may receive another within a week's time," Ravenna responded.

"I should finish those I have missed soon, then?" There was a small smile that tugged on Ravenna's lips at the almost child-like glint in the queen's eye. "I would like to speak with you about them once I have." This line speech was the closest they had gotten so far to a casual conversation, and she felt easier speaking about the stories.

"Of course."

Snow got to the door and turned as if to leave the room completely. Ravenna bowed to her once she stepped into the corridor, feeling the shift between them as Snow became her queen again even as she said, "I just want the darkness to end. For both of us."

Ravenna didn't know what else to say other than, "Yes, Your Majesty."

Snow 's eyes lingered upon hers for another moment. "Sleep well, Ravenna," she said softly.

"Thank you. And you as well, Your Majesty." She watched as Snow walked down the corridor and out of sight before she closed her door again and prepared herself to sleep. She knew that she wouldn't get much of it this night due to the conversation they'd had played in her mind.