Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. Disclaimer applies to the whole story. And if you've forgotten, you can go to YouTube and search for Morgan and Reid prank war to see what led to this story.

~*~PW~*~

Chapter 1

Derek wasn't sure whether to fume or laugh about the Reid-scream from not only his iPod, but his phone, as well. How the kid had managed to make it so Penelope's number came up, only to have it be "the scream" again, he didn't know. He was impressed...and irritated. Reid knew Derek liked to decompress in the plane on the way home as he listened to music, and he'd taken away that outlet by rendering his iPod useless. What the hell was he supposed to do n—

Penelope.

Looking at his phone and the still barely-able-to-contain-his-grin Reid, Derek wondered if it would actually work right if he tried to make a call. Tentatively, he pressed the first button on his speed dial and held it up a few inches from his ear. When the phone started ringing, he breathed an almost inaudible sigh of relief.

So far, so good.

"Penelope's Lair of All Things Delicious. How may I fulfill your desires tonight?"

Her low, sexy voice shot straight through Derek, and he had to work to hold back his groan. "Baby Girl," he murmured. "You do know how to take my mind off things."

He grinned when Rossi rolled his eyes and shot him a smirk.

"What's up, buttercup?" she quipped. "You sound frustrated."

Derek moved to the small galley to continue his conversation, not wanting to give the kid the satisfaction of hearing him grinch about it to Garcia. Once he was as secluded as he was going to get, he quickly recounted the whole, sordid story to his girl, glaring at the phone when she giggled.

"Baby," Derek growled playfully, "you aren't supposed to be on his side."

"Sorry, lover, I'm not," she purred in response. When he didn't respond immediately, she added, "Is there anything I can do to make up for my lack of an appropriate response? A lack of appropriate clothing, perhaps?"

Derek did groan then, even more glad that he'd moved away from the group so they wouldn't see his immediate reaction to her words.

"That would be a start," he agreed in a deep, gravelly tone.

"Then that is what I shall do," she said cheerfully. "Still wanna do Thai at my place?"

"Yes, ma'am," Derek answered, adjusting himself once as he willed the image of Penelope wearing little to nothing away before heading back to his seat.

"I'll pick up dinner on my way home, then, sugar," Pen told him. "You just get your cute little butt over as soon as that plane lands. I'll take care of the rest."

"Thanks, Baby Girl," Derek said, grateful once again that the two of them had finally come to their senses while searching for Prentiss and had become a couple once she'd ended things with Lynch. "See you in a few."

She made a few kissy noises into the phone, making Derek grin and shake his head before hanging up.

"Garcia make it all better?" Rossi asked as Derek slid into his seat.

Derek grinned. "She always does."

Since he didn't have anything to listen to, thanks to the Scream Queen, Derek closed his eyes and began to plot. He couldn't go the fake dog poop or vomit route. That was too tame. No, something like this required finesse. Whatever prank he ended up choosing, he'd have Reid crying uncle before it was all over.

That thought put a smile on Derek's face, and he let himself skirt the edge of sleep, thinking of prank wars and Garcia in next to nothing.

~*~*~PW~*~*~

Penelope sighed happily as Derek the Cuddler curled himself around her on the bed. They'd barely made it through their dinner of chicken satay, pad Thai, mango curry, and pepper beef before falling into bed. She was actually surprised he'd lasted that long, but when his stomach had growled shortly after walking through the door of her apartment, she'd declared dinner first, sex second.

~*~PW~*~

When she heard the key in the lock, Penelope grabbed a beer out of the fridge and set both it and her glass of wine on the table, turning back just as Derek walked through the door. As soon as he looked up, she dropped the robe, revealing her black on black corset.

She'd fallen in love with it a few days before when she'd gone shopping with Em and JJ, just before the team had left for the case in Idaho. There were soft ruffles around the top edge of the sweetheart bustline, a small satin bow right in the center, and a band of the ruffles around the bottom edge, with bows on either side where the optional garters could go—which Penelope had foregone. The bodice had black boning throughout and small black polka dots, giving it a fun, flirty, but definitely sexy look. She'd paired it with black cheeky panties and matching kitten heels.

Derek swallowed hard, dropped his keys and phone on the small table beside the door, and moved to gather her in his arms. Penelope had just enough time to press her hands to his chest, gripping his shirt, before his lips were on hers.

~*~PW~*~

Thinking about how Derek's growling belly had interrupted their passionate kiss made her giggle.

His arms tightened around her before he asked in a husky voice, "What's so funny, baby? You weren't laughing a minute ago."

Instead of responding verbally, she just turned over and kissed him, interrupting his train of thought.

"You feeling better now?" she asked, running a hand down the stubble on his cheek, scratching lightly at the skin with her nails.

Derek growled low in his throat and shook his head. "I gotta get him back somehow." He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at her. "By the way, did you make that call? I've been thinking about it, and I can't figure out how he did it."

"No..." Penelope drew out the word as she puzzled for a second. Then, as the light bulb switched on in her head, she began to grin. "Ah! I had no idea that's what she was doing."

"Who?" Derek asked, raising a single eyebrow.

The expression on his face showed a cross between frustration and humor, so she kept her usual dramatics at bay.

"Gina, from Tech Services," she answered. "She and Reid go to some chess club or something together, I think."

"What does she have to do with anything?"

Penelope almost laughed at how confused Derek looked, but she held it in, knowing he wouldn't appreciate her amusement.

"She came rushing into my office a couple of minutes before you called and asked if she could borrow my phone. She said Reid had asked her to do him a favor." Penelope shrugged one shoulder as she continued. "I told her sure, not a problem. I didn't realize it was you she'd called until later."

"You heard the noise?" Derek clarified.

Nodding, she said, "Yes, she had a little voice recorder and held it up to the phone after dialing. Scared the toot out of me when I heard Boy Wonder's scream."

Derek smirked. "Damn, the kid is good, I gotta give him that. I didn't expect him to bring in outside help."

Penelope started shaking her head when he turned a gleeful grin and hopeful expression her way. "Oh no, buddy," she said firmly. "You aren't dragging me into this. You boys have fun. Mama is staying out of it!"