Series: Sensei

Author: Juniper11

Chapter Title: Who You Are vs Who You Want To Be

Pairing: Ino x ?

Genre: Angst/Romance/Mild Humor/Hurt/Comfort

A/N: If you didn't expect the last chapter. You probably definitely didn't expect this one. :)

A/N2: Do you see any errors? (besides punctuation ones) Let me know. I tried something different.


"Enter."

Gaara raised his eyes and watched as the Konoha kunoichi entered his office. She glanced around the room as any shinobi would immediately cataloging all exits before settling her eyes on him. He approved, but wondered if she saw a threat in him or if it was just a habit.

"Kazekage-sama." She bowed slightly before taking a slight step forward.

"You may call me Gaara when we're alone." Her eyes narrowed at his words and he wondered at it, but said nothing about it.

"Gaara-sama," his lips twitched at her addition of the honorific, "I wanted to verify that you requested that I move in with you and your family."

"It is true. Do you have reason to doubt it?" A sardonic grin appeared on her lips.

"Well, Temari can be rather mischievous when she wants something so..."

"Temari? You mean, Kankuro didn't tell you?"

Ino frowned. "No. He only told me that you wanted to see me." Gaara remained silent for a moment and then said, "I see."

"May I ask why it is that you want me to live with your family?"

Gaara met her gaze and noted that she appeared to be anxious and uneasy. He didn't particularly care for moments when people were uneasy around him. It reminded him of a past best forgotten so he sought to alleviate her anxiety. "You may sit down. There is no need for you to be so formal in a casual conversation." She smiled slightly and moved forward to sit down.

The room settled into silence and Ino thought that he wasn't going to answer her question, but he did she just didn't realize it. "Your tears unsettle me."

"My...tears?" Ino looked at him bewildered and wondered when he had ever seen her cry. Though truly there was no point wondering when he was sitting right there and she could ask plainly. "When did you-"

"So you're here as a potential bride for me or my brother."

Ino's heart stopped beating. She didn't know that it was possible for cardiac patients to be vividly aware of when they were going to die but apparently it was possible. A slight smirk appeared on Gaara's face and at his amusement some of the tension eased out of Ino's body. She no longer felt the need to look up and see whether or not 'it' had hit the fan.

"Wondering how I knew?" Ino nodded. It seemed that nothing was secret among her friends nowadays. The next time they were all together she'd have to tell them they needed to be more careful. Secrecy was of the utmost importance in a village full of ninja. "There is little that my sister does that I am not aware of."

"Then you knew I was coming."

"This is my village." Gaara said, the implication being he knew everything about it.

"Wait, so if you knew Temari's planned to marry one of you off why didn't you put a stop to it?"

"Are you aware of anything in my past Yamanaka-san?"

Ino smiled slightly. "If I can call you Gaara you most assuredly can call me Ino." Gaara slightly inclined his head. "I only know that you were once a jinchuuriki."

"I was not...an easy person to be around in those days. I make a lot of allowances for Temari's actions in light of that fact."

It only took seconds for Ino to process what he was really saying. "You spoil her!" Ino shouted. "That's why she gives us a hard time. She's used to getting her way. No offense but Gaara-sama you should really think about how your actions affect others." The irony of her statement wouldn't hit her until much later and it would spark a change within her.

Gaara said nothing but his amusement wasn't something he could hide. "It is beyond Temari's power to force me to do anything. However, it is generally entertaining to watch her try."

"And yet despite that I sense that there is something you aren't telling me."

"You're very intelligent." In some aspects of her life, but not all.

"Thank you."

"I said nothing because I was curious about who it was that my sister would have me wed."

Ino wondered had he truly been pondering taking a wife. There could truly be no other reason why a single man would allow his sister to go to such lengths even if he was secretly amused by her antics.

Ino was certain that at this point she should start freaking out but for some reason she found herself strangely calm. It was like she was outside of her body looking on the whole scene as a neutral observer. Perhaps the panic would come later...

"Oh? And what do you think?"

"I would have thought she would have chosen her friend...Tenten was it?"

"It is, but Tenten is...otherwise romantically involved." Ino was proud of the way she phrased it because it certainly hadn't been what she was thinking. "Are you considering me for marriage Gaara-sama?"

"I do not know."

Ino sat straighter in her chair. That wasn't a definite no so that meant it was a possible yes. If that was the case she needed to be frank with him. She would not allow for any misunderstandings with Temari's brother. "You know I didn't really come here to marry either you or your brother."

"Then why did you come?"

His eyes seemed to bore into hers. They demanded the truth and Ino was suddenly tired of lying to herself.

"I fell in love with someone I shouldn't have. I'm here to get over it."

"Did he love you?"

"No."

"I see." Gaara leaned forward across his desk and Ino's heart skipped a beat. "Did Temari ever assign you a place to work?"

Ino paused surprised. She expected him to ask more questions about her situation. She had expected to get angry about it. Yet now she knew that when it involved the Kazekage she needed to expect the unexpected.

"No. We didn't really get around to it."

"Good. You'll work here with me."

"But you're the Kazekage and I'm a Konoha kunoichi. What could I possibly help you with?"

"I think the better question would be what can I help you with?"

:::

"Stop pretending that you care anything about Tenten. It ceased being amusing long ago."

Gai's smiling face immediately sobered. The two men stared at each other itching to fight, but neither were willing to initiate a battle over a matter that could very well destroy their relationship forever. They were Team Gai and they worked together better than any other team in Konoha. It would be a shame to let it all end.

"I could say the same to you Neji. You never showed any interest in her until she tried to move on."

"You know nothing."

"I know that she wants me. Isn't that enough?" When Neji started showing the first stirrings of anger Gai said, "I would ask that you not confuse her."

Neji discerned in those moments that he knew about the kiss they had shared.

"She wouldn't have kissed me if the feelings weren't there."

"She's innocent and you're taking advantage of her. She's capable of making her own decisions without you resorting to such unyouthful tactics."

Silence reigned before Neji turned and walked away.

:::

Tenten needed an intervention. That was why she dragged the kunoichi over to her house for ice cream. It didn't take long for the brunette to get all her pent up aggression off her chest. Maybe it was the sugar high.

"Who dafuc does he think he is?"

Sakura's eyes widened at Tenten's strong language. She couldn't recall a time she had ever heard Tenten that angry. She supposed, though, that everyone had there breaking point. She looked frazzled and she had looked that way for days. She really wished the others were here. They really needed a bf pow wow.

"Did he get that much under you skin?" Tenten threw Sakura a nasty look. Sakura raised her hands defensively. "I only ask because strong emotions like this tend to mean something."

"It means that Neji went too far. I know how I feel and he's just an ass for telling me I don't really know."

"Tenten you have to admit you've loved Neji forever. It's not that far of a leap for him to think that you're a little confused." Tenten picked up the closet object, which happened to be the remote control, and threw it at Sakura who barely managed to dodge the Weapon Mistress' projectile.

"...whose side are you on anyway?"

"I'm on your side. I want you to be happy. And if you'll be happy with Neji I want you to consider it. Honestly, when was the last time you talked to Gai anyway?"

Tenten pouted silently before saying, "I don't even know." Sakura sighed sensing all the ire within her friend being slowly replaced by despair.

"Tenten have you considered that maybe he's waiting for you. Pass me the vanilla ice cream and the fudge." Ice cream was exchanged without words.

"Waiting why? I've already told him how I felt."

"Maybe he wants to be sure that you want him."

"But I told him-"

"Doesn't matter. Neji is younger, sexier, and quite possibly smarter than he is. What woman in her right mind would give that up if she didn't have to?"

"I have given it up."

Sakura laughed. "If that were true you and Neji wouldn't be making out every time I turn around."

"You make it seem like I go out there and try to jump his bones whenever I get the chance. He finds me. He kisses me."

"And you kiss him back!" Tenten turned her back to Sakura who only laughed. "Well, I'm not saying you shouldn't. I'm just saying I wouldn't blame you."

"You're no help Sakura." Tenten said over her shoulder.

"Look, I'll take one thing back. Neji isn't smarter than Gai."

"..?"

"It didn't take him nearly as long to realize you're a terrific person and worth putting up a fight for. He's a genius in my books."

Tenten smiled.

"But!" Tenten waited for the sucker punch. "Gai is older. He's probably ready to settle down and have a family. He's serious about this. If you're going to be his woman be his woman. Fidelity. It ain't just a word."

"We're not even together."

"No, you're not. But are you acting like you want to be? You remained single for Neji without even looking at another guy. Doesn't Gai deserve the same?"

:::

After she had pigged out with Sakura on all things delectably sweet Tenten went to find Gai. She didn't want to resort to finding Hinata again because she was afraid she would run into Neji in the Hyuuga compound. So she wandered the village hoping that by some odd chance she'd see a flash of green.

Luck was a lady that night and she found him training—alone. She wondered about Lee and made a mental note to find him later to make sure he was okay, but right that second she was awash in his mere presence.

She was certain he knew she was there but he didn't stop his routine. She was half-way tempted to join him but she suddenly wasn't very sure she'd be welcome. Eventually , though, she stopped being a pansy and joined him because regardless of whatever happened between them he was still her teammate.

He didn't pull any punches and she aimed her weapons to kill and in the end their workout was strenuous. Later, when she collapsed on the ground he lay down beside her which was unusual. Nice, but still unusual. He was generally filled with boundless energy. It made her think that maybe he just wanted to be by her side and was too shy to admit it. It made her feel a little better thinking that maybe he was just as shy as she was in some aspects.

"Do you really want to be with me Tenten?"

Tenten raised her body up on her elbow and looked down on him. "How can you not know the answer to that question?" Tenten frowned and began to wonder whether or not Sakura was right. Had Gai been unsure of her all this time? Could he possibly be more insecure about their almost relationship than she was?

Tenten sat up completely then slowly reached her hand out and rested it on top of Gai's. "Everyone keeps asking me am I sure about you or do I want Neji instead. It drives me crazy." She didn't voice her question but somehow he seemed to have heard it.

Why?

"You kissed him twice." How he even knew about that she didn't even want to guess. Her life had somehow become an open book and anyone who wanted to read it could. It wasn't a happy thought so she wouldn't dwell on it.

"I did." She didn't even try to hide it or make him think that the kiss was meaningless. It meant something to her. What it meant she wasn't sure of. "I also kissed you once. Would you like to tie things up?" Gai chuckled at Tenten's obvious plea for affection from him. Tenten smiled drawing his attention to her lips. He stared for a while but Tenten didn't really expect him to do anything about it. However, when he sat up and lightly pressed his lips to hers her heart stopped. It was soft, sweet, and swift. She was surprised that she didn't turn into a big puddle of goo. When he pulled away she sighed in mild disappointment.

"Next time, Tenten, kiss the one you want to keep."

:::

Gaara was a sadist. There was no other explanation for the reason he wanted her awake before the sun had even thought about shining. And she wasn't even going to mention that he wanted to meet her in what she considered to be the middle of the desert.

He told her to dress comfortably so she stuck with her ninja gear and met him at their appointed spot. He wasn't there when she arrived. Ino scowled. He was probably still in bed. She hadn't heard him moving around while she was getting ready. Or it could have something to do with the fact there was no way she'd try to figure out what was going on in the Kazekage's bedroom. That was just asking for trouble and while she was aware that she was quite the little troublemaker even she had her boundaries.

She might not have noticed him up and about that because she was emotionally exhausted from dealing with Temari and her insanity all day. She came to help her move her stuff but every now and then she would look at her and Ino just knew what she was thinking.

Kankuro

and Her.

She didn't push the issue—probably because she knew if she did then it would definitely never ever happen. She didn't like being forced into any situation. She'd fight it with every ounce of energy she had.

Still, it was draining. There wasn't anything going on between her and Kankuro unless you count the odd friendship that was developing between them. (Ino didn't count that.) She really didn't want to disappoint Temari. She now understood what Tenten was talking about when she said she didn't want to take the chance of putting a strain on her relationship with Temari. She was entirely too important of a friend to let go of.

He showed up in a swirl of sand just when she was thinking about leaving. He offered no word of apology and she bit her lip to keep from saying anything.

"It's impolite to keep a lady waiting."

But apparently she didn't bite it hard enough. His lips twitched but otherwise he said nothing. Instead he sat down on the sand across from her, folded his legs, and closed his eyes.

Ino blinked. What was he doing? Why was she here? Should she leave?

"Gaara-sama." He slowly opened his eyes and looked at her questioningly. "Why am I here?"

Gaara silently sized her up before saying, "I was once told that unless you're ready for an answer you shouldn't ask the question."

Are you ready for the answer?

The question hung heavily between them and suddenly Ino became nervous. What was it about this man that always seemed to set her on edge? She never felt like herself when she was with him. She always felt timid and confused and that was the furthest thing from what she had ever been. Well, she had enough. She was no longer going to play the meek little girl and dance whatever tune he was playing.

"Why am I here?" She repeated silently saying, 'Bring it'.

"You're here because you're an emotional mess."

Annnndddd...he might as well have punched her in the throat. It would have hurt less.

"I'm well aware of that."

"Then what are you going to do to fix it?" Gaara inquired. Ino said nothing because she didn't have an answer to that. "Who are you?" At the slight subject change Ino frowned.

"Ino Yamanaka." She was beginning to look at Gaara like he was crazy and she suddenly wished she hadn't agreed to meet him alone, in the dark, and in an unpopulated area.

Can you say horror movie? She would have to be the blonde.

"I did not ask you what your name was. I asked you who you were."

Ino's lips curled. "Is this some philosophical debate?" Gaara didn't reply and she was certain that his taciturn nature was going to drive her insane...or make her attempt murder. If Konoha wouldn't end up in a war over it the endeavor would be tempting. "I'm a kunoichi." She finally said.

"Is that all there is to you?" Gaara inquired.

"No! Look will you just-"

"Until you can answer my question be silent and think on it."

Ino's mouth dropped open and Gaara closed his eyes once more.

:::

The sun was beginning to rise when Ino's high level of pisstivity began to lower. She wasn't going to sit in the desert all day. She liked living. She had no idea what was with the riddle she was supposed to figure out but she knew she wasn't going to get anywhere without asking questions. However a blunt question like before wasn't going to get her anywhere. In fact, she'd probably just anger him and that was something she didn't want.

There was something beneath all of this that he wanted her to find and find it she would. She was angry but she was up for the challenge.

It wasn't like she had anything else to do.

"Who are you?" His eyes slowly opened and Ino was certain that in those moments she saw into the depths of his soul. She knew fear. She had a brush or two with death but she came out on top. Today she wasn't all that certain she would.

"I am the Monster."

Ino's brow furrowed. "The-" But before she could say anything further his eyes closed once more. Ino stared at him for a moment or two before closing her own eyes and began to meditate.

Meditating was not one of Ino's favorite things to do. It gave her introspective on herself and she typically didn't like what she saw when she did.

Ino's eyes snapped open. That was the point. He brought her out here so she could take a good look at herself. He wanted her to stop hiding from what she was and accept it like he had accepted that he was a Monster.

But now that she thought about it he wasn't a monster. A monster wouldn't drag her out here in the middle of the night and make her think about who she was. A monster would have killed her at the first opportunity. Ino paused. Well the making her wake up at the crack of dawn was kind of a fate worse than death but she had dealt with worse. So why would he even say that?

Ino found herself staring at the Kazekage. Something about him radiated confidence and strength. It was intriguing to find herself in the presence of such a person in a casual setting.

Gaara's eye cracked open and Ino's eyes immediately shut even though she new she was busted. She cracked open an eye only to see his lip twitching slightly.

She took that as an invitation to speak. "Why are you a monster?"

"I used to kill for my own pleasure."

"But you don't do that anymore, right?"

"That doesn't mean I don't still want to."

Ino blinked. "Do you still want to?"

"I don't go into rages anymore like I once did when I held Shukaku. But Shukaku was with me the majority of my life. Those type of rages don't just magically disappear." That was right. She did recall that once upon a time he had been a jinchurriki. She'd have to ask Temari later to ask her what happened. As far as she knew that if you took the monster from the man the man died while the monster lived—and Gaara was very much alive.

"So what did you do to stop them?" Ino asked curiously.

"I accept myself for who I am and I use who I am to my advantage."

"But how-?"

"When I made the decision to veer from my...psychotic path in the beginning people still feared me. They still expected me to snap at any moment. I still expected it. So I had to do something about it. In the end I decided to use my rage to protect instead of kill. The greatest fear of the people became their greatest hope. I directed all my anger at those who would dare harm my people."

Ino was sure her eyes were so large they were about to roll out of her head. She had never heard anything so simplistically true before. "The Monster is still inside me." Gaara raised a hand placed it against his chest. "Only now it sleeps until I choose to awaken it."

A tear slipped out of Ino's eye before she could stop it. There was something about his brief story that made her so sad for him. Something about his words spoke of a loneliness that echoed deep within her.

"You would cry for me?"

Ino gave him a watery smile. "Yeah, I would."

"Why?" He truly didn't understand why she would and that made her tears fall a little swifter. Ino raised her hand and wiped her face with the back of her hand.

"Because somehow I get the feeling that you won't do it for yourself." He gave no reply to that which let Ino know that she was right in her assessment. She cried silently for a while longer and when she composed herself Gaara asked her again, "Who are you?"

She knew the answer. Maybe it was the meditation that gave her the answer or maybe it was the fact that Gaara relaxed enough to tell her a little about himself that made it easier to come to her own conclusion. Whatever it was she was ready to give the answer—whether she liked it or not.

"I'm Forgiveness." He looked intrigued by her answer. She knew he was waiting for her to explain and so she took a deep breath and gave him the answer readily since he had done the same with her. Maybe that's all she needed anyway was someone to listen to her and not judge her based upon what they thought they knew.

"Somehow I've adopted this stigma for being easy, or being a whore as some people put it. If there is one thing I'm not or ever will be is easy." Ino smirked. "If people see me even talking to a man more than once then for some reason that means I've slept with him. Even my own teammates believe I'm this seducer of men. I've never seen it happen with anyone else, yet somehow it always happens to me. I don't sleep with every man I meet. That's not my style. It's cause me all sorts of problems but I forgive the people who believe it. I forgive the people who say it.

I can't carry around an abundance of anger. The weight is too heavy for me to bear. It's easier for me to forgive and move on." She felt as if some sort of weight was lifted off her shoulders with her words. She was just about to smile when Gaara's words cut through her.

"You're wrong. You're not Forgiveness." Ino blinked stunned at his rejection of her answer. "Look deeper Ino. There's more to you than that."

"How do you know that?" She didn't even know that. How could he, a complete stranger, tell her otherwise?

"I know because you are Temari's friend." He rose to his feet then and held out his hand for Ino to take. She glanced at it for a second somehow sensing that if she took his hand it would have some sort of meaning. She shouldn't take it.

She did.

:::

Ino started meditating daily. It wasn't something she wanted to do but Gaara insisted upon it and you only argued with a Kage of a foreign village when you were stupid. It was during such a day of meditation when a slug appeared on her head.

She was going to kill Sakura.

"Would you please," Ino said from between clenched teeth, "remove yourself from my head."

"Excuse me Ino. Sakura asked me to deliver a message."

Ino nodded and grabbed the note attached to the slug's back. She didn't recognize the slug but she supposed that wasn't important seeming as though it disappeared as soon as the message was in her hands.

Ino opened the scroll and read the contents.

:::

Dear Ino,

I suppose I should start off by telling you that all is well. Did you meet Itachi? Did he deliver our messages?

Tenten and I are fine. So don't worry about us.

Ino, I can't even think of small talk to fill this letter with. I have to tell you what I did. I don't want you to find this out from anyone else. I talked to Kurenai on your behalf.

:::

Ino paused in her reading and closed her eyes. She hadn't told her friends that she had already spoken to Kurenai. She hadn't wanted them to know—especially after the woman wouldn't tell her anything. Just thinking about it made her angry. She was tempted to put the letter aside and focus on her meditation instead but morbid curiosity ran through her veins.

:::

She told me why she broke up with Asuma. Ino I promised her that I would keep this between the two of us so you can't tell Temari, Ten, or Hina. You know how word gets around about us. I can't make you swear in person and I couldn't wait until you came home because who knows when that will be?

Have you met any Suna cuties?

:::

Focus Sakura. Focus. Ino silently growled.

:::

I can guess what you're thinking and I'll spit it out. They broke up because of you.

:::

Ino blanched. That didn't make sense. Because of her? She had never done anything to cause any problems in their relationship. She always thought they were the cutest couple.

:::

She says that Asuma is in love with you.

:::

"Bull shit!"

"What is?" Ino's initial impulse was to hide the letter but she knew that would only raise his curiosity and that would definitely cause problems.

"Just this letter from my crazy friend." Kankuro glanced at the letter that she folded and sat on the table casually and then back at Ino. Before he could say anything she said, "Did you come into my room unannounced again?" Kankuro grinned which Ino answered with a smile of her own.

"If you wanted me to stay out you should have locked the door."

"I'll keep that in mind. Now what do you want?"

"It's your turn to help Gaara cook."

"...I'm a guest."

Kankuro snorted. "Keep telling yourself that. Rest in Peace." He called out to remind her that Gaara was a regular tyrant in the kitchen, before exiting her room laughing.

Ino glanced at the letter briefly knowing she should read the rest, but she didn't think the contents of the letter were going to do anything but make her feel bad. She picked it up and stared at it for a moment before putting it in her drawer for later.

Besides, she'd rather help Gaara cook.

:::

While they were together whenever the opportunity arose to speak about you he did so. Yes, he spoke of Shikamaru and Chouji as well but she said there was something about the way he said your name that changed.

She said it was the way he used to say her name. She told me other things that essentially added up to him falling for you and not realizing it. Actually, Ino I think he does know it and that's why he took up alcohol to escape his feelings since he couldn't love the one he wanted and he couldn't love the one he was with.

The night the two of you made love I know he called out Kurenai's name. Temari told me (but just me) so don't be angry at her. I think he did that so that you wouldn't feel guilty about sleeping with him. He wanted you to be able to walk away.

But you stayed, Pig. He couldn't pretend it never happened and neither could you. That night made him face reality. He loves you.

Why he didn't hold onto you is anyone's guess. Maybe he's still trying to deny it. Maybe he's just pushing you away. I really don't know. I don't have a clue when it comes to men.

I know this probably isn't a good time to tell you this because you're there in Suna to get over it and let it go but I felt like, as your friend, you should know. Do with it what you will. If you're happy I'm happy.

But Ino that isn't all I'm writing to you about.

Pig, I'm in trouble.

To be continued...in Sakura's story.

A/N: I used Narrator and had it read this chapter to me. I picked up A LOT of errors. Did I get them all?