Arica cradled the steaming cup of hot chocolate in her hands, letting the warmth seep into her flesh, sipping at the soothing drink occasionally. She glared at the clock with the best evil glare she could manage, convinced it was out to get her. Her nerves had become stretched so thin that she was nearly believed the clock to actually be malevolent. The young mutant forced herself to take a moment to simply calm down, just breathe. Don't think about anything, don't look at anything, just exist. Calmly exist. She couldn't walk in past the trained mutant detectors at the maximum security mutant prison in this mind state, they'd know something was up.p
That would be disastrous. She would be nothing more than a body on the floor in a sea of her own blood, and Todd executed in a day or two more. But long enough to know she died doing something stupid, long enough to be pained at her loss. She couldn't let that happen. So she would be everything Xavier always told her she could, everything she had spent the last ten years training to be. The best. p
She'd woken early after very little sleep, unable to stay in the land of dreams for more than an hour at a time. The sheer enormity of what she had set in motion had clamped down on her, fear she'd been shoving routinely to the side finally building to the point where she'd had to work through it or run screaming mad through the small town outside the school's walls. Broken Arica. The thought made her laugh and get out of bed, to start her last morning in this place.
It had been so strange to get into the altered room, most of the things she spent her mornings looking at gone. Hidden away somewhere among Todd's things, probably already on their way to Genosha. Where she would also be going after this afternoon. p
Going. To Genosha. Leaving not only her friends and home at the Institute, but her entire way of life. The very country where she'd been born and grown up, even the continent. She was turning her back on everything in her past other than Todd, and admitted quietly to herself that it was terrifying, not the grand adventure she'd been forcing herself to think of it as. But the adventure-illusion helped her keep going, helped her convince herself it would all be all right later.
Strangely, the realization calmed her, as if the mere admittance of the fear satisfied it in some way and released her to concentrate on what she had to do. Honed itself into a sharp blade in her mind that kept her focused, instead of trying to rip through delicate tissue. No matter how scared she was, Todd had to be more frightened. He would die tomorrow if she didn't stop this craziness. p
Todd would die. He would never laugh with her again, never smile at her, never give her that quiet stare when he thought she wasn't looking again. She'd never see him hopping around, or feel the shivers down her spine at the sound of his voice. If he was somewhat less than conventionally attractive, his voice more than made up for it. And she'd always liked his some-what froggish looks. Rogue used to tease her that she'd never gotten over her childhood crush on Kermit the Frog. p
It had been enough to propel her forward, out of her old life. She grabbed the last outfit she had besides her X-uniforms and jammed herself into it, tying her long blond hair up into a top knot to keep it out of her way in case she had to fight later. She was half tempted to stick one of her uniforms on, but didn't think it would send the right message to the prison guards when she visited. Nothing like showing up dressed to fight in a situation like this. p
Anyway, she was leaving this life behind. She didn't want to take any of them, she'd either make or buy new ones in Genosha if she needed them ever again. She'd run her hands over the smooth material one last time, leaving them hanging in an empty closet. The closet had been the worst part to see like that, after so many years staring into it to find just the right thing to wear. It seemed to her that the closet was everything in her life to this point, suddenly laid bare and empty. Exposed, naked, betrayed. She reached out and shut the small light off, and gently closed the door, then repeated the process with her bedroom door. She would never look inside again. The walk to the kitchen had been surreal, detached. p
How trivial childhood was, she reflected as she stared into the murky brown depths of her drink. How utterly trivial and utterly priceless, the foundation of joy upon which the rest of our lives are built. It had been in those days of little things and nonsense that she'd fallen in love, adulthood failing to change her feelings. They'd told her she would outgrow childhood dreams and crushes. Maybe there was something to this destiny crap. On the other hand, it was probably her telepathy, she'd bonded, and that was that. Either way, she'd failed to outgrow it all. p
Finally the clock gave in, announcing it's defeat with a soft series of chimes. Arica let it all go, dumping all the emotion out of her soul. She didn't need it now, it was finally time to act. She often thought of herself as two people, Arica was the person, and MindDancer was the warrior.
It was MindDancer that walked through the front doors of the school for the last time. pbrbr
Todd curled up on the little bunk on his cell, feeling all the pressure of his fate pressing down on him almost physically. Tomorrow, he would come face to face with eternity, whatever that meant. Vaguely he remembered proofreading a paper for Arica about what it must mean to die for a philosophy class she'd been roped into, but somehow he couldn't remember much to help right now. She'd told him it was all stuff that she'd made up to try to get an A later anyway. p
All he'd wanted was to live quietly, be left alone in peace, and to find the courage to ask Arica to marry him. To put an end to the endless emotion he felt for her one way or another, get on with his life. If she didn't love him like that, at least he'd know and could get over it. And if she did... p
If she did, he could have had his idea of joy for the rest of his life. He supposed it was a little odd to still be thinking in the does she doesn't she circles at this time in his life, but it had been the main focus of his thoughts for the last ten years, why not now? p
Arica had come to the school out of nowhere, another pretty young mutant in a string of them. Blond and with a laugh that even then drove him crazy with want, he'd just looked on her as the new X-geek. Another beautiful girl who'd love to remind him that he wasn't. p
One day, he'd snapped at her in his mind when he'd caught her looking at him at lunch. To his surprise, she'd slid right into his mind, inviting him to talk to her. Her voice had been warm, friendly. Something he hadn't had in a long time, and he'd found himself responding to her without thinking. He'd told her the truth, about being abandoned when his parents found out he was a mutant, left alone on the streets of New York. Of trying to survive, only to be found by Mystique and brought into a new kind of hell on empty promises of belonging. About how his teammates treated him like some kind of pet at the best of times, and some kind of parasite at the worst. p
Then she'd talked back, told him about her parents solution to her mutation had been to take her to a doctor who would destroy half her brain, and leave her body alive as a breeding ground for the bloodline. About being so isolated by her powers that simple touch from others was a painfully overwhelming mind transfer, and that she was lonely and not perfect either. p
It had changed them both, made them friends. Made him love her. For the endless acceptance of him, no matter what. She'd stood up for him against the school bullies, daring them to take her on with a wicked look in her dark eyes. They'd backed off, confused and scared by this girl defending 'Toady' Tolensky. She'd helped him catch up in his work and start getting good grades, explaining that by ignoring it all he was letting the people who didn't like him win. Letting them keep him stupid, keep him down. She'd tutored Freddy too, he remembered. With patience and caring, despite the differences in their allegiances and social circles. p
She'd even convinced him to start bathing again, he remembered with amusement. Pointed out that not doing it really wasn't protecting him from the bullies much, and that he might make some friends if he made the effort. She'd been right, after that Rogue and Kurt of all people had started hanging out with them sometimes. They'd even talked to him when Arica wasn't there. Then Kitty and Jean joined in, although Jean and he had never really been much more than the hello, how are you, gotta go type of friends. Not much in common. p
Before he knew it, while he still wasn't the toast of Bayville, he had a few solid friends, good grades, and a real potential future. And while Arica never indicated she would welcome any advances, she never went out with anyone else, and spent most of her free time with him. p
In return, he'd always been there to listen to hear dreams, her thoughts, and her fears. He'd been really careful around her, only touching in small doses at first, and slowly working his way up to longer physical contacts, bringing her a little way out of the isolation of her mutation. She'd spent hours just cuddled against him, he was never quite sure if she'd been thinking quietly or dozing, but it had been enough for both of them. p
They'd gone to prom together, and he'd nearly had the courage to tell her what he really meant, really felt. Surrounded by people who hated him, he lost the nerve and kept it light and fun. They'd stayed friends for a while after graduation, while she started college and he started learning the landscaping business. Then things went downhill fast for mutants after a few went nuts and started killing people randomly. Fear will destroy something every time. p
The hardest thing he'd ever done in his life was leaving her without saying goodbye when the world changed thanks to Magneto's introduction of mutants in the worst way possible, followed by the infamous Mutant Murders. Maybe if it had been just one or the other…but both together had convinced people mutants were not only dangerous, but savage. p
He hadn't been able to bring himself to let her risk her very life by keeping company with him. He'd always known this would happen sooner or later, he wasn't one of the media's mutant darlings, and never would be. Unlike Arica, Jean, Scott, and Kitty, he wasn't beautiful and always willing to serve. He'd just wanted to live quietly, with Arica, in his house. The dream was worth dying for, at least. p
He could have gone to Genosha, but that would have meant not only leaving Arica far beyond, but possibly facing off against her again on the battlefield. He'd done that once, and it was enough. They'd lost that day so many years ago, because Todd hadn't been able to bring himself to hurt her, even a little. She hadn't attacked him either, they'd just stood there looking at each other. It was then he'd quit the Brotherhood, found a job, and gone off on his own. He'd found he liked it so much better than always fighting. p
He loved growing things, nurturing plants and creating beauty. With them or with his paints, didn't matter. He would never be a beautiful man that people fell all over, he was still the slender awkwardly built boy he'd been. But he could make some beauty in the world, and that had been a wonderful thing. Even better the day he found Arica taking pictures of one of his landscaping displays in a park, telling Rogue it was just gorgeous, and she had wondered who'd made it. He'd hid in the shadows, just watching her, smiling. p
He wished he could see her one more time, to say 'I love you' just once. She deserved it, but more importantly, he deserved to have her know.
"Tolensky, up," the rough-voiced guard ordered abruptly. "You are being called up to the visitor's room, let's go." p
Todd obeyed meekly, wondering what Mr. Parma needed. There wasn't anyone else who would be here, after all. Mr. Parma gave him hope for the world and the mutants left in it that he considered his friends. A normal human who had fought so hard for him, maybe Professor Xavier had been right after all, and the world just needed some time. He hoped so, for the other mutants that would come. p
The endless gray walls slid by until he reached the brown door leading into the sectioned visitation room, one side for prisoners, the other for visitors, and you talked on little phones. He turned to enter and was roughly yanked back. p
"Not here, the one-on-one rooms," the guard snapped, shoving him towards one of the black doors where there was no separation between prisoner and visitor. Confused, he obeyed and entered the room, looking for the older man. p
There was no man, only a flash of movement and a soft body pressing against his, blond hair obscuring his vision, and arms holding him tightly against that body. His shocked brain took a moment to process it all before his arms slid up and around her slender body. "Arica? What are you doing here?" p
She pulled back just enough to get her face out of his chest and look up into his eyes, her own wide and strange. The look there reminded him uneasily of the sentencing hearing, when he'd been unable to read what she was thinking. There were very few Arica moods that he didn't understand, and they made him uneasy. p
Her mouth was soft when it met his without warning, warm and sweet. He didn't bother to question it, he just pulled her closer and kissed her back for all he was worth. If he was going to die, he was going to have as much Heaven here as he could before he left.