Kissed you into a Memory

am i separated from your body smile brain hands merely
to become the jumping puppets of a dream? oh i mean:
entirely having in my careful how
careful arms created this at length
inexcusable, this inexplicable pleasure-you go from several
persons: believe me that strangers arrive
when i have kissed you into a memory
slowly, oh seriously
-that since and if you disappear

You Being in Love. EE Cummings

Prologue

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was called into Director Shepard's office. It wasn't unexpected. When he entered Director Shepard was on the telephone and motioned for him to sit at the conference table. He did as he was told, adjusting his Brioni suit jacket once he sat down.

He knew why he was there. She had made him an offer to lead his own team in Rota, Spain. At first, it was tempting but after the last few days dealing with the team, it now seemed like an answer to a prayer.

"You know you're not capable of running your own team, Tony," McGee crowed. "You only had one because Gibbs left unexpectedly."

Now that Gibbs was back permanently from his hiatus to Mexico, McGee was crowing and preening glad to have his real boss back. Four months under Tony's leadership was four months too long in his opinion.

Tony sighed as he sat at the table. It was hard being rejected when you thought you did a good job. Of course, it was especially hard for someone with his insecurities brought on by a childhood where his mother died when he was eight and father, who sent him off to military school at twelve. He spent more time with strangers than family. He didn't react well to rejection.

It was there weekly night together. Once Gibbs was gone and Rule Twelve – no dating co-workers – gone, Tony and Ziva gave into their attraction for each other. They decided that at work she would treat him like she always treated him, maybe even more so, but when not at work they were lovers. And, on one special night a week, he even stayed overnight at her place.

"Ahuvi, you seem tense," she said as brought him a glass of red wine.

Tony looked at her. Yeah, she was younger than him, but age was deceiving with Ziva David. Her years at Mossad had made her seem almost ancient when it came to many things. What amazed him about her was that she was beautiful and she seemed not even to notice that simple fact.

She stood in front of him in a silk red robe with her down, her Mona Lisa smile playing on her lips, and her chocolate eyes smoldering, he knew this was the first woman he truly loved since Wendy. He desired her; he wanted her; he needed her; and he loved her. It was almost sad how tightly she had him wound around his finger.

"No talk of work," he said. "I just want to enjoy you."

She slipped her robe off and let it fall to the floor. The Mona Lisa smile became lascivious. He knew he was lost.

Gibbs first returned when Ziva got into trouble with a rogue Mossad agent and Hamas. Instead of calling him, she called Gibbs. That hurt. But, that was only the beginnings of the hurts to come. Once Gibbs returned and stayed, their relationship was over without an explanation. She treated him as if he was merely a co-worker and one that she didn't have much respect for.

"You are threatened by Gibbs, Tony, because he is a better leader than you. He is better than you," Ziva said.

With no explanation, he was cut out of her personal life and professionally treated like an afterthought. Yeah, that hurt. It hurt that Abby no longer had time for him now that Gibbs was back; it hurt that the team he worked so hard to keep together all turned their backs on him all because Gibbs was back in charge. All of them except Agent Lee, who was kicked back to legal, seemed to prefer Gibbs to him. Hell, even he preferred Gibbs to him.

Director Shepard finished her phone call and joined him at the conference table.

"Do I have a new leader for the MCRT in Rota?" Shepard asked him.

"Gibbs still isn't himself," he said. "He called me Stan yesterday and Ziva he called Kate. I'm worried about him, Jenny."

"I talked to a doctor. He said all is memories will come back. It will take time but he will be his old self again, Tony. That's not a reason for you to sacrifice your career," she said to him. "Now, what about you? Do you want the job or not? I need someone there starting Monday. There was a death aboard USS Bataan and I want your MCRT to investigate. The ship docks in Rota on Monday."

Abby gave him the information on the pollen found on the body. Tony handed her a new CafPow and was about to give her a kiss on the cheek, when her hand went up stopping him.

"Gibbs, gives me a kiss on the cheek, not you," she said.

"Really, Abby," he said.

"You can go now," she smiled and started to sip on her straw.

"Yes, Jenny, I'll take it," he said quietly.

Jenny smiled: "Good call, Tony. You won't regret this. Do you want me to tell Gibbs?"

"I'll tell him and he can tell the team. I'll pop by his place this weekend and let him know," Tony said.

"Okay, Supervisory Special Agent Dinozzo," smiled Jenny.

"Thanks for the opportunity, Jen," he said then stood up.

"You earned it, Tony," she smiled.

NCIS

Tony arrived at Gibbs' house. He knew the door would be unlocked and that Gibbs would be in the basement, so he entered and headed down to his now former boss. As he walked down the creaky basement stairs, he heard someone sawing wood.

"What do you want, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked without looking up to see who it was.

"Need to talk to you, Gibbs," Tony said.

"Couldn't wait until Monday?" Gibbs asked.

"I won't be around on Monday," he said.

Gibbs stopped sawing the wood, took off the goggles he wore then looked at Tony. Staring back at Gibbs, Tony couldn't get used to his boss' moustache.

"Okay, talk," said Gibbs.

"I've been offered my own team in Rota, Spain and I've taken it," he said.

"I guess you liked being in charge while I was gone," said Gibbs.

"No, I just don't feel like I fit into the team anymore," Tony said.

"What are you too good to be my senior field agent?" Gibbs snapped.

"I think you have an agent in McGee who feels like he is ready to be your SFA and Ziva also thinks she could handle the job better than me or McGee. You don't need three SFAs," he said.

"I've only got one and that's you," Gibbs said.

"That was me, boss. I've got my own team waiting for me in Rota," he said.

"Well, you can be replaced," said Gibbs.

Even as he said it, he knew he didn't mean it. His brain was still messed up from getting blown up. He didn't remember everything about DiNozzo, but he knew the young man was important to him. And now he was going. He didn't want him to go, but he wasn't sure why.

"Yeah, I can be replaced, Gibbs, but we know you can't be replaced. The team didn't want me to replace you and now that you're back, they are happy again. See ya, boss," he said then he turned left.

"Damn it," growled Gibbs.

He wanted his brain to be clear and working at one hundred percent again, but even four months later he had holes in his memory.

NCIS

Early Monday morning Ziva found herself staring at Tony's desk when she got to work. It was too clean and things were missing from it. There was just something wrong with it. McGee was busy on the computer.

"McGee, have you seen Tony or Gibbs?" she asked him.

"Nope," he answered.

She sat back in her chair and sighed. Things had not been good between her and Tony lately. When Gibbs returned she used it as an excuse to break it off between them after having Officer Bashan subtly threaten Tony's life.

Bashan handed her photos of her and Tony standing at her door looking lovingly at each other. Mossad had been following her.

"Your father wants to know what your relationship with Agent DiNozzo is," said Bashan.

"It is none of his business," growled Ziva.

"You are a Mossad Officer. It is his business," said Bashan. "If your father feels this agent is a threat, he will be removed."

Ziva knew she should have told Tony why she needed to end things between them, but she didn't want things to end. She had fallen in love with him. Ziva knew it was mistake when it happened, yet she couldn't help herself. Even though he could be the most annoying, infuriating man she had ever met, he was also trusting, loyal, loving, and a good man. She didn't know many truly good men.

Gibbs came storming into the bullpen. His moustache was shaved and he looked annoyed.

"Morning, Boss," McGee said.

"Morning, Gibbs," added Ziva.

"Tony's not in yet," smiled McGee.

"He's not coming in," Gibbs said then he sat down at his desk. "He's in Rota, Spain with his own team. McGee, you're my SFA now. Don't let me down."

"Gibbs," said Ziva, "why?"

"You'd have to ask him," growled Gibbs.

Ziva's face remained calm, but she felt herself falling apart inside. Tony was gone.

Chapter One

Two Years Later

September in Rota was hot and humid. As Tony sat at outdoors at a café not far from the Castillo de Luna, his smartphone rang. Slipping it out his cream colored Irish linen pants he looked to see who it was from. Director Vance was calling. Tony sighed. Though, he had a good relationship with Vance, he missed Jenny, whose death from a brain aneurism was unexpected. He was tempted to go back to the states for her funeral, but decided there were too many painful memories waiting there.

"DiNozzo," he answered the call he had been waiting for.

"SAC DiNozzo, meet Michael Rivkin at Tower of Convento de La Merced at 1800 hours. Code word is dusk. Let me know the results," Vance said.

"MTAC at 2400 my time, 0800 o'clock in the morning your time," Tony said.

"I'm counting on you, DiNozzo," said Vance then he hung up.

Tony put away his smartphone and picked up the cup of coffee from the table and took a sip. Jenny liked secretive undercover ops and now Vance like joint covert adventures with foreign spy agency. This time it was Mossad, the last time it was MI-6. As the newly promoted Special Agent in Charge of Rota, Spain, he was up to his neck in these operations. It made him miss his old days as just the team leader of the MCRT.

He looked at his watch. It was five o'clock. He decided to pay his bill and walk to his destination. I hope this spy is more fun than the last one I had to deal with. Placing money on the table, he got up, slipped his black linen Armani sports coat on in order to cover his Sig Sauer, adjusted his white oxford shirt's collar, put on a pair of Ray-Bans, and started walking. He now knew the streets and sights of Rota well.

Tower of Convento de La Merced was an example of the moors influence on Rota and Spain. It looked more like a mosque than a former convent. As he scanned the area, he noticed a swarthy man with black hair and a perpetual five o'clock shadow standing by the tower. His olive suit and dark olive shirt hung from a body that was at attention and ready to pounce and his dark eyes were distant and observant. This was the Mossad agent.

Tony walked up to him and smiled then said: "I love this city at dusk."

"Agent DiNozzo, I presume?" asked Michael Rivkin.

"Only if you are Officer Rivkin," answered Tony.

"Is there somewhere we can talk that will seem convivial and I can have a drink?" he asked.

"Sure. Follow me," said Tony.

Most of the buildings of Rota were painted white with a colorful trim along the doorway, light orange, occasional yellow, or were stone. The place Tony took Michael was called O'Grady's Irish Bar and it was a burnt orange. They entered to a blast of Nordic cold air from the air conditioner and a bar that was populated mainly by off duty sailors. After ordering a couple of Guinness Stouts, they sat down in a corner booth.

"Cold in air," said Michael.

Now that he was listening Tony could hear and accent similar to Ziva's. He tried to block the association in his mind.

"We are going after a weapons dealer by the name of Maurice Jospin, also known as Boneparte," said Michael.

"Boneparte, what is he a short dictator?" asked Tony.

"No, he is from Corsica," answered Michael, who then emptied half his stout down his throat.

"Okay, what makes Boney so important?" asked Tony.

"The kinds of weapons and weapons systems he procures and who he is willing to sell them to," said Michael. "From the best sniper rifles to XM 25s, the air burst grenade launcher, and much more. He has a knack of getting the best there is and selling them to Chechen rebels, Al Qaeda, Islamic Jihad, White Supremacist groups in your country. This bastard needs to be stop."

"What do you need from NCIS?" asked Tony.

"He is staying in Malaga at the moment, vacationing so to speak. He knows me as a Lebanese procurer of weapons named Michael Lapin. I need an NCIS undercover operative such as Callen to partner with me as an American procurer of weapons. It appears that Boney, as you call him wants a particular weapons system and is having trouble procuring it. He is willing to hire me and my partner to get it. Once we have it, we can then get into his organization and start rolling it up for good," said Michael.

"Okay, I need to talk to Vance," Tony said.

"I know," said Michael, who finished off his stout.

Tony noticed that Michael Rivkin had a deep thirst. Being the son of an alcoholic, he knew the signs and Michael had them. Alcohol was his fuel.

"Michael," a voice disturbed them.

Michael looked over at the voice and so did Tony. The man was six foot tall, thin with razor features. He looked deadly.

"Etienne," Michael said.

Etienne came over and handed Michael a scotch on the rocks and sat down in the booth beside him. He then looked at Tony with suspicion.

"You followed me?" asked Michael.

"Monsieur Jospin thought you might be meeting your American contact and he wanted me to size him up," Etienne said while staring at Tony.

Tony remained calm. His brain worked on a few salient facts that he could easily remember and sell. Keep it close to the truth, DiNozzo, it's easier to sell.

"Anthony Paddington," Tony smiled and offered him his right hand to shake.

Etienne shook his hand then looked at Tony with the eyes of an executioner.

"Tell me about yourself, Anthony Paddington," Etienne said.

"I'm just a man with connections, who likes expensive things and am willing to do just about anything to afford those things," Tony said.

"Just about anything?" asked Etienne.

"Yeah, I won't bend over and take it up the ass for you. I'm not that kind of boy," Tony smiled, but it wasn't a friendly smile.

"You are Michael's partner?" said Etienne.

"I work with him," Tony corrected him.

"Tony here is well connected in the US. We have worked together in the past," said Michael.

"What are you doing in Rota?" Etienne asked.

"Sightseeing for now. Once I know what you want I'm off to Washington DC to get started," he answered.

"How did you get involved in this profession, Mr. Paddington?" asked Etienne.

"First of all call me Tony. My father is Mr. Paddington. To answer your question, I don't the ambition to be a businessman like many of my relatives do, but I do have the ambition to live well. I also have the gift of making friends and corrupting them, which leads to people willing to give me information they shouldn't," smiled Tony. "You might say Michael is the brawn and I am the brains."

Etienne smiled: "Monsieur Jospin thought as much. He knew that Lapin couldn't be the brains. Excellent."

Etienne stood up then looked at Tony: "In five days be in the Watergate Hotel in DC. Jospin will contact you with a test. It was nice meeting you, Mr. Paddington."

Etienne walked away. Michael downed his scotch.

"I guess you are that undercover operative. Good job," he smiled.

"Yeah, good job," sighed Tony. "Director Vance is going to kill me."

"Not if Deputy Director David approves of you," said Michael. "I will contact him."

"NCIS field office at midnight. We'll talk to Vance then," said Tony.

"Good, good," smiled Michael. "I need another drink."

NCIS

"I sent you to get an update from Mossad and you become part of the damned operation," Vance barked. "You are the special agent in charge of the Rota field office, DiNozzo, I can't afford to lose you for an op which might last two months or longer."

"He had no choice. If he didn't do what he did then my cover would be blown," said Rivkin.

Tony put his eyes down and looked at the floor of the Rota MTAC.

"Send me what you told him and I'll get started working an airtight ID for you. I'll also contact Deputy Director David and update him. You let your assistant special agent in charge know that they are in charge until further notice then the two of you get on a plane for DC," Vance ordered.

"Yes, sir," replied Tony.

The MTAC screen went blank and Tony glared at Rivkin.

"I didn't know I was followed," Rivkin said.

Probably because you were too busy getting hammered to notice. Tony took a deep breath. He now was stuck in this op, so he might as well make the best of it.

"I need to get things cleared up here then pack," Tony said.

"I think I'll go back to my hotel and get some sleep then," said Rivkin.

NCIS

The flight got in at ten AM. After making their way through TSA and customs, they grabbed their luggage at the luggage carousel. Tony had a garment bag and another bag to go along with his carry on luggage. Michael had a bag.

Wearing jeans, a lavender oxford shirt, and his black Armani sports coat, Tony was amazed how much he got used to the weather of Rota. It was seventy degrees out and he was cold.

"We are supposed to head to NCIS first," said Tony.

"Good. I can see my girlfriend," Michael smiled lasciviously.

"She work at NCIS?" asked Tony suddenly feeling his stomach knot up.

"Mossad Liaison," he answered.

"Oh," Tony replied and then he felt that knot grow tighter.

They grabbed a cab. After the two men talking for most of the eight hour flight, they now sat in silence. Michael didn't notice Tony's body language and demeanor changed. He had just spent over a day with Ziva's boyfriend and now felt sick to his stomach.

After passing through security, the cab left them off in front of NCIS Headquarters. As Rivkin signed in, Tony stopped to catch up with the security guards. It allowed him to put some space between him and Rivkin.

Rivkin got of the elevator and walked over to the bullpen. Ziva was standing looking over McGee's shoulder, while Gibbs sat doing reports and Special Agent Neal Morse sat at McGee's old desk. When Ziva saw Michael, she swiftly moved away from McGee and walked into his awaiting hug. As she hugged him, she saw Tony getting off the elevator carrying his luggage. Her heartbeat quickened seeing him. He avoided eye contact with her then he walked up to Michael, who was lost in his hug. Tony stopped beside him.

"I'll be up with Director Vance, Mike," Tony said then walked through Gibbs' bullpen to the mezzanine stairs and up he went.

McGee and Gibbs had stopped their work as Tony passed. He didn't stop for small talk or even a hello. Michael noticed their reaction. Ziva moved away from him and to her desk.

"You people know Anthony?" he asked.

"He used to work with us," Ziva answered.

Gibbs got up and walked out of the bullpen. McGee and Morse watched their boss go.

"He's upset," remarked Morse.

"He and Tony were once close," said McGee.

"I might as well join my partner," smiled Michael.

He walked over to Ziva and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"I better join him before I am in trouble with Eli," said Michael.

Michael left his bag beside Ziva's desk and headed up the stairs. Ziva watched him go. Her mind still couldn't believe that Tony was not only back but he was working with Michael.

"Ziva, you okay?" asked McGee.

"Yes, McGee. I am fine," she said.

NCIS

Vance secured his office and motioned Tony to sit down at his conference table. Tony sat down and waited for the chewing of his ass off.

"Explain to me how it happened," said Vance.

Tony looked at Vance, as he chewed on a toothpick. I wonder who's play Vance in the movie: Terence Howard or Don Cheadle? I'm voting Don Cheadle.

"I'm waiting, Agent DiNozzo," said Vance.

"This guy Etienne followed Michael into a bar where we were talking. In started questioning me like I was Michael's partner and I went with it, mainly because the alternative was pulling out my NCIS badge and blowing Michael's coverage," said Tony.

"He was followed," Vance said to himself.

"May I speak freely?" asked Tony.

"Go right ahead," said Vance.

"Our Mossad boy downstairs, he's living on the edge. I don't know if its burnout or the alcohol consumption is catching up with him, but I'm not sure he's up for this op," said Tony.

"He's drinking heavily?" asked Vance.

"From what I've seen," Tony said.

"According Eli David, Michael Rivkin is one of his top Kidon operatives. He's trained to kill and has completed op after op without a problem," said Vance.

"Maybe they aren't giving him enough time between ops or he's had one op too many because Michael Rivkin is on the edge," Tony told him.

Vance sat back and sighed.

"This is too important an op to shut it down because of Rivkin," Vance said. "Maurice Jospin has caused a lot of trouble for Israel and the US. If we have to bring this weapons network down, it is a matter of national security."

"So, I'm stuck in an op I'm not prepped for and with a Mossad assassin partner who is on the verge of burnout," Tony summarized.

"I'll give you all the backup I can, DiNozzo, but this op has to go through," Vance said.

Tony smiled. I'm going to be on an op with Ziva's alcoholic boyfriend. I'm fucked.

NCIS

Eli David was intimidating and he knew it. He had worked hard at the reputation and image. His craggy face and salt pepper hair along with his Aristotle Onassis glasses and preference for white suits helped the image. Vance, Tony, and Michael stood in MTAC.

"We have set up Agent DiNozzo's identity," said Vance.

"You will have to live this identity twenty four seven for the next few months, Agent DiNozzo," said Eli.

Tony got the distinct feeling that Eli David didn't like him, which was strange since he had never met the man before.

"When I was a cop I lived an undercover ID for months to take down a mafia family," Tony said.

"Is that supposed to be reassuring?" sighed Eli. "I was expecting the legendary Callen not a talented amateur."

"I believe Agent DiNozzo can handle this," said Vance.

Michael leaned in and whispered: "A ringing endorsement."

Tony tried to hide his smile but he couldn't. Working for this bastard, no wonder Michael is drinking heavily.

"We will need to keep a close eye on this op, Leon," Eli said. "Too many things can go wrong and it must succeed."

"I get goose bumps with the encouragement," Tony mumbled.

Vance looked over him with an expression that told him that quiet was the best bet.

"I am depending upon you, Leon," Eli said.

"Don't worry. This op will succeed," said Vance.

The screen went blank. Vance turned and looked at Michael and Tony.

"Officer Rivkin, you might as well go over to the Watergate Hotel and check in, while I take Agent DiNozzo down to Miss Scuito to collect his passport, driver's license, credit cards, and more," said Vance.

"Do you want me to check you in and bring your luggage over?" Michael asked Tony.

"I'd appreciate it," said Tony.

"We are my partner, or shu'taf in Hebrew," smiled Michael.

NCIS

As Tony and Vance entered the lab, they were struck by Abby in her anime Catholic school outfit with a white lab coat dancing around in front of her computers to some loud hard driving rock music that gave both of them a headache.

"Coltrane, it's not," sighed Vance.

"Or the Chairman of the Board," agreed Tony.

"Miss Scuito, Please!" Vance yelled.

Abby stopped dancing and turned off the music with a remote. She then faced Vance and Tony.

"Miss Scuito, give Agent DiNozzo is ID, passport, and everything else," said Vance then he faced Tony. "Once you're done here then get away from here and stay away. I need this op to succeed."

"Yes, Director," Tony said.

Vance strode out of the lab leaving Tony to face Abby.

"I'm not talking to you. You left without saying goodbye," she said.

Tony knew this was coming. He had a choice to either weather the storm or try to explain himself. Since he wasn't in the mood after two years to explain himself, he chose to weather the storm.

"I should have expected you to act selfishly. Tony DiNozzo always came first for Tony DiNozzo," Abby harumpfed.

"You have my ID and everything," he said.

"Of course, Agent DiNozzo, let's give you want you want," Abby said. "You really…"

Ziva walked in with perfect timing.

"…are a bastard, DiNozzo. You don't care about anyone but yourself," Abby said then looked over her shoulder at Ziva. "Right, Ziva? You agree with me."

Tony looked behind him and saw Ziva standing there. She saw in his eyes that he couldn't cover up the hurt he felt seeing her. He turned back around and faced Abby.

"Dr. Scuito, I have a job to do. I need the materials promised me," he ordered.

She looked at him for a moment as if she wanted to murder him, but this time she kept her mouth shut. Unlike Abby, Ziva didn't blame Tony for leaving. She had broken his heart and she knew it. She broke her own, too.

Abby grabbed a clear plastic bag and dumped some material out on the table.

"Driver's license, passport, three credit cards with unlimited balances, you should like that, and a smartphone that is encrypted," said Abby.

Abby then walked over to one of her computers and brought Tony up.

"Anthony David Paddington. We fit you into your mother's actually family. You were born into the American branch in New York City, Park Avenue. Father lost all his money in bad investments. You went to Rhode Island Military Academy then Williams College. Bad academics but a good athlete. You have used your frat boy charm to womanizer and make contacts that you could use. We wanted to keep your story as close as we can to your true story," Abby snorted.

"I was on the Dean's list in College and graduated Sum Laude," smiled Tony.

"Ohio State University," sniffed Abby.

"The Ohio State University," Tony's smile grew.

"You need leave all your real ID, badge, credit cards, everything," Abby told him.

"What do you want, Ziva?" Abby asked and walked past Tony to Ziva.

Tony took out his wallet and placed his driver's license, credit cards, then his passport, and NCIS ID and badge.

"I just came down for no reason, Abby," Ziva said.

Tony put his new driver's license and new credit cards into his wallet. He then slipped the smartphone and passport into his pocket. Walking over to the computer, he read the synopsis of his false background. Yeah, I can handle this.

He turned and looked at Ziva, who returned his stare. It hurt just looking at her. Now this I can't handle. Without saying a word, he walked out of the lab and left.