I got the idea for this fic from another fic that I read for another fandom and pairing, but this has a lot of my own elements in it. It is set sometime after The First Time, but before Finn's proposal and after Kurt and Rachel make up. If that makes any sense. And before you read this, let it be on the record that I do not ship Finchel. At all. But they were necessary for my writerly purposes, so I had to grit my teeth and write them. I also do not like canon!Finn, so that might show up in my writing.

Thank you to ninjadoodles for betaing/ yelling at me to write. Go read her stuff, it's secret agenty awesome stuff.

Also, if you, you know, have a tumblr, I'd really appreciate if you followed me. I follow back (hint, hint)! Just go to www . adorkabledarren . tumblr . com and take out the spaces.

Disclaimer: I don't even own this shitty computer I'm using to write this fic and you honestly expect me to be able to own a TV show?

Finn knew he shouldn't be doing this. If his mother or Burt caught Rachel in his room, the punishment the both of them would get would make what the average criminal received sound desirable. At the very minimum, he would be grounded from now until graduation with his phone, laptop and video games confiscated and Rachel's dads wouldn't let their daughter within a hundred feet of him. But he thought the reward would be worth it, for between Glee club practice, football games, booty camp, and Rachel's million and one other clubs, when else were they supposed to get time alone? They were teenagers, and rules were made to be broken after all.

It hadn't really been very hard getting Rachel into his room. Her dads were out of town for the week on a cruise for their honeymoon and since Finn's bedroom was in the basement, it was doubtful that his parents would hear them. He had pulled many successful all-nighters playing video games with the volume on and not a complaint from either of them, so they should be able to sleep through this. Kurt might, after all, his bedroom was right next door, but he was also a pretty heavy sleeper and Finn was reasonably confident on their ability to stay quiet. And in the worst case scenario where Kurt ended up hearing them, Rachel was his best friend and wasn't it against the bro code, or whatever their equivalent for it was, to rat on the other?

Finn closed the door after ushering Rachel into the pigsty that was his room. And when he said pigsty, he meant it. Dirty clothes were strewn across the floor, emitting a rather funky smell that his mother had tried (and failed) to cover up with air freshener. Video game controllers and other paraphernalia related to his games dangled precariously off every available surface and an almost invisible stack of books that his relatives insisted on giving the jock every Christmas was being used as a makeshift sort of table for his TV. To put it simply, his room was a complete mess.

Well, at least the bed was clean enough. After all, that was the only necessary piece of furniture for what Finn hoped would be the night's activities.

"You're sure your parents won't catch us?" asked Rachel. She looked up at him with a nervous expression on her face and was biting her bottom lip like she always did when she wasn't sure about something.

"We'll be fine babe," reassured her boyfriend, pulling her into a kiss.

Rachel pulled away, her brow still creased. "And you're confident that Kurt won't wake up?"

Finn fought the urge to roll his eyes at his girlfriend's worries. "I'm sure."

Rachel reconnected their lips and pretty soon Finn was thinking about the mailman and hoping that his trusty trick wouldn't fail him at a time like this. Just because Rachel had given her virginity to him a couple weeks ago didn't mean that sex was guaranteed for the taller teen. She was fickle like that, almost as fickle as Quinn when it came to that area.

Finn didn't know at what point they had gotten to the position they were currently in, with him lying on his back on his bed and Rachel draped at a diagonal across his body. He was just about to (hopefully) round second base when a loud interruption from outside destroyed his plans. The interruption came in the form of a loud thud that seemed to have no natural cause and right away instilled panic in the two teenagers. Rachel, who was more prone to worrying out of the two, sprang away from him and frantically began fixing her hair and clothes.

"What was that?" whispered Finn, flipping through every horror movie he'd ever seen in his mind. He was sure there was one were the hero got cockblocked by- zombies? Vampires? Serial killers? He couldn't remember which, but all three could be killed in similar ways, so he went back and tried to use his library of knowledge about the many horror movies he had seen to try and piece together an attack plan. It was only until after he'd planned out his plan down to the most minor detail that he realized the thud had come from Kurt's room, not the hallway as he had previously thought.

"Hold on," Finn muttered, not sure anymore that his zombie theory was very valid. He held his breath, not daring to disturb anything while his ears pricked for another sound. All of a sudden, a loud moan permeated the thin divider between his and Kurt's rooms. A moan that was distinctly not Kurt's.

Well. Okay then. This was... unexpected.

"Oh my God." Rachel's eyes were round with disbelief as it hit her what was going on in that neighboring bedroom. "Blaine is over there, with Kurt, and they're doing- damn that's hot."

Finn didn't know what surprised him more: the fact that Rachel had just cursed , something that in the three years he had known her, he had only heard her do about five times, or the fact that she found... that, hot. It was his little brother and her best friend for God's sake!

Okay, so maybe so Kurt was three months older than him. It didn't mean Finn was any less protective of him.

Another thump was heard and a load curse followed it, this time a curse obviously distinguishable as Kurt's voice. The crinkling of a wrapper being opened could be heard and Finn almost choked. This was not happening. His little brother was not about to get laid before him. Or get laid at all. He refused to let that happen.

Well, okay, there wasn't much he could do for the latter. He had seen far more of Kurt and Blaine's relationship than any normal human being should have to see. And that was just limited to them making out. The sight of the two boys doing any more might cause him to pass out. Again.*

Finn could however, do something about the first thing. Fighting fire with fire and all that. He turned to his girlfriend, hoping she was feeling the same way he did and be able to retaliate by making out and/ or having sex that was just as loud, if not louder than Kurt and Blaine's. He hoped she felt the same, with Kurt being her best friend and all. Finn knew that he would feel as awkward as he was feeling at the moment if he heard Puck having sex with- well, whoever was his conquest of the week. The average sane person might be a little curious as to why Finn was ignoring the fact that their parents were just two stories up, but he did not come up with the best ideas while in awkward situations. At all.

That was his new plan, at least until he saw Rachel. His usually modest (Santana preferred prudish) girlfriend was now staring at the divider between the two rooms in a trace and unless Finn was mistaken, her hand was drifting under the hem of her skirt.

"Um, Rachel," he said, unsure what to do about her behavior. "What-"

"Shh," she interrupted, holding one hand up to quiet him when Kurt let out a scream in the other room. "This is just- wow. I'm pretty sure Kurt just hit a high F. His voice has certainly improved since sophomore year. I can't decide if I'm aroused or jealous. Or both."

Rachel's statement, which had been said in a tone of voice that one might use to discuss the weather, left Finn speechless. Not that there was much need for talking right now. Kurt and Blaine's breathy whimpers and moans did an excellent job of filling the silence.

But what left Finn reeling the most was, again, how she found this whole thing hot. It was just miles beyond his comprehension. Rachel was supposed to find him arousing, not his brother, who also happened to be her best friend, and his brother's boyfriend.

As these thoughts ran through Finn's head, Blaine had moved on from the whimpering and was revealing that the whole dapper persona hid his knowledge of a rather colorful and extensive vocabulary. "Fuuuck, Kurt, right there, please, right there!" he screamed through the thin wall. Finn just buried his head in his hands and wished he was anywhere but there at the moment. He was getting more uncomfortable than he thought was humanly possible, while next to him, Rachel was getting uncomfortable for entirely different reasons. Reasons that had everything to do with what sounded like the headboard being banged against the wall.

"You like that, don't you?" growled Kurt, emphasizing his statement with a sharp smack to- okay, wow, Finn was sonot going there. This was already awkward enough without his mind elaborating on the events taking place next door. But if Kurt's voice had previously gone higher than either of them though it could go, it was now going deeper than Finn or Rachel thought.

This isn't happening to me, thought Finn desperately, all but rocking back and forth to keep from going into shock. Next to him, Rachel no longer showed any signs of even acknowledging her boyfriend's presence, fully enraptured in what sounded like a sex tape for a porn website being filmed in the connecting bedroom. If Finn didn't know her any better, he would think she was seconds away from walking next door and asking them if she could join in. She wouldn't do that- would she?

A loud, wailing sound that seemed to almost shake the walls and made him wonder how the hell their parents were not waking up interrupted Finn's thoughts from going any farther. It sounded as if a puppy were being murdered in the most delightful and delicious way possible.

"I envy Blaine," whimpered Rachel, her large brown eyes opened wide and unblinking. If she had had laser vision, or could burn through walls, they would have been able to view the show, not just hear it.

Oh would you look at that, it looked like Blaine had reached his climax. Once again, Finn wished he were somewhere, anywhere else but here. The moon, math class, anywhere. His night's plans had been thrown out the window and his brother was getting more than it looked like he would be getting. Fan-fucking-tastic.

At last, Finn decided to settled back onto his bed and cover his head with a pillow. It was unlikely that Rachel would realize he was still there any time soon, so he settled for trying to block out his ears for however long it would take Kurt and Blaine to go to sleep.

"Oh yeah, Blaine baby, right there!"

It was going to be a long night.

*- Shameless self promoting of my other one-shots. Sad, I know.

My parents actually yelled at me to keep the music down in my room while I was writing this. Apparently Kurt and Finn aren't the only ones with thin walls…

I like to call this one-shot literal third person borderline smut. As in, it is from the view of a third person in a separate room, instead of the view of the participants. Yeah...

If this gets enough reviews/ favorites/ other stuff, I might be persuaded to write a follow up chapter for the morning after. I have a few ideas floating around my head.