Another story...I know. But this one is completely different form any of the ones I've done before. I said one shot like, because they do sort of all fit together and follow a pattern.

Hope you enjoy and please review to tell me how it's looking!

-The First Time-

Most days, things didn't exactly go as planned. Or in any way the way that the Doctor had intended. That was normal. Rose was used to that and now it was just a part of their life that something went wrong. But that was what made life with the Doctor what it was. That and the Doctor.

But other days...it was worse. Sometimes things didn't just go wrong, sometimes the people were wrong. The rulers or leaders or whoever was pulling the strings would do something worse.

She always knew it was there, just below the surface. She saw that darkness in him threatening to pour out then and it terrified her. And it wasn't just once. There were three times since she had met him that the Doctor had gotten so angry that his mask of calm would shatter and that darkness would come out.

He didn't even have to say anything, though he usually did. Just that look he got terrified her and she knew it shook those people he was directing it at just as much if not so much more. When he got that look he wasn't her Doctor, the darkness he always kept at bay took him over and her Doctor was hidden away. That was what terrified her most. Not that he was destructive and dangerous and he had killed so many in the past, but that he would look at her with that look. The one so filled with rage that it was enough to bury him inside himself.

The Doctor always tried to hide it back under when they got back to the TARDIS after days like that, but sometimes it was too much. Sometimes he would stand at the console with his eyes shut tight and his knuckles white, gripping the edge. Like he was now.

It had been exactly one of those worse days. The ones that terrified her to the bone. But she kept calm, at least on the outside. He was breathing heavily and she sat down on the captain's chair quietly. Rose hated leaving him alone when he was like this. She hated leaving him at all, but especially at times like this.

She didn't know quite what to do but after awhile she realized that he might really need to have some time alone. At least for awhile. She stood slowly, waiting to see if he would notice, but he stayed with his back to her. She didn't bother announcing her leaving, he would know, somehow he always knew. So she just walked out quietly.

Rose thought about going to her room and just going to bed for the night, but he would be less likely to come in if he needed her, if he thought she was sleeping. So she went to the library instead.

The library had become a place where both of them could just...be. Like it was their place, even though really the while TARDIS was their place. They did talk, but they didn't have or feel like they needed to. They would read separately, or sometimes he would read to her if she was getting tired. Rose even read to him sometimes. Those were fewer though. He always kept some sort of wall up and never let her get too close.

Rose sat on the long leather couch by the fire and curled her feet up. If he wanted company, he would come. She knew better than to hover when he was in that bad of a place. She picked up the book she had left on the table, "A Tale of Two Cities". She had started reading more of Dickens ever since they met him.

The Doctor opened his eyes and let out a long sigh. He relaxed his hands and stood up straighter. He had needed a few minutes to calm down and relax after their latest adventure. Just as he turned to smile at Rose, he noticed she wasn't there. He frowned, why wasn't she there? More importantly, how hadn't he noticed? He could always feel when people came in and out...oh. It could have been a bit more than a few minutes this time. Well. That explained why she wasn't there. He couldn't expect her to wait around for...two and a half hours. He ran a hand over his face; usually it didn't take that long.

The he frowned again when he realized she might be asleep by now. He hated when she slept, that meant he couldn't be around her. When he wasn't around her he was bored. That was it. And he missed her...but that was it. Course he missed her, she was his companion and that was what she was for, to be around.

Except he knew that that wasn't exactly completely true. He knew that much. But he still wasn't exactly better now. He could still feel that anger and pain bubbling under the surface. Rose was always able to relax him. She made him feel...secure. If that was the right word. Stable might be better. Yeah, stable worked.

He closed his eyes and the monitor flashed. He quickly flipped back around. "What's that then?" he asked his TARDIS. It was a map of the library. And there was a little red dot by the fire. He grinned despite himself. He knew that she'd still be up. She was always up when he needed her...not that he needed her now. Or ever. Oh, who the hell was he kidding? He needed her...

Rose didn't even hear the door open, but she felt the couch dip and she smiled gently. The Doctor looked tired, and she could still see his eyes burning slightly from all that emotion, but not nearly as bad as they were before.

"Hello." she said quietly.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah course I am. I'm perfectly safe, nothing happened." she assured him.

The Doctor felt that anger coming back up. How could she just dismiss it like it was nothing? "Rose. That Prince tried to make you one of his sex slaves. Then sell you off like cattle." that had been what made him like this. That pitiful excuse for a human had captured his Rose, and threatened her. Not even just that.

Rose saw his eyes darken and his jaw tighten up. She turned fully and took his hand. "Doctor, I'm fine. He didn't hurt me. And those other girls are safe now too. Because of us."

"But he touched you." he almost growled. The anger he had worked so hard to stop was coming back up as he thought about it again. It made him burn just to think of anyone coming near Rose like that ever. And for that bloody prince to get so close to her...it enraged him.

She didn't know what to say. She would never lie to him. Not ever. But she didn't want to say it. Her silence was more than enough. "I should have killed him." the Doctor said after she looked down at the fire for a moment.

"No. No Doctor, you shouldn't have. You're better than that, you know you are. I know you are."

He took her other hand. "But, Rose, I'm not. I've done much worse. I found you in his room Rose. On his bed." he said, almost spitting out the last word. "He deserves to-"

"Stop." she interrupted. "I know. Believe me, I'm the last person that wants that man walking around but their military has him and he'll probably get the death penalty in a number of countries if not his own. Doctor, I'm safe now. I'm right here and you're not gonna let anyone get to me. You and I both know that."

It always amazed him at how much utter faith and trust she had in him. But he was still very, very much pissed off. "Rose." he said.

"Hey, I'm here. I'm safe, yeah? Relax." she said. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes but she noticed his shoulders and jaw weren't relaxing. "Doctor. I promise. Hey." she called quietly and he opened his eyes. She reached her hand to his shoulder and realized he didn't have his leather jacket on. But she checked for his approval anyway.

He didn't know what she was doing, but the look in her eyes said to trust her. He did trust her. More than he would have liked to admit.

She didn't see any objection in his eyes so she started rubbing the space in between his shoulders and neck.

The Doctor was confused now, what was she doing? He was angry and she was...oh. Oh. That felt nice. That felt nice? Oh, it did. He closed his eyes and let her continue with whatever she was doing.

When she watched his eyes close, she took it as a good sign and repositioned herself so she could reach his neck better. He flinched slightly when her hand moved to the back of his neck but he didn't open his eyes.

He felt himself relaxing into her touch and he also found that he enjoyed it. She massaged his neck and he felt his anger fading much faster than when he had done it before. He took her other hand again without opening his eyes and she smiled to herself. When she stopped, he had to stop himself from asking her to keep going.

Rose couldn't read his eyes when he opened them. She couldn't quite figure out what he was feeling, his eyes were filled with...something different. Something she hadn't seen before.

He wanted to say so much, all at once, but he found that he couldn't quite form the actual words to all those things. "Thank you." he managed.

She smiled brighter. "Glad to help. Any better?"

"Actually, yes. Rose you...thank you."

"No problem." She said, if a bit smugly, and he smiled at her, not even knowing why. She was just Rose. And Rose made him smile. So maybe he did know, but he would never admit that.

"Time for bed I think." he said quickly, before he did something that would ruin everything. Rose pouted. "Oh come on, you're tired, I know you are don't bother trying to convince me otherwise."

"Alright, maybe I am. How about you then? When's the last time you slept?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"I don't need as much sleep. Twice a week is more than enough for me. In fact it's a bit lazy! Not off to be with you, Rose Tyler." he said standing and pulling her up with him.

She looked at him very seriously but also with amazing compassion that he knew he didn't deserve. "Doctor, I'm fine. Please don't worry 'bout me." she said quietly.

The Doctor just have her a sad smile and cupped her cheek. "I know. Don't worry 'bout me Rose."

"Can't make any promises."

He grinned. "So stubborn."

"I know you don't need me or whatever, but I'm still here."

He felt a little pang in his heart at hearing her say that. Did she really think that? Did she really not know? "Rose..." he wasn't sure what to say to make her know just how much that was a complete and utter lie.

"Always." she said, seeming to hear his unspoken question, and grinned at him. "Goodnight Doctor." she said and kissed his cheek before leaving.

The Doctor stood there, still dumbstruck. He lifted his hand to where she kissed him and held it there. He knew that a kiss on the cheek meant next to nothing, and it certainly should not leave him feeling this...happy. And hopeful. And...other adjectives that he couldn't think of because all he could think about was her lips on his cheek and how much he wanted to tell her. To tell her everything. How he felt, really how he felt and not the rubbish he sometimes said. To tell her everything so that she would never have to doubt herself again, like he saw that she sometimes did.

He also had to shut his eyes tightly and try to remember exactly why that was a bad idea. It was a bad idea, most importantly, because she could really have no idea, and be scared. He didn't deserve her, he was too damaged, too broken, and he had done too much. She could leave him. Ask to go back to her mum's. Worst of all he would take her, he would do anything if she asked him to. And that terrified him. Because it was right then that he really realized that he would do absolutely everything and anything for his Rose. Even lie to her.