The Unusual Conundrum

For days on end, Voldemort fumed silently, ignoring Harry and everything else. Each time Harry tried to divert his attention, he was a rewarded with a red, death glare and some insults.

"Well, you can't ignore me forever, I hope you realise that. I am the only one you can communicate with. Plus you're anchored to me."

Voldemort didn't answer, but the fire in his eyes was telling.

"I thought you were a genius. What good is it to be so smart when you can't figure out something to recover you magic?"

No nothing. He sighed.

"Fine. Brood all you like. But don't you dare to treat me like a child after this episode."

Three days after their discovery, Barty arrived in Little Hangleton. Upon seeing him, Voldemort didn't even react, staying in his catatonic state.

Harry was sitting in an armchair, warming himself in front of a fireplace in the upper floors of the house. He was considering what his options were, if he was to live forever with Lord Voldemort glued to him and Death Eater on his heels. No need to say his future didn't bode well...

"Potter, have you found a solution?"

Harry considered briefly saying the truth, but he didn't want to face the consequences it could have on a barmy devoted Death Eater with no one to interrupt in an old and gloomy house. "Not for now, we're still working on it."

Voldemort's spectral glow seemed to intensify, and not in a nice way.

"You don't seem to do much working" remarked Barty.

Harry said nothing. Instead, he set to revive the dying fire.

He was still crouched with his back to Barty and the door when Nagini entered the room. Barty blanched. Unbestknow to Harry (and Nagini, for that matter) the timing was perfect because the Death Eater had drawn his wand and was about to do something they would all have regretted dearly later.

Instead, he put discreetly his wand back in his pocket and cowed slightly on the giant snake's passage.

"Where is my master?" hissed Nagini.

Harry startled, fell on his backside with a gasp. Still, Voldemort didn't react.

"I... He is here."

"Good." And she coiled herself on Harry's legs.

"Erm..."

"I leave you to your work" said Barty, retreating with a funny face.

Harry's left hand hung in the air for several seconds before he tentatively let it rest on top of Nagini's head. She hissed with pleasure.

Harry sighed once more and let his head fall back on the side of the armchair. He never had a standard lifestyle, but for the last days, it seemed to turn madder by the minute.

-OoO-

Harry was sleeping peacefully in a stark bed, the weight of Nagini's coils blessfully warming his feet as usual since the last two days when a spectral dark lord shook him by the shoulders.

Believe me that was not a particularly pleasant way to wake.

'I have an idea.'

Harry startled, then stared at Voldemort who was still pointedly ignoring him. Nagini hissed furiously, then coiled back again. Some more time passed before the Dark Lord Magnificent deigned to give more details.

'We could try a ritual. I would invent one, of course, but that isn't a problem. The finality is to transfer myself into something else, another body... swap minds with somebody while securing their soul inside.'

"That's gross. No way I'm helping you steal someone. And why would you need their soul? That's... Eeeerk."

'Stop overreacting. You promised to help me. You always knew it would get to something of this nature. And the soul, Potter, is the only way I can anchor my mind to a body.'

"No. Way. Now, let me sleep."

Harry let his head fall back on the pillow, tried to adjust his position without disturbing the giant snake on his legs. He was on the verge of sleep when a voice interrupted the silence again.

'It involves going to Albania.'

"Okaaaay. Why Albania?" Harry, this time, stayed on his back, eyelids half-closed, dreaming of going back to sleep.

'Because I need a vampire, and Albania has a lot of these.'

"A vampire?"

'Yes, Potter. A bloodsucker. They are dead, but functionnal.'

"You are going to turn into a vampire-zombie."

'Do not mock me.'

Some time passed. But Harry wasn't going back to sleep. An idea swirled around his mind, begging for his attention…

"And if I simply send your magic back?"

'You understand nothing. Magic is linked to the soul, and I have no soul anymore.'

"I always knew you were soulless. But if it's literally true, how can you still be here? No body, no soul... By all means, you should be dead."

'Very funny, Potter. I am still here because I made Horcruxes. If I had a soul, even a small piece of it, I would be a ghost. I have less than a fragment of soul, I am a spirit of sorts. I am only the trace of the existence of my mind. You are the only one able to see me because of our link, stronger than ever before.'

"... If you say so."

'You don't seem to grasp the complexity of the situation?'

"I grasped that it's too complicated for me. You are giving me headaches. And I'm tired. Good night."

Some time passed again. Something still nagged at his mind. Something the other had said…

Harry sat up in the bed, upsetting Nagini once more.

"When you spoke of a link, what did you mean?"

'Last summer, you visited this house, correct? In a dream, if I'm right? I tried to do the same to you but I hadn't enough strenght. I could only see and feel your emotions - and that was horrible.'

Harry let go, to tired to even bother with the implications in what Voldemort just said.

-OoO-

In the morning, harry was eating porridge in the derelict kitchen when Barty came to him. The Death Eater searched the room (for Nagini, summered Harry), then bowed facing an empty space near Harry (which was nowhere near Voldemort, but Barty didn't know that).

"My Lord," and then he got up and turned towards the fifteen years old. "Potter, still not working? Have you made any progress?"

He tried to look dignified. As he was eating his porridge with a fork (because the old Riddle house was derelict, there was a lot of missing things and spoons where one of them), and said porridge was dripping off the fork into the bowl and splashing into his pyjamas, it is useless to say he failed considerably. "Actually, yes. Tell me first, where is Pettigrew? I haven't seen him since my arrival here."

"Hiding. I think he fears you."

Voldemort snickered. "Well, Potter, at least you succeeded in gaining his respect. I fear Barty will need a little more... persuasion."

Harry ignored him. Voldemort played this game for days, now he was back to his normal, snide-self. And Harry was starting to feel regret for the days of Dark Lord brooding.

"So, what do we do?" asked Barty, impatient to hear how he could help his Great Lord.

"I'm going to Albania."

"... but why?"

'Tell him to come with us, you'll need his help to capture the vampire.'

"And if I don't want him?"

"Sorry, what did you say?" asked Barty.

'You have no choice" explained Voldemort. 'Do you really think you can face a entire coven on your own, if the worst come to pass? And with Barty at your side, you will be able to summon Death Eaters whenever you want.'

"... a sound advice" reckoned Harry. "I hate it when you're right."

'I hate you too, Potter.'

"So, Barty? Do you mind if I call you Barty?" The Death Eater expression twisted, but Harry didn't let him talk back. "We're leaving today for Albania. You're coming, and have no say whatsoever on the matter."

'Good, Potter, you're making progress. Now get dressed and get to London as fast as possible.'

"Why London?"

'Because you can't take international Portkeys, of Floo, or Apparition. That would be like sending a signal to the Ministry. We are going there in the Muggle way.'

"You're kidding!" Harry rubbed his face. "Okay. Barty, disguise yourself as a Muggle. We're going by plane."

-OoO-

Of all the things Harry had done in his life so far, navigating the subway with Lord Voldemort and a dangerous Death Eater who escaped from Azkaban ranked in the most ridiculous top five.

"You're holding your ticket upside-down. That's why it doesn't work."

Barty had a hand on his pocket, ready to Avada-Kedavra the torniquet. Voldemort's patience was wearing thin. And all the muggles around them had evolved into angry beasts.

"Move, you're blocking the way!" called a londoner.

"This is unacceptable! You've been here for ten minutes!" said a woman with a frown on her face.

"No, Barty, the other way!" called Harry from the other side of the barrier.

"Potter, shut up! It's not a stupid Muggle artefact that's going to stop me!"

"You loons! Let the honest people go back home! I have been working all day!"

"Me too!" add another man.

Barty brandished his wand. "I swear I'll Crucio to oblivion the next one who open his damned mouth!"

"And what you're gonna do with a wooden stick? Stick it up someone's nose?"

"Arse, most likely. See how he frothes at the mouth?"

"He's a madman!"

Harry turned to Voldemort. "Okay, what do I do?"

'Let him kill them.'

Harry inhaled slowly.

'That was a joke, Potter. We have no time for that. Do something.'

Harry was about to tell Voldemort what he thought about his advices when a girl of less than seven escaped from her mother and approched Barty with a smile.

"Do you need help, scarecrow?"

Barty's wand hand went down, a gobesmacked look on his face. Everyone around was silent.

"There's no shame to ask for help, mummy says. Here, let me do it for you."

She grasped the ticket, and put it in the machine the right way. "Here you go!" And she pushed him towards the passage with her little hands. Barty let her, a bewildered look on his face.

"Bye, scarecrow!" she waved.

Barty waved back hesitatingly. Harry took him by the arm and dragged himl down the hall. The last thing he heard from the girl was "Of course he was a scarecrow, he only wanted to scare away people! He doesn't know how to behave because he doesn't have a mummy..."

"Swear you'll never tell a soul, Potter." demanded Barty, waving his wand.

"... I didn't saw a thing."

-OoO-

After the subway episode, they encountered two or three other situations, but they are not to be told here because Barty's reputation would suffer greatly from it. Needless to say, Voldemort wasn't very happy to lost so much time with futilities, and Harry was, most of the times, trying not to laugh or cry.

Barty was clever, even if a little mad in the head, but he had zero experience with Muggles, and it showed.

Nevertheless, they finally reached their destination a day later.