[A/N this is probably the final chapter of this story for now..]

Tricks The Mind Plays

4. Remembering.

Kathryn accepted his dinner invitation without hesitating. She knew he was her best hope of getting every memory back in place, the only one who could answer some of her most burning questions.

Olivia had made something clear to her. It wasn't just in her head that she thought Chakotay was acting strange. The ensign had given her the impression of something more between her Captain and Chakotay, but she herself had no recollection of a relationship beyond very close friendship. Of course, Olivia might have misread what she saw, but Chakotay had carefully avoided her pretty direct question earlier.

She decided to ask him about it, to just attack the problem at its roots. Going off shift a little early, she voluntarily stopped by the Doc to make sure she was still on the right track with her recovery, surprising herself but above all the EMH who looked as if he saw a ghost. She asked if anything would hold back her natural memory recovery, he told her not as long as she kept questioning things that looked unfamiliar.

Her bathtub seemed like the best way to relax before a dinner, and she was more nervous than she thought she would be. It was, after all, just a dinner with a good friend. Still, sitting in the tub, she felt some tension leave her while butterflies fluttered in her stomach. She closed her eyes for a brief moment.

Then it happened.

A flash, not even an image, came and went before she could grasp onto it. One second of an image, him and her, together on a planet. In uniform. Her mind started working. This was on New Earth, the planet they had been stranded together. Nothing had happened between them because they had agreed on that.

Right?

Then, again.

Four words, whispered to her. 'I'll wait for you.'

But was that her own voice? Another flash, his face smiling at her.

She didn't remember anything beyond the flashes, little pieces of memories that were in her head, refusing to come out. She sighed and consciously relaxed herself, hoping to trigger some more.

None came and she left the tub with more questions than when she entered.

He wasn't wearing his uniform when he rang at her door and she felt silly in hers. 'Hi,' he greeted. She nodded her welcome. 'Should I dress down?' He cocked his head to the side. 'Maybe. I was thinking we could visit Lake George.' She nodded. 'Great idea, give me a minute.' With a gesture she invited him in and disappeared to get into something more casual.

He wasn't planning on Lake George but she didn't need to know that. He had his own special program waiting for them to arrive, a program which he had savored for a long time now and used very often, disappearing on the holodeck when he felt down, angry or frustrated.

She reappeared wearing loose pants and a shirt, both a dark color, he guessed dark blue or grey. He smiled and extended his arm, and even though she seemed hesitant she took it and his heart settled a little. She still trusted him.

They saw no one on their way to the holodeck and Kathryn was grateful but she didn't know why. She was still a little unsettled by the flashes that had appeared while she was in her tub, and even though she loved Lake George she didn't know the implications of having dinner there.

She knew by now that many people thought of her and Chakotay as a couple. The ensign she had talked to had also made it clear that her command team was more than friends in her eyes. Kathryn wanted to know why, and why hadn't all her memories come back yet? She knew it could have something to do with her brain keeping her in the dark, she had heard of that before but not in cases like this. Usually the victims had secrets that were a lot darker than what she and Chakotay could possibly have, and so it scared her a little that she couldn't seem to remember.

Chakotay called for a program and as the space around her changed she knew she wasn't anywhere near Lake George.

'Chakotay..' she didn't know what to say. 'Why are we here?'

He reached for her back and guided her further into the scene before them. It was a forest, and little by little she started to see things she recognized.

'Do you know where we are?' he asked.

She nodded. 'Yeah.'

Neither felt the need to name the place, but both of them felt the significance of him bringing her here now.

'I want to help you remember everything, Kathryn,' Chakotay said. 'I'll make you dinner like I did many times, and we can talk.'

She nodded and took the lead on their walk through the forest, knowing where they were headed.

'It's beautiful and very accurate,' she commented. He nodded. 'I've spent a great deal of my time working on it.'

'It paid off, it's gorgeous,' she said, her voice soft. 'Thank you for sharing this with me.'

He nodded. 'I thought it was the best way to do this. I think there may be some key things that happened here that you may not remember. What do you remember?'

She didn't answer for a minute because they had reached their shelter, the one that had been home. They entered and she looked around the room, clean and beautifully decorated, more so than it had been before they had left it. Then, she focused her attention on Chakotay again. 'Sorry. What was your question?'

He smiled and pulled out a chair before moving to the replicator. 'What do you remember about leaving here?'

She told him what she remembered as he prepared a meal for them. She told him about the call, how she had said goodbye to everything down here, how she had felt like she was going home but at the same time leaving a home. He recognized everything she said but he heard nothing of their attraction, their conversation, nothing about the pain of walking away from each other. He knew he would have to tell her everything she missed and he was looking forward to helping her remember, but he also felt a little apprehensive of her reaction.

When she had finished, dinner was ready and Chakotay had already divided it onto two plates. He sat across from her and smiled. 'I hope you still like it.'

She nodded. 'I know that smell from a mile away, thanks for cooking. Now, what did I miss?' She had already seen from his look that she had missed some vital parts of the story, but she truly didn't know. Apart from the flashes. Kathryn decided to tell him about that.

'I had a strange experience today,' she said before he could answer her question about what she'd missed. 'Memories, just a few. They came in flashes, out of the blue.'

He nodded. 'That's good, it means you're starting to remember more.'

'They.. They were about New Earth I think,' Kathryn said. 'Someone said to me, 'I'll wait for you.' I think it was you.'

Chakotay's heart missed a beat. He looked at her, stunned at her directness. It had been him, and now there was no way out. He had to tell her.

'Yeah.. That was me,' he started. 'It's what I said to you in our conversation right before we left. Do you know what I'm talking about?'

She shook her head, all the while eating greedily from his meal.

'After you wanted to define parameters.. We made an agreement. An agreement to see what would happen, no pressure. You know, just let whatever it was between us develop.. And then we got the call.'

She looked at him, her eyes wide. 'Did.. Anything happen before we got the call?'

He smiled, almost sadly, and shook his head. 'No. But we both knew clearly what we felt for each other.'

She looked down, almost ashamed. 'I don't remember any of this.'

'I know, I want to help you remember. Anyway, then we got Tuvok's call and we talked that night, all night long. We talked about us, what had happened, and we decided that we could in no way continue what we had started.. But we knew we wouldn't be able to just stop.. Caring.'

She put down her fork and touched his hand with hers. 'You wanted to say loving, didn't you,' she asked softly. He looked in her eyes and he saw trust, warmth and nothing of the fear he had expected to see. The absence of fear made him brave. 'Yes,' he answered her truthfully. 'I wanted to say loving, because we both knew at that moment that we wouldn't be able to stop loving each other, Kathryn. Never.'

And then, little by little, an image formed in her head. The two of them, hands linked but she wasn't in her nightgown. She was in uniform and so was he. 'I.. I think I remember,' she whispered. 'You.. You said you would wait for me, and then I said the minute we touch down on Earth I would come to you..'

He nodded but kept quiet, allowing her to slowly absorb this new information. After a minute, she looked up at him. 'I do love you, Chakotay,' she said and even though her voice sounded shaky, he knew it was the truth.

'I've been wondering why I trusted you right off the back on Quarra,' she continued. 'But I know now. A heart recognizes its other half.' Her simple words touched him deeply and he smiled at her, holding nothing back. 'I love you too, Kathryn. And I hope you will still wait for me, because I will wait for you even if it means we will never be together. If we find our ending in this quadrant I will have known you and your love and that's why the spirits put us on this path.'

She smiled back. 'I still don't remember fully. But I'm glad I at least know where we stand now. I was getting worried, everyone seems to think we're in a relationship and I didn't remember.'

'The way I see it we are in a relationship,' he said. 'Just not a physical one. But we are more than friends. We're..'

'Soul mates,' she interrupted him. He nodded. 'I didn't know you believed in that, but yes.'

'Quarra taught me a few things,' Kathryn answered. 'If my heart trusts you so deeply, without knowing who you are, a man with a weird story who I have no reason to trust.. That proves to me that you and I have something great.'

He nodded. 'I thought you were a scientist, like someone who needs evidence to believe something,' he dared to tease her.

A slap with her napkin was what he got. And with that, hope. Hope for the future.