Couples Therapy

The couples therapy droid observed the young attractive human pair seated in front of her within the private confines of her office. The droid adjusted her programming to handle the vagaries of human behavior and emotion and brought up her data on the Skywalkers.

"Now, Anakin, we discussed the last time that you have an issue with putting your wife on an unrealistic pedestal and I asked you to produce a list of things that don't make her quite so perfect. Do you have that list with you?" she asked.

Anakin fidgeted as he retrieved the crumpled flimsiplast from a pocket. "Yes, I do."

"Great," the therapist droid said in her pleasant, soothing voice. "Why don't you read it out loud?"

"Do I have to? I mean, I don't want to make anyone upset..."

"Uh uh uh...remember, we're working on humanizing your wife."

Padmé took Anakin's gloved hand and looked into his eyes. "Go ahead, Ani. This is going to be good for us."

Anakin sighed. "Well, okay."

"What's the first thing on the list?" the therapist droid asked. "And address it to Padmé."

Anakin looked down on the flimsiplast. "Padmé, I think you can be a little self-righteous."

"What?" Padme raised her eyebrows. "Me, self-righteous?"

"Yeah, um, you're always going on about how nobody seems to care more than you do. It's kind of annoying after a while."

"But I'm passionate about justice and democracy and making the galaxy a better place! Everyone else out there just cares about holostar gossip, getting drunk, exploiting nexu kittens, and making dubious profits!"

"See?"

"Excellent, you have managed to find something that doesn't make your wife untouchable," the therapist droid said next as Padmé fumed and dropped Anakin's hand. "What's next on your list?"

"You're a shopaholic."

Padmé's jaw opened and her eyes flashed with fury. "Why would you say that?"

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Come on, your closet is bigger than the Senate chamber. You have an open tab with every boutique from here to Naboo. You change your clothes with your moods."

"If that's true, why don't I run home then and put on my p.o.-ed outfit!" Padmé turned away from Anakin and crossed her arms.

Anakin looked to the droid, then read the next item on the list. "You're obsessed with your hair."

Padmé whirled back around in a fury. "I am NOT obsessed with my hair!"

"You took like an hour deciding how you were going to wear it to therapy today. You're always asking me if I like it like this or like that or whatever. You spend almost as much on hair products as you do on clothes."

Padmé turned to the therapist droid. "That is a load of shaak crap and he knows it! Besides, he doesn't understand how hard it is when you have a combination of curly, straight, and wavy hair!"

"I have wavy hair too, you don't see me fussing over it."

"That's because you're a Jedi. They practically require bad hair!"

"Look, Padmé, I can see this is annoying you, maybe I ought to stop..."

"No, keep reading your stupid list!" Padmé said petulantly.

Anakin took a deep breath then looked down again. "Your Senate speeches are boring and long-winded. I think you need to jazz them up a little."

"You know what?" Padmé told the therapist droid. "I think I preferred it when he put me on a pedestal and worshipped me like a goddess."

"Your ears kind of make you look like an elf. A beautiful elf, but an elf nonetheless."

The En