Chapter 19

"How do you feel about the idea of hypnotism?"

Naruto's eyes lifted briefly from his frustrated scribbling to look at the man who stood in his bedroom doorway. "Are you talking about the idea of it, or someone actually trying to hypnotize me?"

Iruka offered a warm smile, prompting Naruto to straighten in his chair. The faint scar that ran across his nose would fade whenever the smile reached his eyes, and Naruto could not help but be comforted to the point that his hands would stop clenching. "Both."

He let the words settle as he contemplated all possibilities. "It's hard to factor when I think the idea of it is a load of—"

"Let's talk about why you feel that way."

Naruto refrained from rolling his eyes but found himself 'mirroring' like clockwork. "So, I hear your suggestion to talk about why I feel that way and have opted to deny it. Is there more?"

"Yes. I would like to know your reasoning for denying it."

"That the idea of it makes me uncomfortable."

"The claim of discomfort makes sense and wish to explore it through calm discussion."

"Does that mean we can drop this weird Imago dialogue? It's starting to creep me out."

Iruka flinched. "I did it again, didn't I?"

"You most certainly did, dear," Naruto mocked, unable to stop the smile turning the corners of his mouth. He began to tap the pen repeatedly against the desk, the sound bringing a much needed ambience and focus. "I view the effects of hypnotism to be little more than hearsay."

"But I wasn't to know what you think it is," Iruka clarified, slipping his hands casually into his pockets. This was to keep himself from 'shrinking' as Naruto would always point out, but Iruka's avoidance of the old habit was now no better than if he had begun drumming his fingers together in front of him.

"I don't know... Role-play that takes responsibility away from the patient?" Naruto pondered, looking down at his desk. Scattered pages littered the surface with his writing covering every inch of every margin. They were words upon words strung together haphazardly as they came to mind, turning in all directions and overlapping one another until all that remained as unintelligible gibberish. It was all the noise, constantly flowing in and out of his ears, penetrating his mind and incapable of finding peace. The thought of it should have been liberating, but relinquishing accountability and what little control he had was unappealing.

"So, you don't believe that it can induce an altered state?" The question was neutral. All of Iruka's questions were. Where had he learned to be so calm? So rational? What did it take to be a man like him?

Naruto tried to force back a frown. "I guess I'm not sure." He let there be stillness between them as he mulled it over. "For you, I'll try anything."

The man's brow furrowed though his smile remained. "Shall we continue this conversation in the study?"

With a nod, Naruto stood and followed Iruka out to the hall, noticing how his guardian had purposely left the keys to the room hanging from the lock.

Naruto sat in the armchair, eyes closed as he focused on the sound. A metronome was ticking in time to the sound of rain pelting the windows and Iruka's footsteps as he paced carefully. Noise. It was all just noise. His body relaxed, molding into the cushion, but his head was racing with doubt. What if nothing happened? What if nothing ever would? Was he going to keep himself locked away from the world, from Iruka who never seemed to stop trying?

"I find myself in want of a nail."

For one blissful moment, there was silence.

Naruto held Sasuke to him, unsure if holding him tightly would make his condition better or worse. Since Sasuke had been back from another session with Kabuto, he had not stopped convulsing. His eyes were wildly searching for something, never settling to focus as he repeatedly buried his nails into Naruto's arms, serrated edges cutting into skin, and he welcomed the pain. Time passed by excruciatingly slow with no point of reference, leaving them both to their own agony.

What am I supposed to do? How do I help him when I can't even help myself?

Sasuke heaved, back arching with a sickening pop.

"I think I'm in love with you."

His hold instinctively tightened around Sasuke, feeling every strain and pull of his body as it ached. It had been a while since he had seen a nurse and his head felt like it was splitting over the words. Why did he say it? What did he have to gain by saying it? Naruto's favor could do very little in the predicament they were in, and his mind had been wandering in circles over it in his brief moments of clarity before the throbbing in his temples was too much to handle. No matter the kind of man Sasuke was before, if there even was a before, he could not properly grasp such an emotion. Maybe the strokes were broader than he realized. Naruto had made it a point to wedge himself into Sasuke's life slowly drawing him out of his vegetable-state until they both ended up here. When did it happen? Where did he go wrong?

The moment you set foot in Konoha, his voice echoed back at him. He swallowed the dry lump in his throat which burned whenever he thought about Kakashi and the others. Did Haku suspect anything? Would Kiba trust anyone after Naruto didn't show up? Did Sakura, Suigetsu, and Tenten play Cork without a thought as to where he might have gone? What about Iruka?

A warm tear rolled off his cheek before he realized it was there, landing in Sasuke's dampened hair. Naruto looked over him once more with a steady gaze. The trembling had almost gone and his eyes had finally fluttered closed. Every breath moved his hollow frame, unable to keep him still for long. He had long eyelashes which seemed odd; they were remarkably beautiful despite everything else. Could the rest of him be salvaged? What had Konoha so fixated on him?

"It's easy to feel sorry for me, isn't it?"

A grimace shook him slightly, letting the uneasiness settle in his stomach. The distress was heavy, suffocating so that every breath he took was unbearable. Was Sasuke worth saving if it meant Naruto had to endure hell for the chance? The question did not sit right with him. Nothing about Konoha ever did.

Why was your brother in Konoha?

"Do you always begin your conversations with a death wish?"

Fuck. He had said it out loud, hadn't he? Naruto stiffened, feeling Sasuke's weight shift, but he didn't look up. "I tend to say and do things without thinking properly..." Sasuke did not respond. "Saying sorry won't help you, will it?"

Sasuke tensed before quickly exhaling. "I'm starting to think it'd be more for you than me, so say it as much as you like."

"I deserve that."

"You deserve worse." There was venom in his voice.

"You're probably right," Naruto sighed, chancing to rest his fingers in the other's hair. In spite of everything, Sasuke hair was silky and cool to the touch, if a bit tangled. The sensation was sending a prickling up his arm.

Sasuke turned his head, eyes tired and piercing all at once. Naruto held his stare, aware of how shallow each breath had become. His skin burned, wanting to touch more of Sasuke, to fit his mouth to his and reassure himself that everything he was feeling was real and not some twisted nightmare.

"It's like being able to see the sun and sky again," Sasuke mumbled drowsily, his hand reaching up to twirl a tangled lock of Naruto's hair.

His breath hitched, feeling electricity course through him with an overwhelming urge to lean down and close the gap, but he didn't. With a hard gulp of air, he tried to remember how it had come to this. Sasuke was a cold, calculating, and dangerous patient, so why were his lies making Naruto blush like some damn idiot? He pulled away, leaning his head against the concrete for some much needed cold. There was no time to think. There was only react and respond. But why couldn't he do either accordingly?

A metallic creak sounded as the door slid open.

Sasuke hand dropped back to his side, his eyes becoming empty as another presence filled the room. Words failed to form as every breath immediately fled Naruto's lungs, leaving him gasping as he felt his entire body go rigid, anticipating something much worse than death. "I see you have adjusted well in my absence," his voice was calm and intrusive, a tone that made Naruto scowl as he took a step closer.

"Orochimaru..." The name on his tongue was like poison, repulsing his body as it went tense with rage. If he had decided to appear, then something worse was sure to follow. "You cock sucking bastard. Where the fuck is Kakashi?!"

"Do you not like how I've arranged for Neji and Kabuto for your sessions?"

Arranged? He resisted the itch, the unadulterated need, to lunge at the man and make him regret that Naruto had ever stepped foot in his asylum. Sasuke was still in his lap; his consciousness had completely left him. "You set me up! You and Kakashi—"

"You'll find that Dr. Hatake has very little say in anything I do," Orochimaru interjected. A smile twisted his usually frigid demeanor, something slithery and foul taking form. His very being seemed to haunt Naruto no matter how prepared he thought he could be. How long had it been?

"What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do a thing." As two guards walked in, flanking his sides, arms reaching for Naruto with more force than necessary, he believed the man's words to be entirely true.

There was nothing save for the thunderous rattling of his heart in his ears. It shook him to the core, vibrating across his skin and blurring his vision. He could feel himself blinking, but the haze never left as he sat in the chair, hands zip-tied behind him, and an empty seat on the other side of the table. Naruto could just make out his reflection, but could not bring himself to look ahead. The thought of who would be staring back at him made him sick. Naruto knew, almost immediately. It was written across Orochimaru's face as his snake-like gaze followed him in pure delight as Naruto had been bound and blindfolded before being torn away from Sasuke without a breath of protest. The latch clicked and the door scraped in a familiar scene he felt he had seen a thousand times before, but the distant pull in his gut made him wish the world could split apart and swallow him whole.

No matter how many ways he tried to look as the figure slid into the room, rushing to Naruto's side, it was always Kakashi. The smell of him was clean as he kneeled before Naruto, his face still not yet in focus. There was a small light drifting across his eyes. A muffled noise drifted to his ears. Words? Who was talking?

"—please say something!"

Naruto groaned, trying to remember when and where he had been injected. Kakashi's hand released his head, pocketing the flashlight that had nearly blinded him. Like the scene was replayed so many times in perfectly cycled repetition, he knew what he was becoming, how he must have looked to anyone on the other side of the glass. He was their new Sasuke.

Like hell.

He forced his eyes open, concentrating on Kakashi's stricken expression, just out of range for a decent head-butt. There was no time to decipher the man's rugged appearance or what, in particular, he could have been stricken with. A demon growled in the pit of Naruto's stomach, making all the details melt away as it rumbled menacingly beneath the surface. He had called to Kakashi in the darkness wishing desperately to be saved only to find that everything about this man had been an illusion. "You're a monster. You did this to me."

Kakashi's lips curled, thinking carefully over his words but his eyes would not allow him peace. "There are a million things I could say to you right now, and they'd all mean nothing."

"You lied."

"I lied, but not about what you think," Kakashi's voice was stressed with something unrecognizable, his eyes glancing to the glass and back to the door. "I'd never—"

"Slip me a key in hopes that I'd go and end up caged like the animal you think I am?"

"You weren't supposed to get—I didn't know what else to do," Kakashi hissed, giving the mirror another wary look. "You have no idea what it took to get back up here. What it still takes!"

Naruto cackled, drawing his head back. Why was it suddenly so funny? "I can't begin to dream about what I don't know. What I do know is that you're a liar."

"Naruto, please, I don't—"

"You lied to him when you said you'd take care of me! Now look at me!"

"I'm trying to—"

"LOOK AT ME!" he seethed, feeling overcome with the urge to hurt the man before him. Urge. "It all meant nothing to you!"

Silence swallowed them, and for a moment Kakashi looked petrified. Despite everything, the doctor could still appear so calm, like nothing in the world could shake him. What would it take for a prideful man like him to submit? To know what it was like to lose something? Naruto wanted everything that Kakashi kept in the darkness. He wanted to hold all the despair, desperation, and madness in his palm and watch Kakashi squirm in agony beneath him. Naruto wanted Kakashi Hatake hopeless, just like him. This yearning was enough to make him ill, and he was all too mindful of how much the zip-ties were protecting the man in front of him.

"Sasuke deserved better. His brother's illness never improved, did it?"

"Of course not," Kakashi spat, running a finger faintly over his scar. "But progress was made..."

Naruto wanted to bite back with all the force he could muster, but in that moment he understood how it all worked, the second floor with Sasuke and the silence that stalked him whenever Kakashi was in the room. It was the only way Sasuke knew how to hurt him.

"I don't have time for this. I need to tell you about Iruka..." Kakashi whispered so softly that Naruto wondered if he had imagined it.

Yes. The man you trusted and betrayed. Naruto could not contain his rage as he hatefully muttered, "What about him?"

"If I had let it, you never would have met him," Kakashi pressed on with difficulty, his eyes trailing over Naruto's white scrubs. "He would have stayed here forever."

The beast roared a deadly roar in Naruto's chest, his vision going red. "I'd never give him to you! He's mine!"

Darkness flashed in Kakashi's eyes. "I'm sorry to say that before you, he belonged to no one. He was much too good for this place, do you understand?"

"No!" the blond shouted, his anger flaring. "There is not a damn thing to understand about an insane head doctor and his useless assistant who allows a man to turn a perfectly ordinary person into..." The air escaped as all his hatred deserted him in the blink of an eye. Pieces lined up, revealing something more obscure than what he had started with. "Iruka."

"Before you..."

"Orochimaru wanted him," Naruto tested the vile words on his tongue, hating how much they burned. "That scum-fucking snake wanted Iruka? WHY?!" His voice cracked, sounding pained beyond anything he had endured until now.

Kakashi attempted to hide a grimace. "Because Konoha is his, and I was the only one who could stop him until I couldn't."

"Bullshit! You just about let him take the only father I ever knew so that I would have had nothing!" His anger died immediately, replaced by a rush of ice across his skin.

"Have the gears started turning, or have you become a complete invalid?"

"Your silence for his freedom."

"Dr. Hatake? How odd to see you up here." Naruto and Kakashi both seemed to jump at the nonchalance in Neji's voice as they turned to look at him in the doorway. "I do believe this patient had been scheduled with me at this time. Surprising how I show up and I hear he had been moved to another room entirely."

Kakashi stood, his expression turned to stone as he glared back at Neji. "No more surprising than when I heard you'd been going along with this farce. I thought better of you."

"I'd always had an interest, but you know of the circumstances. It was just not my time," Neji was carefully laying his words out, unable to lead the conversation with Kakashi standing in the way.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, kid," Kakashi murmured, straightening up without a second look at Naruto. "You know it doesn't end well when amateurs mess with what isn't theirs."

The blond couldn't suppress a shiver as the doctor exited, leaving Neji looking more flustered than he should have. A foul glower was turned toward him before a guard appeared in the doorway. "Would you like to continue?"

"No," the young doctor answered evenly, a stoic expression taking over the former hostility. "There's no benefit from holding a session with a patient who has been put out of sorts."

"I'm not an object."

"I never said you were."

"Then say my name."

"In what world would I ever do as you say?"

"Say it!"

"We're done here," Neji finished as he turned and walked out the door.