First Time is Always the Hardest

By: Embrace Diversity (aka Catriana)

Death was a part of the natural order of the wheel of life. Everything that existed in the world could not escape this fundamental truth. Even those shinobi who sought immortality eventually succumbed to the harsh reality that any life born would eventually cease to function.

Ceased to function, but not necessarily cease to exist. Ghosts were proof of the existence of an afterlife, and Uchiha Sasuke believed in ghosts with all of his being. After all, the ghosts of his dead clan whom had haunted him all of his life had been real. Now, years after the war with the last remnants of the Uchiha clan, (in what was known as one of the greatest wars to have ever been waged) Sasuke took solace in the fact that while he would never again be with his family so long as he was alive, at least they were avenged and resting peacefully.

For him, death was no longer a hateful enemy or an entity to fear. Shinobi were taught not to fear death, but few actually took the lessons to heart; Orochimaru being a fine example of human's ferocious tenacity and desire to live. Of course, Sasuke's lack of fear didn't mean he sought death. At least, not anymore. No, somewhere along the line, he had found his reason to live in the bonds he carried with those precious to him. Only a few, and only one had walked away with his heart in her hands.

Tonight, those same delicate hands carrying his love would also be tainted with blood.

Hyuuga Hinata also carried with her a lack of fear for death, but with her strength also came her incredible weakness: she cared too much about everyone besides herself. A selfless trait, but also one he had felt should have disqualified her from Special Assassination and Tactics Squad, or ANBU. An assassin who cared too much would never be able to make much of a career for themselves, but arguing the point with his lover had proved to be an exercise in futility. In fact, his attempts to dissuade her might as well have been words of encouragement. As much as he loved her stubbornness and inner pride, he also hated seeing her hurt or upset. Tonight would be her first real solo mission and he knew her well enough to know her first kill would leave an impact on her she wouldn't expect. After all, even he had been unprepared for the rush of emotion that had consumed him during his first kill and his had been one of righteous revenge.

No matter how hardened she believed her heart to be, Sasuke knew she would need him once the adrenaline rush faded and she was left with the consequences of her actions. He mentally practiced his speech on life and death as he paced the small confines of his apartment, wanting to do more than give her some false platitudes or an insensitive 'I told you so'. Any anxiety he felt was ruthlessly squashed. She would return, she would need him, and while he would have left anyone else to hang and dry, for her...for Hinata he would...

All senses went on alert the moment Sasuke sensed the familiar flare of her chakra on his balcony. Enveloped in darkness save for the full moon shining in through the windows and blinds, his eyes were already adjusted as Hinata entered through the balcony doors without making a sound. The fresh scent of lavender soap on her skin could not hide the lingering scent of copper on her uniform which she immediately began to strip off the moment their gazes met.

He quickly closed the distance before she could discard her undershirt, the pointless speech all but forgotten as he pulled her into his arms. A sigh of relief escaped his lips at the feel of her pressed against him, at knowing she was finally safe.

Her dry eyes quickly filled with tears, she had been holding back the dam of emotions, and he let her bury her face in his chest without a word. "Everything went wrong."Her cold, dead tone belied her tears, and he determined through logical deduction she was referring to everything but the kill itself. Had Hinata failed, she would not have returned so quickly.

Hinata refused to elaborate, and Sasuke had no intention of pressing her. Instead, his hands moved to the back of her mesh shirt, undoing the clasp around her neck. She raised her arms without hesitation as he pulled the material up and over her head. Her skin felt cool and smooth as his hands splayed up her back and down her arms, her rough breaths and soft kisses along his neck sending delicious shivers up along his spine.

No words, then. Just as well, he always had more skill with acting on his emotions than anything else.

Their lips melded together in a demanding kiss as they pawed fervently at their clothes. With more care than usual, he guided her into their bedroom. Nothing but the sounds of their breaths and lips on skin could be heard within the darkness; soft moans and grunts as their heated bodies slid against each other in an intimate tangle of limbs. He took care to worship her body, to brush aside her tears as they fell between them. They made love slowly, taking the time to give and bring pleasure. Hinata tears turned to wracking sobs as she climbed down from their ecstasy. Sasuke held her close, stroking her hair and murmuring soothing nonsense until she finally settled in his arms.

"Does it get any easier?" She whispered, long after he had pulled the covers over their naked frames.

"Yes." He responded honestly. "Some people become numb to killing."

"I don't want to become numb."

"Then quit, or find a way to deal with it." He refused to sugarcoat the severity of her decision. "Whichever you choose, I'll be here when you get back." I don't like it, but I'm here to support you.

She thanked him with a gentle squeeze and he felt a little bit of pride for knowing he had said the right thing. Whether or not she stayed with ANBU would be up in the air, many balked after their first assignment. Accepting death, not only hers but others, would make her an effective killer, but he doubted she would accept the change within herself. If he were honest, he preferred her that way.

Accepting the harsh realities of the world didn't mean he had to like it.