Doofen Derp

"I don't think I'm in Equestria anymore..." a grey pegasus pony with a yellow mane and tail said to herself as she flew through the city of Danville. Her name was Derpy "Ditzy Doo" Hooves, though most ponies just called her Derpy Hooves or just Derpy. She had bubbles on her flank, known to Equestrians as a cutie mark, and she was carrying a brown messenger bag with "DERPMAIL" printed on it. She had yellow crossed eyes, and in her hoof was a chocolate-chocolate chip muffin, which she was happily munching on during her journey.

Her job as a mailmare was to deliver packages and letters to all earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi alike. During this particular delivery, however, she found herself in a completely different world with...what did Lyra call them?...Humans. Somehow, being Derpy Hooves, she managed to get lost in, perhaps, a whole new dimension.

"I just don't know what went wrong," she insisted as she stopped, finished her muffin, and pulled a map out of the messenger bag. She laid it down on the...sidewalk, she assumed. Studying it for fifteen minutes, she didn't understand what the situation was. She had followed the directions and procedures, just like it said. After examining it more, she placed it back in her bag and continued doing what it said.

Derpy was always prepared. Aside from the map and package she had to deliver, she also kept spare muffins – in case of muffin emergencies. Unfortunately, she tried to dig one out while she was still flying around Danville. This resulted in a very hard and sudden crash with a "human".

"Hey, watch where you're-" started a man's voice. He stopped in mid-sentence when he saw the pegasus pony in front of him. The man was none other than Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, owner of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated and a member of the League Of Villainous Evil-doers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments in Naughtiness.

"No way!" he exclaimed, staring at Derpy. "A...pegasus pony? But that's impossible!"

Derpy recovered from the collision and stood up. "I'm sorry. My bad, mister," she apologized. She was about to leave when she realized that it was her chance to finally understand what these "humans" are that Lyra Heartstrings is always yapping about. Just a few moments and she'll continue her delivery. "Mister, are you a 'human'?" she asked, trying to sound casual.

"Uh...yeah..." Doofenshmirtz replied, feeling awkward that he was talking to a horse with wings. "Say, uh...you're a pegasus...?"

"Yep!" Derpy replied, giving Doof a little demonstration that she had wings and could fly. "I'm Derpy Hooves the Mailmare, owner of DerpMail!" She, a little too eagerly, showed Doofenshmirtz her mailbag.

Doofenshmirtz decided he already felt awkward enough, and introduced himself as well. "My name is Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz," he declared proudly. "I'm LOVEMUFFIN's-"

"Really?" Derpy interrupted. "Me too!" She showed him her stash of muffins. "I love muffins too! Love love love them!"

"No no no," Doofenshmirtz corrected. "I didn't say 'I love muffins'. LOVEMUFFIN is an organization I'm a part of."

The pegasus pony's crossed eyes widened. "Oooooh. COOL! I didn't know there was an entire club dedicated to loving muffins! Can I join? Pretty please?" She bounced up and down, and Doofenshmirtz looked around the street, noticing the people staring at them.

"Well, uh..." the scientist stammered. "it's kind of an evil villain thing."

"That's okay!" Derpy assured him. "You don't have to be evil to love muffins! I'm not evil, and muffins are my favoritest foods ever!"

"No, you're not understanding me," Doofenshmirtz said. "LOVEMUFFIN is just an acronym."

"An acronym?" Derpy asked, her eyes more out of focus than they usually are.

Doof nodded. "Yeah, an acronym. It stands for the League of Villainous Evil-doers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments in Naughtiness."

"Who love muffins!" Derpy added, who was snacking on a blueberry muffin.

Doofenshmirtz slapped himself in the face. "Just forget it," he said. "Hey, where in the universe are you from, anyway?"

"Oh!" Derpy replied. "I'm from Ponyville, Equestria. I'm supposed to deliver this package, see. But I followed the map exactly as it is, and I somehow ended up here."

Doofenshmirtz rubbed his chin. "Well...do you, do you have the map with you?"

"Of course!" Derpy said, pulling the map out of her mailbag and placing it on the sidewalk. "See? It says I'm still going the right way. But I'm not so sure if I really am."

Doof studied the map for a few seconds. "Um...you...you do realize that...this map...is upside down...right?"

"It is?" Derpy took a closer look at it, then grinned. "Oops, my bad!" She joyfully returned the map into the bag, then flapped her wings. "I'll just be heading back to Ponyville and start over." She turned away. "Thank you for your help, mister. I'll be sure to tell Lyra all about you!"

"Who's Lyra?" Doofenshmirtz asked.

"She's a unicorn," Derpy replied. "She's always talking about humans and stuff."

The evil scientist had no comment.

The pegasus flew away. "I'm gonna start my own Loving Muffins club!" she called back to Doof, who just frowned in annoyance.

A/N: I love Derpy! This story just randomly came to mind a couple hours ago and I just had to write it when while it was still fresh in my mind. I should really get back to "Legend of the Rainbow", though(a Sailor Moon fic I'm working on)...oh well, I'm in lazy mode, at the moment. Please review if you want to! ;)