REFLEX ATTRACTION

by ardavenport

- - - Part 4

She had avoided Chakotay, even refused to let him into her ready room, but it had seemed at the time that her demand for privacy was acceptable and no one had bothered her for more than an hour after that until the doctor had shown up with Tuvok.

Her stomach growled loudly. Senoebi's eyes widened and he looked at her middle curiously.

"I'm going to go to my quarters and have dinner. I trust I can leave now?"

Senoebi serenely smiled back at her, his four hands still folded before him.

Janeway stared back at him. Back to this?

"May I leave now?" She took a step toward him.

He tilted his head in a non-committal motion.

"Ugh!" She stalked toward the door.

"You don't need my permission for anything," Senoebi said to her back, just as the door opened. "Why do you keep asking me for it?"

Janeway whirled about, stunned. She had not been asking for his permission. She was only being polite to him and he was manufacturing some other motive for her. She turned at a noise from the doorway. Tuvok, the doctor and Chakotay peered inside and all three seemed to duck back when she saw them. She faced Senoebi again.

"Are we finished with this now?"

"No, of course not," Senoebi responded agreeably and stepped up to her, his hands extended to her.

Her mouth opened, just before she felt it happening to her again. His face, his eyes, she fixated on him. She felt mental fingers flexing inside her head and a chill of adrenalin in her stomach. Thoughts flitted through her mind; pictures–the bridge, the view screen, the back of Tom Paris's head, Chakotay, her desk, Neelix with a tray, a plant, her quarters, her face in a mirror –and words, in own her voice, Chakotay's, the doctor's, Torres's, Tuvok's, Senoebi's... His upper hands descended on her shoulders, the lower arms circled her . . .

Her arms shot up and out and then around, bringing her elbows forward, she threw all her weight into Senoebi's middle. She was too close to hit him, so she pushed, angry sound rising in her throat.

"Uuuuunnnhhh!"

Senoebi didn't go down. He rapidly backed up across the room and they both slammed into a black, deactivated medical monitor screen.

"Get out, get out, get out!"

She drew back and swung her fist down, but two of Senoebi's arms blocked the blow. Denied a solid target she drew her arm further back this time - -

A hand closed around her wrist and jerked her back, off balance. She wriggled around, trying to twist her arm free, but she was pulled further back and her feet stumbled under her. She grabbed for support - -

"Captain!" Tuvok held her arm up. She awkwardly sprawled in front of him with her hand full of his uniform at the waist. She stopped struggling and he helped her up. She snatched her arm back as soon as she regained her feet. Still breathing hard, she looked down and straightened her own uniform. She really, really wanted a bath and a change of clothes now. She glared at Senoebi, who was being helped up by the doctor.

"I told you she would do that." He smoothed the light blue front of his own tunic. He looked down at Janeway, who radiated hatred. Her security officer had assured him that his captain was not prone to violent outbursts, but experience had guided his preparations. Unfortunately, he'd assumed that she was too small to do any serious harm, but he hadn't expected her elbows to be so hard and pointed. The healer rubbed his middle with a couple of his hands and decided not to regurgitate his lunch.

"That really is the only way to know for sure if the subject is recovered from a joining." He'd only lightly delved into her thoughts, just enough to let her know that he was there, and he had severed the connection as soon as she moved. Tuvok looked from his captain back to him. "But Lieutenant Commander Tuvok insisted that he be present when I did it." The Vulcan inclined his head toward him and Senoebi wondered what it would be like to be in a room full of such closed-off telepaths; or on a whole planet full of them?

Captain Janeway brushed stray strands of her thick, disheveled hair away from her forehead and wiped her face.

"I see," she responded, her voice cold. Behind her, Commander Chakotay looked like he was about to say something. Then he didn't. Senoebi had known that Chakotay would be the weak element in this. But there had been no way to avoid using him. His thoughts and feelings toward Janeway - - duty, honor, lust, passion, friendship - - were a confused morass of conflicting options. His devotion to her was about the only clear, reliable sentiment in him. He deferred any responsibility for action about his feelings to her, which itself conflicted with his own dominant characteristics. And she had decided to err on the side of duty and had decreed a formal distance between them.

This seemed to be a state of equilibrium that they had shared for awhile.

That sense of order, along her voluntary control over her own reflexes, had been thrown into chaos by the joining. At least the voluntary control was restored, now. Any other chaos she faced was up to her as far as Senoebi was concerned.

Janeway turned on the doctor when she heard his medical scanner hovering by her head.

"Well, you seem to be more or less recovered, though I'll need to examine you . . . " The doctor paused over his captain's expression. "After you've had a chance to get a little rest and refreshment, of course. I think we're finished for now."

Janeway nodded to him, grateful that someone had finally declared and end to this . . . therapy. She was certain that Senoebi wouldn't have gotten around to it without some prompting.

"Now if you don't mind - - " Janeway clamped her mouth shut on the nicety. She thought that Senoebi's expression was a bit too amused and she tensed herself for another mental grab.

"I'm going to my quarters now." She gave each Tuvok and Chakotay a look so that neither would even think about offering to escort her. "Mister Tuvok will see you off the ship, if you're really finished." Senoebi gestured his assent.

"Of course, Captain," Tuvok responded. Senoebi glanced toward the Vulcan as if to say 'she did that, too, see?' Feeling a bit too much on display again, Janeway turned and left.

Commander Chakotay found Captain Janeway later in the mess hall. Neelix was fussing over her at her table. It was past 2000 hours, a late dinner, so there weren't very many other people there and no one sat near the captain by the view port.

"And if there is anything else I can get you Captain, don't hesitate to ask." The Talaxian hovered over the table, his hands wringing his apron.

"Thank you Neelix, this will be fine." Neelix patted her on the shoulder and picked up a tray of empty dishes. "Oh, Commander. I didn't see you there. Have a seat, have a seat. I'll be right back with something." Chakotay didn't have time to say he didn't want anything before Neelix was gone back to his kitchen.

"Mind if I join you?" He waited for her gesture toward the empty chair across from her before seating himself. He really did not feel sure that she would accept his company. She didn't speak or look up at him.

Chakotay sincerely would have preferred to wait until she wanted to come to him. But Senoebi had insisted that he go to her right away. And the healer had been so absolutely right in all his predictions of the captain's behavior in this and he had been so utterly wrong.

She picked at Neelix's approximation of carrot cake and occasionally glanced off to the side, as if she were just thinking and not ignoring him. She had tidied her reddish-brown hair, her uniform was new, her face somewhat calm. She looked so much better than she had at Senoebi's 'lunch' where her hands shook, her face alternated between terror and tears. And even after she'd eaten a little and began participating in the conversation, there had been a horrible nervous strain in her voice that made it very difficult for him to sit and calmly play along with Senoebi's ignore-and-reward system. The rules had been simple. Ignore her anytime she asked for permission or approval for anything. Act normally when she stated her own opinions or showed her own initiative to do things.

Neelix came back with a piece of cake for him and a glass of water.

"There you are Commander," the stout Talaxian placed the dish and glass before him with a napkin and a fork. "Now if there is anything else I can get for you, Captain - - "

"No." Janeway looked up from her contemplation. "Thank-you Neelix," she said as soon as Neelix's face began to fall. "You've been very helpful." The smile returned to Neelix's spotted, whiskered face.

"So glad you're feeling better." Neelix leaned toward her, patting her hand. "Anytime you need anything at all, just ask." He straightened and beamed at them both. "Well, I'll leave you two alone."

As soon as Neelix was on his way back to his kitchen Janeway sighed and rolled her eyes. Neelix's last statement had looked uncomfortably like a set up for a date.

"Well, checking up on me, Commander?" She sipped from her glass of bitter tea. Chakotay looked very uneasy facing her and she felt a little guilty satisfaction about it.

"Well . . . yes," he admitted. "Senoebi thought that I should explain what happened." Chakotay told her what he had been told by the healer about his methods. Janeway listened.

She couldn't find any fault with Senoebi's methods much as they made her cringe to recall. Chakotay's explanation made her feel a little better, a little less personally invaded. But she never, ever wanted to see Senoebi again and she looked forward to when they would be light years away, back on course for the alpha quadrant. She was sure that the healer understood her feelings on that. She had very much wanted to spend some of her replicator rations on a dinner in her quarters, but that had felt too much like she was hiding out again. So, she had endured the imagined stares of any crew member she passed in the corridors and gone to the mess hall.

"It wasn't easy for me to sit there while you were so . . . "

"Crazy?" she filled in. Tuvok, in his own logical and impersonal way, had made amends to his friend by forwarding his personal log from the night before. She had listened to it while getting dressed to go to the mess hall. It had been very honest.

"Damaged." He looked directly at her and she did not look away. "You put yourself at risk to save me and I wanted to thank you."

"It's not like we haven't done something like that for each other before," she reminded him of their perilous existence, alone with ship and crew, 60,000 light years from home.

"This time it was a lot more personal, Kathryn."

"I couldn't have done anything else, Chakotay. Even if I'd understood what was going to happen beforehand, I couldn't have done anything different." There voices had lowered from the emotion between them. She reached her hand across the table to him and he covered it with his own. "Maybe if I'd known I might have handled it better. You might not have needed to be so harsh with me today."

"I have to admit that after Senoebi explained what we needed to do last night, I told him I didn't think I could go through with it," he confided.

"I'm sure it was very difficult for you."

He inexplicably smiled and averted his eyes. Surprised, she looked back at him for an explanation.

"I, um, told the doctor that . . . I didn't think I could stand there, next to you . . . with you in my arms for that long without . . . reacting." He looked back up at her, over his untouched plate of cake, his smile a little tentative.

Janeway's eyes widened.

"The, um, doctor gave me a shot for it. He said it would wear off by tomorrow. I hope."

Why is he telling me THAT? She cleared her throat.

"I appreciate the . . . sacrifice. Commander." Her eyes flicked down to where his large hand lay over hers. Her impulse was to withdraw, but she turned her hand over so their palms met, their fingers curling around each other's hands. Chakotay looked like he was trying not to laugh.

But she knew that if she had approached him with any sexual intent last night - - and she had certainly thought about how her body was responding to him, much as she had tried not to - - he would have been as terror stricken as she had been that morning. But given her condition then, of course he wouldn't have taken advantage of her. But now?

You must think I'm alright if you think it's safe to flirt with me.

But is it safe for you, Chakotay?

She got up, still holding his hand and stepped around the table to stand over him. He looked surprised now. She leaned over and kissed him, her lips on his, her mouth open just enough to get a taste of him. She felt a tiny bit guilty, taking advantage of him since he had just admitted that he couldn't do anything about . . . this.

She faced away from everyone else in the room and she did not turn to look back at the few people there - - and Neelix - - who were surely staring. Chakotay could stare down the crowd and the looks after she left. She already knew that being looked at wasn't fatal. She clasped his hand between both of hers before releasing it and laying one hand on his shoulder. "Good night, Commander."

**O**O** END **O**O**

Note: This story was written in 1998 with the title 'Senoebi and I believe it was sent to a print fanzine that was not published (or I did not get a contributor's copy of it, if it was), so it is possible this is the first time it has been published.

Disclaimer: All characters and situations belong to Paramount; I'm just playing in that sandbox.