Title: The Spectacular Stripper-Man

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Peter Parker/Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe, established Kurt/Seb

Words: 2,040

Warnings: stripping, ridiculously cheesy and dumb

Summary: Peter Parker has a busy life as a freelance photographer, nephew, sometime boyfriend of Mary Jane or Felicia, not to mention Spider-Man. He's always low on money, so he decided to use his spider agility to work yet another job.

Notes: I don't even know with this. My brother and I were watching Spider-Man (1994 animated series) and we were talking about how Peter would be an awesome stripper because he's had so much practice changing personas/clothes quickly. And idek I needed fic of stripper!Peter. So um this happened. It's also sort of a Glee crossover. With Kurtbastian. I'm so sorry. Except I'm really not. I had way too much fun writing this to be sorry. Thanks to Annie for helping me edit.

Peter walked around to the back entrance, a small duffel bag in his hands. The sun had already set but the club had yet to open. He greeted the bouncer, Colin, and made his way to the dressing room, greeting his fellows along the way. His friends Sebastian, a law student at NYU, and Kurt, a student at New York Academy for the Dramatic Arts, were already in the dressing room and halfway ready when he entered. "Late as usual," Sebastian said and both men laughed.

"I wouldn't want to shock you by being on time. Chris would dock my pay for weeks if I gave his stars heart attacks."

"Pete, please. You're at least as much of a star as we are. You're more flexible than I am, that's for sure. And that's saying something, right Bas?" Kurt said.

"Kurt is reallyflexible. Really, really flexible," Sebastian said, leering at his boyfriend. He starting kissing up Kurt's neck at that point and Peter heard him muttering "flexible" over and over again, along with some less PG-rated strings of words that might be sentences in Sebastian's mind, and Peter ignored them in favor of getting changed.

Changing from Peter Parker to Spider-Man was difficult enough, but changing into his other alter ego was even more difficult to do without revealing his superhero identity, but he'd learned how to do it pretty quickly, efficiently, and secretly. He rapidly stripped out of his day clothes and stuffed them in his duffel, rolled up with his Spider-Man suit, and pulled out his other costume: red booty shorts, a red corset, black thigh high boots, and a pair of leathery batlike black wings. He dressed and gelled his hair back but still couldn't quite get his makeup right, so once he'd finished he had to pry apart Kurt and Sebastian to beg Kurt's help.

"You are still completely helpless after all these months, Peter. Come here," he commanded, quickly painting Peter's face in foundation, black and red eye shadow, thin black eyeliner, and just a little blush. Peter still hadn't gotten used to wearing makeup, but he'd be lying if he said he especially minded.

Kurt and Sebastian didn't continue their make out session in favor of finishing getting into costume, although Sebastian did smear glitter all over Kurt's torso and arms, occasionally kissing his neck or cheeks or palms. Kurt was dressed in white tights, white shorts, white three-inch heeled ankle boots, white arm guards, and feathery wings. He was covered all over in zippers, buckles, and laces; he looked like a bondage slave angel. He also carried a plastic sword with a golden hilt, a contrast to Peter's red trident. Sebastian wore only a white thong, a golden crown askew on his head, and white Chuck Taylor high tops. Both he and Kurt seemed quite fond of that costume.

Darren, the assistant stage manager, popped his head in the dressing room and announced, "The God mic is down. Ten minutes to stage."

"Thank you, ten minutes!" Kurt and Sebastian chorused, smiling goofily. They were both theatre people and had known so much protocol and terms already when they'd been hired, while Peter had been totally clueless. He still didn't know much but you really didn't need to know much to work in a strip club.

Peter did a last minute check of his costume and makeup and grabbed his trident as Kurt and Sebastian did the same.

When the three stepped out on stage, the lights were low, stage left lit in white and stage right lit in red. Darren's voice came over the loudspeaker, announcing the men as they came onto the stage: "Let's give a warm welcome to Sugar Silversizzle as Michael the prodigal son, Velvet Lickadick as his loathsome brother Lucifer, and Fantasia Dixonlick as God himself."

Peter felt his heart pound as he danced his way onstage, sashaying and swirling his hips to the low whoops of the male patronage. He wrapped his legs around the nearest pole, climbing it nimbly and bending in ways that normal humans probably couldn't or shouldn't, but no one here cared about things like that. The men were hooting and waving bills as the music pounded. Kurt did the same on the other side of the stage while Sebastian danced center stage. Kurt and Peter made their way center, towards Sebastian, and began to dance and grind on him and each other. They separated long enough to do a short stage fight while Sebastian danced downstage and gathered many bills in his thong. Kurt and Peter dropped their weapons then, grinding on each other and very nearly kissing, lips never quite touching. Peter felt himself growing hard from the friction against Kurt's thigh and only danced that much more, gyrating his hips in the faces of men nearby the stage.

The three men traversed the stage, collecting bills and cheers, interacting with each other and with the patrons. At the end of their dance, the three collected center stage. Kurt and Peter knelt at Sebastian's feet, trailing their hands over each other while Sebastian petted them both and ground his dick against Kurt's cheek and neck. Dollars littered the stage and floated towards the men on hot, smoky air.

The lights blacked out and the three stars hustled off stage and back into the dressing room. Peter pulled the bills from his shorts and corset and boots and thumbed through them, counting. Not a bad haul, really, though he'd done better on previous nights. He folded it up and placed it in a pocket in his duffel, then started the process of removing his makeup with baby wipes. He took off his wings and folded them into the duffel, unhooked his corset and rolled it up, removed his boots and peeled off his skintight shorts, nearly glued to his skin from sweat. He pulled out his day clothes and set them on the counter, then took his shower bag and a clean towel out as well.

This being a rather good club, there was a shower for the dancers that was kept pretty clean. That's where he followed Kurt and Sebastian when they were all unmade from their performance and back into themselves. Sebastian turned the water on very hot and began washing Kurt, who waved Peter over and began shampooing his hair while Peter soaped up his torso and arms, washing away the sweat and scents of cigarette smoke and alcohol. Kurt's fingers felt amazing in his hair, massaging his scalp gently with hot water raining down on his skin. He felt his muscles unwinding and felt his body become lax. This was the best part of his day, working at the club. His days were full of money problems, girlfriend stress, Daily Bugle stress, stress over Aunt May—stress in every former of his life. His nights, while he loved web swinging and battling crime, were a different kind of stress—adrenaline pounding through his blood, attempting to save people and keep himself alive. His time at the club was all dancing and music and sexual tension. He had no worries when he was dancing; it was only him and the beat. It brought in some extra cash, too. He was straight, but not so straight he wouldn't dance for men…or occasionally get off with a man.

Kurt's hands moved down Peter's chest as the last of the shampoo and soap washed down the drain, his lips touching down on the back of Peter's neck. He placed open-mouthed kisses all down Peter's neck and shoulders, sucking and nipping and licking. Peter felt Kurt's erection poke against his ass and Sebastian's hands grabbed him, squeezing harshly. Peter could hear Sebastian absolutely ravishing Kurt behind him and Kurt gasped into Peter's skin, biting down hard a couple times. Peter pulled away just enough to turn around, latching his mouth onto the right side of Kurt's neck while Sebastian was on the left and together they bit and sucked and kissed Kurt until he was panting and groaning and he barked out, "You guys have to do more than eat my neck or I'm going to toss you both down on the floor and dominate you like you deserve to be."

Sebastian made a groaning/growling sound at that and squeezed Kurt's hips hard, rutting against his ass. "And what if that's exactly what I want, babe?"

"We'll see how this round goes."

Peter took Kurt's cock in his hand and stroked it lazily, teasing the head with his thumb and grinding his own cock against Kurt's hip. "Mm, god, Peter," Kurt moaned. "That's amazing." Sebastian finally left Kurt's neck to kiss Peter over his shoulder, sloppy, all tongue and teeth. Peter knew the moment Sebastian started teasing Kurt's hole because Kurt whined in the back of his throat and his body stiffened momentarily. "Bas Bas Bas, oh god, please," Kurt mumbled, hips thrusting up into Peter's hand and back, trying to get Sebastian's finger in him.

"One sec, babe, wait one sec," Sebastian said, pulling away from Kurt and Peter and grabbing a condom and shower-okay lube. Sebastian rolled on the condom and lubed up his hand while Peter took both his and Kurt's cocks in one hand and Kurt grabbed onto Peter's biceps, squeezing hard and digging in with his nails.

"Bastian, I need to be fucked right fucking now."

"I'm here, babe," Sebastian said, pushing two fingers inside Kurt without warning. Kurt moaned and pushed back so Sebastian was knuckle deep.

"Bas, oh my god. Pete, Peter, god can I fuck you?"

"God, yes," Peter said, leaving Kurt to grab another condom from Sebastian's shower bag and returning quickly. He knelt before Kurt, kissing up his thighs and stroking him. He mouthed at Kurt's nuts as he rolled on the condom, kissing the head as it was covered and taking in a little more of Kurt's dick as the condom covered it. Kurt yanked harshly on Peter's hair, pulling him up and kissing him, fucking his mouth with his tongue and reaching around to push a finger inside him.

"Turn around, Peter, on your knees," Kurt commanded, breathy but still absolutely a force to be reckoned with. Peter did as he was told and let out a long, loud moan as Kurt pushed his tongue into Peter's ass, still getting finger fucked by his boyfriend.

"I'm going in, babe," Sebastian said. Kurt moaned and rocked as Sebastian replaced his fingers with his cock and fucked him slowly but hard. It was only a few minutes of Kurt's talented tongue reaching deep inside him before Peter was begging for it, begging Kurt to just fuck him already. Kurt pulled his face from Peter's ass and dragged him close by the hips, thrusting in quickly and without warning. Peter was on his knees, one hand wrapped around his cock as Kurt fucked him and Sebastian fucked Kurt. Peter came first, grinding his teeth and coming all over the tile floor of the showers. He collapsed with his arms bent and folded beneath his head, unable to hold himself up anymore. Kurt grunted and seemed to enjoy the new angle, squeezing his hips tighter, and so did Peter as Kurt was hitting his prostate more frequently this way.

Kurt and Sebastian came nearly together, though Peter had no idea who came first. Eventually they were all piled on top of each other, sweating again and trying to regain their breath, totally spent from the dancing and a good fuck. Sebastian stood and pulled Kurt up with him, though didn't pull out, apparently unwilling to leave the warmth of Kurt's body just yet. Kurt was pulled from Peter and both groaned as Peter stood slowly, stretching. Kurt and Sebastian finally parted and tossed their condoms before the three rinsed off again.

It was at last time for Peter to leave, having washed and dressed in his layered Spider-Man/day clothes. He followed Kurt and Sebastian out of the club, but they went in opposite directions after that, the couple grabbing a cab and Peter looking for a lonely alley to change into yet another of his personas. Goodbye, Velvet and goodbye, Peter; hello, Spider-Man.