Disclaimer: The characters of Gintama belong to Sorachi Hideaki. :)

Authors Note: Hey! Time for the sadist! Enjoy Sougo's birthday! Before you read remember Kamiyama? He had a brief appearance in one arc so… wiki/Kamiyama_%E7%A5%9E%E5%B1%B1

July 8, Okita Sougo

Even Sadists Have Birthdays

"Oi! Sougo!" Kondou calls, walking into the blond sadist's room.

"What is it?" Sougo asks lazily, taking his sleeping mask off his eyes.

"Did you get those files that I asked for?" Kondou asks.

"Yeah…" Sougo mumbled, turning onto his side.

"Um…" Kondou looks around the room. "Where are they?"

Sougo sighs. "Hm… Ken-kun could have ate them, you know children… they just can't keep things out of their mouths… especially *****"

"Huh?! Who the hell's Ken-kun?!" Kondou screams. Kondou turns when there is a knock at the door. "Oh, Yamazaki."

"Hey, captain." Yamazaki says. He holds out a folder to Kondou. "I came to give you the files Ken- kun had."

"Ken- kun's real?!" Kondou screams. "Why did Ken- kun even have them?!"

Yamazaki tilts his head. "Ken- kun wanted to make sure everything was in order for you Captain. He said he didn't get to check the last pages because he was… um…" Yamazaki's face turns red. "Um, you know…"

"What was Ken- kun doing?!" Kondou screams.

"Do you want these?" Yamazaki asks, holding the folder out to Kondou.

"Not now!" Kondou screams. He shakes his head. "Just take them to Toshi."

"Okay!" Yamazaki says, taking a bow before he leaves.

Kondou sighs, turning to Sougo. "I almost forgot Sougo." Sougo looks at him out of the corner of his eye. Kondou smiles. "Happy birthday." Sougo stares at him for a second before snorting and turning back on his side. Kondou chuckles, walking out of the room, sliding the shoji shut behind him.

Hijikata leans against a post, blowing smoke from his cigarette.

"Hey Toshi!" Kondou calls walking towards him.

"What is it…?" Hijikata asks with a sigh.

"I wanted to remind you that it's Sougo's birthday today." Kondou says.

"So what?" Hijikata murmurs.

"C'mon Toshi, don't be like that…" Kondou smiles. "I'd like to throw him a party."

"A party… All that sadist would want is to see the pain of others." Hijikata mumbles.

Kondou nods cautiously. "That's what I thought… so I invited the Yorozuya."

Hijikata's cigarette drops from his mouth. "You… what…?"

Kondou smiles slightly. "Well, you see Sougo seems to get along with Sakata Gintoki rather well and with him here it might keep things calm."

"Calm?! How the hell would it stay calm?!" Hijikata screams. "Everywhere that man walks turns into a battlefield!"

Kondou crosses his arms. "I know… but it might make Sougo happy to have someone else other than us."

Hijikata sighs heavily. "How the hell did you even get Yorozuya here?"

"Shinpachi said alright but I had to bribe Sakata Gintoki and the little girl with food." Kondou says.

Hijikata sighs. "Not surprising…"

"Yeah, but either way I think Sougo will be happy." Kondou smiles. "Well I'll go set up…"

"Do you need any help?" Hijikata asks.

"No, Yamazaki and I will get it done." Kondou chuckles. "I know it will be hard for you, but can you try to get along with Sougo, just for today?"

Hijikata sighs, nodding slightly. Kondou smiles, turning and walking away. Hijikata takes a cigarette out, lighting it. "This is going to be a long day…" He mutters.

"Captain! Happy Birthday!"

Sougo sighs. "Annoying…"

Kamiyama grins, getting down on his haunches behind Sougo, he grabs Sougo's hips. "Happy birthday!"

Sougo's eye twitches. Suddenly he turns, lashing out with his fist, connecting with Kamiyama's jaw. "That's my ass!"

Kamiyama doesn't mind his jaw, putting both hands against his cheeks. "Yes… it is." He says, blushing.

Sougo sets his jaw, slamming his foot into Kamiyama's face. Sougo turns, walking away. "You're not even worth killing…"

"Wait! Captain!" Kamiyama yells, gripping his bloody nose. "There was something important that I needed to say!"

Sougo sighs heavily, turning around. "What?"

Kamiyama blushes. "Hit me more…" He whispers.

Sougo's eyes darken. Kamiyama screams.

Gintoki sighs, glancing at the Shinsengumi headquarters.

"They better have food!" Kagura screams.

"Why is it that all you care about is food!" Shinpachi exclaims. "Don't you care that it's Okita- san's birthday?"

"It's his birthday?" Gintoki and Kagura say in unison.

"You guys…" Shinpachi mutters.

"Well, let's get this over with…" Gintoki mutters.

"Yeah! They better have sukonbu flavored cake!" Kagura says.

"I told you that doesn't exist…" Shinpachi mumbles.

"Yamazaki, have you ever blown up a balloon before?" Kondou asks, as he watches Yamazaki struggle to muster enough oxygen to go into the balloon.

"Not… for a… long time." Yamazaki gasps between breaths.

"Yo!" A voice yells.

Kondou glances over at the open shoji. "Yorozuya? You're here already?"

Shinpachi nods meekly. "Truth is they're starving."

Kagura nods excitedly. "Where's the food Gorilla?"

Kondou sighs. "Well, we need to finish setting up and then we'll eat."

Kagura grabs Kondou, shaking him vigorously. "Then why did you tell us to come early if you were going to make us wait?!" She screams.

"Kagura- chan!" Shinpachi exclaims.

Gintoki sighs, running a hand through his silver locks. He turns, walking out of the room.

"What are you doing here?" A voice asks.

Gintoki turns, eyes widening slightly at the commander of Mimawarigumi. Gintoki shifts his feet. "I could ask you the same thing."

Sasaki Isaburo smiles slightly, tapping a few more buttons on his phone before shutting it. "Fair enough. I' am here for Okita Sougo's birthday celebration." He extends a hand outward. "As is Nobume." Gintoki glances over to where Isaburo gestured. Nobume bows towards Gintoki then gets down on her haunches playing with something on the ground.

Isaburo fixes his monocle. "So, were you brought here on false accusations?"

Gintoki raises an eyebrow. "I'm here for the same reason you are."

"Really? Well…" Isaburo takes out his phone, tapping a few keys.

Gintoki takes out his phone when it vibrates, glancing at the message.

"I will see you when the party starts."- Your favorite email buddy.

Gintoki's eye twitches. "You…" He starts, but Isaburo was already walking away. Gintoki sighs again. "So damn annoying…"

"Okay!" Kondou screams. "We can bring the food in!" He screams as Kagura raises her fist about to punch him. Kagura grins, laughing triumphantly.

The room had streamers strung up everywhere, and balloons lying around. The words 'Happy Birthday!' were on a big banner, covering half of the wall.

Yamazaki and Kondou, followed by the Shinsengumi came in, carrying food, plates, and glasses.

As the Shinsengumi lay the food on the table, Kagura goes over to the table, reaching forward to grab something, but Shinpachi tackles her.

"You can't Kagura- chan! Okita- san's not here yet!" Shinpachi screams, holding Kagura down.

"Get off me Four Eyes!" Kagura screams, throwing Shinpachi off of her.

Shinpachi flies in the air, landing on the ground with a loud thud. He groans loudly, rolling around.

"Shinpachi-kun are you okay?!" Kondou asks, helping him up.

Shinpachi nods. "Yeah, thanks."

"Hey, Shinpachi-kun?" Kondou asks.

Shinpachi raises an eyebrow. "What?" Kondou comes closer, looking extremely serious. "What's wrong?" Shinpachi asks, worried.

"Is Otae- chan coming?" He asks.

Shinpachi narrows his eyes. "Yeah, she'll be here soon." Kondou grins, fist pumping the air. Shinpachi sighs. "I wouldn't be too excited… My sister is bringing food."

Kondou's eyes widen, but he quickly smiles again. "What are you talking about Shinpachi-kun? You're sister's cooking is great!"

"Well, I'm glad you feel that way Kondou-san." A voice says with a giggle.

Kondou grins, turning quickly. "Otae-chan!" He blushes. "How have you been?"

"I've been well!" Otae says, tilting her head. "Would you like to try what I brought for me?"

Kondou's smile drops slightly. "S-Sure…"

"Great!" Otae beams, taking a little bit of a dark burnt substance out with a pair of chopsticks. "Here!"

Kondou blushes as Otae holds the substance up to his lips. He opens his mouth, as Otae places it on his tongue.

Suddenly, Kondou's face turns green, his eyes rolling in the back of his head.

"Kondou-san? What's wrong?" Otae asks. Kondou sways, falling backwards. "Kondou-san!" Otae exclaims.

"Someone needs to go find Okita- san." Yamazaki says, ignoring what just happened.

"Also, where's Hijikata- san?" Shinpachi asks.

"Right here." Hijikata says from entryway of the meeting room. He takes a cigarette out, lighting it.

"Do you know where Okita- san is?" Shinpachi asks.

Hijikata shakes his head, blowing out a wisp of smoke out. "He might be with your idiot boss."

"Where is did Gin- chan go anyway?" Kagura asks, chewing on something.

"Uh, Kagura-chan? What are you eating?" Shinpachi asks.

"Food." Kagura states simply.

"You're not supposed to be eating!" Shinpachi screams, reaching for Kagura.

"Get away Four Eyes!" Kagura yells, running towards the food table.

"Get away from there!" Shinpachi screams.

Hijikata sighs. "This is going to be a long day…" He mutters.

Gintoki scratches the back of his head. "Where is that room?" He mumbles. He rounds what seems like the hundredth corner, suddenly smacking into something. Gintoki takes a tiny step back while the other falls to the ground.

"The hell? Watch where you're going?!" A voice yells, irritated.

Gintoki looks down to see Sougo. "You watch where you're going, kid."

Sougo looks up in surprise, all irritation gone from his face. "Boss? What are you doing here?"

Gintoki tilts his head. "Gorilla called me and said it was your birthday."

Sougo blinks. "Really?" He smirks, standing up, dusting off his uniform. "Are the rest of them here?"

Gintoki nods slowly. "I'm trying to find that meeting room or whatever you call it… Gorilla is probably looking for you."

Sougo nods. "It's this way." Gintoki follows Sougo silently.

Sougo rubs his neck. "So Boss… Why did you come?"

Gintoki raises an eyebrow. "Isn't it obvious?"

Sougo shrugs, a small smile coming to his lips. Gintoki nods. "I came for the food."

Sougo's smile drops, narrowing his eyes. "Oh, yeah…"

"Yeah." Gintoki confirms.

Sougo rolls his eyes. "Well, we're here…" he mumbles, walking through the shoji. His eyes widen at the scene in front of him. Shinpachi and Kagura were on the floor, screaming at each other. Kagura hitting him occasionally. Kondou was passed out, his eyes rolled in the back of his head and Hijikata had Yamazaki in a headlock.

"Well, that's not how I left it…" Gintoki mumbles.

"Okita- san!" Yamazaki chokes out, trying to pull off Hijikata's arm from around his throat. Hijikata releases Yamazaki, looking over at Sougo.

"Happy birthday Okita-kun!" Otae exclaims.

"Happy birthday!" Shinpachi says with a smile.

"Hapfy birthfay!" Kagura yells around a mouthful of food. Shinpachi smacks her on the back of the head, causing her to start choking.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" The rest of the Shinsengumi scream.

Sougo blinks, staring at them.

"What's wrong Okita-san?" Otae asks, she reaches over, grabbing his arm. "Come eat something." She says. She pulls Sougo over to the table. "You should try what I brought!" She says happily, holding up the box of dark matter.

Gintoki quickly steps in. "That's okay. We wouldn't want to make Gorilla jealous. He really loves your cooking." He says, glancing over at Kondou, feeling nauseous.

"What else could we do then Gin-san?" Otae asks.

Gintoki raises an eyebrow. "How should I know? I'm not hosting this party."

"How about we play a game?" Shinpachi suggests.

"A game? Like what?" Yamazaki asks.

Shinpachi shrugs. "Pin the tail on the donkey."

Kagura raises an eyebrow. "What are you three?"

"That sounds great!" Yamazaki says. He walks over to the wall, pulling something off so the streamer falls to the ground. He holds up a tack. "We could use this."

"Where would we find a tail?" Shinpachi asks.

"We could use this." Kagura suggests, holding up something.

Shinpachi raises an eyebrow. "Um, Kagura-chan? That's a piece of sunboku."

"Yeah, so?" She says, grabbing the tack from Yamazaki. She places the piece of sunboku on the tack. She holds it up, grinning. "There!"

"Okay, that takes care of that… But, where are we going to find a donkey?" Shinpachi asks.

"We already have a donkey." Gintoki says. He reaches over taking the "tail" from Kagura. "Right here." He walks over to Hijikata, gesturing towards him.

"I'm not a damn donkey!" Hijikata yells, glaring at Gintoki.

"Sure you are!" Gintoki says. "Look, you can stick it here." Gintoki reaches forward sticking the pin between Hijikata's legs.

Hijikata lets out a scream, jumping in the air. He quickly rips it off, letting out another scream. He glares at Gintoki. "Bastard!"

Kagura walks over, patting Hijikata on the back. "Poor little donkey…"

Hijikata steps away from her, looking back over at Gintoki. "How about we make you the donkey?" Gintoki narrows his eyes, taking a step back. "Get over here!" Hijikata snarls, jumping towards Gintoki. Gintoki turns on his heel quickly running away, laughing. Hijikata chases after him, screaming profanities.

Shinpachi sighs. "Sorry about this Okita-san."

Before Sougo can say anything, another voice speaks up.

"This seems to be a lively party Okita Sougo." Isaburo says, fixing his monocle.

"What are you doing here?" Sougo asks.

"Well, for a birthday celebration." Isaburo says.

Sougo looks behind Isaburo as people start filing in.

"Where's Gin-san!" Sarutobi screeches.

"Calm down woman! We came for a party!" Zenzou screams.

"We finally got invited to a party Elizabeth!" Katsura yells. Elizabeth nods.

"I haven't been here in a while…" Matsudaira mutters, taking a drag of his cigarette.

Nobume walks in, nodding to Sougo. She looks over at the table, her eyes widening as she sees donuts. She quickly runs to the table.

"Ah, I see Nobume's comfortable now." Isaburo looks at Sougo who was still staring at everyone in surprise. Isaburo smirks. "Happy birthday." He walks away, not even waiting for an answer from Sougo.

"Are you having fun?" A voice asks.

Sougo looks up, raising an eyebrow. "I see you're better now."

"Better?" Kondou asks, confused. "What happened?"

Sougo smirks. "Never mind."

Kondou nods, grinning, patting Sougo on the back. "I'm going to go talk to Otae-chan!"

Sougo sighs, watching Kondou run over to Otae. Nobume was stuffing her face with all the donuts along with Kagura who was eating everything else. Sarutobi was looking around frantically, Zenzou over her shoulder screaming something. Yamazaki and Hijikata were talking to the man with the mustache that calls himself Katsuaro and the amanto.

"Hey…"

Sougo looks up at the voice. "Hey."

Gintoki tilts his head. "You loving your party."

Sougo shrugs. "It's alright.

Gintoki nods. "Happy birthday."

Sougo's eyes widen, looking up to stare at Gintoki. "What?"

Gintoki grins, holding up the tack with the piece of sunboku on it. "You want to play pin the tail on the Hijikata?"

Sougo bursts out laughing, causing Gintoki to blink in surprise. Sougo runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, let's do it." He says with a huge grin.

A/N: AHHHH! I UPDATED! OH. MY. GINTAMA! It could've been better but here it is! Hope you enjoyed it! The next one shall be… *Drum roll* KAGURA! Man, her birthday will be FUN! Until next chapter! (;