I'd like to thank you for taking the time to read my story and giving me a chance. I think this story will keep you entertained and wanting to come back for me... at least that is my goal. ;) Starting out, this will be rated for everyone... it might change later on, but I'll let you know if it does.

Come Sail Away – Chapter 1

Walking into my apartment, I tossed my purse on the counter and cringed when I saw my answering machine blinking like a mad man. I knew what the messages were going to be, so instead of listening to them, I just deleted them all. I didn't want to hear it again; I heard it enough at the crime scene. Between the yelling from one man and the absence of the other, my day had gone to shit.

I guess I should explain a little, huh? I'm Stephanie Plum and a bounty hunter for my cousin Vinnie. I may not be very good at my job, but hey, I always get my man… or woman in today's case.

I have an on-again off-again boyfriend, Joe Morelli; he's the one that was yelling as usual. We are currently in an off phase, although after today, we are off permanently. He has no respect for me or my job. He's constantly berating me and demanding that I quit my job and become a housewife while popping out enough kids to have our own football team. Nope, sorry, not gonna happen buster.

Who was the absent man, you ask? Well, that would be my mentor, best friend, and one time lover. That would be Ricardo Carlos Manoso aka Ranger. He's my Batman; he's always there to rescue me, always there for a shoulder when I need one, and he never tells me I can't do my job. Quite the opposite actually. He wants to train me so I'm better. He helps me with cars when mine blow up, he gives me shelter when there's a stalker, and he's wonderful to look at when I'm having a crappy day.

Where is he? I'll tell you where. He's in Atlanta, that's where. He's there because I inadvertently told him I was in love with him five months ago. Hey, don't give me that look, I was drugged. I can't be held responsible for my actions when I am under the influence of pain pills. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Now, I bet you want to know what happened today, right? Well, it started out like any other day.

I woke up, showered, dressed, fed Rex, and headed for the Bonds Office. I stopped at the Tasty Pastry on the way and picked up a dozen donuts for me and the girls. When I walked in the office, the box was pulled from my hands by Lula.

Lula, a former 'ho, is my sometimes partner and part-time file clerk for Vinnie. "Girl, it's about damn time you got yo ass here wit these donuts. I can't be waitin' foevea."

Connie, the office manager, was putting the finishing touches on her blood red nail polish. "Steph, just give her donuts and no one will be hurt."

Looking at Lula then back to Connie, I asked, "What's up?"

"I jus need a little suga," Lula said as she crammed the donut in her mouth.

"She's been on a warpath since she got here," Connie told me as blew on her nails. "Something about Tank, overtime, and no sex."

"Tankie's been working so much lately, I ain't been getting any. I need it regularly, ya know. Now, I ain't as bad as you," she said while she pointed at me, "but dammit, I gots needs ya know. Tankie, he comes home and crashes as soon as his ass hits the bed. I ain't seen him nekkid in a week."

I tried to keep from laughing, I really did. I guess you could blame it on the lack of sex for me as well. Once I started laughing, I couldn't stop. When I looked up and saw the death glare from Lula, I sucked in a breath and held it until I had the giggles under control. "I'm sorry, Lula. I'm not laughing at you, just the situation."

"Hmmp," Lula said as she turned and headed back to the files.

"So, Connie. Have anything for me?"

"Yeah, right here," she said as she handed me two files. "The first one is a regular, Mooner. The other one is a new one. She's kind of a high bond, but not high enough to give to Rangeman."

I flipped the file open and scanned it; Kim Wheeler, age thirty-seven, wanted for attempted murder. "Attempted murder?" I asked Connie.

"Yeah, seems she found her husband with his dick buried in the neighbor and she stabbed him."

I stifled a laugh, "Well, I guess that's one way to handle him screwing the neighbor lady."

While trying to contain her laughter, Connie told me, "Read farther."

I read the police report and shivered. Seems Mr. Wheeler had a thing for his neighbor, who happened to be a male. Mrs. Wheeler came home, found her husband's dick buried in the neighbor's ass, grabbed the kitchen steak knife, and stabbed her husband's dick as he pulled out.

"Damn, a woman after my own heart," I told the girls. "I'll go see what I can do. Mooner won't be ready until around three anyway. Thanks, Connie. Have a great day," I said as I left the office.

Slipping into my Ford Focus, I cranked up the music and pulled onto the street. I had an address for the Wheeler's and figured I'd just check to see if she was home. Pulling up in front of the dilapidated house, I saw movement inside. Making sure I had my stun-gun and cuffs, I walked up the creaky steps and knocked on the door.

The door creaked open and a woman wearing daisy duke shorts and a skintight tank top stood before me. "Whadda you want?"

"Are you Kim Wheeler?" She nodded. "I'm Stephanie Plum and I represent Plum Bail Bonds. You missed your court date and I'm here to take you down to be rebonded."

Opening the door wider, she stood back, "Come on in while I take the cake out of the oven, then we can go."

I wasn't sure if it was a trap or not, but I could smell the cake, so I figured it was safe. I followed Kim into the kitchen and sat down.

"You know why I was arrested?" she asked.

"Yeah, I read the police report. Was he really screwing the neighbor? And was it really a man?" So sue me, I was curious!

"Oh yes, hunny. He had his dick buried so far in him, I thought for sure he was going to get stuck," she laughed. "But, I got him good. Stabbed that dick right at the base while he was pulling out. Blood over both of them."

"Damn, that had to have hurt."

"Sure as hell did. Fucker screamed like a sissy." Taking the cake out of the oven, she turned off the heat, and sat the cake on the top of the stove. "He's out of the hospital and plans on coming over here later today. I told him I'd have a cake as a piece offering."

"You what? Why the hell would you do that?" I asked her.

"Well, I felt bad for hurting him," she said with a smile. "So, I'm making it up to him. He loves chocolate. So I made him one… I just added an extra ingredient to it." She looked on the counter, picked up a box, and handed it to me.

Looking at the label, I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out, "He's gonna shit when he finds out! Literally!" I said still laughing. The box was labeled X-Lax and it was empty; she'd used the entire box in her cake.

"Okay, we can go now," she informed me as she grabbed her purse. She reached for the doorknob, but it swung open before she touched it. "Ken, honey, you're home."

Mr. Wheeler looked at her and nodded, "Yeah, got done early. Have to go back tomorrow to have the infection looked at again." I so didn't want to know what type of infection he was talking about, but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the stabbing. "Who are you?" he asked.

"Oh, she's here to take me back to the police station. I forgot my court date was yesterday. The cake is on the stove, ready for you to eat. I'll be back as soon as I can be," Kim told him.

When we drove to the station, she began laughing, "Oh man. I need to find someplace to stay tonight. He's gonna be so pissed when that cake hits him."

I called Connie to meet us at the station and asked her if she still had a spare bedroom in her place. I explained what was going to happen with the cake and she agreed that Kim could stay at her place for a while.

When we reached the police station, I walked in with Kim and noticed Joe, Eddie, Robin, and Big Dog standing near the desk. "Shit," I muttered under my breath, but Kim heard me.

"Which one is the ass?" she asked.

Before I could answer, Joe walked up, "Hey there, Cupcake. The boys miss you," he whispered.

"I'm sure Terri can keep them company," I replied as I pushed past him. Walking up to the desk, I saw Robin trying to hide her grin.

"Hey, Steph," she said. "Got your papers?"

I handed her the papers and waited for my receipt. Kim leaned over and whispered, "Cupcake? The boys? What is he, five?"

Stifling a laugh, I just shrugged and waited for the receipt. Once I had it, I looked at Kim, "Connie should be here in just a few minutes, okay?"

"Sure, and thanks for finding me a place to stay. I really appreciate it."

I walked out of the station and saw Lester standing against my vehicle. Slipping on my shades, I walked up to him and smiled, "Hey, Les."

"Beautiful," he replied with a tip of his lips.

"Looking for me or do you always hang out at the cop shop?"

"Saw your car here when we drove by, thought we'd stop and see how you were doing," he replied.

I looked in the SUV and saw Bobby in the driver seat so I waved at him. Les leaned in and kissed my forehead before jumping in the vehicle, "Catch ya later." As soon as he was in, they took off.

Okay then, that was… interesting. Looking at my watch, I figured I had enough time to stop at the office and drop off my receipt in exchange for a check. As I pulled in, I saw Lula and Tank talking. Sending off a finger wave to Tank, I meandered in and waited for Connie to return from bailing out Kim again.

When Connie arrived, I handed her my check, "Thanks for letting her stay with you."

"No problem. I have the room and, after talking with her, I think she'll be a great roommate." Connie handed me my check, "Going after Mooner now?"

"Nah, still have a few hours yet. Think I'm going to go cash this and get some lunch." When I turned around, Tank and Lula walked in, "Hey Big Guy."

"Bomber. How's it going?" Tank asked me.

"Pretty well. Got a skip, no garbage, no falls, nothing. I'd say it's gonna be a good day," I smiled at him. And that was my problem. I jinxed myself. Because right then, a car came speeding down the street and the passenger tossed a Molotov cocktail in my car. KABOOM… my car was gone and I got to see it actually happen this time. I have to admit, it was pretty damn cool seeing how high shit flew in the air.

Tank threw me and Lula on the ground and covered us as much as he could. Personally, I don't know how we weren't turned into pancakes. I mean have you seen this guy? He has his name for a reason!

Anyway, after the spectacular fire show died down a little, Tank got up and called Rangeman while Connie called the fire department.

"White girl, whose wheeties did you piss in today?" Lula asked.

Shrugging, I just replied, "Damned if I know."

I sat on the couch and waited… I knew the police and fire would be here soon. I could hear the sirens coming down the street. The only question I had was would Rangeman beat them? Ah yes, there they are now; Rangeman coming in from the east while the police and fire barge in from the west. The race is on… who will finish first… Rangeman is in the lead…

Tank laughed a full belly laugh which startled the hell out of me. Spinning around I looked at him, "What?"

"The race is on? Shit, Bomber. You're too much sometimes," he replied as he ruffled my hair.

"Shit, that was out loud again?" Tank just smiled and nodded. Oh well, looking back to see who won, I wasn't surprised when Bobby and Les pulled in just in front of Joe's car.

As everyone stepped out of their vehicles, I decided it was time to face the mob; uh, I mean crowd of concerned citizens. Joe saw me and made his way over at an extremely fast pace. "Jesus Christ, Stephanie. What the hell did you do this time? I just saw you a little bit ago at the station. Why can't you have a normal fucking job and stop doing this crap. I swear I'm going to have a hole the size of Texas in my stomach soon."

I stood there listening partially. Mostly I was just looking at the freaking hot ass firemen putting my flames, I mean the car flames, out.

"Stephanie! Are you even listening to me? God damn it, I can't keep doing this shit. Either you stop this playing around and marry me or we are done. I mean it."

I looked at Joe and laughed, "Joe, I told you seven months ago we were done. What makes you think we're together now?"

He stood there, steam rolling out his ears, mouth opening and closing. Finally, he stormed off in a huff.

I felt a hand come down on my shoulder and I instantly knew whom it was. There was only one Merry Man who smelled like him, like Drakkar mixed with his own scent. Leaning my body back against his, I allowed some of his strength to soak into me. After a few minutes, he leaned down and whispered, "Are you okay?"

I nodded, "I was inside this time. Got to see the whole thing as it happened. Quite amazing actually." I figured if I kept talking then I wouldn't break down and cry at the loss of my car. You'd think I'd be use to it by now, but dammit, I liked that car.

He turned me around and hugged me to him. Being enveloped in his arms allowed the tears to break free. "I think you need a vacation, Sweetheart," he said as he wiped my tears and pushed my hair off my face.

"I can't afford one," I shrugged. "I need to keep my money and get a new car now."

"Well," he said low enough that no one else could hear, "I'm taking one next week. You're more than welcome to join me. No cost."

Looking up in his baby blue eyes, I asked, "What are you doing that would be no cost to me?"

"Come sail away with me for a few weeks. It's amazing what being out on the ocean with no one else around can do for you. It gives you time to break free from everything and experience new things." He kissed me on the forehead, "Think about it. I leave in two days. I'll be gone for two weeks."

I closed my eyes and nodded that I'd think on it. When I opened my eyes, he was gone and one of the Rangeman SUVs was driving off. I needed to go home and think so I looked at Lula, "Can I get a ride home after the cops are done?"

"Sure," she replied and went in the office to grab her purse.

I walked over to Eddie and gave him my statement telling him I'd come sign it tomorrow. Right then, all I wanted was to go home and relax. Eddie took down the information on the vehicle I'd seen; a green four-door sedan, rust on the rear passenger quarter panel. The hood was red with a white stripe.

Once Eddie was done, he gave me a hug, "Glad you weren't in the car this time, Steph. Take it easy and I'll have your report ready in the morning."

"Thanks, Eddie," I told him and turned around to see Lula standing by her car. I walked over and slipped in the passenger seat ready to get out of here.

"So," Lula started as she turned over the engine, "Which merry man was that?" I gave her a look like what are you talking about and she clucked her tongue, "Don't give me that look missy. I know you know exactly what I'm talking about. He had his arms around you, you were leaning against him, and then he's whispering in yo ear. Spill it."

"Nothing going on there, Lula. He's just a friend like the rest of them. They all get a little strange when I'm in danger. I can't help it." I really didn't want to keep talking about it for fear I'd slip and tell her that he invited me to go on vacation with him. Thankfully, we pulled into my lot a few seconds later. "Thanks, Lula. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay white girl. Take it easy the rest of the day. I'll get Mooner for ya if you want."

I thought about it and agreed; not like I had a vehicle at the moment. I wasn't ready to get Big Blue from my parents yet; nope, didn't want to do the Spanish Inquisition tonight. Guess it's a good thing I have mac-n-cheese in the freezer.

I headed into the building and watched Lula pull out of the lot. As I was waiting for the elevator, I asked myself if I could go on vacation for two weeks. Sailing? I've never been sailing. Would he expect me to know anything about it? Would he expect me to help sail his boat? God I hope not. I didn't want to be responsible for crashing a boat at sea and not having a way to get home.

Anyway, that is what happened today and why I'm currently standing in my kitchen, waiting on the microwave to beep so I can eat, and wondering what the hell I'm going to do about the offer of a vacation.

There you have the first chapter! Please, let me know what you thought. I promise the rest of the chapters will be in the current time, no entire-chapter flash backs.

AJ