Breathing Space

She said she would call him but he never got that call, he had called her but all he got was her voicemail.

They had never gone so long without talking to each other and it wasn't that she was avoiding him it was just that she was in a strange place, she had been suspended from her job without any specific time to which she would be able to return.

They had allowed her the time to come before the school board and let her get her case across and she walked into the room and spoke with complete honesty admitting that hitting Ima was a mistake and that everyone makes mistakes but her words didn't matter to anyone in that room the school board had already made a decision.

She didn't even need to defend herself they wouldn't have changed their minds, there where faces in that room she knew hated everything connected to the SONS and would be happy if they disappeared from Charming all together.

She left the room before they had even finished not wanting to hear what else they had to say to her, she had lost her job due to a moment of complete insecurity.

It didn't take long for news of her suspension to get back to Jax but he tried to call her and she kept avoiding the calls.

She kept herself busy by helping out at the bar or with other meaningless tasks but without her job she felt at a complete loss.

She opened the door with his spare key and walked in, she could hear him moving around in his room and knocked on the door once and she heard his footsteps and then he opened the door, his hair wet from the shower.

'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while'.

She nodded as she walked into his room and sat on the bed.

'I know, sorry but Matt said you guys are going on some charity run, SAMCRO civil servants'.

'That's what it's all about'.

He said with a light laugh and she smiled.

'When do you get back?'.

'Tomorrow'.

'Okay, no Abel'.

'Neeta's got him; mum's watching him tonight, look about what your suspension'.

'Can we not talk about that I don't want to have this conversation right now'.

She snapped and he rolled his eyes at her statement and sighed.

'So when is the right time for this, if you don't want to have this conversation then why are you here?'.

'I wanted to tell you to have a safe journey, that's why I came here'.

She stood up and walked out of the room and he followed after her.

'Haley'.

She turned and looked at him.

They stared at each other neither saying a word, him not knowing whether his words would upset her and her with so much to say but not wanting to say it so they said they only words they could say to each other.

'Sorry'.

'Who is going to do all the heavy lifting while your gone being Mr Charitable'.

Peyton asked as she stood beside Matt's bike and he looked up at her with a smirk.

'Maybe those people you call staff, that gets paid besides there is no heavy lifting for me to do unless this is just an excuse for you to get me to stick around'.

'Why would I want you to stick around?'.

'I have no idea Peyton, why would you want me to stick around'.

They both looked as Jax rode into the garage and parked his bike beside Matt's.

She turned and looked at her brother and smiled as he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

'Hey'.

'Hey did you see Haley, I thought she'd come by and wish you luck'.

'I saw her'.

His tone was all Peyton needed to know that things weren't good between them.

'Don't take it personally, you know she loves you but right now without her job and no exact direction she's lost'.

'It's my fault, she shouldn't be with me'.

'No it's not, stop blaming yourself, she wants to be with you okay but life threw a major curveball her way.

Life it's never what anyone expects it to be one minute your up and then the next your down and right now she's down but that doesn't mean she won't be up again, she just needs time'.

Haley sat at the bar a bottle on one side of her and an empty glass on the other.

She wasn't a day drinker she judged those whose aim in life was to get wasted before 6pm but now she wondered who was she to judge them she never really understood what led them to living a life through the bottle.

She was now finding herself being judged for who she loved, she had seen a few parents and they had all stopped to whisper as she passed, judging her for falling in love with a man with criminal tangles.

Peyton watched her brother and Matt drive away before going to pay a visit to Gemma as she sat on the office going through the garages books.

Which she took a break from as Peyton opened the door and smiled.

'Hey sweetheart, seeing your brother and Matt off'.

'Yeah and looking for you, I think need your help and Haley needs your help'.

'Okay, well what do you need my help with or do I even need to ask you and the prospect you like him'.

She nodded as sat down and Gemma smiled at her.

'You like him, why do you need my help?'.

'You see him way more than I do you're the respected women of the club, I mean with the other women do I even stand a chance?'.

'You're not my daughter but I see you as one, your best interest is key to me, Matt is a good one he was raised right, if you want him you can have him, I haven't ever since that boy check out a girl before expect you and he only does it when nobody else is really watching him but I'm watching, I keep my eye on those boys, now why does Haley need my help?'.

She stared at the building, tempted to just get out of her car and walk inside pretend that nothing happened and that her job was still her job.

She had pictures that had been drawn for her by her children on the backseat, it was the children she missed the most.

Their colourful lives, the stories they told, the innocence she would want them to hold onto forever.

Getting the guns from the Irish was easy they collected them and where back with the rest of the bikers within an hour.

All he wanted to do was get the guns to their next stop and then head back

But that was out of the question Tig was in hospital with a busted leg thanks to Bobby and his death trap of a bike and now they were waiting for Happy, Half sack and Bobby to join them so they can drop the guns and head back.

He and Opie weren't really seeing eye to eye, he didn't even understand why he was with them when he had two kids at home that missed their father but instead he ignored them and pushed himself deeper and deeper into the club.

Their friendship was strained Opie didn't like being questioned especially by Jax and seemed to be siding with Clay over everything.

He went and joined Matt who was sitting by his bike on the side of the road, Matt wasn't stupid and Jax respected that he knew what was going down between Clay and Jax ran deeper than what everyone else believed.

'Smoke?',

He offered and Matt shook his head.

'Trying to quit, your sister doesn't think that I can?'.

'Making changes for my sister, trying to impress her'.

'Would that be a problem if I was trying to impress her?'

He had been warned to stay away from Peyton by most of the guys but Jax had never commented on his friendship with Peyton but he wanted to know if it was okay, he respected Jax maybe more than Clay, Jax saw into that grey area that he saw he didn't just see black and white.

'Peyton isn't a kid, but she isn't some girl you can have when you feel like it, you want my sister be with her, never mistreat her or take her for granted she is my sister and I love her to death, you have sister you know how protective you are over them, you'd do anything to make sure they are safe'.

'Yeah'.

'Then you understand what happens if you don't protect her or make her feel safe'.

'I understand, so is you giving me permission to date your sister?'.

Jax nodded and then they both turned to look at where Clay was cursing loudly while Opie and Chibs just stared at him.

'Hey sweetheart'.

Haley looked at Gemma as she sat beside her on the bench and lit up a cigarette.

'Sorry I'm not the best company today, you may want to find someone else'.

'No your exactly who I've been looking for, your angry about what happened?'.

'I'm not angry; I was stupid I shouldn't have hit her'.

'Your stupid because you stood up for yourself for Jax, you know I got arrested once I broke a girls nose a year ago, her and Clay hooked up, I was never meant to meet her but she came here'.

'For Clay?'

'No Kip, she wanted to be his old lady but you know I found out about her and Clay, I saw her in the street and I took some kids skateboard to her face, got myself arrested because I was angry and so are you'.

'I'm not angry at Jax but every time I see Ima's stupid face I want to strangle her and I'm angry at myself for not trusting that I was enough for Jax, I love him so why didn't I trust him'.

'That's something you have to figure out on your own but I'm not going to sugar-coat this for you being an old lady it isn't easy and it never gets easier, for you and him to really make this work you need full disclosure, you're a smart girl too smart to believe what he tells you'.

'I don't need to make him tell me things, he tells me enough maybe more than I need to know sometimes and I trust him but I just don't know why I couldn't trust him with Ima, she made me doubt myself and his needs'.

'An old lady is never meant to doubt herself'.

'Then maybe I'm not cut out to be his old lady'.

'Answer this for me, if that's what you believe then why are you still here?'.

A question she had asked herself many times but now she was being asked it by someone else.

She wondered why she was still in Charming when she could have left a long time ago.

It was a pretty simple idea, dump the guns go get Tig but Clay was more interested in getting the guns passed on to their next stop.

Limits where being pushed and the tension between Jax and Clay was at a dangerous level.

Everyone was fried, which why Jax taking his own course of action may have not been the smartest idea but he wasn't going to stick around and listen to Clay or anyone else for that matter.

She let herself into his house, it felt strange without him there and walked into his bedroom and lay on the bed.

So much had gone on in this bed; they had loved and provided each other with comfort.

Sure on paper they seemed completely different for each other and sure maybe when she started to realise how much she liked him she thought about how different they were and whether it would work out between them but then they got together and she found herself being less concerned with whether they were right for each other and more concerned with her place in this life, a place she started to question more lately than before.

Speaking with Gemma had given her a lot to think about when it came to them.

It had been done before Clay even had a chance to stop them Jax, Matt, Sack, Chibs and Happy had gone get back Tig and now he was on his way back to Charming with Piney.

He sat at the after party surround by his brothers and he didn't want to be there, they had left things in a weird place sure they had both said sorry but he wasn't sure what she was really sorry for and at that moment with the way things where between him and Opie he would much rather be making things right with her.

Matt sat with the others while Jax walked away with a bottle of Jack in his hands.

'When we get back we need to sort this thing between Clay and Jax before it gets uglier'.

Opie shook his head.

'More than that Jax needs to get over his daddy issues'.

Matt scoffed and they all looked at him a prospect was never to speak out about issues unless asked but listening to them speak he felt like he needed to voice his opinion.

'Why does the blame land on Jax, have you ever considered that maybe Jax doesn't want to become Clay, Clay's not his father'.

Chibs nodded in agreement with Matt.

'He's right, Clay is mad because Jax is getting older, he's not becoming the man Clay wants him to be and he can't handle that Jax's is changing becoming more and more like his old man'.

Opie sighed.

'Don't make a difference Clay isn't going anywhere and Jax needs to accept that'.

He heard someone approaching him as he held his phone in his hands and turned his head to look at Clay as he stood beside his bike and glanced in his direction.

'When it's going to stop, your constant need to push my every decision?'.

Jax looked at him and shrugged.

'I'm only pushing your decisions when it comes to the club'.

'No your not, this is about me and you, when is it going to end tomorrow, in a week in a month, tell me'.

'I'm sorry I can't be okay with you killing my friends wife, it's going to take me a while to get right with that, unless you want to tell me how I get right with it you trying to kill Opie behind the clubs back and instead killing his wife, an innocent women got her head blown off because you and you just want me to be okay with you, it's going to take me sometime'.

Clay nodded and looked at Jax.

'Well you take all the time you need, but if I were you I'd hurry because if you bring this up one more time I'll kill you'.

She woke up not really remembering when she fell asleep, the room was filled with darkness and she sat up staring at the clock.

She wasn't used to the silence; she was so used to the simplest noises his light breathing as he slept or Abel's gurgles through the baby monitor.

She didn't like the silence, she wanted him to beside her, his strong, protective arms wrapped around her, head on her shoulder as he held her so tightly.

She heard the sound of a bike approaching and walked out of the room to the front door and found him standing outside.

He was surprised to find her there but he was thankful as a small smile appeared on her face.

She sat on the front step and he sat beside her, putting his arm around her.

'Are you okay?'.

Haley looked at him and shook her head.

'No, I'm not all I wanted to do was teach and I got the opportunity and I threw it away'.

'For me, all I've done is bring you trouble and you've accepted it all and I can't sit here and let you blame yourself for what happened'.

'I hit Ima because I'm insecure I thought that she was what you wanted, she is more cut out for your lifestyle than me'.

'She isn't what I want I could have a thousand Ima's if I wanted to but I went for you, you represent the life I could have away from the club, you are the women I would give it all up for'.

'I'd never ask you to do that, it's your life it would be selfish of me to ask you to turn your back on those guys, they are your family'.

He laughed, she would never be selfish with him, she was always going to be surrounded by the darkness of the club but it wasn't in her nature to be selfish and he knew that.

'I don't deserve you; maybe I'm the selfish one for not letting you walk away'.

'I'll never walk from you, I love you Jax and I know I've been distant but that doesn't mean I don't love you, I was talking to your mum today and she told me that an old lady never doubts herself and I wondered if I was cut out to be your old lady and she asked me why I'm still here and I wondered it myself I could have packed my bags and left you but I couldn't I wasn't brought up to quit when things got hard, even if I wanted to I know I still struggle with my place in your life and maybe I always will but I will find a way to handle it but I will always stand by you, I can't ask you to walk away from your life and I can't allow myself to be selfish'.

He stood up and she looked at him as he outstretched his hand to her and she placed her hand in his and stood up.

Looking into his steel blue eyes as a smile crossed his face.

'Move in with me'.

'What'.

'Hales I love you, my life is unpredictable most of the time expect for when I'm around you, then it's normal having you in my arms with my son, that is my life my real life, your place in my world is being here with me and Abel a family, our family'.

'He's not my son'.

'But you love him like he's your own, he needs a mum and I need you'.

So I know it's been a while but I had techinal issues resulting in me losing all chapters that I have been working on but now the problem is fixed and I have been working on getting all stories updated.

Sorry for the delay in this chapter I know there wasn't a lot of Haley/Jax.

Also I have been reading reviews and would like to answer to Primesgirl4.

I have considered the Opie/Peyton relationship and there will be some major interactions between these two and also a lot of Matt/Opie these two aren't exactly on the same page so I hope you are will be satisfied with where I will be taking that relationship.