AN -

Wow, now this has been a long time coming, and I am so very sorry as I have said many times for it. Those who have read my author note (now taken down), I have been swamped with university for the last two years and hasn't allowed time for writing, let alone anything fun. The good news is that I am writing again once more! This was my last term of university, well depending on my marks at 12.01am Friday. I know I have passed two of my subjects its the other two I don't know for sure because I needed the exam to pass overall. I am anxious but very excited at the prospect of having my degree. Please keep your fingers crossed for me.

I decided since you have all been waiting so long I have broken my whole 'I am going to write 10 chapters' rule and decided to post this. I still however intend to write as far ahead as I can now that I have more time on my hands, but in the meantime I hope this chapter finds you all well. Enjoy!

P.S. I did steal the voice overs ;) All credit to SR and ABC.

Chapter Six
Leaning into the fear

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be. White dress, Prince Charming who'd carry you away to a castle on a hill... You'd lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming. They were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up. One day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely 'cause almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they'll open their eyes and it will all come true."

Meredith stepped from the cab and closed the door behind her. She could feel her heart thrumming in her chest as she took a deep breath in and then slowly exhaled. She was nervous which was a novelty for her because Meredith Grey does not do nervous.

She knew why. This time was different; it wasn't empty like all her other sexual escapades. Derek wasn't some nameless stranger that she would sleep with and then kick him out the next morning. She felt something for him, the kind of feeling she believed she would never experience and even more so convinced herself she didn't want to feel. Meredith had long convinced herself that relationships only ended badly and she never wanted to feel that kind of pain, she had experienced enough pain to last her a lifetime.

But Derek was different and she found herself leaning into her fears and throwing all caution to the wind.

She composed herself once more trying to calm her racing heart. She had agreed to meet Derek at this intimate cafe for their breakfast date. The building was half hidden from the busy foot path; its tall hedges hid the garden dining area away from the busy New York streets and gave an illusion of privacy to the diners.

She stepped through a wrought-iron archway into the garden area, finding Derek sitting at a nearby table under a tree.

"Morning," Derek greeted, a grin lacing his features as he noticed her walking to their table.

"Hey," Meredith greeted, a nervous smiled gracing her features.

Derek wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek and then helped her into her chair; handing her a menu.

Meredith bounced her leg up and down under the table, her nerves getting the best of her. She watched Derek sit back down in his own chair and picking up his own menu. Distracting herself she began to read from the breakfast menu, her left hand tapping on the table top.

Derek could see she was visibly nervous. Smiling to himself he reached over and placed his hand over Meredith's, stopping her tapping. She dropped her menu and glanced up at Derek, biting her lip.

"It's just you and me here, just like normal," He assured her.

She sighed, "I know, it's just...well I have never done this before!" She groaned, leaning back into her chair, her hands covering her face.

"Have breakfast?" Derek teased, finding her nervousness adorable.

Meredith shot him a glare, "Don't make fun of me! I've never dated anyone before!" She admitted.

"Meredith, I am not ticking off some kind of mental checklist here, so relax." He promised, squeezing her head in reassurance. "Are you ready to order?" He asked.

"Umm, yeah," She nodded, exhaling a breath she didn't know she was holding.

Derek motioned a waitress over to them.

"Can I take your order?" The waitress named Tina asked, her notepad and pen at the ready.

"Yeah, I'll have a Latte and the Eggs Benedict with a side of fresh fruit," Derek swiftly answered. "Mere?" He asked.

"Umm, I'll have the same, except I'd like some Avocado on my Eggs Benedict, " Meredith replied, handing her menu over to the waitress.

"Coming right up," Tina replied, as she scribbled their order down and departing their table.

"The same huh, did you even read the menu?" Derek teased her.

Meredith scoffed, leaning back into her chair again, "I like Eggs Benedict!" She defended.

"Well in that case I will have to cook it for you sometime," Derek flirted, making Meredith blush.

"I'll have to hold you to that," Meredith smiled coyly, flirting right back. Her nerves began to slowly dissipate.

"So, what are your plans for today?" Derek inquired.

"Well, I have a class and then I am helping your sister move into my apartment," She replied as their waitress returned with their coffees.

"Amy's moving in with you?" He smiled, surprised by the turn of events. Normally he would have heard this kind of news from Amy as she was usually so eager to regale him with the minor details of her life.

"Didn't she call you to help, because she said she would?" She asked, a frown marring her features.

"Knowing my sister, she'll probably call an hour before," he scoffed, shaking his head. "Are we going to tell Amy we are together?" Derek knew it would be harder to keep it quiet now his sister is living with his girlfriend.

"I don't want to go behind her back, but…" She bit her lip. Truthfully she was scared of Amelia's reaction. She was her best friend but Derek is her brother. She wasn't sure how Amelia would feel about her dating her brother or how she feels about Derek ending his relationship with Addison. "I don't know, there's the Addison thing, and this is new, I just don't know." She sighed as she took a sip from her Latte.

"We can hold off for a little, but we will need to tell her. Addison went to college with my sister Nancy, and they are very close, so she may confide in her. Problem is, my sister isn't known for keeping her mouth shut, so sooner or later this will get back to Amy-"

"And I would rather she hear it from me," Meredith finished, sighing in resignation. She knows she has to tell Amy, she even wants to tell her, but a selfish part of her just wants it to be just her and Derek for awhile.

Tina interrupted, placing their breakfast gently in front of them. She offered a small courteous smile before departing.

"Let's just see what happens this afternoon," Derek said, hoping Meredith wouldn't stress herself over it. He knew his sister and her only concern would be his happiness and he was happy. It had been awhile since Derek could honestly admit that to himself. "So tell me something about Meredith Grey that I don't know?"

"What?" She coughed, as her latte went down her windpipe.

"Well that's what you do on a first date, you get to know each other," he teased.

"Funny," she rolled her eyes as she wiped some foam off the top of her lip. "If I told you, you'd get a glimpse at the dark and twisty underneath the Meredith Grey surface and promptly run in the other direction," she said dryly, completely serious.

"I highly doubt that, besides I don't scare easy. I have my dark too. Let's start simple. When did you know that you wanted to be a surgeon?" he asked as he took as sip from his coffee.

"I was ten and it was Christmas and my mother got me my very first suture kit. Which now as I think of it she probably stole from the hospital but I loved it regardless. I used it till my fingers bled and then I tried to use it to stitch up my fingers," Meredith grinned and Derek chuckled as he began picturing that scene in his mind. "That's when I knew. When we went back to school my teacher had us all, one-by-one, tell the class what we got for Christmas. When it was my turn I gushed all about my amazing suture kit. My teacher was absolutely horrified because as it turns out it's kind of a creepy gift for a ten-year-old. What about you?"

"Ok, my mother's maiden name, Maloney. I have four sisters. I have, uh, five nieces. Two nephews. I like coffee ice cream, single-malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar. I like to fly fish. And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public. Um, favorite novel, The Sun Also Rises. Favorite band, The Clash. My favorite color is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo," Derek rattled off animatedly the minor details of his life, hoping it would help Meredith feel more comfortable in opening up to him. "This scar right here on my forehead," He pointed. "That's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore. Mark has been my best friend since we were both seven, when I took pity on him and brought him home after his parents forgot to pick him up from school once again. He basically never left. My father was murdered when I was twelve and Amy was five. We were both in the back of my Dad's shop when it happened. Two guys came in, they took all the money and then they wanted my father's watch. But he wouldn't give it up because my mom had saved up for it as an anniversary present. So they shot him. That's how my dad died."

Meredith was rendered speechless, "Derek..I'm so sorry."

"It's ok. Like I said, I have my dark too," he dismissed but Meredith could see that sadness in his eyes.

"My father abandoned my mother and I when I was five. One day he just walked out the door and never came back. I remember waiting by the door everyday after school, just expecting him to walk back through it. But he never did. I'd trade his life for your father's any day," her voice held a tinge of anger. Anger because he walked on her leaving her in the inept care of her mother and anger for Derek and his family who had a father and a husband who loved them and he was torn from them.

"Somehow that's worse. I know my dad would give anything to be with us. I can't understand how any parent would willingly walk away from their child," he shook his head in contempt as he laid a few bills on the table to pay for their breakfast.

"You'd have to ask him," Meredith said bitterly as she checked her watch for the time. She was immediately disappointed to see it was time for her to go otherwise she wouldn't make her class. "I have to go," she said regretfully. Derek nodded and stood up and walked over beside her and held his hand out to Meredith, which she took. Derek wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed the side of her head and they casually walked out and back onto the street. He turned to her, cupped the sides of her face and kissed her. Meredith immediately responded, deepening the kiss and wrapping her arms around his neck. All too soon, Derek pulled away.

"Until this afternoon," his voice low, sexy and full of flirtation. He signaled for a cab which immediately pulled up to the curb, he opened the back door for her. Meredith drew him in for one final kiss.

"Until this afternoon," she winked and stepped into the cab.

/ / /

Meredith was a little on edge as she walked toward her class at Columbia. She worried Amelia had already heard about the break-up with Addison and her involvement with her brother. Despite Derek not being fazed by the fact his sister had yet to contact him about helping her move into her apartment, Meredith wasn't all that convinced.

She spotted Amelia leaning against the wall near the entrance to the auditorium. She didn't look angry...or in a my new best friend is dead to me mood. In fact she grinned when she spotted Meredith and slung her backpack over her shoulder and closed the distance between them.

"Hey," Amelia greeted.

"Hi," Meredith responded, completely relieved. "We still on for the move today?" She asked.

"Absolutely...I am sooo looking forward to not having to wake up two hours earlier just to make the commute from mom's to classes." Amelia affirmed as they walked into the auditorium. "I actually just got off the phone with my brother and both he and Mark are helping so we should get all my stuff moved in one run." She continued as they both found their seats at the back of the room.

"You just called your brother now?" Meredith admonished.

"Well yeah, I am his little sister after all, it's my civic duty to annoy him as much as possible." Amelia grinned.

"You are terrible." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I know." Amelia confirmed, a satisfied grin on her face.

They both took out their books and settled into their lecture or what they had termed 'Fordson weekly torture.' Her other classes were so interesting, but Fordson was such a drone that he made the idea of shooting oneself in the head with a nail gun, more appealing.

/ / /

Derek threw Mark's leather jacket at Mark's face, ignoring his current conquest wrapped around him.

"Dude!" Mark complained, pushing the jacket away as his conquest covers herself with a sheet.

"Get dressed, we are helping Amy move," Derek states, not asking. He hands the brunette her clothes and smiles in amusement. "It's nice meeting you…"

"Alecia." She answered.

"Hi, well I am sure Mark will call." He didn't mean a single word. For as long as he has known Mark, he has never called a woman back. Alecia put her top back on and gathered up her purse and jacket. Derek guided her out the door.

"What the hell! It's bad for a man's health to interrupt sex half-mast!" Mark admonished.

"I'm sure you'll live," Derek responded, with no trace of sympathy. "Now come on, I promised Amy we'd meet her at Ma's at one." He said, pulling on his jacket.

"Why, she's your sister?" Mark questioned, pulling on his jacket.

"And I seem to recall a time where I brought you home and Ma practically adopting you, so she's your sister too." Derek affirmed.

"Alright, fine, we taking one car or two?" Mark grumbled.

"Two, between ours and Mer's we'll get it done in one hit." Derek responded as he headed out the door with Mark following.

"Meredith's going to be there?" Mark questioned.

"Yes, because she's moving into Meredith's apartment." He explained.

"Your secret girlfriend and your sister living together, good luck ever having sex there." Mark teased as he got into his car. "Speaking of, you planning on telling her you broke up with Addie and are now banging her best friend?"

"First of all, what Meredith and I do or don't do isn't your business," Derek warned. "Secondly...we'll tell her at some point." Derek trailed off.

"Defensive, so I take it you haven't done anything…". Mark smirked, his eyes swimming with mirth.

"None of your business." Derek walked ahead, dismissing him.

"You better tell your sister before she finds out from someone else." Mark warned, suddenly very serious.

"I know." Derek sighed as he stepped inside his car and shutting the door. Mark watched as Derek starts the engine and pulled out into the street. He pondered Mark's words. Amy loved Addison like a sister and preferred her over our actual sisters. She would be pissed at first, but he really did like to think she would understand in the end. His other sisters, especially Nancy...well he knew he is likely to have his ear chewed off in the near future. As for how they would take that he was together with Meredith, that he didn't have a definitive answer to. He knew he could live with his sisters ire and as for Amy he liked to think she would be fine with it, especially if she knew he was happy, but he knew he would be lying to himself if he didn't admit he worried getting in between Amy and Meredith's newly formed friendship.

The time of the journey to his mother's slipped by quickly as his thoughts consumed him and all too soon he was pulling into his mother's driveway. He stepped out of his car just as Mark's car pulled up beside him.

Derek walked up the driveway to the front door with Mark trailing behind. Opening the door, his ears became engulfed in the sound of laughter, her laughter. A smile forming on his face, his worries long forgotten he began walking toward the staircase.

"Derek!" He heard his mother calling to him, coming out of the kitchen.

"Ma." He greeted back, changing direction he walked to her and gave her a hug.

She placed her hands on both sides of his shoulders and stood back to look at him. It was as if she was checking that he was healthy and well. Once she seemed happy with her assessment, she place a hand on his cheek before pulling him into a hug once more. "So good to see you." Stepping back she moved to envelope Mark in a hug before appraising him like she had done with Derek. "Mark." She greeted. "I hope you're remembering to wash your hands before surgery." She scolded him. Derek snorted in amusement.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mark asked, feigned confusion.

"Oh you know exactly what I mean dear boy." She deadpanned, giving him a light tap on the side of his cheek. She turned back to Derek. "I believe the girls are about finished packing up, they should be down in a bit." She explained as she ushered both men into her kitchen. "I have to say, I really like Meredith, such a lovely girl, they have struck up quite the friendship." She continued as she put the kettle on.

"Yeah, they are really close." Derek agreed as he went to the cupboard to get down some mugs for the coffee his mother was making. "You don't have to worry about Amy, they look after each other." He assured her. He knew his mother constantly worried about his sister, he did too, but not with Meredith. She was the first friend his sister had had that that wasn't a terrible influence or just using Amy for their own benefit.

"She's got a mean streak you know," Mark remarked. "She's yet to apologize for torturing me at work the other day." He complained. His day of poop had yet to be forgotten.

Carolyn raised an eyebrow, one hand on the side of her hip, "Be rude to a nurse and you get what you deserve." She warned, finger jabbing him in the chest.

"Me. Rude? Never!" He denied, a smirk on his face.

"Oh never you." Carolyn responded sarcastically as Meredith and Amelia entered the kitchen.

"Still walking around like a wounded animal I see." Meredith smirked at Mark.

Amelia looked around, as if she had lost something. "Where's Addie?" She asked. Derek opened his mouth a few times, not expecting this to come up so suddenly. From the corner of his eye he could see Meredith tensing up beside Amy.

"Um...well...Addison and I have broken up," He explained, looking down at his feet before looking back up at his sister.

"What!?" She questioned, shocked.

"It just wasn't going to work out." Derek explained feeling very uncomfortable. He poured himself some coffee and leaned against the counter as he took a sip.

"Are you stupid? Do you have a brain tumour?" Amelia growled, just unable to understand why her brother would end things with someone who was so perfect.

"Well it's about time." Carolyn remarked, bringing her mug of coffee to her lips and taking a sip. Derek and Amelia's heads turning in their mother's direction. That was the last thing either of them had expected to hear from their mother.

"Ma!" Amelia scolded her before turning back to Derek, her expression angry.

"What?" She shrugged. "Look Addie is a lovely girl but she was never right and clearly your brother has seen that."

"I have," He agreed, although a little surprised his mother had felt that way about Addison. "Just because she's perfect, doesn't mean she was right for me. I have been feeling this way for awhile now, I just wish I had ended things sooner because it drug out longer than it should have." Derek murmured, a little ashamed he hadn't just pulled the band aide off in the first place. He watched as Amelia's face had softened a little.

"So you're happier?" She questioned, arms crossed across her chest.

Derek looked like he was looking right at his sister but he was in fact starting at Meredith as she fidgeted nervously. "More than I have ever been." He was really speaking to Meredith, hoping to cast any shadows of doubt that may be forming inside her head.

"Ok. That's all that matters I guess." She murmured. She couldn't pretend that she wasn't disappointed but she also didn't want her brother unhappy. "We should...uh...get going." She pointed behind her. Derek nodded and everyone walked out the kitchen and upstairs to move all of Amelia's boxes to the cars. Nobody spoke after that, minds completely focused on the task at hand. Thirty minutes later, all three cars were packed and ready to leave.

"It was really nice to meet you Mrs. Shepherd." Meredith held her hand out to shake Carolyn's. Instead Carolyn pulled her into a hug.

Stepping back, "Mrs. Shepherd was my mother-in-law, please call me Carolyn, dear." She smiled before turning toward Amelia and enveloping her in a hug and then kissing her daughter's cheek. Stepping back and taking her daughter in, she was really feeling nostalgic as it felt like it were only yesterday that she was a baby in her arms. "I really have an empty nest now." She smiled.

"Mom, it's not like you don't have the grandkids here almost everyday." Amelia reasoned, not really understanding her mother's point.

"One day when you have children of your own, you will understand this day," Taking her daughters hand in her own and squeezing it before putting her arms around both Meredith and Amelia and guiding them to Meredith's car. "Now you two look out for one another." She told them.

"We will." Amelia promised as she got into the passenger side of the car and Meredith into the driver's seat. Both girls waved her off and pulled out of the drive way. Mark gave Carolyn a kiss on the cheek and followed the girls out in his own car.

Derek to turned to his mother, "How come you never said anything?" He asked.

"It's your life. The hardest part about being a parent is having to allow your kids to make their own mistakes. Besides would you have listened?" She asked, staring at her son knowingly.

"No." He admitted as he walked over to his own car, opening the door but not getting in.

"So...Meredith?" She asked, turning to her son, a knowing look on her face.

"What?" He asked, turning towards his mother and taking in her look. Somehow his mother knew. "How?"

"I might be old but I wasn't born yesterday. She's why you're so happy, isn't she?" She grinned, thrilled her son was so clearly very happy and even though it was soon, she could just tell that whatever was between the two of them was special.

"Yeah...It's still very new, and we've only know each other for a short time, but she's just so...I can't describe it, it's like she…" Derek tried to find the words to explain what he felt for Meredith but it was almost indescribable for him.

"Completes you," Finishing her son's thoughts or rather giving him the words he was trying to find. "I'd hold onto that one if I were you, she's something special for sure."

"That she is." He agreed, smiling to himself and then getting into his car. "Amelia doesn't know yet." He admits to her.

"I won't say a word." She promised.

/ / /

Meredith and Amelia had driven in silence for the first half of the drive back to Meredith's apartment. Amelia had her head lain against the window, deep in thought.

"You ok?" Meredith dared to ask, not sure she really wanted the answer if how she felt meant she wouldn't ultimately accept her relationship with her brother.

"Yeah, just I like Addison, I'm going to miss her is all." She explained.

"It's not like you can't still call her or like her for that matter." Meredith stated.

"I know, but it'd be kinda awkward, be like 'hey, I know my brother dumped you but we can still be friends!'" She spoke sarcastically. "Doubtful." She deadpanned.

"Maybe for a bit things will be weird, but if she really cares about you, I doubt she'll treat you any differently and if she does...well she can't have really cared about you in the first place." Meredith tried to assure her and she really did believe that. The way Amelia spoke about her, she didn't think Addison was pretending to like her for the sake of Derek.

"I hope so. As much as I love Addie and as much as I hate admitting I am wrong...I know my brother. He doesn't do anything without thought or reason. So if he says things weren't right between them, then it wasn't." A quiet acceptance had been reached by Amelia.

"But…?" Meredith prodded, sensing her friend had something more to say.

"I liked her and I don't like a lot of people," She stared at Meredith with a knowing gaze on her face. "Which pretty much means I won't like the next one and then he'll probably marry her and I'll be stuck with an insufferable twat for a sister-in-law!" She groaned. Meredith chuckled. "Urghh, I wish he would just date you next!" Amelia slumped back in her seat with her arms crossed across her body.

"You'd be ok with me dating your brother?" Meredith asked, taken aback.

"Umm, yeah. You're about the only person I actually like!" She remarked wryly.

"I-uh...uh-um...Well you see," Meredith stuttered taken completely off-guard. Amelia's acceptance. Albeit humorously, had taken her by surprise. "I am dating your brother," she garbled out in barely a whisper.

"What?" Amelia questioned, unable to decipher her words.

Meredith took a deep breath, "I'm dating your brother." She finally admitted to Amelia. She sucked in an anticipatory breath, waiting for her to yell. It never came, instead Amelia just burst into laughter.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny," She rolled her eyes sarcastically. Meredith bit her lip as she turned her head to gauge Amelia, her expression serious. Amelia's bemused expression practically vanished from her face. "Woah. You're actually serious," she slumped back into her seat, rendered shocked and speechless. Her expression became unreadable.

"Say something, Anything," Meredith implored her. The silence was deafening.

"Did you break them up?" She asked, staring straight ahead.

"No. Derek had doubts about his relationship long before he met me and yeah we both started having feelings for each other but we never crossed that line either. I swear I'm not that kind of girl," Meredith spoke in earnest.

"Are you in this, like really in this? Because my brother doesn't do flings, so if you're not you should-"

"I'm in this," Meredith cut her off as she concentrated on turning into the parking garage and navigating to her parking spot. She cut the engine and turned to Amelia. "I'm in this," she promised. "I mean, I don't know how to be in this, but I do know that I've never felt this way before and the thought of screwing it up terrifies me."

"Ok," she nodded and then she swiftly stepped out of the car. Meredith was stunned, rooted in her seat. She regained her bearings just as quick and scrambled out of the car following Amelia to the back of the car.

"Ok, as in 'ok I'm cool with you dating my brother' or as in 'ok you are so dead to me'?" She questioned, still not quite buying her nonchalance.

"Ok as in as I said before 'you are about the only person I actually like'," She air quoted as she started unloading the car. "So providing you don't start talking about my brother's penis or how great he is in bed or basically my brother naked period, then yeah I'm ok with it," she shrugged. "Now are you just going to stand there, or are you going to help haul my crap upstairs?"

"Right," she nodded, feeling relieved as she picked up a box as Mark and Derek's cars both pulled up beside them. Amelia stared her brother down as he stepped out of his car.

"Try not to mount your girlfriend in front of me, otherwise you'll so be paying for my therapy!" She quipped and began hauling her box to the elevator.

Derek turned to Meredith, his lips partially open in shock, "She knows?"

"Yeah, it uh, kind of just came up," She explained and she too followed suit, hauling a box to the elevator. Derek glanced to Mark who clapped him on the back and unloaded a box from his own car. He fumbled at the weight of it, almost dropping the box and spilling its contents on the cement.

"What the hell does your sister have in here, bricks?" He complained.

Derek snorted, "It's Amy, I wouldn't half put it past her to have loaded a box with bricks purely for entertainment," He remarked dryly as he too picked up a box and they both headed to the elevator.

For just under an hour both Derek and Mark found themselves hauling all the boxes in as Meredith helped Amelia unpack them.

"Thanks for the assist ladies, couldn't have done it without you," Mark remarked in deep sarcasm.

"Oh no, Amelia is the lazy one," Meredith corrected. "I, on the other hand, was merely admiring the view."

"Well I do have a nice ass," Mark nodded in agreement. Meredith walked up to Mark a sly grin on her face, pretending to appraise his physique.

"I wasn't talking about your ass," she remarked as she grabbed a hold off his ass. "You should hit the gym, your ass is getting kind of flabby. Nobody likes a flabby ass," she teased. Derek and Amelia start snorting, barely containing their laughter. Meredith moved to stand beside Derek who pulled her to his side and kissed her on the side of her head, barely containing his amusement.

"My ass is not flabby!" He defended as he walked up to the mirror in Amelia's room to check out his but. "I have a great ass," he mumbles to himself and walks back into the living room. "As much as I love being the punchline to your jokes Meredith and how much you secretly love my ass, I have work to get to," he winked at Meredith as he grabbed his black leather jacket, heading for the door.

"Can I grab a ride?" Amelia asked his retreating form.

"What are you ditching me already?" Meredith inquired.

"Haley's been pestering me to catch up so I'll swing by there for a couple of hours and then I'll be home to cook you dinner so you don't starve," she grinned as she grabbed her own jacket and headed out with Mark.

"So I guess it's just you and me then," Derek murmured as he pulled Meredith into his arms and leaned in and kissed her slowly and sensually. His hands then crept around and grabbed her ass. "Hmm you have an adequate ass as well," he confirmed.

Meredith slapped him playfully on the chest, "Shut up." She took his hand and led him to the couch to sit down. Derek pulled her onto his lap and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and began kissing him again. Dereks hands roamed over her body as their movements became more heated. Derek lowered Meredith onto the couch covering her body with his own. He moved down her body to the slither of skin visible between the hem of her shirt and the tops of her shorts. His hands crept under her shirt moving it upwards revealing her creamy skin as he placed small pecks on her stomach. His right hand moved downwards and unbuttoned her pants and he slipped his hand inside, grazing her lace-covered folds. It was at this point that Derek could feel Meredith tense up before she sat up in obvious alarm.

"God Mer, I'm such an idiot," he immediately berated himself for his foolishness. Meredith began shaking her head. "No it's ok, I'm not going to force you to do-"

"No that's not it!" Meredith cut him off, standing up and running her hands through her hair angrily while she began to pace.

Derek stood up, held her at arm's length to stop her from pacing, tilted her chin up, "Then what is it?"

"It wasn't one-sided," she admitted.

Derek frowned, clearly not understanding, "What?"

"With Gabe. It wasn't one-sided, I did intend on sleeping with him. I had feelings for you but you were with Addison and I needed to forget so I did what I always do," she sighed as she sat back down on the couch with her head in her hands. "It's who I am, I don't do feelings or relationships and I don't care that I get called a whore because I have a lot of sex or at least I used to not care. I feel things with you that I have never allowed myself to feel before and it terrifies me but here I am wanting you anyway. I care what you think about me, that's why I am telling you and now you probably don't want anything to do with me and I get it you shouldn't."

Derek expression softened as he knelt down in front of her, "Well you are going to be very disappointed because I want you as much as I wanted you the day I met you. Do I like the fact that others have been with you or that you were going to sleep with Gabe that night? No. Is it my right to judge? No. I may not be the first guy to be with you, but I am the first that matters." He tipped her chin up so he could look gaze upon her and cocked his head to the side, smiling.

Meredith wrapped her arms around Derek and buried her head in the crook of his neck. Derek lifted her into his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Derek captured her lips in a slow and sensual kiss as he carried her to the bathroom. Placing her on her feet he started the shower and pulled his shirt of his head, never breaking eye contact. Meredith smiled coyly and followed suit. They both slowly rid themselves of their clothing and stepped into the shower. Derek lifted her into his arms and she once again wrapped her legs around his waist and he kissed down her neck.

It didn't matter to Derek that she once was a receptacle to other men or that she allowed herself to be a receptacle. She was still terrified of the depth of her feelings that she was slowly allowing herself to discover, but she now knew that she mattered to him as much as he mattered to her and for today, that was enough to make her leap.

"At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale might be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important that it's happy ever after, just that it's happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away."

AN -

Well of course I had to leave it there, where would the fun be if I didn't! After all, you have to eat your dinner before you get dessert, or in this case the real question is, is there even dessert to look forward to right away, or is Meredith going on a diet, you'll have to stay tuned and see.

In all seriousness, I decided to portray Meredith's guilt about her past and Gabe here for a reason. On the show Meredith slept with Derek without knowing who he was, one-night-stands can be pretty impersonal like that, so in a way by the time she did get into a relationship with him the band-aide had been ripped off at that point. Here Meredith has got to know Derek before sex and shes acutely aware of how different he is to all the other guys shes been with, he matters to her, and for the first time she cares what another person thinks of who she is or now was. So she naturally is a little vulnerable.

I did decide to take the road less taken with how Amelia finds out about their relationship. I did say Amelia is Meredith's Cristina, so it occurred to me, to do this any other way would be completely against the characters, because remember Cristina knew about Meredith and Derek before Izzie, George and Alex so it made sense to me in the end.

Let me all know what you think in the comments. There are many people who follow the story, please don't be shy and leave a comment, I love to read them and I appreciate all your thoughts even if just to say you loved it.

Mel