So random...

Yeah that's pretty much all I got. Sorry if I offend any Chets out there, I'm sure you're all nice. Tony was controling what I was writing. Nothing to do with my previous stuff either.

Disclaimer: If I actually owned the Avengers the second movie would already be out.

For some reason Tony liked other people nowadays. It was terrifying he went from four confidants, Pepper, Rodey, JARVIS, and Happy. Now he had a whole team he trusted with anything. He usually disliked people on site, he acted civil, but he knew they didn't care about him. It was either about sex, money, or popularity, sometimes all three. With those four people now at nine, he would do anything for them in a heartbeat, they were his friends, teammates, and one was the love of his life.

Which is why Tony is about to lose it on a newbie S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who is loudly discussing reasons why the 'monster' should not be allowed anywhere near the helicarrier, let alone society. The man clearly doesn't notice the Avengers are in the same room and has his back to them.

"I mean doesn't he know he's a menace?" The guy doesn't know when to shut up. He's obviously trying to convince a couple of other new agents the same thing. The nauseating part is that it seems to be working on at least two of them; the third raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

His comments are heard by everyone in the mess, if the guy thinks he's quiet, he's dumber then Tony thought was actually possible. The team was trying to enjoy their meal; the usually talkative bunch is silent. Clint is constructing a mini bow with an evil glint in his eye and an army of toothpicks ready to be sacrificed for the good of peace on the ship. Natasha is fingering her plastic knife and glaring at the man that if he actually noticed Tony was sure he would piss his pants. Thor looks tense and furious. Steve doesn't want to interfere so is content to fiddle with his hands while looking down at his food. Besides taking in the scene Tony is trying to remember where his closest set of armor is and wonders if Fury would care if the new guy took a test flight with him.

Then Tony notices Bruce, who is eating as if nothing is happening. Tony staring at Bruce leads to Natasha noticing.

"Bruce…"

"Just ignore the guy. I'm used to people talking about me like I'm not there, sorry about if it's ruining lunch for you guys." Bruce looks honest to godly sorry for something he didn't cause.

Clint stops messing with his finished bow and looks at Bruce. "No one insults my friends and gets away with it." He picks up his bow, pulls back a toothpick takes a deep breath and fires. The newly deemed projectile plants itself in the guys right butt check causing the man to let out an undignified yelp. Clint quickly moves his bow out of view and puts on the face akin to an innocent child.

Most of the room lets out snickers though the Avengers table is especially trying to hold back laughs as the man pulls out the wooden stick lodged in his behind. Bruce even smiles at that.

"How the hell did that happen?" The man looks at a loss for words at the toothpick in his hands.

The man goes back to his conversation by the vending machines about the dangers of the Hulk. About another couple of minutes Bruce gets up to get rid of his tray making his way over to the trashcans.

At the same time the now deemed "Judging asshole" makes his way over to toss his empty bottle. Natasha is the first to notice the oncoming meeting and signals for the attention of the group with a quick hand motion. Immediately the rest of the group is standing ready to make an intervention if necessary. Subtlety Clint pockets his ammo.

Judging Asshole accidently bumps into Bruce from behind and the whole room freezes, half expecting for Bruce to Hulk out the other half waiting for what Judging Asshole will say.

"I'm sorry."

The whole room was not expecting that and looks puzzled, the Avengers exchange looks.

"I didn't see you there. I got distracted talking to my buddies."

Bruce seems to understand that along with being a judging asshole he is also completely clueless and so Bruce nods, "No problem."

"Hey my name is Chet, what's yours." Judging Asshole has to have a stereotypical asshole associated name. This 'Chet' holds out his hand. Bruce eyes the hand in 'are you really that dumb or are you joking' look.

"Bruce." Chet lowers his hands as Bruce doesn't shake it.

"Nice to meet you, you look familiar where do you work on the ship." Chet seems honest to god puzzled, Tony feels sorry if this is what Fury had to put up with all day.

"I don't work on the ship."

"Oh."

"Dr. Banner, here are the files on your new mission." Fury hands Bruce the folders, looks at Chet who appears to be sick, then the rest of the mess who were staring at the pair with baited breath. Then he raises a single eyebrow. The room resumes normal conversations and eating. Except the Avengers, they had begun walking toward the trio at the same time without saying a word to each other.

"Bruce!" Clint practically tackles the man throwing an arm around him and causing Bruce to lose balance. "What we got?" He takes the folder and opens it up and lets out an exaggerated groan. "Why do we have to deal with the new and improved Doom-bots, why can't the Fantastic Four deal with them? He was their enemy first."

"Because Agent Barton you have been given orders."

"Does anyone else find it weird how much Johnny resembles Cap?" Tony threw out there. Nods came from the group, except Cap himself.

"He does not." Cap looked annoyed, this argument has been had many times.

"Well looks wise he does, personality not so much, I mean Johnny actually has a girlfriend." Steve turns red at Tony's comment.

"Children let's just go deal with this so we can go home, it's my turn to pick the movie." The team let out a loud groan.

"How in hell is that suppose to motivate us?" Clint asks as he turns Bruce and himself around and the group begins to walk out.

"I must concur with friend Hawk's observation." As the doors shut on the team a loud crack can be heard and then a whine.

Fury looks at Chet. "Close your mouth, something smart might fly in."

About three days after the mess incident, Chet lets out a yelp as he pulls out another toothpick, this time there is a note attached.

Dear Judging Asshole

Next time you decided to be a dumbass

Do it out of earshot

Sincerely Hawkeye

For the rest of the day Chet was shot by toothpicks, got knives thrown at him, was shown the true might of Mjonir, was glared at by Captain America and found out that his private e-mail had been hacked and a private picture of him shirtless wound up circling the ship.

Review or you will be shot with toothpicks. :D