Misadventures in Texting
Text!fic. Jade/Beck, Cat/Robbie.
cat: hey
jade: i thought i asked you to stop texting me
cat: you did not make that clear
jade: whatever
jade: just
jade: have you talked to beck lately
cat: no
cat: why do you always ask me that?
jade: nothing
cat: oooh do you still love beck?
jade: no
cat: AW THAT'S SO CUTE 33 u guys should get together and build a castle and get married
jade: NO
cat: but jade
jade: but nothing
jade: stop texting me
/
jade: beckett
beck: jadelyn
beck: i thought you weren't talking to me
jade: yeah well i have a question
jade: and then i will never speak to you again
jade: because i hate you
beck: yeah i got that
beck: ask your question
jade: impatient much
beck: yes
jade: fine. look i need your help with something
beck: does it involve murder
jade: no!
beck: then yes
jade: you haven't even heard what it is yet!
beck: okay fine what is it
jade: look, there's this guy that won't leave me alone
beck: and
jade: and i need you to pretend to be my boyfriend
beck: what
jade: have you forgotten how to read
jade: you imbecile
jade: respond to my texts or i will cut off all of your hair during the night and I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE
beck: just
beck: fine
jade: LOOK I JUST
jade: wait what
jade: fine?
beck: yeah fine i'll do it
jade: oh
jade: thanks
beck: when?
jade: tomorrow at school
beck: okay i'll be there
jade: of course
jade: thanks
/
beck: i have to pretend to be jade's boyfriend
andre: wait what
beck: have you forgotten how to read
beck: oh chiz
beck: i'm turning into her
andre: why
beck: idk man she just asked me to and i said yes
andre: why would you say yes
beck: because we're friends
andre: since when
beck: since
beck: I DON'T KNOW
beck: it just seemed like the thing to do
andre: nah man i get you i'd say yes too
beck: wait what
andre: nothing
andre: tori's here
andre: gotta go
beck: ANDRE THIS IS NOT COOL
beck: ANDRE HARRIS
beck: ANDRE KEYBOARD HARRIS
beck: i don't know your middle name so i made one up i think that's pretty clever
beck: is keyboard even an acceptable name
beck: fine then
beck: BE THAT WAY
/
beck: are you with andre
tori: yeah were working on a songgg :]
beck: ok never mind tell him i'm never buying him frozen drink again
/
beck: you didn't tell me the guy who was interested in you was sinjin
jade: whoops must've forgotten to mention that minor detail
beck: he never left you alone when we were dating
beck: why would he leave you alone now
jade: there's another guy actually, mr. smartypants
beck: you sound like a five-year-old
jade: i hate you
beck: i know
beck: is that the guy?
jade: no, that's ronald mcdonald
jade: YES THAT'S THE GUY
beck: okay no need for screaming
beck: he's not attractive anyway
jade: are you kidding? he's gorgeous
beck: …
jade: too bad he's not my type
jade: now kiss me 'boyfriend'
/
cat: YOU AND BECK R BACK TOGETHER?
jade: no
cat: BUT HE KISSED U :]
jade: i told him to
cat: that doesnt make sense!
jade: it's not supposed to
jade: go annoy robbie
jade: i hate beck
cat: okay! :}
/
cat: hey robbie
cat: what language do they speak in cuba
robbie: Cubic.
robbie: You told me this joke like five times already.
cat: i thought they spoke spanish! :(
robbie: Are you for real?
cat: well i'm not for fake! :'( see that guy is crying
robbie: I'm sorry! Don't cry :(
cat: okay
cat: will you come see a movie with me and maybe my brother if he gets his head out of the toilet? :D
robbie: Why is his head in the
robbie: Never mind.
robbie: Be there in five.
/
cat: im at the movies :D
cat: with robbie!
tori: okay and this is relevant becuz?
cat: IDK i thought you might wanna know! what's that supposed to mean? :(
tori: nothing! you guys r cute :{)
cat: oh thanks! now i gotta go; robbie dropped his phone in the punch :(((
tori: oh
tori: um okay have fun :)
/
tori: um hi jade
jade: we're not friends
tori: i didnt even say anything :(
jade: i hate smiley faces
tori: sorry to offend you?
jade: yeah i don't care
tori: i just um wondered what was going on with you and beck
jade: we're just awkward exes
tori: oh
tori: um
tori: i saw you guys kissing tho
jade: yeah why do you care?
tori: i don't! i have a bf now :]
jade: yeah i don't care but i guess that's good
jade: oh yeah i was wondering
jade: want me to drive you to school tomorrow
tori: NO!
tori: oh my gosh NO
jade: fine then
jade: i'll find another victim
jade: possibly beck
tori: why are we friends:(
jade: we're not
/
robbie: Look, I need some advice.
beck: welcome to my life
beck: whaddya need nerdy boy
robbie: I told you not to call me that.
beck: yeah doesn't matter just ask your question
robbie: You're so impatient.
beck: I KNOW I DON'T CARE
robbie: Fine. When do you know if it's the right time to kiss a girl?
beck: whoa boy
beck: who are you even trying to kiss
beck: is there a girl who actually wants to kiss you
robbie: That's rude.
beck: sorry but srsly is there something wrong with her brain
robbie: It's Cat.
beck: oh
beck: that explains it
robbie: You're so rude!
beck: yeah i know
beck: well idk just go for it
beck: that's what i did with jade
robbie: Yeah, and look how well that turned out.
beck: offensive
robbie: So are you!
beck: dude stop wigging out about everything
beck: it's not a big deal just go for it
robbie: Says the guy who's scared of nothing.
beck: hey don't hate appreciate
robbie: Going now.
beck: i thought my advice was pretty good thanks
/
beck: look
jade: i really don't care
beck: you don't even know what i was going to say
jade: if it's something about our relationship, then don't say it
beck: i'm sorry
jade: wait what
jade: continue
beck: i've been a jerk lately and idk you don't deserve that
jade: oh
jade: thanks, i think
beck: can i make it up to you somehow?
jade: buy me ice cream
beck: …coffee-flavored?
jade: did you really expect anything else?
jade: also can we do something illegal?
beck: no
jade: for me?
beck: still no
jade: you suck
beck: figured
beck: how'd things go with that guy
jade: he finally decided to leave me alone
jade: which means i am now completely free
jade: i mean he was gorgeous but there are better looking guys
beck: are you hinting at something
jade: course not
jade: come and get me, pretty boy
/
robbie: Do you know when it's right to kiss a girl? Beck had no useful advice.
andre: yeah beck's not the best person to go to for advice
andre: your heart will tell you when the time is right
robbie: Are you turning into a hippie?
andre: nah man i just like to go with the flow
robbie: Do you listen to your heart?
andre: sometimes
andre: why
andre: I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING
robbie: Relax!
andre: SERIOUSLY NOT AMUSED
/
andre: tori
tori: andre
andre: tell robbie to stop texting me
tori: what is he texting you about :p
andre: relationship advice
andre: i'm not good with relationships
tori: youre really not :{)
andre: you're one to talk, miss ryderstevendanny and need i even mention the thing with beck
tori: SHUT UP I TOLD HIM TO NOT KISS ME OKAY :(
andre: okay okay shutting up
andre: but fo real tell robbie to stop
tori: how :*(
andre: stop with that face you know it makes me feel all guilty inside
andre: I DON'T KNOW JUST TELL HIM THAT YOU'LL MAKE HIM A SANDWICH
tori: wait what
andre: I DON'T KNOW
tori: fine ill figure something out :(
tori: go sleep or something!
/
tori: andre says dont text him for relationship advice!
robbie: Darn.
robbie: Who am I going to text now? I need advice!
robbie: Hey, Tori.
tori: NOT ME
robbie: Darn it.
/
robbie: Hey, Jade.
jade: go fall off a cliff
robbie: Will you give me some advice?
jade: never in a million years
jade: i'd rather slam my tongue in a car door
robbie: Please?
jade: NO
jade: actually you know what maybe
robbie: YES!
jade: but you gotta do something for me first
robbie: WHAT?
jade: find out if beck wants me back
robbie: How in the world am I supposed to do that?
jade: you'll figure something out
jade: that is, if you actually do want my 'advice'
robbie: Fine!
jade: you have 24 hours
jade: hurry up
/
robbie: Beck!
beck: what now
robbie: I have a question.
beck: why do people always say that before they ask a question
beck: why can't they just SAY THEIR QUESTION
robbie: Okay, fine. Do you, erm, want a girlfriend?
beck: if you are offering it is a definite no
robbie: BECK! I am a boy. And I know someone who might be interested.
beck: not rex either
robbie: Seriously!
beck: fine idk i'm still kinda confused
beck: on one hand i wanna get over jade
beck: and on the other hand i don't…
robbie: What do you mean?
beck: nvm
beck: TELL NO ONE ABOUT THIS
robbie: WAIT!
/
robbie: TORI!
tori: robbie srsly if this is another relationship advice thing I HAVE NONE :(
robbie: It's about Beck and Jade.
tori: …okay youre really creeping me out dude
robbie: No I MEAN. Does Beck want Jade back?
tori: idk man how would i know :(
robbie: YOU AND BECK WERE LIKE BFFS TWO DAYS AGO!
tori: no need to get so angry :'(
tori: i don't know i'm pretty sure hes still in love with her 3
robbie: Can you find out for sure and send the text to me?
tori: um
tori: i guess
tori: seriously tho you need help with this issue
robbie: I HAVE NO ISSUES!
tori: yeah sure…
/
tori: beck
tori: hey beck
tori: answer your txts before i send jade over there cuz you know shed love to cut off all your hair (:
beck: i was asleep
beck: can i get no peace
tori: yeah no okay anyway look i have a question :)
beck: STOP SAYING THAT
beck: SERIOUSLY WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST TELL ME THEIR QUESTIONS INSTEAD OF SAYING THAT THEY HAVE A QUESTION
tori: would you calm down omg
beck: no
beck: fine what's your question
tori: do you want jade back or
beck: …what
beck: i tried to kiss you like a month ago
beck: what spurred this on? and why do you care?
tori: thats a lot of questions
tori: why cant you just answer mine :(
beck: idk i think i do
tori: R YOU IN LOVE WITH HER OR WHAT
beck: …yeah
tori: CAN YOU SAY IT IN A DIFFERENT FORM PLS
tori: LIKE 'I'M IN LUV WITH JADE WEST'
beck: i'm in love with jade west
tori: THANK YOU
beck: yeah that wasn't weird at all
/
tori: ok i just sent you the txt and a screenshot of the txt
tori: now you have to love me 4ever :)
tori: srsly though that was hard to get
robbie: Thank you so much!
tori: no prob
tori: except next time pls enlist andre :p
robbie: I'll consider it.
/
robbie: Check out the pic I just sent.
jade: …how do i know this is legit
robbie: IT'S A SCREENSHOT.
jade: yeah but you can photoshop that chiz
robbie: CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME SOME ADVICE ABOUT CAT AND THEN GO GET YOUR BOYFRIEND BACK? PLEASE?
jade: fine fine chillax dude
jade: don't get your panties in a twist
robbie: JADE.
jade: cat likes cotton candy, unicorns, and the color pink, obviously. buy her a charm bracelet with a unicorn on it. hold her hand. play with her hair. and then when she's smiling at you, kiss her.
robbie: Really think that'll work?
jade: yeah now leave me alone
jade: i've got work to do
robbie: Good luck.
jade: don't need it
/
jade: i need your help
cat: omg is this a group chat?
jade: please don't
tori: omg this is so cool :)
jade: i hate you both
jade: but seriously
jade: as tori's definitely aware, beck's still in love with me and i want him back
jade: but i want him to beg for me back
tori: how do you even plan on doing that!
jade: yeah, that's where you two come in
cat: IS THIS A SECRET AGENT PLAN :D
jade: NO
jade: well actually sort of
jade: you see, i need you two to go in and plant the idea in his head that he needs to work for me back
jade: you know that i'm moving on and he's really hurt me etc
tori: are you serious right now :O
jade: 100%
jade: i don't waste my time
cat: WE'LL DO IT (:
jade: thanks, cat
jade: vega?
tori: depends
tori: will you give me a hug if i do it :D
jade: maybe
tori: …ill take it
/
tori: look beck you said youre still in love w/jade rite
beck: yeah what of it?
tori: i heard shes moving on dude
beck: …where did you hear that from
tori: IDK ITS A RUMOR GOING AROUND THE SCHOOL OKAY :(
tori: dont question me!
beck: fine okay
tori: seriously tho if you want her back (which u obviously do) youre going to need to work for her back
beck: …i'll consider it
tori: you do that
/
cat: BECKKK
beck: okay what do you want cat
cat: can i ask you something :D
beck: STOP ASKING ME THAT
beck: JUST ASK ME I'M NOT GONNA SAY NO
cat: …okay fine do you still love jade 3
beck: why is everyone suddenly asking me about her though
cat: answer the question :'( :'(
beck: fine yeah i do
cat: well then u need to go get her back!
cat: you two are supposed to get married and live in a silver sugar castle and live happily ever after 3
beck: what
beck: what even
cat: no srsly though i think she wants you to work for her back :)
beck: …okay
beck: I GET IT
cat: no need to yell!
beck: …
/
beck: hey jade
jade: go away
beck: jade can you meet me somewhere please?
jade: well since you asked so nicely
jade: NO
beck: no seriously i think that you'll like this
jade: does it have to do with scissors?
beck: maybe…
jade: fine i'll be there
jade: when?
beck: thirty minutes
jade: kay
jade: this better be worth it
beck: oh believe me it will be
/
robbie: Hey Cat, wanna go out for dinner tonight? :)
cat: yay! i love dinner :D of course i do!
robbie: Cool, meet me at 7 at Nozu?
cat: I LOVE NOZU! i'll be there (:
/
jade: hey cat
jade: robbie's gonna kiss you tonight
jade: do us all a favor and kiss him back
cat: how do you know?
jade: i know everything
jade: seriously though, don't screw this up
jade: i am not listening to his sad songs that sound like a dying cat for days on end
cat: i wont :)
jade: good
cat: and you need to move into a magic sugar castle with beck!
jade: no
jade: now bye going to get ready for beck's 'surprise'
cat: have fun :D
/
jade: i legitimately cannot believe you
beck: why are you texting me
jade: because you're still hiding, you weirdo
beck: i'll come out if you promise not to kill me
jade: why would i kill you? this is amazing
beck: i love you
beck: you know that right
jade: good
jade: now come out here and say it to my face
/
robbie: I took your advice. I did everything the way you told me to. And Cat kissed me back.
robbie: And now she's agreed to be my girlfriend.
robbie: Seriously, thanks.
robbie: I had my doubts, but they're all gone now.
jade: can you stop texting me
jade: i'm trying to make out with beck okay
robbie: Well, I'm glad that worked out too.
jade: srsly dude this is beck
jade: that ringing is annoying
jade: let me make out with my hot girlfriend
robbie: …TMI.
/
cat: hey robbie :)
robbie: Hey, Cutie.
cat: I saw a heart at the mall and I thought of u :D and my brother but his toe is stuck in the faucet again
robbie: Aw, that's sweet.
cat: no but can you come help me!
robbie: Any time.
/
tori: seriously andre our friends are getting soooo annoying
andre: tell me about it
tori: do beck and jade ever come up for air!
andre: do you watch them omg
tori: …no omg do you
andre: …no
tori: want some cocoa :)
andre: anytime, muchacha
/
beck: i love you babe
jade: i hate you
beck: yeah that's what i thought
beck: want some coffee
jade: always
beck: if you tell me you love me i'll give it to you
jade: this is seriously not fair
beck: hurry it up
beck: it's getting cold
jade: you are the worst
beck: not earning you any points sweetheart
jade: i love you
beck: saving that to my phone
jade: GIVE ME MY COFFEE
beck: yeah yeah
beck: also um NOT GONNA SAY I HAVE A QUESTION CAUSE THAT'S ANNOYING but i kinda do
jade: yeah?
beck: why did you pick me to be your fake boyfriend
jade: why do you think?
beck: because you love me
jade: yeah yeah close enough
beck: i'm honored
jade: you should be
/
jade: vega
tori: NO I WILL NOT GO TO THE CREEPY ABANDONED MALL WITH YOU
tori: seriously jade you cannot get me to do all of the illegal things that beck wont do
jade: jeez i didn't even say anything
jade: someone's quick to assume
tori: FINE what were you gonna say? :(
jade: will you go to the creepy abandoned airport with me
tori: NO!
tori: also you still owe me a hug
jade: fine whatever
/
jade: beck seriously
jade: going to a creepy abandoned airport is NOT illegal
beck: it's illegal in so many ways and no one is going to go with you also cat has plans with robbie so you can't manipulate her into going
jade: i really hate you
beck: love you too babe
/
A/N: SO REALLY this was supposed to be a drabble but it ended up being 3000+ words because I cannot write drabbles and I decided to post it on ff. Any grammar mistakes are obviously intentional, since this is in text style. Hope you liked it :) Please review and don't fave without reviewing.