Hello everyone! A bit late like I had mentioned, but it's time for the final chapter of IrregularS! And, considering today's sunny outside, I guess I managed to keep my promise to publish it before the next Ice Age. That's something I guess.

But first, I want to say a couple things, if you don't mind (if you do, you can just skip to the actual chapter.) When I started this back in 2012, I didn't think it would become as appreciated as it is. When I'm writing this, it has 262 favourites and 372 followers... roughly ten times what I had expected. I guess that's what kept me going, and not dropping this halfway through like most of my past projects. Even if it stil took me six years to finish this, and that was unfortunately another of the reasons why keeping up the schedule was hard for me: as time went on, continuing writing this fic in the "crackfic with plot" style popularized by Shadow Crystal mage became increasingly difficult to me, as my natural writing style evolved differently in my unrelated original projects. That is the reason why I have to curb your enthusiasm and say that there won't be any sequel to this story. (Also because then I'll really end up finishing it during an ice age or something).

So, thank you all for your support. It was really appreciated.

I, however, have to say I'm disappointed by some of the reactions to my hiatus notice - or, rather, the fact that a couple people apparently didn't even bother reading it in full before lashing at me. Granted, hiatus might not be the right term and may have caused confusion, but I got accused of abandoning the story while I had clearly stated that the communication was only to warn you guys that the last chapter was taking longer due to a botched first draft needing a complete rewrite.

So, just a little tip from you favourite stupid fic writer: read stuff throroughly before making accusations, 'kay?

As for the usual beta credits, I want to thank Karrin Blue, Desdendelle and Doctorlit for having had a look at this chapter (or its previous drafts) at various points during its long gestation. Even if you were all busy, you did all in your power to help me. I really appreciate that.

Chapter 12 - There Is No Kill Like Overkill

"This is an Uminari public announcement vehicle. At 7:00 AM today, an evacuation order was issued due to extreme weather. Please take refuge in the nearest shelter. This is an Uminari public announcement vehicle..."

The police car went past six girls, who kept walking in the direction from where the heavy winds were coming.

"According to our data, that's where Walpurgisnacht will come from," Nanoha said, opening a holographic window in front of the group. "As soon as she comes, Teams A and B must start pushing her towards the sea. Even with the evacuation notice, there might be some people still around."

Mami nodded. "We should try to keep Walpurgisnacht from damaging the city, as well."

[Sir, Minions detected at twelve o'clock.] Bardiche said, [approaching our position.]

The girls transformed, most of them taking a battle stance. Homura, however, just kept walking on. "These are harmless. Don't waste magic on them."

Indeed, the group of Familiar just walked past them. As usual, the Familiars looked unnatural: a circus caravan of deformed animals that wouldn't have looked out of place in a small child's drawing.

Sayaka stared at a green, cartoon-like elephant. "They didn't even notice us. And we're standing right in the middle of them."

An enormous figure started to become barely visible inside the clouds. "Here she comes," Homura said.

Sayaka took a step back as soon as the figure became fully visible. "Just... just how big is that thing?"

"The bigger they are, the harder they fall." Kyoko bit off a piece of Pocky. "And we're going to trip her for good."

The colossal Witch floated closer, upside down as always. Her gears set into place as she spit out a long flame, before starting to laugh.

"Team A and B, we'll take position for the initial push. Team C, stay on the lookout for familiars," Nanoha said as she picked up Homura and flew onto the roof of a nearby skyscraper. Fate followed suit carrying Mami. The two mages then started aiming their Devices at the Witch, while Mami unfastened her tie and started twirling in until it became the giant, bipod-supported version of the Finale Cannon.

"Akemi, I'm actually curious now. What kind of weaponry do you-" Mami stated, only to remain speechless when the roof started glowing purple and no less than five four-barrel missile launchers emerged. Big ones.

"I will start with a salvo of twenty RGM-84 Harpoon missiles, with their fuses enchanted to delay their triggering. They should provide enough thrust to push the Witch out of the city."

Mami was relieved to not have brought out her teacup, as she would've let it fall from the shock. "That's just the beginning?"

"The target is in position!" Nanoha shouted. "Everyone, fire on my signal. Three, two, one... Fire! Divine Buster!"

"Plasma Smasher!"

"Tiro Finale!"

Homura wondered for a split second if she should've shouted an attack name as well. But, well, what would it be? She was just pulling the trigger on some missile launcher, not casting a spell.

"Harpoon Anti Ship Missiles!"

Homura could feel her cheeks heat up when her teammates turned around and stared at her.

"Well, I have to admit it, Bluehead," Kyoko said after mowing down a line of familiars with a chain-spear sweep, "you're making me have second thoughts about the 'don't throw swords' thing."

Sayaka summoned a batch of cutlasses and threw them after another group of Familiars, pinning several of them to a wall. "I guess I have to thank a certain gluttonous redhead for having the patience to bear with me until I got it working, then."

Kyoko darted past her, crossing blades with another familiar. "When are you going to learn to check behind you, though? These things just keep coming."

Even if she was acting strong, Kyoko had to admit that these things gave her the creeps. They were somewhat off proportions and made out of a purplish, glowing substance, but at the same time their shape looked convincingly human.

Kyoko broke blade lock and ducked under the Familiar's swing before stabbing it with her spear.

"Kyoko..." Sayaka said between slashes, "is it me, or is this the first time a Witch doesn't just copypaste the same two or three designs all over?"

Kyoko glanced at her. She was doing rather well, especially considered how clumsy she had been until just a few days earlier, but even with her quick healing there were several cuts on her body. "Damn right you are. These things all look different... I'm afraid your 'Magical Girl ghost' theory might be right."

Something very big passed about a hundred meters over their heads at very high speed. Sayaka blinked in puzzlement as she recognized the shape. "...Was that Walpurgisnacht? What the heck is happening to her?"

Kyoko brought a Pocky to her mouth. "Judging by the amount of rockets pinned on her, I think our Homerun just batted one of her namesakes."

[The push was successful! The target is already over the sea, and is still being pushed towards 116° bearing. We expect the missiles to run out of fuel about thirty kilometers off the coast,] Amy said through a holographic window as the IrregularS made their way through the city.

Kyoko raised an eyebrow. "I hope you're not expecting us to swim after her, right?"

"Don't worry, I have that covered as well," Homura said just as they reached a bridge over the river. She jumped in the water, which started glowing purple as a patrol boat emerged from it.

Sayaka stared at the "US Coast Guard" writing on the boat's side. "Wait a minute here... Homura, you stole an American ship?"

Homura looked down from the ship's roof, visibly embarrassed. "Well..."

"We just requisitioned it as allowed by TSAB regulations on scenarios with high probability of Class-6 planetary annihilation. We'll give it back later," Nanoha explained without missing a beat.

Sayaka shook her head. "That's not the issue. I was just surprised... Homura, did you transfer to our school from the States?"

Everyone else facepalmed.

"Target in sight!" Nanoha said after a few minutes of sailing. The Witch was floating over what looked like a partially submerged city.

Mami rubbed her chin. "If the buildings didn't look all the same, it would be hard to believe that city is just a fake."

"We take pride in the realism of these!" Nanoha said enthusiastically before opening a communication window. "Admiral, we're inside the simulated city. Can you bring up the training barrier?"

[Of course,] Lindy said. [Barrier coming up in fifteen seconds.] Concern appeared on her face. [Please, be careful.]

A hemispherical dome appeared, surrounding the city.

"I'll start the dance, if you don't mind," Mami said, touching the ship's floor with one hand. The superstructure glowed and turned into a giant cannon, firing a shell at Walpurgisnacht. Nanoha and Fate quickly followed suit with a simultaneous casting of Divine Buster and Plasma Smasher.

As if they took that as a cue for appearing, several Familiars started firing on the group, who scattered off the ship.

"If Blonde Support helps us with some anti-air fire, it would be really appreciated," Kyoko said, spearing one of the Familiars.

"Plasma lancer, Phalanx Shift!"

"Tiro Orchestra!"

"I retract my nickname for Team B," Kyoko said, watching in awe at the barrage of energy darts and golden bullets mowing down a good number of the Familiars, "this is more Team Blonde Annihilation."

Sayaka looked around for targets, and elbowed Kyoko as she saw what Homura was up to.

"What is it, Bluehead... Oh, shi-" Kyoko let her last Pocky fall out of her mouth.
Sayaka elbowed her again. "That's not really a nice word to say. Though... I agree on the sentiment."

In front of them, a full fleet of assorted warships had appeared, including an aircraft carrier.

"Well, let's start covering her, shall we?" Kyoko said, launching herself at a group of Familiars, "I don't want these things to interfere with her fireworks, so it's time to kick ass and eat Pocky!" Kyoko glanced at her empty Pocky box. "And I'm all out of Pocky."

Sayaka laughed, before launching a full batch of cutlasses. "I'm completely agreeing with you this time."

Homura, standing on the top of the carrier's island, commanded all the other ships to fire their main guns before bringing a Grief Seed near her Soul Gem — controlling so much machinery through her magic was taxing.

But I think it's worth it, she thought as she saw Walpurgisnacht pushed through several buildings by both the brunt impact of the shells and their warheads' explosions.

She stiffened as she saw some buildings being uprooted and lifted, but those disappeared completely in seconds. Her most dangerous attack method, thanks to the simulated buildings' nature, was now useless.

Homura set the warships' AA guns to shoot at the Familiars, and started filling the carrier's deck with every missile launcher she had found until then.

Nanoha dodged one of Walpurgisnacht's beams before retaliating with another Divine Buster. There was really no need to change spell: the colossal Witch was such a big and slow target that the fastest way to deal damage to her was spamming beam attacks at her.

Of course, that also meant that they were going through their mana reserves quickly.

"I'm starting to run low on mana, and I have only a few cartridges left."

"Same here," Fate said, "but we're doing a lot of damage, it won't be long before you'll be able to use that."

Indeed, the Witch's dress was ripped and there were cracks in her gears.

"There aren't many Familiars left, either." Mami fired a couple of muskets. "It looks like she isn't able to make any more."

Bardiche's head glowed. [Sir, there are missiles homing on the Queen. I suggest moving out of the predicted trajectory and explosion range."

The three girls looked back at Homura's fleet, and agreed.

Sayaka beheaded a Familiar. "I think this is the last one for now, we should call the others to see how... Whoa!"

Hundreds of missiles took off from Homura's fleet, mostly from the aircraft carrier.

"If that's not gonna kill that thing, I don't know what else can." Kyoko glanced at Sayaka. "Hey, what's with that face?"
"Kyoko... I can't believe it. She did it." Sayaka said slowly, her eyes glimmering in amazement. "A Macross Missile Massacre. And I'm seeing it with my own eyes!"

Kyoko facepalmed, and stabbed a Familiar just before it could attack her friend. "Earth calls Sayaka, Earth calls Sayaka, we have a planet to save and these things are still after your ass. Stop thinking about TvTropes."

[Master, mana saturation in the area is at optimal level,] Raising Heart said just as Walpurgisnacht was engulfed in explosions.

Nanoha nodded. "It's time for it, then. Fate, Mami, can you please get the other girls as far as you can? I don't know how big the shockwave is going to be."

"How big...?" Mami repeated, before Fate grabbed her and flew away as fast as she could. Nanoha, instead, flew to the roof of the skyscraper that would give her the best angle to shoot at the Witch.

"I have to admit your effort was admirable, Nanoha Takamachi. I have never seen Walpurgisnacht damaged to such an extent before," Kyubey said, calmly walking next to her.

"You don't believe in our chances of success, do you?"

"According to the average damage efficiency you have had during the fight, there is not enough magic left between the six of you to defeat Walpurgisnacht. You have lost, Nanoha Takamachi."

"My mana is not what I'm going to use for this spell," Nanoha said, before stomping the roof hard enough to crack the concrete and aiming Raising Heart at the Witch. "Remember, I am Nanoha Takamachi, the Ace of Aces of the Time-Space Administration Bureau. And you've yet to see my full power!"

[Starlight Breaker.]

Homura stopped the patrol boat at the very edge of the barrier. "This is as far as I can go. Is it enough?"

Fate glanced towards the simulated city. "I hope it is."

A big sphere of mana appeared in front of Raising Heart as it loaded a full magazine of cartridges. Nanoha switched out the empty magazine for another full one while small specks of mana started converging from the surrounding area into the sphere.

"I summon the light of destruction down upon my prisoner," Nanoha chanted.

"Where does all of that mana come from?" Kyubey asked in disbelief as the sphere quickly grew in size. Nanoha ignored him, and loaded all the cartridges of the new magazine.

"Stars, gather, and become the light which pierces everything."

"Don't tell me... you are collecting the spent mana lingering in the area, and using it in your spell? This is a violation of the principles of thermodynamics! This should not be working!"

"Tear through everything in a blaze of light! Starlight Breaker!" Nanoha shouted as she hit the sphere with Raising Heart, releasing the spell. A powerful pink beam emerged from it, hitting Walpurgisnacht straight in the center. On impact, some smaller beams splintered away, each powerful enough to disintegrate a building on the spot.

And then, the dreaded shockwave started sweeping the area from the point of impact, quickly reaching the building where Nanoha was standing, who just had the time to cast Protection Powered before being hit.

"This incredible power comes entirely from the waste mana littering the area? This is just ridiculous!" Kyubey screamed just before being disintegrated.

"Nanoha! Wake up, Nanoha!"

Nanoha opened her eyes, and found herself being carried in mid-air by Fate.

"Thank God," Fate said, "I was getting worried. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Nanoha said, letting out a short laugh. "I really went overboard this time, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did. I have to admit it worked, though. Look."

Nanoha turned around, and saw only the sea. The simulated city had been dispelled, and Walpurgisnacht was no more. "We've beaten her?"

"It's more like you completely disintegrated her. Alongside the simulated city, and Homura's fleet," Fate said, landing on the patrol ship. Which was the only thing still afloat inside the barrier.

"The Witch's destruction is confirmed!" Amy said, looking at some holographic screens. "They did it!"

Lindy sighed. "I'm glad it's over. Though... What was the estimated value of those ships?"

Amy gulped. "I'm... not sure you want to know, Ma'am."

"I guess it was the price to pay to save the city from Walpurgisnacht, and to prevent Miss Kaname's Witch from ever existing," Miata said diplomatically. "Besides, I believe none of those navies knows where the ship had gone in the first place, or that the TSAB even exists."

Lindy turned towards Miata. "How do you put up with all of her collateral damage?"

Miata sighed. "You get used to it."

"I am sorry to intrude, but I must compliment the Bureau's handling of Walpurgisnacht," an Incubator said, walking into the room. He looked different from Kyubey, with a more squared jaw and two moustache-like prongs near his mouth.

"Intruder on board!" Amy screamed, going for the alarm.

Miata raised a hand to stop her. "I believe our unexpected guest doesn't come with bad intentions. May I know your name, though?"

"I am Unit 1A, first among the Incubators and universal overseer of the energy collection operation. As you can guess, we can no longer hide from the Bureau, and so I came here to discuss an agreement."

"Well, I think that's something you would need to talk with the Council about, not us. But I'm going to tell you this right away," Miata said, "there's no compromise to be had. Turning young girls into monsters is unacceptable, no matter the reason. You'd better start searching for another way to gather your energy."

Kyubey walked into the room as well. "If I may intrude, I have a possibility in that sense. Requesting permission to speak, 1A."

"Permission granted, 9B."

"I have analyzed the mana gathering ability of the spell known as 'Starlight Breaker', and I have come to the conclusion that it recycles waste mana remaining in the atmosphere after casting spells into fresh, usable mana. This, until now, had been considered to be a violation of the principles of thermodynamics, but it seems to be not the case. Mana recycled this way could be easily used as a source of energy."

"This is interesting, 9B. Have you already done an estimate of the total yield?"

"Yes. The output per planet will be lower for a single unit of time, but we will be able to extract energy from a single planet for a longer amount of time, and I believe we could get authorization from the Bureau for harvesting waste mana from the Administered Planets as well. If that is the case, we will have a net gain over the current method of energy gathering in about ten thousand years."

Miata smiled. "Well, if you Incubators cease going after young girls and use this new method, I believe we have our compromise."

[Mami's operation has been successful,] Sayaka said from a holographic window. [The medics here on the Asura are keeping her under observation, but it looks like her soul and... how was it called? Linker core? Anyways, they're back in her body. If no weird things happen during the night, next morning will be Kyoko's turn, and then mine."

"That's good to hear," Nanoha said. "Good luck, then."

"Good luck!" Madoka echoed her.

[Don't worry about us, everything's gonna be alright. Just have another pajama party ready for when we get back!] Sayaka smiled, and closed the call.

Madoka looked around. They were at a spring resort on Momoko's suggestion. She had claimed it was to help Nanoha, Fate and Homura relax after the big battle, but everyone could see through her true intentions. As it was, she had insisted for the girls to all share a room.

"Uhm..." Madoka said, "Where did Homura and Fate go?"
"Don't worry, they'll be back soon. Just be ready to dodge when I tell you to."

Homura peeked into the room. "Is it alright for us to do that?"
Fate closed a fist in determination. "I've been waiting this moment for five years! Let's pounce on them already!"

And so, they ran in and went straight for a tackle jump. Except their targets dodged at the last second, and so the two assailants found themselves skidding in a tangle of bedsheets.

"Looks like our best friends had bad intentions towards us," Nanoha said, holding Fate down.

"What should we do with them?" Madoka said, doing the same to Homura.

"Tickle them until they ask for pity."

And so, Fate's plan of tickling Nanoha failed again. Yes, it was all about tickles. If anyone was expecting something else, they need a refresher course on what "underage" means.

Junko put down her binoculars. "Our plan seems to be working."

Momoko did the same, nodding. "Operation 'Get Our Girls To Hook With The Hottest Guys At School' didn't go as we planned, but... I guess it's fine."

Junko laughed. "Who would've imagined that both my daughter and yours actually are into girls?"

Momoko laughed as well. "Indeed. Say... When do you think we should tell them we used to be Magical Girls, as well?"

"What kind of question is that? When they're in trouble against an enemy, we'll dust off our old costumes and save the day. That will be just the right amount of shock for them."

Momoko shook her head and glanced at Junko's empty sakè cup. "You're drunk again, aren't you?"

The End