Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds and I'm not making any money off of this story.

Summary: Penelope's life has been turned upside down, now she must rely on her closest friends to get her through what lies ahead.

I don't know where exactly this came from, I just sat down and started writing and this is what I came up with. Not my usual, but I hope you all like it. Feedback would be appreciated.

Quote that inspired this story: "If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you. If I hadn't liked you, I wouldn't love you. If I hadn't loved you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do and I will." By Anonymous

…

Penelope's hands shook as she rummaged through her bathroom cabinet looking for her pills. As her fingers found them a coughing fit overtook her. She covered her mouth as coughs wracked her body, her eyes watering from pain.

When the fit was finally over she leaned back against the wall and slid to the floor. She wiped blood from her mouth while her other hand tightly held her pill bottle. She calmed herself down and popped the lid open; she swallowed down a single tablet and then closed her eyes.

She was dying.

She had stage 4 metastatic non-small cell lung cancer and the kicker was she had never smoked a day in her life.

Not only was the lung cancer killing her but it had also spread to her liver and ovaries, and there was no cure.

Her doctor had given her a year to live and that was three months ago. They were trying different treatments to prolong her fate but the disease would eventually kill her.

Penelope had been getting headaches and experiencing shortness of breath a few months before she went to her doctor. Given her busy schedule she hadn't had time to go get checked out and had just ignored it. But then one evening, as she was getting ready for bed, she had an intense coughing fit and had ended up coughing up blood.

That's when she had known it was serious, the next day she had asked Hotch for a day off and booked an appointment with her doctor. When she had explained her symptoms her doctor had frowned and ordered some tests immediately.

It had taken a week to get the results back and when the doctor's office got them her doctor had called her in to deliver the bad news.

Penelope regretted with all her heart not going to see the doctor sooner, if she had she might have had a chance but as it was she was told that the survival rate for patients with the type of cancer she had was sadly less than forty percent in an eight month time period.

Penelope wiped a tear from her eye as she sat on her bathroom floor. She had to get up and get ready for work but she was so tired. Her treatments drained a lot out of her and she wished she could just curl up in bed and go to sleep but she knew her team needed her.

She hadn't told any of them yet and working with profilers it wasn't the easiest feat in the least but Penelope just couldn't bring herself to tell them. She didn't think she could handle their devastation. She was barely holding herself together as it was.

She just wanted to live the rest of the time she had left with the team, her family, without the hurt of having them know too.

That didn't mean that they hadn't figured out something was wrong. They were profilers for goodness sakes. Penelope did her very best to hide it from them but she knew that they knew that there was something wrong, even if they didn't know what exactly it was.

They had all tried getting it out of her, each in their own way. Emily had demanded Penelope tell her outright. Derek had tried to coax it out of her. JJ had tried to cunningly get it out of her by sneakily bringing it up in another conversation. Spencer had been his cute self and told her that he was concerned for her. Dave had tried to wear her down, and Aaron had told her discretely that he was always there for her if she needed someone to talk to. However none of them had succeeded, though Penelope had to admit that she had almost told Spencer when he had tried, instead she had to make a quick escape before she broke down in tears.

She honestly thought it would be easier for them not to know.

Taking a deep breath she picked herself off the floor and walked back to the sink. She opened her makeup bag and began to go through her daily routine.

She had dark circles under her eyes that she had to cover up and she had dropped in weight so she had taken to wearing very loose fitting clothes. She still tried to dress in her unique, colorful style, she knew the team would be shocked and figure out just how serious her secret was if she stopped but damn it was tiresome.

It took her almost an hour to get ready and she had to force herself to eat something before she left for the office.

She received concerned looks as soon as she entered the conference room, however after getting them for weeks on end she was used to them.

"Morning," she said and then clicked on her laptop, the projector started up and Penelope's file on the case they would be heading to next popped up on the board. Penelope debriefed the team, all the while internally coaching herself to keep going; she could feel pains in her chest and shortness of breath coming on.

When she was finally done, she leaned over to pick up her laptop and cringed. Her face was hidden from the team but she felt like she was going to pass out and just hoped she could hold on long enough for the team to leave.

"Wheels up in thirty," Aaron said and Penelope heard the rest of the team begin to gather up their things.

Penelope straightened and found that Aaron was the only one left in the room with her.

"Sir," she said with a slight nod "I'll get right on the background checks of the victims." Then she went to leave the room.

Before she could she felt a gentle hand land on her arm.

She looked up at her boss and could see sadness in his eyes.

"Penelope," he said, which he rarely called her "we all know something is bothering you, please let us help you."

"I don't know what you're talking about Sir" Penelope answered.

Aaron sighed but let his hand drop from her arm and just stood watching as she walked away from him.

…

It was four days later. The team had wrapped up the case in New Jersey and were on their way home. Penelope was cleaning up her desk when she felt a stabbing pain in her chest and had to sit down. She tried to breathe through the pain. When the pain had dulled Penelope sighed and ran her hands through her hair.

She gasped when her fingers caught on a knot and instead of sliding through after a moment; a large clump of hair fell out.

Penelope brought her hands to her face and stared at her golden locks between her fingers.

It hit her then.

Up until that point it seemed so surreal but at that moment she had to acknowledge the truth.

Tears slid freely and unbidden down her face, sobs tore from her in despair as she clutched at the stands of hair, she rocked herself back and forth.

Once she started she couldn't stop. She didn't know how much time had passed but at some point she just barely recognized the sound of the door to her office opening and feet treading across the floor.

"Kitten?"

Penelope sniffed, Dave then, he was the only one who called her that.

"Are you okay?" Dave asked.

Penelope knew she had to come clean, she couldn't do this anymore.

She looked up at him with tears still rolling down her cheeks and almost whimpered at the look on his face. Her tremblingly fingers held out her blonde hair to him and a look of understanding dawned on his face.

"Oh Penelope," he whispered bending down on one knee and pulling her into a hug. She let him hug her and cried into his shoulder.

"I'm dying," her voice was quiet when she finally spoke, he just held her tighter.

"How long?" he said choked up.

"Nine months, if I'm lucky" Penelope answered.

"Oh god Kitten, why didn't you tell us?" Dave pulled back so he could look her in the eye.

"I…I couldn't, I don't know why but I just…I wanted to protect you all from it" Penelope said.

Dave understood but he still wished Penelope had told them; he couldn't imagine going through it alone.

Dave held her for a long time, neither of them talked.

After a while Penelope sighed and said "I'm tired."

Dave looked into her face and could see just how tired she was. He stood and then proceeded to help her up. "You're coming home with me tonight," Dave stated "I don't want you being alone tonight."

Penelope was too tired to protest and truthfully she didn't want to be alone either.

She leaned against him, allowing him to support her fully since she felt as though she was going to pass out.

He led her out of her office and down the hall. When they reached the elevators the whole team was there waiting. They were shocked to see the state she was in.

"Penelope…what?" Derek said taking a step towards them.

Dave shot him a look that stopped him in his tracks "I'll explain but first we have to get Penelope home…" a sad expression crossed his face and he felt his own eyes water "She's really sick."

No one said anything but Derek moved forward to help Dave support Penelope so they could get her downstairs.

When the elevator's doors slid open and the rest of the team followed Dave, Penelope and Derek, they got a shock when they saw the bald spot from Penelope's missing hair and knew just how bad of shape their friend really was in.