It's been a while since I updated so you'll probably have to read the last chapter again before this…

And that's what I did. After trying to beat down my inner fan girl and suppress the urge to strangle hug Undertaker (which was hella hard) I just couldn't take it anymore. Everyone else gave me weird looks when I tackled the white-haired man and began nuzzling his face.A wild fuck appeared, I used dodge. Fuck was not given. I was in the presence of mother. Fucking. UNDERTAKER! I could care less what everyone thought. This guy is the shit in my book and millions of other's I'm pretty sure! He is so awesome, and his voice. Oh god, HIS VOICE IN GOD DAMN REAL LIFE IS THE GREATEST THING, like, EVER. It's not all deep and super sexy like Sebastian's voice but it just has that tone to it that really adds to the crazy person he acts like. And to me, crazy people are sexy (I hope you don't think Sebby is normal).

"That's actually not why we're here," I said my voice and strangled whisper as I tried to keep it from a high pitched shriek.

"Oh I know, you see witch-" Undertaker began, bringing his hands together.

"Why does he call her witch…?" I heard Lau mumble.

"-My last few customers have been a bit unusual, I helped however, I made them look beautiful once more." He had brought his hands up to his face as if in a dreamlike state, you know how in a class room when you are so~ with bored your head is in your hands? Kinda like that but not really…..more fan-girly.

"Oh I see," Lau began, "The funeral parlor is only your cover business, and how much is it for information." Or he just really loves being around dead people….

Suddenly the Undertaker was in front of Lau and taking like a mad man… well then again he kinda was. "I have no need for the queen's coin! There is only one thing I want from you!" He turned to Ciel, naturally being the loving older sister that I am I pulled him to me quickly. As much as I love this crack pot he just goes a little overboard. This didn't faze the gray haired man however, "Please my lord," he begged, "Give it to me and I shall tell you anything you desire!" Dude…..Give what?! "Give me the extraordinary gift of true laughter!" Undertaker's arms had been spread out wide when he suddenly wrapped himself in an effective hug.

That settles it, this man has drugs somewhere. Maybe that barrel of white stuff he has was crack….. The psycho just stood there squirming about in his self-embrace. I can't say I haven't done that before though…

"Allow me my lord," Lau started causing us all to look at him, 'It is a classic." He took a dramatic pose as I took out a flash light and shined the light on him. Don't ask me how I had one I just did. All our expressions showed great boredom and nonchalance. "On which side does the tiger have the most stripes?" Insert 3 second pause here… "On the outside!" Bad dum tst!

Oh I see what you did there Lau. "Boo…" I started when Sebastian clapped a hand over my mouth cutting me off. I licked his hand to see if I could get a reaction, I immediately regretted it when I tasted the material on which his glove was made of. That shit is gross. Man, I swear I never think these things through.

"My turn…" Madam read stated walking forward, "I live for gossip. So that means this story will make you laugh so hard you will simply curl up and die." Oh hell no. Ci-Ci was not gonna hear this. Before she began her dreadful tale I slapped my hands over Ciel's ears which may or may not have startled him and caused a ringing in his ears. "So Alice's boo gave her the most extraordinary *** for her birthday, it was a *** white and so *** *** with thick veins running *** don't you see *** you could use-" Not even my ears could take this…

"ENOUGH!" I shouted surprising even Sebastian himself. A few minutes later Madam Red and Lau stood to the sidelines with a surgeons mask over their mouth covered by a giant red X. I stood next to them glaring.

"Now my lord it looks as though you are the only one left," Undertaker stated, his hands folded neatly. "I gave you a special discount this time but I am not gonna do it again." Ciel sighed angrily as I continued my death stare contest thing.

"I suppose it can't be helped," Sebastian sighed as he walked forward, I stared at him dumbstruck. Wait, wait, wait, did he have something this entire time?! "Everyone please wait outside." He said adjusting his gloves, "No matter what happens do not attempt to listen to this." He glared back at all of this.

"But I don't wanna…" I stated looking at him with big childish eyes. I pictured one of those scenes where the little kid has one of those weird chibi faces with dots for eyes and puckered lips (like this =3= but with dots). "You can't make me leave either," We stared at each other for a few moments before I was suddenly being strangled. Grell, you suck…

Moments later I stood with the others outside with my ear pressed up against the door. Let me tell you, I heard absolutely nothing….

A booming laughter soon came from inside at which I am sure my counterparts where sweat dropping as where I had let out a silent shriek and had gone flailing back into Lau when the sign started to break. I'm pretty damn sure he didn't mind. Sebastian opened the door with that closed eyed smile that I really wanted to punch off his face at the moment. "Please do come back in now, I believe he will tell us everything we need." If he had done that before we wouldn't have wasted so much time.

We walked back in and there was Undertaker… twitching on a coffin, still giggling. I looked at Sebastian and I backed away, ever so casually. Which is code for I almost fell over like 15 friggin coffins.

~CTO~

Once we had all gotten situated with beakers full of something (has this guy ever heard of lab safety?) and cozy coffins to sit on Undertaker began to tell us all he knew. "An interesting pattern I have seen these days…" He started, "I often get customers who are incomplete."

"How so?" I asked looking at the man before me. He sat there hugging an autonomy doll.

"Yes, the uterus is missing, which is quite odd." No really!? I thought that was completely normal….. Not every day somebody is missing something. "The killer makes a big mess of the body, but that particular part is always precisely excised." He said cleaning the dolls face, how could he act like he was stating the weather! Oh wait, this is Undertaker… be calm Alex.

"He did it on a road that was public though now high trafficked. Wouldn't an amateur have difficulty doing the job quickly enough?" They're not amateurs of course.

"You're a clever one… butler. That is exactly what I was thinking…" He walked over to me and made me stand, "Come now witch…" He said, he spun me and I stopped directly in front of him, facing them all. I am pretty sure I looked the part by the way they all slightly backed away. "You see he slits her throat with a sharp weapon." He dragged his nails across my throat, his hand was kinda cold. "Then," His other hand lowered to my stomach area. "He rips her right here, and takes her precious womanly parts."

He poked my cheek with his nail. He led me back to me seat and I sat down, he began to stroke my head. What the fuck dude? That is just plain creepy, but awesome nonetheless….. "There will be more slain I am certain. Sadistic killers like him don't stop until somebody makes him. Can you stop him? Will you sniff him out? Like a good little guard dog…" Undertaker cackled.

"My lord is bound by the honor of his family, he is to eliminate any threat the queen asks him to," I looked at them all with a small smile, "by any means he finds necessary. With all of us that shouldn't be too hard."

~CTO~

"With this new information it narrows down our suspects, first we must look at those with the necessary skills, and crossing out anybody with an alibi of the night in question. With the particular organ being taken it suggest some kind of gruesome ritual. This means we should concentrate our investigation on people dealing with secret societies." I stated one of the many lines I memorized.

"As if that narrows the field Alex?" Madam Red yelled, "Why even I would have the medical skills necessary for this!" Of course you would dear Madam….

"Well that just makes you one of our suspects now doesn't it?" I said as if explaining a simple math problem to a five year old.

She ignored me, "Besides the season is ending soon, any doctor that follows the nobles to the cities will be returning to the country soon then what?" God I wanted to punch her god damn face in.

I was about to shout at her when Sebastian butted in, "Then we will have to conclude this investigation quickly. I should be able to do this much at least. Otherwise what kind of butler would I be?"

"A normal one, duh." Everyone ignored that while Sebastian gave me a death glare.

Madam Red and Lau stared dumbstruck and Ciel just smirked. "Let me guess. You are going to make up a list of viable suspects and begin questioning them immediately?" I said with fake enthusiasm earning me another glare.

He opened the carriage door, "Now if you will excuse me…" And with that the demon butler was gone. I had to bite my hand when I saw the others' faces.

"HE KNOWS THAT WE'RE MOVING RIGHT?" Madam Red practically yelled in my ear.

"Well of course he does madam, but this is Sebastian we are talking about. If he didn't do something to prove how awesome he was at least once or twice a day then what kind of butler would he be?" I said smiling.

"Sebastian can take care of it; we can head home and have a cup of tea while we wait." Ciel said ignoring me again.

"YOU KNOW WHEN YOU IGNORE ME IT IS RATHER HURTFUL!" I yelled while flailing my arms, the adorable bastard only smirked.

~CTO~

Walking up the front stairs of the town home I opened the front door unsurprised to find A bundle of tall, dark, and sexy standing there waiting for us. "Welcome back everyone, I have awaited your return. The tea is ready for you in the drawing room." He said taking Ciel's hat.

"Have enough time to clean Sebastian?" I teased him getting me another glare. How many times was that today? It finally clicked for Madam Red.

"Hold on! How are you here!?"

"I finished that little errand so I made my way home."

"You made the suspect list already?"

"Well, yes I made a list of names based on the things we had discussed and contacted them all to ask the relevant questions." He stated motioning to the three scrolls he held.

"Come now Sebastian, that's impossible even for you."

"Here we go…" I hummed as a knife sliced the ribbon of the first scroll and he began to list off names and alibis. I, however, didn't give a fuck and tuned it all out. You know I am kinda hungry, I thought, some chicken would be nice… or even McDonald's, hell I could go for one of those weird ass biscuits Undertaker always has on him. Damn why didn't I get one of those to go? I always wanted to try one.

I looked around at all their faces; Lau's was of… well Lau. Madam Red's was of complete shock; her hat was falling off her head. I let out a small chuckle at this. Grell however was by far the best… it was pure motherfucking adoration. You would have thought he had been kissed by god himself (haha oh the irony). I swear I saw hearts around his head.

Sebastian dropped the last scroll onto the floor. "From this information I have narrowed down our lists to one possible suspect."

"Are you certain you're just a butler? Not a secret military intelligence officer?" Madam Red asked, oh come now Madam Red.

"See, my lady. I am simply one hell of a butler." I mouthed the words behind his back and later earned myself a slap to the back of the head.

~CTO~

Oh god, this is just too funny, seriously shoot me! The amount of fun I am having can't be legal. "Stop touching me Alex." Ciel snarled. Gosh he makes me sound all pervy….

"Oh seriously Ciel this is just too damn funny…" I said with a devious smile on.

"The Viscount Druitt…" Sebastian said pulling us all back to reality, I stared at him and had the sudden urge to punch him in his face to hear the satisfying crunch of his glasses breaking under my fist as he adjusted them for now reason. But damn he did look fine as hell with them on. "Also known as Aleister Chambers, he graduated from Medical School but has never gone into practice."

"Lately, he has thrown several parties at his home; behind the scenes of these things are secret gatherings that only intimates maintain." I finished.

"I heard he is into black magic and those occult sorts of things." Madam Red added.

"So your suspicion is that he is holding these parties to perform ritualistic sacrifices of local prostitutes?" Lau asked.

"Tonight is the last party of the season," Ciel said stepping out; I had to clamp my mouth shut at the sight of him. "Which means this was our last chance." Oh Ciel, why couldn't you have been born a girl? That dress and pigtail extensions look so nice on you. Oh, I guess I should fill you in.

That's right; Ciel is in the legendary pink dress.

You guys, I still really want to one-shots so if you want me to write about something please request it. And for all that is holy NO SMUT! Sorry for the long wait T^T