Invader Miz

BY LILY BOOKMARKS

CHAPTER 1

"Hi Skool? Are the people here really that bad at spelling?" I asked myself.

Oh yeah, I have to explain to the dirt children reading this who I am.

My name is Miz, Invader Miz, or at least I would have been an Invader. Sadly, I was not selected to participate in the Great Assigning, I was too short. Angry and acting on impulse, I hitched a ride on a random Invader's ship and wound up on the dirt sphere you humans call Earth. With no way out, and only a home maker and a defective SIR unit, who insisted on me calling her RIG, to keep me from going insane. Although RIG was defective, we managed to cobble together pathetic disguises, enough to pass for you ignorant worms. In order to obtain information about this dirt sphere, I attended " Hi Skool". This is where we pick up on my story.

"Class, we have a new student today. Her name is Miz." the teacher introduced me. I just stood there, wearing a waist length blond wig, a black backpack to disguise my PAK, and bright green lenses, no precaution was made to conceal my green skin. I looked out on a group of small humans. Out of all the kids, two stood out. One had what appeared to be a black scythe for hair, and the other also had green skin.

I took my seat, which was right next to the green boy. There was something off about him.

"Today we're going to learn about outer space, and how it will eventually implode in on itself." the teacher said.

"Well, this is an odd subject to start learning about." I thought to myself.

"The universe is just doomed. Doomed... doomed...doomed..." her voice trailed off as I unfocused my brain. I looked over to the scythe boy, and realized that he had an enormous head. His eyes darted suspiciously towards me.

"Okay, am I the only one that sees two aliens sitting in class?" he said. The kids looked around, not aware of my existence.

"Right there!" he said, and pointed at me. I remained calm.

"That's no kid! She's an alien! Just like Zim!"

I simply looked at him with a bored face. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Explain your green skin!"

"It's a condition I have."

"Oh really? Is part of said condition having no ears?"

I put on a sad face. "Yes."

CHAPTER 2

"What is this toxic waste?" I wondered out loud, as I poked the little green orbs on my lunch tray with a fork. It smelled horrible. The humans called them "Beans".

"What's the matter?" said a familiar voice. I looked up, and saw the scythe haired boy in front of me. "Scared of BEANS, space girl?"

I gave him a slightly annoyed look. "Scared, no. Not a big fan, yes." I said, and pushed the tray away.

"Oh, just one more, then. Why so scared?" he egged me on. He was really starting to tick me off.

"Did you just hear me, or did my words not get through that thick skull of yours? I don't like beans. Will you leave me alone?"

"Listen here. I know what you are, and I'm not gonna stop until I see you in an autopsy table. You want to conquer the Earth, just like Zim over there."

He pointed to the other green skinned boy, who was also poking his beans with a look of disgust on his face.

"Look, I don't know what's wrong with you, or why you hate me and Zim, but I have no reason to ever want to take over this planet. Your efforts would be wasted, anyway."

"Ah ha! So you admit to being an alien!"

"I never said that. Now go away before I punch you."

We stared off, and you could feel the electricity in the air. Neither one of us would back down. The bell rang, ending our stareoff.

"This isn't over." I said.

CHAPTER 3

At last, the final bell rang. I walked out the front door of the "Hi Skool", although some humans opted for the windows. How odd. I had just made it out of the parking lot when I heard a familiar nagging voice.

"Miz!"

I turned around, and saw the scythe haired boy. Why wouldn't he leave me alone?

"Maybe your disguise fools everyone else, but I'll prove them otherwise." he said smugly.

"No one would believe you." I said, trying to mask the knot in my gut that told you something bad was going to happen.

"They will if I bring you to them without your disguise." he said, running in front of me. He held out a pair of handcuffs.

"And what pray tell are those?" I said sarcastically.

"Alien sleevecuffs. Guarnteed to render alien lifeforms unconsious."

"How do you know they work if you've never found an alien before?"

A sadistical smile crossed his face. "I'm gonna find out right now." he lunged for me, but I kicked him in the gut and ran towards my house.

CHAPTER 4

I was running for my life from a maniacal 16 year old. I ducked in and out of alleys, doing everything to avoid him. I eventually found my way back to my house, or at least I thought it was my house.

A muffled 'INTRUDER!' came from the back room.

"RIG? Is that you?" I asked. Instead, a little blue eyed SIR unit came from the direction of the cry.

"Wait, you're not RIG! Where am I?" I gasped, out of breath.

"Do you like waffles?" The SIR unit asked.

"Umm, I guess."

"Come on, waffle lady! Master wants to see you!" It said, changing subjects quickly and leading me towards an elevator disguised as a toilet. It was now obvious that another Irken lived here.

"GIR! What did you drag in off the street?" The owner of the base yelled when he saw me and "GIR".

"Master, she's on our side!" it said, and yanked off my wig, revealing my double curled antennae.

"Hey! Give that back!" I yelled.

"So you ARE Irken after all. I had my suspicions." he said, red eyes narrowed. "Sorry, but the Earth is mine to destroy, and I already promised the moon to GIR."

"What is it with you people and suspecting me of taking over the world? I just want to go home!" I yelled.

"It doesn't matter. Leave this base and stay out of my way." He said, and GIR gave me my wig and escorted me outside. I wandered the streets until I found my real home.

CHAPTER 5

The Next Day, After Hi Skool

I punched the scythe boy in the gut, and dragged him behind a corner of the building.

"I told you to leave me alone! What's this buisness of soaking me in water?" I said, soaked. Unlike most other Irkens, I was not born with an allergy to water, but I hated getting wet all the same. I wasn't allergic to meat either. I held him against the wall by his collar.

"I-I was just trying to prove you weren't human!" he said. Thank you Captain Obvious.

"Well, here's a tip: unless you want to get pummeled, don't."

"Put the Dib stink down." said a familiar voice behind me. I turned, and saw the green boy. I let "Dib" down, and he scurried away in panic.

"Are you the same Irken I met at your base while I was hiding from that 'Dib' creature?" I asked.

He glanced around, then whispered in my 'hair', "Yes. Are you the same Irken that wandered into my base?"

"Yep. My name is Miz, and you?"

"Zim."

"And you like the Dib human?"

"Of course not! I despise him!" he said, but his eyes, no matter how fake, told a different story.

I put on a sadistic smile. "I think this could be the start of a wonderful friendship."

CHAPTER 6

Next Day, In The Classroom.

"...Doom...doom...doom..." our teacher rambled on, though I wasn't paying attention. Apparently, all this education drone talked about was doom.

Something hit me on the side of the head. I opened the balled up piece of parchment, and found a crude drawing of me on an autopsy table, having my guts pulled out. Stupid Dib human. I pulled out my own piece of parchment, and in five minutes, I had a very detailed replica of the picture, but with reverse roles. I crumpled it up and threw it at the Dib human.

"...Doom...doom...doom. Go home now." the teacher said, and the bell rang. I scrambled for the exit, grabbing my fake backpack.

As I walked home, I was aware that the Dib human was following me. Once again, I took evasive action, ducking in and out of alleyways. I briefly passed Zim's house, and waved at GIR, who was looking out the window at the time. I finally arrived at my house: 35 Crimson Circle.

It was a large house, but not to large. It was purple, and had two bay windows on each side.

"RIG! Where are you?" I said. My orange defective unit came crawling down the spiral staircase that led to the attic.

"Master!" she squeaked. "Guess who made COOOOOOOOOOOKIEEEEES!"

"There's no time for that! Put the base into lockdown mode! We can eat cookies later."

Her eyes briefly flashed a crimson red.

"Yes, my lord!" she said, and pushed a button on the cold storage unit the humans called a 'fridge'. The door was reinforced, and just in time. The Dib human started pounding on my door. I manned the laser turrets, which were disguised as pink flamingos. With one push of a button, I had his bum smoking and off my lawn.

The base was safe, at least for now.

CHAPTER 7

Next Day, At Hi Skool

Today was the worst day of my education.

I was stuck in between Zim and Dib at lunch, who were arguing like smeets. It was really getting on my nerves. After 5 minutes of this, I lost my nerve and did the only thing I could think of.

"HEY! WHY DON'T YOU TWO MAKE OUT ALREADY?" I screamed at both of them. "Honestly, you two are like an old married couple!"

Both species shot their heads at me, their faces adorned with crimson blushes, and started stammering.

"Oh, don't give me that! I can see it in your eyes, Zim! You two may THINK you have nothing in common, but that's clearly not the case."

"What do you mean?" Dib said.

"Ever heard the expression 'More than meets the eye?'"

"No."

"'Looks can be decieving?'"

"No."

"'Everything is not what it seems?'"

"Nope."

"What's wrong with you?" I said.

"Oh, I've heard that one!" the human said. I smacked my hand against my forehead. This human was dumber than I thought, and he was considered the smart one. Either that, or that giant skull of his was thicker than I realized.

CHAPTER 8

Several Weeks Later, After Hi Skool Got Out

"I'm sorry, RIG! But bringing you on this trip is just too reckless." I said, shaking her off my foot.

"But master!" she whined.

"No buts. I'll see you in a week." I said, and walked out the door.

At Bus Stop

I shrugged my duffel bag off my shoulder. This field trip was a three week trip to a camp where we would 'embrace the outdoors'. Whatever, I was just in it for the Archery course they offered. I figured I could at least scare the Dib human while there. I saw the bus for the camp pull up, and Dib rushing to the stop, soaked in the rain. He glared at me.

I walked out into the rain, with only an umbrella to shelter me from the rain.

Suddenly, I felt extra weight pulling me down. I looked down, and was shocked to find Zim clinging to me, wet and sizzling. Remembering that I would not be affected by the rain, I gave him my umbrella and used my duffel bag to shelter myself.

Upon sitting down, I realized that there was only two seats left in the padded bus, and Zim and Dib were the last ones to get on. They would have to sit together. However, I was not about to give up my seat, because that would mean conversing with the Dib human. I decided to instead weather out their screams.

Bad choice.

CHAPTER 9

10 GRUELING Hours Later

Oh god, make it stop! Those two had been going at it for more than 10 hours. I was tempted to smack one of them upside the head and knock him out. I had snapped multiple times, which drew the attention of everyone else on the bus, and tried everything to drown out their irritating voices, but to no avail.

"Oh, just shut up already, if not for your own sanity, then for everyone else's!" I yelled. Like every other time, they didn't notice. I took a piece of parchment, scribbled 'SHUT UP!' on it, crumpled it up, and chucked it at Dib's head as hard as I could. Another bad choice, because what I witnessed next would forever scar me and spark my curiosity at the same time.

The parchment must have hit some pressure point on the Dib human's head, which was about a one in a million chance, or with such force that it pushed both species' faces together. I quickly snapped my head in the other direction, not wanting to witness the fallout of the impending apocalyptic reaction. On the other hand, I wondered how far I could push this newfound romance.

"What have I done?" I thought to myself, as the bus pulled up to the camp.

"...Zim, Dib, and Miz will be in cabin L." the counselor said. "Enjoy your stay."

"I can't believe I got put in a cabin with the Dib human." Zim muttered.

"First of all, I'm right here." The Dib human said, annoyed. "Second, I don't want to share a cabin with the likes of you two either. Third, would you rather spend three weeks with Willy?"

We all shuddered. "Willy..."

Cabin L was a long walk from the main site, about a half mile. On the outside, it was a large, woodsy log cabin with a giant "L" on the front. The site was very woodsy, surrounded by needled and flat leaved trees. Slowly, I opened the tinted sliding doors.

And so it begins.

CHAPTER 10

"What the heck..." I muttered. Cabin L was very different on the inside.

Inside, the whole room was red velvet, with a single bunk bed, also red. The cabin had a porch, which looked out onto the shimmering blue lake.

"I call top bunk!" I shouted, climbing up onto said bunk and throwing my duffel bag up there.

"But there's only two beds." Zim said.

"Well, I guess you two will have to SHARE." I said menacingly. Both paled at the thought.

"Oh stop it! Theres plenty of room in the bed for the both of you to keep a distance and get a good night's sleep."

The two looked at me with distain. I smiled in pleasure. I told you I was going to push this romance thing far.

"...Fine." the two muttered.

"Good. Now come on! The marshmallow roast is about to begin!" I said, and rushed out the door.

CHAPTER 11

At Campfire

The roast began at about 9 PM, as the humans stated. We sat around a billowng flame and cooked little white puffs of sugar called marshmallows. While some preferred their marshmallows burt to a crisp, I preferred them golden on the outside. When I bit into one, the gooey center spilled out, filling my mouth with gooey sugar. I was on my third marshmallow, when I noticed something odd. Some kids were putting chocolate and crackers on the outside. Curious, I tried this method, and discovered the S'more.

I was looking around, and notices another odd thing. Zim and the Dib human were voluntarily sitting next to each other. Last time I checked, the two hated each other, but here they were, roasting marshmallows side by side. If I hadn't known better, I would have said that they were friends... or even more than that. I smiled to myself. Maybe this whole romance thing was rubbing off on them.

Next Day

I woke up in my bunk bed, refreshed and ready to start the day. Although it wasn't necisary for Irkens to sleep, I made myself do it to appear normal.

I clambered down the ladder, and threw on my disguise. Parinoid, I rifled through the Dib human's bag, and found a camera with pictures of me in my true form. Shifting my gaze to the slumbering human, I deleted the pictures from the camera and threw it back in his bag. I went to push one of my contacts back in, when something moved in my perepheral vision. I turned and saw a sight beyond comprehension.

When I went to bed last night, Zim and Dib had argued throughout the night. Now, the two were curled up in each other's embrace. I shuddered, slipped on my PAK cover, and headed out the door, not waiting for the two to wake up.

CHAPTER 12

At Mess Hall

I sat down with my giant Belgian waffle, wondering how any human here could fit the whole thing in their stomach. Waffles were one of the only earth foods that a normal Irken could eat, but I was born with an unusually high tolerance to earth foods. The Tallests said it was a defect. Those bumbling fools wouldn't know evolution if it hit them in the faces, but that's irrelevant.

I was cutting up said waffle, when Zim and the Dib human came and sat down on either sides of me. They were unusually quiet today. Something must have happened last night.

"Are you two okay? You're awfully quiet today."

Both jumped at my voice, but Zim was the first to speak. "Everything's fine." he said quietly. That was just weird. Zim never talked quietly. I shrugged it off and finished my Belgian waffle.

At Archery Field

I drew back the arrow, and took aim. It had been an hour since breakfast, and I hadn't seen hide nor hair of Zim or the Dib human. That worried me, because they usually came to me to settle their arguments.

With a thwonk, the arrow hit the target dead center. Maybe "embracing the outdoors" wasn't so bad after all. I reached for another arrow and drew it back, when something startled me.

"Miz!"

I screamed, shot around, and let my arrow fly right into the Dib human's scythe, where it stopped, as if the hair was a solid object.

"Don't scare me like that! You could have died if I had missed!" I shouted at the human, pulling the wedged arrow out of his hair.

"Come on! It's time to switch activities." he said, and dragged me off to the Pool.

CHAPTER 13

Pool

There I stood, in a wet suit and goggles, wondering what to expect from this.

"Well, go on alien." The Dib human said menacingly, and jumped in. I looked at the water nervously, and dipped a toe in. The water was warm, and I knew I had to either put up with it, or reveal myself. Slowly, I slid into the water.

Suddenly, my grip gave way, and I slipped under without warning. I swatted at the water with my three clawed hands, and eventually propelled myself back to the surface. Despite popular belief, PAKs are actually waterproof, although I had to hide mine under my wetsuit.

I looked around the underwater world, and saw a bewildered Dib human drift by. Now confident in my swimming abilities, I chased after the human in a game of underwater tag. Water wasn't so bad after all. I batted at the Dib human's back in a desperate attempt to tag him. I finally scraped my clawed hands against his back, and jetted off in the opposite direction. When he didn't follow, I turned back, and was horrified to see him bleeding from three claw marks down his back. I swam back to him, and the water was stained purple with human blood. I scooped him up, and his eyes met mine.

Darting them away, I propelled him to the surface, and carried him out of the building. Irken medicine was his only hope, considering that no one would believe me if I said that I accidentaly clawed his back open.

I had to get him back to the cabin.

CHAPTER 14

Outside Pool, Heading Towards Cabin L

I burst out of the door, PAK uncovered, human blood trickling slowly down my arms. Mechanical wings sprouted from my PAK, and I bounded off the ground, flying through the air. I glanced at Dib. He was still consious, which was good. I landed on the porch of Cabin L, my wings retracted, and was startled to hear his voice.

"I have a few questions for you. First, how come you didn't burn in the water?" he stuttered.

"I wasn't born with that allergy. Sit up." I said, and dug out a pink jar of healing ointment. I scooped out a large amount of the goo, and smoothed it gently over his raw flesh.

"Let this sit for about three hours. By then, your scars should be better." I said, putting the jar away.

"Second, why do you have wings instead of spider legs?" he asked.

"I tinkered with the spider legs on my PAK until I turned them into wings."

"Last, why did you help me?" he said.

"I already told you, I'm not like the others. I have no intention of conquering this filthy backwater planet. I just want to go home."

"Why don't you?"

"I have no vehicle, and it has been impossible to get a hold of any parts to build one. This planet's inhabitants have grown on me as well."