Disclaimer: I do not own the characters taken from Big Time Rush and placed into this story. I make no money off this.

Author's Notes:

Here it is. The final chapter. This story...wow. I think it's the longest it's ever taken me to finish a story even though it's not the longest in length. I went through a lot while writing it, and now that it's done I feel kind of empty. I'll miss Joseph. Yes, we know he's James, but sometimes I still think of him as Joseph because that's who he was for most of this fic.

Thank you. Just thank you so much for reading this and encouraging me and making me want to keep writing. The joy you guys bring me is like nothing else in my life, except of course for BTR but then again, that makes sense because this is an extension of that. There has never been anything like BTR in my life.

I didn't put it in the story, but I want you guys to know that Stacy's cancer disappeared completely and you can assume it will never return. Just because I love happy endings. :) If you have any other questions about how something turned out, feel free to ask.

Huge thank you to Aranelle and jdmazz for quick turnarounds with the beta stuff. I know they have lives and fic of their own but they're wonderful about taking time to read this over for me and give me feedback/advice. I love them so much. Ha, it's also funny that my two betas are Kames girls.

About a year ago I wrote a story for kathrynew30, it was a gift for our one-year friendiversary. The James Diamond in this story is taken directly from that one, though he suffered no amnesia in it. So for that reason, I dedicate this to Kathryn.

I also must dedicate it to joyousbrokenthing, who is entirely to blame for this being written at all. She tweeted me one night about a vision of Logan as a scientist building a robot James. This story is of course not that at all, but it got me thinking about a situation where Logan basically helps put James back together and within fifteen minutes I had this story pretty much written in my head. I wasn't planning to write a Jagan next, but it wouldn't leave me alone so here we are. Thanks a lot, Tammy.

James stared down at the brightly-colored costume in the box, his face showing his feelings before the words did. "Carlos, I love you, but I'm not doing this for you."

"Yes, you are," Carlos grinned, clapping him on the back in passing. He was dressed in red and white, the Santa outfit only a little too big on him. Glancing over at Logan, who was sitting on the couch with a pair of green slippers on his hands, Carlos reached down and flicked the little round bells on the end of one as he walked by, making it jingle. "Awesome," he said, sinking down next to Logan. "Think it'll fit, buddy?"

"I think so, yeah," Logan replied, lips twisting as he considered the outfit on his lap.

"Carlos," James repeated. "Not happening."

"Oh, come on! Why not?"

"Do you know how ridiculous I'll look in this?"

With a snicker, Carlos answered with a question of his own. "This from the guy who wears make-up every night?"

"Shut up!" James cried out. "I do it for Logan, he loves it."

"I do," Logan agreed, nodding. "I'm not ashamed to say it. He doesn't have to wear it, all he does is run the place, but I admit I love it when I show up to see him all made up. And those boots...mmm. We shouldn't talk about this anymore."

With an evil grin, James approached the couch and bent down for a lingering kiss. Every time Logan tried to end it, James' tongue would tease him so that his will to fight dipped.

Kendall rolled his eyes as he entered the living room from the hallway, clad in his own bright green elf costume. "Can we get a break from you two going at it? For five minutes?"

"You're just jealous," James managed between kisses, sighing when Logan pushed him back. "But fine. Let's see this-" Spinning around for a look at Kendall, James laughed so hard he almost fell to his knees.

"Don't listen to him, babe," Carlos smiled. "You look beautiful."

"It's not about how I look, it's about a worthy cause. And maybe a little about making you happy," Kendall winked.

Beaming, Carlos replied. "Which you are the world's best at."

"And they say we're bad," Logan mumbled. "Get up, love, let's do this for Carlos."

With another exaggerated sigh, James pulled Logan up off the couch. "Why does Carlos get to be Santa? Shouldn't the tallest one have that privilege?"

Kendall shook his head. "Carlos is always Santa Claus. And it was his idea, so he should get to do what he wants. Right, Logan?"

It had actually been Stacy's idea for them to visit the children's cancer ward, after hearing from Logan that he had a friend who liked to dress up as the jolly holiday man and pass out candy. With Logan's and Faith's help it had become presents rather than candy (though Carlos insisted on tossing a few pieces of candy into each package before wrapping it), but rather than argue, Logan nodded. "Basically, yes. Sorry, James. Do it for Stacy, if nothing else."

That was the right thing to say. James' eyes filled with warmth at the name as he melted. "Of course. Anything for Stacy. She saved my life."

Technically, she'd only helped reunite him with Logan, but Logan knew that in James' mind, the two equated to the same thing. "Come on." He took James' hand and led him to the bedroom, James reaching back for the box before allowing himself to be dragged away.

"We don't have all night!" Kendall yelled after them. "Five minutes!"

"Make it ten!" James yelled back before the door slammed.

"Those two, I swear." Catching Carlos' smirk coupled with a determined gaze, Kendall asked, "What?"

"Ever wondered what it's like to have sex with Santa Claus?" he grinned.

Kendall opened his mouth to name all the reasons why that was so wrong, but though his lips worked nothing came out. When Carlos got that look on his face, Kendall found it impossible to deny him anything.

"I'll make it quick." Sweetening the deal, Carlos patted his knee. "Come tell Santa what you want, you naughty boy."

It was possibly the most ridiculous thing they'd ever done, but as Kendall slid into place on Carlos' lap, he couldn't hate himself too much for it. Spoiling Carlos was fun.

By the time they were finished, it wasn't just the children's ward they'd invaded, but the entire hospital. It took them three hours, a call to Logan's mother resulting in a huge sack of candy arriving at the hospital (half of it filled with sugar-free at Logan's insistence), and the four best friends were joined by Mrs. Mitchell, Faith, Tommy, Stacy, and Stacy's mother in their endeavor to make Christmas Day a little brighter for those confined to a place of pain and disease. It wasn't much, but they brought smiles to every room they visited (even the crotchety old man in room 312 who might as well have been saying "Bah, humbug" every two seconds).

A look passed between James and Logan as they entered that room, memories flooding them of their first few days as friends. James had been so scared and Logan had fought so hard not to fall for him, but of course it was futile. He remembered walking in the day James left the hospital to find him staring out the window, remembered hugging him from behind and feeling a sense of peace even in the midst of the storm raging around their future. He'd known it then, that together they were right, but he'd been so afraid to believe fate would agree.

Passing by the empty bed 5 in the emergency ward, Logan's motion stopped. Immediately strong arms slid around him from behind. "This is where it all started," James whispered. "Where my life began."

He'd been on overtime. Had almost escaped the hospital before Tommy flagged him down, had almost pretended not to see because he was so tired and wanted to be gone. Shivers ran down his spine at the knowledge that he'd come so close to missing it, missing that moment in time that changed his life forever. "I love you," he whispered suddenly, spinning to hug James tight. "I wouldn't change any of it."

"I know," James replied, holding Logan close. "Everything happens for a reason."

When their emotions had calmed enough for them to let go, James asked, "Do you ever miss him? Joseph?"

Logan grinned, amused as he glanced up at James. "I never lost him. I just...gained a few more sides to him, is all."

"Yeah, quite a few," James chuckled.

"But he's still here. I still bake him cookies every night, cuddle up on the couch and watch movies with him, come home to find sketches all over the apartment."

"A different apartment, though. Different state, even."

"Doesn't matter," Logan said with a shake of his head. "We're still us, even with my new job and your...old one, I guess."

"And we're happy, right? You're still happy?"

"Couldn't be any happier, James."

"Not even if I told you the state of Minnesota legalized gay marriage yesterday?"

Logan's eyes widened in excitement. "Are you serious?"

"No," James grinned. "But it's nice to know you still want to marry me."

"You're a jerk," Logan laughed, then hugged James tight. "But you're my jerk. And as long as that's the case, the rest doesn't matter. I'm happy."

"Me, too. Merry Christmas, cutie."

"Merry Christmas, James."

They shared one soft kiss, knowing better than to let it go too far, and then they rushed to catch up to the others.

Stacy and her mother were invited to join them at Logan's and James' apartment, but they begged off due to plans with their own family. James hugged Stacy tight, knowing it would be the last time he saw her for at least a few months, and thanked her again for the package she'd shoved into his arms with the words, "I got you something you've always wanted. You can thank me later."

He felt guilty for a moment, having not brought her a gift, but then he remembered the five sketches he'd mailed to her since moving to Minnesota and smiled. She'd come to appreciate the forest and mountain scenes as much as the beach ones, and had texted him just the week before that she couldn't wait for snow to enter the picture, literally. He promised it would happen soon enough.

Faith and Tommy did stop by the apartment for a time, enjoying the chance to hang out with Logan and James while it was there. Faith had been sad upon hearing of their move, but said she understood and could tell when they talked on the phone now that Logan was happy. He'd made a new hospital his home, they'd found a perfect apartment in the building Carlos and Kendall lived in, and James split his time between the club, Logan, and his drawings (the three passions of his life).

After changing out of their costumes, they joined everyone for an early Christmas dinner that Logan and his mother had prepared. Faith managed to drag Logan away for a private chat on the balcony, the two sipping hot cocoa as they stared out at Los Angeles decorated with patches of red and green below.

The door slid open suddenly. "Logan! Did you get marshmallows for that?"

"Uh...no, love. I'm good without them, though. Thanks."

James' eyes bugged out. "Are you crazy? You have to put marshmallows in hot chocolate! It's a thousand times better!"

"I actually...don't like marshmallows." Logan cringed, knowing what was coming.

"What is wrong with you?!" James gasped. "How can anyone not like marshmallows? No wonder you never make me Rice Krispie treats!"

"You want me to?" Logan asked, head tipped back to stare up at James. "I'll make them for you. Kendall likes them, too."

"Fuck him, those are my Rice Krispies! Here." James dumped a handful of marshmallows in Logan's cup. "You'll thank me later. Even if you don't like them alone, you'll love them in that."

"James, I-"

"Just try it."

Heaving a sigh, Logan swirled his drink so they melted some before sipping at it. "Okay, you win. It's actually pretty good."

James beamed, cheeks rosy in the cold air. "Told you." He bent down to place a quick kiss on Logan's lips. "Don't be long out here, I want to open presents. And then watch Christmas movies on our special couch."

"Sounds like heaven," Logan smiled, knowing that for once they would finish the movies instead of getting lost in each other—James had a deep love of Christmas movies, as did Carlos.

After James scampered back into the apartment and closed the door, Faith laughed. "He's like a little kid! I never saw this side of him at the hospital. Or even that time we went out, for that matter."

"Isn't he adorable?" Logan grinned. "I saw that side early on, but it comes out more when Carlos is around. I'm so glad they found each other again."

"I like Carlos a lot. Kendall, too. I bet it's great to be so close to them, for both of you."

"It's...never boring." Laughing, Logan picked up his mug and sipped again. "Damn, that's actually really good."

"So you guys are going to keep this apartment, right? Come back and visit once in a while?"

"Yeah, we talked it over and neither of us is willing to give up this place. It's special to us, the first home we shared. James says it's the first place he's ever truly felt at home in his life. Plus it's near the beach, and we already miss that. So we'll keep the apartment and use it when we come out to vacation. Kendall and Carlos can use it, too."

Faith studied Logan for so long that he finally had to ask. "What are you thinking?"

She shook her head, though. "How's the new hospital treating you?"

"Good. I miss you guys, but it's good there. The move was what we both needed."

"I'm not too happy about it, but I guess I'll live. Tommy and I might just have to spend our next vacation in Minnesota."

"That would be wonderful!" Logan exclaimed. "Come see us. You can see James in action at the club. If you think he's hot in regular clothes..." He smirked, watching her roll her eyes.

"I don't need that, thank you," Faith chuckled. "Tommy does the job nicely." They smiled at each other before she said hesitantly, "And the uh...his past. I'm not asking for details, but did he go back and do whatever he needed to do?"

"Yes," Logan answered, expression serious. "He made some mistakes before running away. He's doing his best to make up for them."

A thump on the glass behind him had Logan spinning around to see Carlos opening the door after rubbing his forehead.

"Yeah, it works best if you open the door first, Carlos!" James' voice called out from inside.

"Shut up, asshole! Logan! Logan, look! I got video of Luke riding the little car we got him!"

Logan leaned in to watch the tiny screen on Carlos' phone, Faith craning her neck to see as well.

"I told Kendall he'd love it! He thought it was too big for Luke."

Logan nodded. "It's perfect, dude. Look at him, he's having a blast on that thing."

"I know, wait for this. Just listen. Shhhh."

They all fell silent in an attempt to hear the audio, then picked up Luke's voice yelling "Mommy! Uncle James push me!"

"Oh my god," Logan whispered, a hand over his heart. "That kid worships him."

"Shhh!" Carlos warned.

Nina's voice came next. "No, baby, Uncle James isn't here. Tomorrow."

"Uncle James now!" His little mouth turned down into a pout.

"Later, Luke, later. Here, open this present."

The video ended then, Carlos bouncing on his feet. "Who has the greatest nephew in the whole world?"

"Uncle James, apparently," Logan smirked.

"Hey, that's my nephew. But yeah, he does love James. Are you guys coming in soon? We want to open presents."

"A few more minutes," Faith answered. "I've missed Logan."

"Fine. Kendall!" Carlos yelled suddenly, remembering just in time to open the sliding glass door. "Kendall, look what Nina sent me!"

Faith and Logan chuckled together watching him go. "Told you. A couple of big kids."

"That child is adorable. Carlos' nephew?"

"Yes. We're all kind of uncles to him now, I guess. His father died when...well, James was indirectly responsible for his death. He's still beating himself up over it, but he's getting better."

"Oh." She wanted to ask more, but respect for Logan had her biting her tongue.

"He started a trust fund for Luke. Every dime he makes off his drawings goes into it, as well as a portion of the club's profits. It's helped him, I think. As does being there for Luke, babysitting when he can. That's always interesting," Logan smiled.

"Is he not dad material?"

"Actually...it's weird, Faith. He wants kids, really badly. I think being around Luke did that to him. I told him we're not ready for that yet, but someday...yeah. He'll make a great father."

"And you? You want kids?"

"I do. You know I love kids."

Nodding, Faith asked, "What would you do, adopt?"

"I don't think that would work. I mean, we could, but most adoption agencies would frown on his background and line of work. We certainly couldn't foster, either. He'd never go for that anyway."

"Why not? Kind of a trial basis thing, maybe."

"He'd get attached. Eventually we'd have to return the child to its parents and he wouldn't be able to handle it. I know that much. God, I love him."

"I can see that," Faith grinned. "So are you thinking surrogate?"

"Probably. I'd love to raise a child that came from him. And I think he'd like the same."

"Logan, you are glowing just talking about it. Make this happen."

"Someday," Logan nodded, the smile undying on his lips.

Feeling eyes on her, Faith looked up to see James watching them impatiently. "Come on, loverboy. Let's go open presents before the kids in there beat down the door."

Picking up their mugs, they moved into the warmth of the apartment, Logan not losing the chill completely until he was wrapped in James' arms. "I think we should have a surrogate mother for our children," he said softly, just loud enough that James would hear.

James' body went rigid, face in shock as he stared down into Logan's eyes. "Now? You're doing this now? Why do you always choose the worst possible time to say things that make me want to fuck you into oblivion, Logan?"

Hugging James as he giggled, Logan replied, "It's a gift."

Logan and his mother were moving around the room picking up discarded wrapping and boxes when James suddenly remembered the gift from Stacy. "Wait! Logan! Where's Stacy's present?"

"Oh, I think I set it on the bed when we changed. I'll get it."

Carlos and Kendall were cuddled up together in the plush chair in the living room, Faith and Tommy sitting in kitchen chairs they'd dragged over for the opening of presents. Mrs. Mitchell returned to the couch, sitting at one end to leave room for Logan to sit between herself and James, but as his path was blocked by the kitchen chairs he stood behind Faith after tossing James the box.

"I have no idea what this is, all she said was it's something I've always wanted."

"Maybe she got you Rice Krispie treats," Logan joked, resting his hands on the back of Faith's chair.

"Oh damn, I haven't had those in years. Logan, do you still remember the recipe?"

"Yes, Kendall. But you'll have to fight James for them."

"Mine," James mouthed silently to Kendall before returning his attention to the now-unwrapped box.

"I taught him the recipe, you know," Mrs. Mitchell hinted to Kendall. "You're welcome anytime, Kendall."

"Mom!" James gasped. "Stab me in the back!"

"Hush, you've got a future husband to make them for you."

"Oh. Right. I'm better now," James beamed, then lifted the top off the box. He pulled apart the folds of white tissue paper, his face freezing in shock and tears filling his eyes. "Oh my god," he whispered, hands shaking as he lifted out the bear dressed in doctor clothing. "Logan." Raising his face, James met Logan's eyes.

No one else in the room understood why the toy affected James so deeply (other than the obvious fact it was a doctor), but as none of them had ever seen James so shaken up, they knew this gift was one he would cherish for the rest of his life.

"There's a note," Mrs. Mitchell commented, gesturing toward it.

Swallowing, James read it out loud for Logan's benefit. "'I'm sorry it took me so long to return this to you, but you moved. It helped me when I was scared and reminded me that people like Dr. Logan are here to save us when we're sick. I bought one of my own, so you can have yours back now. I'm glad you found him.'"

Sensing that James was about to break down completely, Logan urged Faith to move so he could get through. She stopped him briefly to whisper, "I was right, you know. He was running for a reason. That reason was to find you."

Nodding through his own tears, Logan squeezed between the chairs to wrap his arms around James, who had his arms wrapped around the bear. They held each other tight, both of them so aware of how easily fate could've chosen a different path for them, the toy a symbol of not only what brought them together, but held them together when it had seemed all was lost. It had been a journey through the darkness of memories eclipsed by fear and pain, a mystery they'd been afraid to solve at times because the light might burn them beyond repair. Instead it had warmed them and brightened up the darkest corners of their lives, pushing them toward a future James deserved and would not have had the courage to find without Logan guiding him and holding him steady.

Never again would they wish to be kept in the dark.

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