Once again I have given you a ridiculously long wait, but unfortunately, mock trial is taking over my life. :( I'll try harder next time.

So anyways, this chapter includes my first flashback, of which there will probably be more. None of the stuff in the flashback is canon to the movies or the comics, and since the comic-verses are so conflicting, I just made up the names of all the characters from Natasha's past. But yeah. Carry on!

Disclaimer: I assure you, if I owned this franchise, my Black Widow halloween costume would be a lot better . . .

CHAPTER FIVE

When Clint goes to fetch Natasha the next day, she is slumped against the wall of her cell, knees to her chest. Her face is gaunt and drawn and she looks half dead.

"Did she sleep at all?" he asks the guard before reaching for the door.

"No."

"Damn," he sighs, and enters the room. "Natasha." He speaks quietly, but she jumps to her feet instinctively.

"Natasha." He holds out a hand as if to calm her. "You need to sleep. You're a mess."

"I'm fine."

"Really Natasha, you look like crap. Get some rest. We can do this later."

"No." Though her voice is not raised, it is clearly a shout. "No I'm fine. We have to keep going." Her voice quiets as if she is only speaking to herself. "We have to keep going."

He sighs again and nods. "Let's go then."

He forces coffee on her at breakfast -in addition to the usual eggs and bacon- but she won't take anything more than black (ew). When they get back to interrogation, she starts right in.

"They brought in outside trainers so we could learn different styles. You never know which type will work best against a target, so we learned them all and we learned them well. I excelled in the new styles. Most of the girls were only accustomed to what we already knew, and had trouble adjusting. I was more open to new ideas; they made me better.

Our lessons, for a while, turned into acting lessons. We had to be able to use any cover at any moment, and it had to be believable. For almost a year, we took on different characters, never ourselves. We could not go out of character, even at night. I was good at that too.

Once, as a reward for a few of us, they took us into the city. That was the first time I'd been outside that fence since the day I went in. We went one by once, alone with our individual trainers. I guess they wanted us to see normal society so we weren't completely blindsided once we started in on missions. That day was the first time I ever knowingly disobeyed them. It was also, for many years, the last.

My trainer took me to several places in the city. I needed to know how people act in society- how normal people act. After all, the best spies fit in with everyone else. They don't stand out. Anyways, the last place he took me to was a park."

Natalia surveyed the park, her expression blank. It was a nice park. Or at least she thought it was a nice park, seeing as she'd never seen a park before, just the trees outside the Red Room's fence. There were a lot of trees in the park too, as well as some grassy open areas. Her trainer, Comrade Pasha, took her to sit on a bench at the edge of one of those areas.

Pasha was a tall, gruff man with immaculately trimmed facial hair. Natalia guessed he was in his thirties, but had never been sure. He was also a tough, critical judge, as well as serious and severe about his work as her trainer. Natalia always wondered what he did when he left the Red Room, if he ever even left the Room at all. Once she had asked him. The consequences of that inquiry had put an end to nearly all conversation from Natalia to Pasha. Now she only spoke to him if he required a direct response.

Several children were playing some sort of game with a round ball on the field before them. Natalia didn't know what is was, but she didn't dare ask Pasha for the answer. After a little more observation, she realized that the goal of the game was to get the ball between two objects on either end of the playing area. The children were split up into two groups, so they were competing with each other to get the ball at their feet. She played close attention to their athleticism, and decided she could take them all easily. Weaklings. Yet the longer she watched them play, the stranger they seemed. The children, a mix of boys and girls, were loud and highly undisciplined, and she dreaded the punishment that she would receive if she were to act in such a manner. They also smiled and laughed a lot, things which never happened in the Room. They seemed almost happy. They seemed free.

Natalia felt envy grow on her cheeks, but when she felt Pasha's sharp gaze on her, she quickly schooled her features.

"Caterina!"

The shout grabbed Natalia's attention, just as it grabbed the attention of a girl on the field. The girl was about Natalia's age, and even shared her scarlet-colored hair.

The girl, Caterina apparently, left the field of play and headed towards the woman who had called her. That woman was small with wave dark brown hair. The man standing next to her was taller, with bright red hair. Looking at the couple sent a warm feeling through Natalia that she didn't quite understand. She felt almost drawn to them. Instead, she stoically held her place on the bench beside Pasha and continued to observe.

There was a small boy standing between the couple, holding their hands firmly. The woman only released the boy's hand to draw the approaching girl into a tight hug.

"Mama," the girl said softly, adding "Ari" when the boy joined the hug, and "papa" when the man did as well.

It was only then that Natalia noticed dampness on her face.

"Natalia," Comrade Pasha's voice barked softly but sharply.

She barely heard him. The family -she had always wondered about that word- drew apart, smiling, and Natalia was compelled to stand, her feet ragging her towards the family, longing pulling her heartstrings painfully.

"Natalia!" Pasha hissed, his hand gripping her harm painfully.

She turned to face him, tears tracking down her cheeks, and wrench her arm from his grasp. She only made it a few steps before he spoke again.

"Natalia. Are you abandoning your country?"

She froze.

"Russia needs you. Do I need to remind you of your duty?"

She felt her body stiffen, and took only a moment to wipe her tears and clear her countenance before turning to him. "No Comrade. My duty is to my country. I owe everything to Russia, and I must pay my debt in every way I can. If my life is required, I will give it gladly and die honorably for Russia."

"Very well. Now we must return. We will see what Comrade Bogdan has to say about your confusion."

Her insides tingling with fear, Natalia kept her demeanor blank, and followed Pasha obediently.

Comrade Bogdan's office was large and pristinely white, the only room in the facility which could claim that coloring. The room, despite its size, was fairly barren, and totalitarian and militaristic in manner. There were no chairs beyond the stiff one behind the desk. The man in the chair was mousy, which black rimmed glasses, and clean-shaven face, and neatly trimmed blonde hair. He wore an impeccably fitted business suit and, as always, gave an aura of power and danger despite his small stature.

Standing next to Pasha under his nonchalant scrutiny, Natalia felt an involuntary need to fidget that she hadn't succumbed to in many years. It took several seconds for the fidgeting to stop, and even then her nerves were on high. She had only seen Comrade Bogdan a few times before, and only two of those had been without the other girls. The first had been the day she was brought in. The second time she'd met with Comrade Bogdan alone was back before she'd started to win her fights, when she had been in danger of termination.

But she felt her latest infraction was far more serious than any she had ever committed before. A termination consequence was not at all implausible. Yet she feared even worse.

"Tell me again exactly what happened Comrade."

He was not speaking to her, so she kept her eyes on the ground, her spine ramrod straight.

"Natalia here saw a family embracing in the park and began to walk away. I had to remind her of her duty before she returned."

Comrade Bogdan's frown deepened. "I am very disappointed in you Natalia. Have you forgotten who your true family is?"

"No, Comrade," she recited, "Russia is my only family and my country, and I owe everything to that family. My duty lies here Comrade. I had a brief lapse. It will never happen again." This time she held his gaze as she felt the truth of it run through her.

"That is very well Natalia, however you must still be punished accordingly. We wouldn't want the others getting ideas."

"Yes of course Comrade. I will accept everything I deserve." Her steady voice did nothing to betray the fear she felt inside, though she did lower her head in deference.

"There was a surgery planned for you Natalia. We will continue with the surgery, but you will not receive anesthetic or pain medication. Instead you will be given a paralyzing drug so you will remain awake during the procedure. Afterwards, you will have a long session with Dr. Vadya."

Natalia shivered. The fear was not for the surgery. She could deal with pain. Rather it was the session with Dr. Vadya she feared, for no one ever remembered what went in his office, but it was commonly known that patients leaving a visit with him came out trembling and white, and sometimes seemed as if they were entirely different people from before. Natalia had met with him before, though she could not remember the visits themselves, but those visits had always been short. According to the other girls, she had never seemed much changed after her those sessions. She felt her knees go weak, but remained steady on her feet as she addressed her superior.

"Yes sir."

So there was more from this chapter, but it was getting long, and I wanted to put something up here so I cut the chapter in half. The next chapter I upload will carry on right where this one left off.

There you are then! :) Let me know what you think. Did you like the flashback? Should I write more like that?