"I didn't get in."
The words kept circling through his skull, memories taunting him. Like you actually could get the hell out of here? This is real life, not a television show.
He was happy for Rachel, in spite of it all. She was good. So good she choked. While you put your heart on the line and nailed that song to the wall. This was everything she had ever dreamed of.
The thing was, it was everything he'd ever dreamed of too.
Kurt sighed, leaving Finn and Rachel behind. He needed to be alone.
Why the hell did those stupid letters come on graduation day? Why did they have to ruin everything? Now he had to pretend to be happy, pretend that his heart hadn't just been shattered into a million pieces. Or he had to face the disappointed looks of everyone he loved. It was torture. All he wanted was to drive home and lock himself in his room until he cried his heart out, but his dad had the keys Stupid graduation...
He did the next best thing. He quickly made his way to the back stairwell. There was a little corner which offered a little bit of privacy. He used to come here to hide from the bullies at school. Now he was trying to hide from the ones in his head.
Not good enough. We regret to inform you that you have not been selected. Failure. Failure. FAILURE.
"Shut up!" he cried, a guttural sound to his voice as tears began to pour out. He couldn't stop them now when he was all alone. His body shook with the force of his sobs as his heart was slowly torn to pieces as the reality finally began to sink in. He had worked so damn hard for this, why couldn't things work out just this once?
"Kurt?" a familiar voice called out, laced with concern. Blaine. Of course. Kurt tried desperately to contain his tears, not wanting to be a wreck in front of his boyfriend. But he just couldn't stop. Suddenly warm arms were wrapped around his trembling frame, holding him close. "I'm here, I've got you. Shhh." He felt kisses placed on the top of his head, down his face until their lips met. Kurt couldn't kiss him, he was still sobbing so hard all he could do was press his face against Blaine's, desperate for the comfort. "It's going to be okay sweetie. I know this is a tough day, but it's going to be okay. We'll figure out this New York thing, no problem. You're stuck with me, Kurt, okay?" Kurt shook his head, tears flowing faster than ever. Blaine frowned. "Not okay?"
"So okay," Kurt gasped between sobs. "It's just..."
Blaine brushed some of the tears aside with his thumb. "But what, baby?"
"I'm not going to New York." His voice was barely more than a whisper.
Blaine's brow furrowed in that adorable little way it did when he was confused. Kurt would have kissed it right then and there if he hadn't been such a wreck. "What do you mean you're not going to New York? If this is some sort of gesture to reassure me about us, I don't need it. You need to go, Kurt, you belong there. We both know that."
Kurt inhaled deeply, trying to compose himself. He reached down to the floor where the letter fell and handed it to Blaine absentmindedly. "I'm not going to New York."
Blaine opened the letter with one hand, the other busy stroking Kurt's shoulder as he enveloped him in a one sided hug. Kurt braced himself for the "I'm sorry", the disappointment in Blaine's eyes. Because he knew it would be there. How could it not?
He wasn't expecting anger.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?" Blaine shouted. Kurt winced at the proximity to the outburst. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so loud but what kind of sick joke is this?
Kurt sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "It's no joke." He chuckled bitterly. "They were right after all, weren't they."
Blaine frowned. "Who was right?"
Kurt gestured with his hand vaguely. "Everyone. When they said I was a loser. They were right. I'm a total failure."
A serious look came to Blaine's face. "You are many things, Kurt Hummel, but a failure isn't one of them."
Kurt looked at Blaine miserably. "I didn't even apply to any other schools. How stupid was I?"
"That doesn't make you a failure, sweetie, it just makes you an optimist."
"Consider me officially converted."
"Kurt, look at me." He obeyed, too emotionally frayed to argue. Once his eyes latched onto Blaine's golden orbs he was hooked. God he loved this man so much. "Just because some stupid school has its head too far up its ass to see how terribly fantastic you are does not mean you have failed. You've hit a bump in the road. You've survived worse. You will cry a lot, eat a lot of ice cream and we are going to have a lot of screw NYADA make out sessions. Then you are going to pick yourself up, brush off those amazing gold pants and take New York by storm. You are going to make NYADA regret the day that they didn't take you. Because you are going to be a star Kurt Hummel, I know it like I know my bowties. And I know those pretty well, if I do say so myself."
He appreciated it, really. He knew Blaine was right, knew that he would get through this. It was just... "I just wanted everything to work out for me for once in my life. I just wanted to win, to have them say that I am exactly what they have been looking for."
Blaine took both of his hands in his own. "You did win."
Kurt glared at Blaine. "It was really sweet when you said it after regionals last year, but you know that's not what I meant."
Blaine shrugged. "Doesn't make it any less true." He squeezed Kurt's hands. "We'll get through this, together." He pulled Kurt into a tight embrace. "I love you. I believe in you. That's worth more than some stupid school that doesn't see talent when it's right in front of them, don't you think?"
Kurt sighed. He did have a point. "I guess." He sniffed, pulling out the handkerchief that Blaine had handed him during the ceremony to wipe his nose. "Doesn't make it suck less."
They sat in silence, just absorbing everything. Kurt snuggled closer to Blaine, his smell a small comfort. "You know," Blaine began quietly, "I'm a big believer in fate."
Kurt snorted. "Since when?"
"Since I met you. I just can't help but feel...that everything happens for a reason." He winced. "Sorry, I know how awful that sounds."
Kurt smiled. "It's okay. I have to get used to it, I feel like i'm going to hear that from everyone now."
Blaine shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I just...We end up where we need to be. We don't plan everything, half the time it hurts like hell getting there, but then, one day, everything clicks. Just look at us."
Kurt frowned. "How so?"
"When you showed up at Dalton that day to spy on us, your life was a wreck. Mine had been too before I transferred there. Awful situations forced us to seek sanctuary in a place we probably never would have ended up in in any other circumstances. But if we hadn't had all that shit thrown our way, we might never have met. We might never have become friends or fallen in love. We were at the right place at the right time. We were where we were meant to be, Kurt.
"And you're where you are meant to be. If NYADA didn't work out, it is because it isn't the path that you're supposed to take. You know why?"
Kurt shook his head, an amused smirk emerged in spite of it all. "No, but I'm sure you'll enlighten me."
"Because that would be the boring, ordinary way of doing things. And since when did Kurt Hummel ever do boring or ordinary?"
It was as if Blaine had jumped inside his chest and enveloped his heart with a bear hug. Kurt grinned. "Never."
"Now there's the Kurt we know and love," Blaine pressed his lips against Kurt's once more, and this time the latter managed to summon enough strength to return the gesture. Everything still sucked, but Blaine was right. As usual. Damn him.
Kurt broke away, resting his forehead on Blaine's. "My dad. How do I tell my dad...?"
Blaine stroked his cheek comfortingly. "Together. And he'll give you a big hug, and we'll figure out a game plan." He pulled away, a contemplative look on his face. "You know, maybe we should get married."
A silence pause fell, more pregnant that Quinn sophomore year. As if on cue, both of them erupted into fits laughter. "That was a good one," Kurt gasped, trying to surface for air amongst the fit of giggling that ensued. "But I think that only works if you're my brother." He froze. "Unless that was really a proposal..."
Blaine smiled, pressing a kiss to Kurt's worry lines. "You really think I'd just drop it like that? Really, Kurt, I thought you knew I was a hopeless romantic."
"I thought you said you sucked at romance."
Blaine winked. "Let's just say I've officially been converted. When I propose you'll know it, I promise."
When. Kurt pictured it, saw their wedding, their kids, their future. He smiled. It was going to be rough getting there, but he knew they would survive.
They sat there for a few minutes, Kurt trying to find the strength to face the world again. "You're right," he whispered finally. "I'm right where I'm meant to be."