Thor and Sif

…

Thor sat in S.H.I.E.L.D HQ, quietly thinking to himself.

"Thor, what are you doing?" Tony Stark asked. He had been throwing paperclips at the blonde legend for at least twenty minutes now.

"Why does it suddenly concern you?" Thor asked, "And quit throwing those odd little…things at me. It is very irritating."

"You mean paperclips? You don't know what those are?" Tony asked.

"Tony, it would be a very smart decision for you to stop throwing paperclips at Thor."

"Why should I, Steve?"

"Because if you don't; you might end up a pile of bones on the floor in a matter of minutes." Steve suggested.

"Really?"

"You might want to listen to Captain there. He's got a point." Natasha said, pushing some of her red hair away.

"I just wanted to know what he was doing!" Tony said in defense.

"Well, it seems like he's using his brain." Clint said.

"Shut up, Clint." Tony childishly said.

"Is there anything we can do besides argue?" Dr. Banner asked.

"Yeah. NOT argue." Steve said, looking at Tony.

"What?" Steve asked.

"That is nearly impossible-" Thor started but was cut of by a loud bang and vibration.

"What the hell was that?" Tony yelled.

"I don't know, but it didn't sound safe!" Natasha loudly responded.

The Avengers went out to the middle of town and were shocked at what they saw.

A female warrior stood atop a giant skyscraper. She had long, golden hair, lengthy legs, and a voluptuous figure. She looked very angry.

"Who the hell is that?" Steve asked, his shield in hand.

"And is she married?" Tony asked, "That's the crucial information!"

"Tony!" Natasha yelled, "Your girlfriend?" she reminded.

"Who, Pepper? Eh, she won't mind. Is she married or what because that's the sexiest woman I have ever seen."

"Her name is Sif and she is my wife." Thor informed, glaring at the Iron Man.

"Oh…" Tony said, sweating under his suit, "Yeah…she's very married."

"What does she want here? Her anger issues are destroying the city!" Steve yelled.

"How dare you speak about my wife that way?"

"THOR!" Sif screamed jumping down from the skyscraper.

"So I take it she's a goddess?" Tony asked.

"What can she do?" Natasha asked.

The ground cracked and vibrated as Sif landed, sending a huge shockwave, destroying many things in its range. The Avengers shielded themselves and stood their ground, trying hard not to be blown away like every other human.

"I think that has just answered both of your questions." Thor said.

Sif bolted towards Thor at intense speed, tossing cars and buses away in her pursuit.

"Sif, why are you here?" Thor asked as the Amazon-like goddess stood face to face with him.

"Do not play games with me! You know I am in no gaming mood for any this! You know EXACTLY why I am here!"

Thor cringed at the woman's yelling and spoke back, "Why have you come all the way from Asgard for me?"

"Why do you waste your time with these…mortals? Do you think I do not need you? That I do not LOVE you? I am very, VERY upset!"

"Like that wasn't clear already! You've destroyed EVERYTHING!" Tony yelled.

"Tony, challenging Sif is a fool's choice!" Thor warned.

"What did you say to me, mortal?" Sif asked, her metal boots clicking fiercely against the ground as she approached Iron Man.

"I'm not afraid of you!" Tony bravely said.

Sif grabbed his metal neck and carelessly tossed him into a building with little force.

Tony's body print was on the building as he fell to the floor.

"Are you afraid now, Tin Can?" Sif asked.

"Sif, that was unnecessary!" Thor scolded.

"This whole THING is unnecessary!" Sif yelled, "I just want you HOME!"

"Look, lady," Clint said, placing his hand on her shoulder, "Thor has other business and he can't be home all the time-"

Sif grabbed Clint's wrist before Thor could warn him about touching her. She thrashed him across the floor for some time and tossed him into a building, where he joined Tony.

"Ouch…" He squeaked.

"Sif! Stop this at once!" Thor yelled to his wife, she turned her head fiercely, making her blonde curls bounce and shake.

"My love, why do you run from me?" Sif asked, stepping forward with a speedy pace.

"I would." Natasha whispered.

Sif turned to glare at her but before she could hurt her, Thor turned the goddess back his way.

"I am not running from you, my darling. It is just the fact that these Earth beings need my assistance in order to stay alive. That is why I am part of this team."

"But Thor, I need you, too!"

"Sif, you are a powerful goddess! These are mere Earthlings! You can hold your own ground and they cannot all of the time."

Sif turned her head toward all the destruction she had caused out of anger. "That may be so…but Thor…I have certain… needs…"

Tony nearly burst out into laughter when he realized what she meant. "Thor, have you been neglecting poor Sif here?"

"I do not understand." Thor said, confused.

"Thor…oh Thor…" Natasha said slapping her forehead.

"I have not been neglecting her at all!" Thor yelled, defending himself.

"Thor…when was the last time you and Sif…made love?" Tony asked.

"Why is that your concern-" Thor suddenly realized what Sif and the others were hinting at, "Wait…that is what you meant by neglect? You are upset because I have not been having sex with you as often?"

Sif nodded, and unwelcome blush spreading across her face.

The other Avengers were holding back laughter, except Tony, who just let it all out.

"Poor Sif!" Tony yelled through his laughter, "Poor, poor, beautiful Sif!"

"Tony!" Natasha yelled, kicking his metal ribs.

"Hey! I felt that!" Tony yelled.

"Good. If Sif had done it, there'd be a dent."

"So that's why you're so mad? You're horny?" Tony asked.

"Tony, I don't think you should be worried about that." Clint said.

"That is not the only reason! I want to spend time with you, my husband! Loki has been-"

"Loki! Why is he bothering you?" Thor asked.

"He's…persistent. I will just say it that way." Sif said, scowling at the thought of Loki.

"When will he understand?" Thor thought out loud.

"When will Loki understand what?" Tony asked.

"Loki has been pursuing Sif for as long as I can remember. We would compete to see which one she loved all of the time. Then, Sif confirmed that she loved me, and that Loki's love is unrequited. Even after Sif and I got married, Loki still tries to impress her and try to make her love him."

"Oh, so it's a love triangle?" Tony asked.

"Tony, why are you so concerned about this?" Natasha asked.

"Shut up, I want to hear what Thor has to say!"

"Yes. It always has been. I don not get why he always tries to steal her away from me."

"Affirmative. I have defeated him many times; and he fears me, there is no doubt about that. But still…he tries to turn my affections his way."

"Well; you are amazingly sexy, so I understand where he's coming from." Tony said.

Thor glared at him.

"What? You've got a hot wife! Can we trade?" Tony asked.

"Tony!" Natasha yelled, "Pepper?"

"She gets a good end of the deal here; I've just got the better one!"

"Tony!"

"What he's tall, blonde, muscular, handsome…he's a god for goodness sake!"

"Not that! Pepper loves you! Sif clearly loves Thor!"

"Alright fine…can we share?" Tony asked.

"No we cannot share! Sif and I are connected in a faithful marriage!"

"Well, at least I won't neglect her." Tony muttered.

"What was that, Stark?" Thor asked, approaching him.

"I think you heard me."

"That was an incorrect choice of words." Thor said, raising him by the neck, "Now, do not worry about my marriage, and keep your head in your own business."

"Or what?"

"Or I will turn you into a sword, Iron Man." He dropped Tony on the ground.

Thor grabbed Sif's hand and they went back to the HQ.

"Told ya." Steve said.

"Shut up."