ii.

Beck will always insist that it was Robbie who started it.

He had been drunk, as he always was after he and Jade had gotten in a fight, and he had gone over to Robbie's house because(had a part of him known even then? But it was only natural-Robbie was such a good boy after all) that was what he always did, because he was such a good friend wasn't he? and he always listened, and he didn't want to be alone, dear God he didn't want to be alone in that fucking thing his parents had left him.

And Robbie had let him in as he always did, with the same look of concern over his disheveled state he always gave him.

"You need to stop doing this to yourself." he'd said and sat him down on his couch.

"Why not? It's not like anyone cares. I'm never getting anywhere-"

"Is that what she told you?" Robbie cut him off. "None of that is true. You're talented, Beck. You-you just have to-"

"To what? To what, Robbie? God, what am I going to do without her? I can't-I can't-"

And then Robbie had leaned over and kissed him. Just like that.

For a moment Beck was stunned out of his drunken agony and had merely stared at him, mouth slightly open.

"Why?" he said dumbly.

His friend only looked at him and blushed, gathering himself up before leaving to his room, and then he was alone.

...

"Did you fuck her?"

Beck ignores her, dropping his bag by the door, steeping into the kitchen to get something to drink.

Jade throws something and it connects with his head. He turns around snarling.

"What in the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't know-the fact that anytime that bitch calls you, you go running after her like some goddam dog?"

"Oh, I forgot, that's only for you right?"

She purses her lips, tilting her head to the side.

"So. What did she need help with this time, dear?" Her voice was dripping with contempt.

He opens up a bottle of beer, and downs half of it. It's going to be a long night.

"I was only at her house for a half hour helping her rehearse a skit-"

"A half hour, Beck? You were supposed to be here two hours ago.

Beck downed the other half and rummaged in the fridge for another. "I had...other priorites."

Robbie flinches from him as if afraid, and that only makes him angrier.

Why does he always act so afraid?

He fucking started it.

"Excuse me. That was a question."

Beck jumped. When had she gotten so close?

"What?"

"Priorities. Involving. What? Beck."'

Robbie's mouth wrapped around him and he tossed his head beack, his mouth going slack, his hand burying in his hair.

"What are you my parole officer? I had other things to do, Jade." Why couldn't he come up with anything to say? "I-I've had things on my mind."

"You're a fucking coward." she spat and shoved him. "You think you can just run off and hide from all your problems and then lie about it. Be a goddamed man, Beck. Just admit what you're doing. Admit you want to fuck her you fucking drunk!"

You stupid bitch.

"I DON'T WANT TO FUCK HER." he shouted finally, shoving past her. "And don't fucking call me a drunk. I'm not my fucking father."

Please stop drinking, Beck.

He shook Robbie's voice from his thoughts.

"Then who is it?"

He turned to her in surprise.

Her voice was shaking.

"Just tell me who it is! Is it Cat? Is it-is it Trina?" she asked shrilly, her voice cracking, her hands trembling. Beck approached her slowly, as if walking towards a dangerous animal.

He looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes, his mouth swollen and wet.

You're so damned beautiful.

His eyes drift down again, and Beck pulls him to his feet.

"I swear I didn't know him, Beck."

He only offers him a sad smile, his hands going down his chest, leaning in to kiss his neck.

"Why are you like this? What the hell happened to us, Jade?" he asks almost imperceptibly.

His girlfriend gives a small hiccup, and continues as if she hasn't heard. "Or are you some fucking faggot, taking it from Andre?"

He throws the bottle of alcohol at the wall, causing her to jump, and she flinches as he grabs her by the shoulders, seething. She looks stunned.

"Don't you ever fucking call me a faggot. Ever in your fucking life. Do you understand me?"

"Get your goddamed hands-"

"Do you understand me?" he said shaking her.

She shoved him, slapping him in the face.

"Did you like the attention?"

The boy rapidly shakes his head, and his hair tickles his nose,nearly making him chuckle. His baby is so cute.

"Do you want me to stop him next time?" he whispers into his ear.

"Please dont."

He stiffens his grip. "Don't what?"

"Don't do anything please."

His smile grows wider and he draws back, and wipes a bit of saliva from the boy's mouth. He's so sweet. So perfect.

He leaned in to kiss her, and almost instantly she wrapped her arms around him and returned the kiss passionately, clawing at his clothing, he clawing at hers, before they were a tangle of limbs and exposed flesh on the sofa, a cacophony of moans and grunts.

"I love you, Beck."

"I love you, Robbie."

...

Beck pretended like it never happened. He didn't want to think what this might mean for them. Didn't want to think about how he may have liked it.

Robbie, for his part didn't speak on it either, and seemed to cower from his presence whenever they were alone. He assumed that he thought he couldn't remember because he was drunk. He wished that were the truth.

He wasn't some fucking fag.

He loved Jade, even her words cut like knives, and her nails were sharper. She had been there before anybody, she was his first love and his-and his only.

But the others were beginning to question and so hd offered the other a smile and joked with him, and made him laugh. Which made him happier than he could say.

...

"Beck, you're drunk."

He stumbled towards him as if not hearing.

Robbie backed away slowly, eyeing him warily.

His parents were finally back in town and he didn't know when they'd be stopping by the house.

"I'm so looonely." Beck whined, making his way faltering into the kitchen where his friend huddled near the counter looking at him with worry. "Won't you be my friend, Robbie?"

"I am your friend." he replied softly. Beck slunk into his arms at that, causing him to crash into the wall behind him.

"They're always yelling at me." he mumbled into his ear, but Robbie could barely hear him over the sound of his blood around in his head like seawater.

"I-I know, Beck. Here, I'll make you some coffee. That should bring you up a bit, alright?"

Beck muttered something incoherent into his shoulder, and he detached himself-with more than a little difficulty- out of his grasp. For a moment, as began setting the coffeemaker up and boiling the water the other man merely sat there at the wall, drool leaking out of his mout slightly, as if he weren't aware that Robbie had gotten out of his arms.

It was after he'd set the water to boil and turned around, that Beck finally turned around, and Robbie jumped back in fright at the expression of rage on his face.

Later, when he was alone, he will wish that he had made Beck leave right then. But he hadn't.

...

Beck leaned over and kissed him. He doesn't understand how a kiss could possibly hurt, but this one does, and his hands locking his wrists in a vicegrip do too. Robbie flinches, and forces his body away from the other's looking up at him in surprise and confusion.

"I know that you want me." Beck breathes into his mouth, and licks the corner of Robbie's mouth.

For a moment, he doesn't know what to say-it isn't so far from the truth. He's always wanted Beck; had had fantasies of them together, had spent nights with tears in his eyes because he knew that he would never be his, had spent fevered glances of jealousy in Jade's direction had been degraded for hours at the hands of Rex. Had even in a moment of insanity made the first step himself and kissed him. To have Beck-to have him seemingly returning his feelings filled him with anticipation and happiness and he-

But not like this. Never like this. Not when Beck was drunk, not when he looked so angry-

Beck was pulling at his pants now, his lips hot and greedy on his, his nose brushing on his neck, his hands hot and frantic over him and it was too much and-

"Please stop, Beck."

He was shoved against the countertop, a hand buried roughly in his hair, pulling back to expose his neck-

Robbie shoved him off of him and then they were wrestling, rolling on the floor, punching and shoving, and then Beck was slamming his head against the floor, and his hands were around his neck, and he was tugging at his pants and...and...and he didn't want to think anymore.

...

Robbie's fingers intertwined with his, and Beck lifts his hands to his mouth and kisses each one softly, his eyes not leaving the screen. He leans forward and mutters something into his ear, and he feels Robbie shift below him.

"Robbie." he says. His friend's mouth twitches into a smile and he shifts his head backwards to look him fully in the face. He is smiling and he doesn't know why, and for some reason that bothers him.

"Robbie." he repeats a little sterner this time, His eyes open slightly, and he is at peace and content, and Beck finds this bothers him.

"Hm?"

"Why are you smiling?"

"Thinking about stuff." he replies drowsily.

Beck feels a tightness in his chest and panic for a moment, spreads through him.

"About who?" he asks without thinking.

Robbie, sensing something wrong, clears his eyes and looks up at him. "Just a dream, Beck. I don't really remember."

And now his thoughts are filled with things he doesn't like and he feels sick. Because he didn't say it was about him, so obviously it was about someone else, and that meant he was still thinking about-Robbie stopped his thoughts with a kiss.

"I love you, Beck." he murmurs and he wishes that for once he could have the guts to say it back.

...

a/n: 6/20/12

I don't think I like this chapter very much...

I graduated high school yesterday which was exciting and I managed to talk my mom out of making me go to the summer semester of college because it started a day before high school graduation-and I needed a break. It was too much plunging back into school after just escaping, and plus I wanted to get back to my writing. Also, shout out to MaidenRose for actually going out of her way to pm me and tell me to update. I hadn't realized how far behind I'd gotten. i think I should have one more update after this and then-we're done with this little project. Thanks to all those that reviewed and stuff. :)

Nehan Shinzui