Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks!

Summary: Ste is left confused over Doug, and finds some relief and perhaps more in Brendan's company. Brendan/Ste.

A/N: marimolovestwirlybrow had a brilliant idea of where Ste went that night he told Amy he was with Adam but wasn't. I thought I would capture it in fic :)

One Night

Ste came home in the early hours of the morning, his hair ruffled and his jacket askew. He tiptoed to his bedroom, trying not to make a sound but failing as he stepped on one of the kids' toys. Amy's door opened and she emerged, rubbing at her eyes.

"What time is it?" She asked sleepily. "I was worried about you"

"Not late" Ste lied. "And sorry"

Amy's eyes regained focus. "Late one was it?" Her smile became knowing. "Adam?"

Ste hesitated. "Yeah, we had a great time"

"I'm glad" Amy smiled and Ste felt awful. "Just text next time, okay?"

Ste nodded, plastering a smile onto his face. "Promise"

Amy slipped back into her room and Ste did the same. He closed his eyes and slumped against the doorframe. He hated lying to her but telling her the truth was unthinkable.

He hadn't been with Adam tonight. After what Doug had told him, Ste had sought comfort elsewhere…

Xxx

Doug's words had been whirling through his mind as he walked. "I consider you all the time!" How had Ste not realised? The desperation on Doug's face was frightening and not entirely unfamiliar. Ste remembered another time of life when he was struck dumb by words. "Every day until I'm in my grave you'll always be in my head, Stephen".

What was it with men and their big declarations at the wrong moment? What made Ste so special to inspire such sentiment? He had to wonder about their sanity.

Ste found himself in the SU bar. He normally didn't venture in there; students weren't exactly his thing. But he'd been here with Adam once or twice. Ste felt a sudden pang of guilt. Adam. They had a date tonight. Ste brought his mobile out, chewing on his bottom lip. What should he tell him? He couldn't possibly see him tonight. He was just about to call him when someone snatched the phone out of his hands.

"Oi!" He turned to confront them and then faltered. "Oh, it's you"

"Hello to ye too, Stephen" Brendan grinned a little wolfishly at him. Ste tried to grab the phone out of his hands but Brendan held it out of reach.

"Who's Adam?"

"None of your business!" Ste stood a little straighter, barrelling into Brendan's chest to snatch the phone back.

Brendan frowned. "Seriously, who is he?"

"Just a guy I've been seeing" Ste mumbled, flushing.

"Oh yeah? Where did ye meet him?"

"Online" Ste answered defiantly. He guessed Brendan's reaction.

"Wow, Stephen. If ye wanted some attention ye only had to ask…"

"I'm not desperate" Ste said sharply. "Wait, that's not what I meant" he said quickly, a little appalled how hurt Brendan looked by that comment. "I meant I didn't go online because I had to exactly, it was just easier, init and it's not as though I meet many people, I only see Doug-" Ste cut off, pushing thoughts of Doug aside.

"Alright, didn't need ye life story" Brendan ordered a drink at the bar, getting one for Ste too.

"I don't want-"

"Just drink" Brendan pushed the glass towards him.

Ste downed it in one, wincing a little at the bitter taste. Brendan eyed him carefully.

"Rough day?"

"You could say that"

Brendan immediately ordered him another drink.

Xxx

"So trouble in paradise is it?" Brendan asked, sipping his whiskey. Ste glanced at him, already feeling a little tipsy.

"Doug's acting weird" he said. "I don't want to talk about it"

"Hm" Brendan muttered, his face unreadable.

"It's not important" Ste downed another drink. "Just complicated, working together all the time"

"Well I can relate"

Ste laughed without real amusement. "Don't need to tell me that"

Brendan glanced away, his face troubled. "Perhaps I was hasty, firing ye and everything"

"And everything" Ste emphasised.

"Yeah…" Brendan mumbled.

"Let's not, okay?" Ste slammed his glass down. "I'm really not in the mood"

"That bad?" Brendan looked him over. "You're alright aren't ye?"

"Course" Ste replied curtly. "Never better"

"If ye want me to leave…"

"No" Ste answered a little too quickly. "I mean, it's a free country. Don't go on my account"

"Well, alright. But do ye wanna go somewhere a bit quieter? This music is doing my head in"

Ste frowned, about to protest.

"Hey, no funny business" Brendan held up his hands. "Promise"

Ste glanced around. "I need to make a phone call first"

"Be my guest"

Ste could tell Brendan was restraining himself from asking who he was calling or indeed, listening to the conversation himself. Ste didn't know how he felt about that. He didn't want to examine the feeling too closely.

He told Adam he was exhausted from work and left it at that. He could tell he was disappointed but he was so lovely about it Ste felt even worse. He went back over to Brendan, a little more defeated.

Brendan stood up, silently gesturing that they leave. It was strange how his presence often unnerved Ste and yet right now he was the only person he could imagine being around in this mood. Amy would fuss and tell him to call Adam, or to talk to Doug about it. Ste didn't want to do either right now.

Ste didn't even care where Brendan was leading him. It seemed his path always ended up here, back to the Irishman. He was startled when Brendan placed his hand on the small of his back, guiding him past a crowd of men. Ste blinked up at him, perplexed. He didn't take the hand away until they were out of sight. Ste felt a shiver run up his spine where Brendan had touched him. It really only took a simple touch and he was back to that place, locked in Brendan's arms, writhing and bucking against him. Ste shook his head to clear such thoughts. He had enough on his plate without adding Brendan to the mix.

They went back to Brendan's place. Ste didn't even question it, such was his mood. Brendan went straight to the kitchen, making Ste a coffee.

"Thanks" Ste said, warming his hands on the mug.

"Best ye sober up before ye go home"

"I'm not drunk" Ste said a little defensively.

"Course not" Brendan grinned. "Do a twirl for me and we'll see"

"Alright" Ste grinned, relishing the challenge. He stood up, spinning once, then twice before feeling dizzy and attempting to steady himself. He somehow ended up in Brendan's lap. "Ugh" he mumbled, digging his nose into Brendan's thigh. Brendan absently trailed his fingers through Ste's hair.

"Ye idiot"

"Thanks"

"Don't mention it"

They were silent for a while until Ste realised where he was. "Oh" he said, sitting up quickly. "Sorry"

"It's fine" Brendan shrugged. Ste hadn't removed himself. "Ye can stay there if ye want. Don't want ye throwing up"

"Right" Ste slumped a little further. "I shouldn't. I should go…"

"I'll walk ye"

"No, that's okay" Ste stood up awkwardly. "Thanks though"

Brendan nodded, his eyes darting quickly to the side. Ste recognised that look.

"What is it?"

"Nothing" Brendan smoothed out his expression.

Ste frowned, unable to take the hint. "No, tell me"

Brendan shook his head, laughing a little manically to himself. "Leave it"

Ste crossed his arms, standing his ground. "I'm not leaving until you tell me"

"Then ye aren't leaving"

They stared each other down for several moments. Ste didn't know what he was doing really. Perhaps he just wanted someone to offload on him so he could forget his own problems. But surely Brendan was the last person he should want that from? Ste felt a twinge in his stomach. He couldn't possibly still care, could he?

"Another drink?" Brendan offered.

"Sure" Ste sat back down again. "Make it a stronger one this time"

Brendan laughed, his throat a low hum. "Don't ye think you've had enough, lad?"

"Not nearly enough" Ste replied, easing himself into a comfortable position on the sofa.

"Make yerself at home why don't ye" Brendan commented, handing Ste another coffee. Ste wrinkled his nose. "I don't want ye dribbling all over me, Stephen" Brendan told him.

"When have I ever done that?" Ste protested.

"A bunch of times" Brendan said dryly, dimming the lights. "The amount of times I've woken up with a wet pillow"

"I haven't stayed over that many times!"

"More's the pity" Brendan said, his eyes raking over Ste's body.

Ste swallowed, fidgeting a little on the sofa. "Yeah, well, whose fault is that?"

Brendan said nothing, instead placing himself a little too closely beside Ste.

"Are ye happy, Stephen?"

"What?" Ste was caught off guard. "I- well, I guess so"

"Ye don't sound sure" Brendan said, his gaze intense.

"Well I'm not as happy as when…" Ste frowned, trying to think of a better time of life. Certainly not his childhood, or his teen years. His time with Amy wasn't exactly plain-sailing either. He had been finally happy with the deli, having Doug as a friend. Now that was all ruined.

His silence said more than words could say. Brendan didn't push the issue. Instead his hand fell comfortably onto Ste's leg. Ste didn't brush it away; it felt warm and familiar. Being touched by Brendan was still the most thrilling experience of Ste's life, he didn't think that would ever change. In fact, Brendan had practically ruined him forever with his skilled hands and warm mouth. Ste blushed a little, remembering the countless times he had found himself in Brendan's arms. On this sofa in fact, so many months ago.

"Say it again" Ste had panted, his legs wrapped around Brendan's waist.

"I love ye" Brendan looked directly at him, each word piercing and true into Ste's heart.

Ste's head rolled back. "Again" he pleaded as Brendan's cock found his opening.

"I love ye, Stephen" Brendan buried his face in his neck. "Tell me"

"I love you, Brendan"

Ste jerked himself back to the present. He felt tears stinging his eyes and his body was shaking a little. He tried not to think of that day, so full of empty promises. Ste realised then that it was the last time he had truly been happy. He thought he had it all then, Brendan was finally his. It hadn't taken long for it all to come crashing down, much the same as his Carter and Hay dreams were.

Brendan tentatively wrapped an arm around Ste's shoulders, drawing Ste into his body. Ste let him, feeling weightless and vacant.

"Ye gonna tell me the problem?" Brendan murmured.

Ste shrugged a little against him. "I can't"

"Why not?"

"You won't like it"

Brendan laughed gruffly. "Can't I judge that for myself?"

Ste looked at him, unsure. He sighed, dropping his gaze to stare at his hands. "Me and Doug had a fight, that's all"

Brendan's body tensed a little. "What about?" he asked, his voice unnaturally casual.

"Oh, just something of nothing" Ste said vaguely. "But I'm worried now that it'll ruin everything"

"How so?"

"We have to work together every day" Ste felt a pinch in his chest. He didn't know how to face Doug again.

"So did we, once upon a time" Brendan pointed out. "And it's not as though anything like that is going on"

Ste swallowed the lump in his throat. "Yeah" he croaked out.

"I wouldn't worry. Douglas will get over it, whatever it is"

"I guess" Ste suddenly felt very uncomfortable discussing this with him. "Where is everyone by the way?"

Brendan glanced around as though only just noticing they were alone. "Joel's at the club with Cheryl. Lynsey's out"

"So it's just us" Ste felt a little trapped all of a sudden.

"Problem?"

"No. Not really"

Brendan quirked an eyebrow. "I'm surprised ye are even in the same room as me"

"I'm sick of fighting" Ste said, his voice hollow.

"Ain't that the truth" Brendan murmured, tightening his hold.

They remained that way for some time in quiet reflection. Ste felt himself relax. It was nice, having nothing expected of him. Amy was always talking about Ally and Ste would obediently listen. If it wasn't that she was harping on about how good Adam was for him, and the deli. Ste was tired of hearing what was good for him.

"Brendan?" Ste asked quietly.

"Hm?"

"If Eileen hadn't turned up that day, would things be different?"

Brendan tensed beside him. "I can't really answer that, Stephen"

"No… I guess not" Ste sighed a little, wondering why he was still sat here, questioning such things. Brendan's warm body beside him was a little strange, in a familiar sort of way. He found himself leaning into him further and closing his eyes.

"I'm not a pillow, Stephen"

"Shh, sleep now" Ste curled his legs underneath him. He heard Brendan sigh in exasperation.

"What do I get out of it?"

"Me" Ste said, his eyes snapping open in surprise. Did he really just say that?

"Do I now?" Brendan practically purred. He tilted Ste's face up towards him. Ste blinked a few times, transfixed.

"I, um…"

"Ye can pretend all ye like, Stephen. I know there's still something…between us" Brendan's hand drifted down Ste's leg, resting at the obvious bulge in his trousers. Brendan brushed his fingers across it.

Ste was speechless. His body had betrayed him. His face flushed in mortification. He had really thought he was past all this but there was something about being alone with Brendan, when he was charming and calm and everything Ste wanted. Their lips were close and Ste idly wondered what would happen if he just stood up and walked away, like he should have done so many other times this started to happen.

Brendan found his eyes and their gazes locked. Unlike some of their other kisses when Brendan would smile, knowing he had him, Ste saw naked desperation there. It wasn't like all those months ago either, Brendan looked as though he may break any moment. Ste was stunned, wondering what had brought on such despair. He tentatively touched Brendan's lips with his fingertips.

"It's okay" he found himself whispering. "It's okay"

Brendan closed the distance between them with a searing kiss. Ste felt his resolve melt away, his body giving in to Brendan completely. And if he was honest, his heart went with him.

In no time at all, Brendan was on top of him, tugging his trousers down. Ste slipped his shirt over his head, allowing Brendan the access to his neck and chest where he planted small, sucking kisses. At one point Brendan bit into his collar bone, making Ste yelp. Brendan grinned apologetically at him and Ste rolled his eyes, grinning back at how predictable he was. Leaving his mark all right.

Brendan's hands trailed reverently down his body, resting at his hips. "Ye sure?" He asked, unbuckling himself. Ste gazed at him, opening his legs in answer. Brendan didn't need further invitation. He bent low, his tongue preparing Ste for his fingers, wet with saliva. Brendan cupped his face as Ste writhed beneath him, feeling his fingers slip in and out in perfect motion.

He knew he was whining a little by the time Brendan was done with him. He lined himself up, lowering himself closer to Ste as he pushed inside. It felt so good having Brendan inside him again, Ste forgot his misgivings and simply gave himself to him, knowing he would pay for it later. Brendan was gentle with him at first as though he might break but Ste tugged on the back his head, urging him to speed up which he did gladly.

It was awkward on the sofa so they slipped onto the floor. Brendan held Ste in his arms as best he could but eventually he had to let his head loll back onto the floor. Ste knew he would have carpet burn in the morning but he didn't care. Brendan's hands were all over him, between his thighs, across his stomach, in his hair. They were incomprehensible to each other, Ste didn't know who was saying what to who. The only distinct sound he could pick up was Brendan's mutterings of "Stephen", half desperate, half deeply aroused.

The climax was drawn out, causing Brendan to utter a list of profanities. Ste simply grinned, his body flushed and sweating. He grabbed Brendan as he pulled out, directly on top of him. He kissed him sloppily, his smaller arms circling around his neck impulsively. Brendan picked him up as though he weighed nothing and carried him to his bedroom. They collapsed onto the bed, not even bothering to re-dress. They had fallen asleep in each other's arms before any words were exchanged.

Ste awoke what must have been a few hours later. He was completely encased in Brendan's iron grip, inescapable. Ste felt his breath hitch and his heart rate quicken as the reality of what they had just done hit him. It was amazing yes, unforgettable even, but it couldn't happen again. Ste knew where this ended, it ended with bitter disappointment and more heartbreak. He couldn't do it again. He didn't think he would be able to pick himself up this time.

He slowly slid out of Brendan's arms, not an easy task. Brendan stirred a little so Ste kissed him lightly, brushing his hair away from his forehead gently. Brendan smiled, settling once more. Ste felt his heart ache. It was too late, it had already begun. He wouldn't be able to forget this. He had so much to face tomorrow and yet in the back of his mind he would remember Brendan, sprawled naked in all his glory, for once open for Ste to see him. He looked peaceful now. Had he gotten what he wanted? Had he planned this from the start? Ste didn't know or care, he had been as much a part of this had Brendan had. He had known somewhere inside him the minute he walked through Brendan's door that this was a possibility, was always a possibility while they were still in each other's lives.

Ste closed the door behind him, locating his clothes in the living room. He slipped his boxers and trousers on, pausing as he put his shirt on. The bite on his collar bone was a little red, Brendan's teeth marks were slightly visible. It should have alarmed Ste but it didn't. Little reminders like this only told Ste what he knew deep down; Brendan owned a part of him. He always would, just like Ste would always own a part of him too. He just wished it was enough.

"At least we had one night" Ste sighed.

He wondered if it would be the last.