I am actually pretty satisfied of that one. The finale was great and boy, am I the only one to think that those 4 months are going to feel longer? While rewatching the final two episodes, I couldn't help but feel sorry for Deeks as he tried so hard to get past Kensi's defenses!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

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She'd been home for hours now. When she stepped in, she stared at the space in front of her, her eyes wandering over the dust covered surfaces, magazines scattered all over the floor and pieces of clothes thrown here and there. Let's just say that after the kind of day she just had, she truly couldn't care less about the dust and magazines or bras piling up on the floor of her living room.

She turned a bit like a caged animal, sat on the couch, flipped on the TV and zapped for a few minutes before turning it off and getting up just as quickly. She desperately needed something to take her mind off of all the things she saw in the last couple of hours.

First Renko, very much alive and bantering with her one minute and then Renko shot and lying almost lifeless on the ground of a gun's shop parking lot. She remembers her shaking hand trying to stop the blood flow and even though it helped in maintaining him alive, it hadn't been enough.

She did well though or at least she thinks. She did not crack. And boy, that was no small feat! She took a few minutes to compose herself after the doctor opened the curtain and she realized he was gone. She stayed for a few minutes in that uncomfortable chair by the room's door, trying to take control over her emotions and she did so. She put the mask on, took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and walked bravely outside of the hospital before calling Hetty on her way back.

She could probably have maintained the same mask all day long if it hadn't been for Deeks. He came very close to crack her armor, she is sure he realized it but hopefully he never pushed too far. They had to stay focus on the case and he knew that as well. His cry-over-my-shoulder offer had been tempting -though she would never tell him that- but she couldn't allow herself to. She didn't have that luxury and she didn't want to have it. When Jack left, she had been left alone with her tears and the several times after that when she felt she wouldn't be able to hold them back much longer, she'd made sure she was alone when the dam broke. She hadn't needed a shoulder to cry on back then and she wouldn't need one now. She would deal with that the way she was used to now: alone.

So here she was, currently cleaning her father's riffle, clinging onto the cold metal pieces and the brush as if they were her lifeline to sanity. The only sounds coming from the room being the frantic rhythm of the brush against the metal and her raging sobs. She should stop, she knows it. All the energy she puts in cleaning is useless as her teardrops fall directly onto the metal. She is going to have to do it all over again. Else, she cannot find today the familiar solace cleaning the riffle usually brings…

So whatever she tries, it fails as she cannot go more than 30 seconds without seeing Renko's dead figure, Hunter exploding or Callen... Callen who has been like a big brother since day one and that's what makes it worse. It feels like she was betrayed. She had put her life into his hands and more importantly her trust. She knows he is a lone wolf and she also know that he would do anything necessary for a case. The ugly truth is that at one point in their careers, they all had to do things they are not particularly proud of to ensure the success of a mission … The greater good or so they say... But today was different. Today, he had lost it. And it scared her to death. Callen is the agent she has the most admiration for and one of the most grounded too… And if something like that can happen to him, well … it means it can happen to anybody. Including her.

She is so engrossed in her thoughts that she misses a first knock on the door.

She cannot miss the second one though as there is a voice that goes with it.

'Kens, come on! I know you're there! Open the door or I swear I'll pick it! It may take me all night but …' his voice fades as the door opens.

'Hey!' he says softly as he takes in her disheveled hair and puffy red eyes.

'I know why you came. I am fine. You can go home!' she is about to close the door unceremoniously when he puts his foot in the threshold and one of his hands on the door.

'Yeah?' he asked 'because nothing says 'I'm fine' better than puffy red eyes and dried tears trails! Cut the crap, will you!' he says as he pushes the door open and steps in her apartment. He feels his anger beginning to rise. Well, if he is honest with himself, he felt it earlier today. When every attempt he had made to reach her was systematically shut down.

Any other day, he would probably have made a joke on the magazines and picked up one of her discarded bras. Any other day but not today.

She sighs while she closes the door behind him, defeated.

'What do you want me to tell you? Huh? Do you want me to cry over your shoulder Deeks? Is that what you want? Cause it's not going to happen, not today, not ever!' she snaps. She knows it's not fair but right now, she is unable to stop.

He looks at her for several long seconds, his eyes narrowed at her as if he is trying to read her mind, and God knows she is well aware of that gift he has when it comes to dive into her soul. He has a smile on his face she never saw yet. It's a grim smile. And at that moment, she cannot help but to compare that smile to the ones he usually wears: the goofy, the pouty, the sexy, the embarrassed, the adorable … She could go on and on about that subject and that's when she realizes that she would trade that bitter smile for anything else right now. Because bitterness is not something she likes to see on Marty Deeks' figure.

He shakes his head slowly. Trying to keep his temper in check, he knows he doesn't do a great job at that right now.

'Do you really care about what I want Kens? Because from where I stand, it often feels like you don't give a damn about that!' he snaps back.

Her eyes go wide, to say that she is surprised by what he just said is an understatement. She is stunned, her mouth is agape and her mind is just too tired for that right now. So he goes on.

'I tried Kens! God knows I tried so hard …' he adds through gritted teeth 'to reach you. To let you know that I am here for you! A shoulder to cry on if you want to, a pair of ears to hear what you have to say, a punching bag if you need to hit something to release what's inside, all those things you keep buried deep inside so nobody can see? Huh?' he cocks his head, scratches his neck. He is riled up she can tell.

'But no, NO! You won't allow yourself to open up because you don't want to. Bad ass Kensi Blye cannot be seen as weak so you shut people out! You shut me out'.

He stands only a few inches from her now, an expression on his face that she saw once probably twice before. One of those times is when he found out who was the mole in LAPD. She had thought he'd kill that crooked cop. It's anger, pure and totally raw. And it's scary because something Deeks doesn't do much is allowing his anger to take over him. She knows it certainly has to do with his father and the fact that he doesn't want to be anything like him in his life.

'Deeks …' her voice is soft but he cuts her off by holding his hand in the air.

'I have been patient Kensi. But I am not stupid and I know there is nothing more I can do if you don't want me to be there for you…' he tries to swallow the lump in his throat before adding 'I care for you Kens… a lot to be honest … but there is only so much I can take and so much I can do... I can't force you to let me in…' he adds softly, his anger disappearing while he lets the weight of his own words sinking into him.

He is at the door in a few seconds, his hand on the doorknob when he stops and turns to face her 'You were partly wrong when you said you knew why I came tonight! I didn't come only to check on you. Tonight, after the day we had, the things we've been through, I could have used a friend too' pain written over his face and etched on his voice, he turns again and leaves.

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No sure that is an end though … Doesn't feel like an end to me. Let me know what you think please. Thanks