Title: Try, Try Again

Description: Five times Tony thought Bruce might've been considering suicide and the one time he definitely was. Post-movie.

Rating: M for language and dark themes. Will have 7 chapters total, including this one.

[0] Prologue: Uneasy

Having Bruce in the tower with him was an interesting experience. The fact that someone other than Jarvis actually understood everything he was doing was definitely a first. Sure, Pepper was great and she knew some of it, but Tony wasn't going to lie to himself and pretend she could keep up with him on his more complex work in R & D. Bruce could. And Bruce was a genuinely good guy, fun to hang around with and easy to connect to (at least for Tony). They saw eye-to-eye on a lot of subjects. But there was one thing about Dr. Banner that had always made Tony uneasy.

Believe it or not, it was not the whole 'turning into a green rage monster' thing. That he was okay with, and he trusted Bruce completely. What made him nervous as hell was the depression.

And fuck anyone who tried to tell him otherwise, because damn it, it was depression. He worked with the man a lot in the months after the invasion, and it was hard to miss the moments when he just looked dead inside. Bruce would try to hide it behind self-deprecating remarks and cynicism and anger jokes, but when their eyes met Tony could see the self-loathing and absolute defeat there. It was like something in Bruce had just given up on everything. And it made Tony feel sick.

He made a habit out of scolding Bruce for self-effacing comments and tried to bring up his friend's mood in whatever way possible, but that didn't stop him from worrying. And it sure as hell didn't stop him from remembering his chilling words.

'So you're saying that the Hulk, the Other Guy, saved my life? That's nice. It's a nice sentiment. Save it for what?'

'I got low. I didn't see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth, and the other guy spit it out.'

Because Bruce had tried to kill himself before. Fuck, he'd tried to kill himself. He'd put the barrel of a gun between his lips and pulled the trigger, completely prepared to never see the world again. The thought of this always made Tony's gut twist uncomfortably, the fact that one of his closest friends had felt that way and probably still did sometimes. What made it worse was there was nothing he could do about it. And he was goddamn uneasy and sick with himself for thinking it, but sometimes when Bruce was having a bad day and there was darkness in his eyes and Tony was desperately hoping for something to brighten it up, an old proverb would come to mind:

If at first you don't succeed...