Does It Make You Feel Like a Man?

Iroha and Lui erupted in laughter when I told them what had happened after school the previous day. I tilted my head, not understanding what they found so funny, until Lui remarked, "Poor Len. He might've gotten lucky last night if Gumi hadn't stolen his date."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I questioned, exasperated.

"Isn't it obvious?" Iroha sighed, still smiling broadly as she stifled her laughter and leaned her head on Lui's shoulder as we three walked home from school. "He and Rin were going to do it last night. She was having second thoughts, probably trying to make herself look prettier by redoing her make-up, which is why she ran away when you gave her the chance. And now Len's going to kill you."

"C'mon, Iroha," I groaned, scowling at the couple as they grinned at me. "There's no way Rin would sleep with him after only a month and a half."

"Have you seen him, Gumi?" wondered Iroha. "He's gorgeous."

"I'd sleep with him after a month and a half," remarked Lui. I raised a brow at him before Iroha confidently interrupted.

"I'd sleep with him right now if he asked me to," she remarked, shrugging as Lui and I gazed at her inquisitively. "Girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do." She cast her boyfriend a sidelong glance. "And, apparently, what Lui's gotta do."

Lui shrugged as well. "What can I do? He's a very attractive guy."

I stuck my tongue out, disgusted by the two of them. "You guys are gross. And I'm definitely telling Len about this tonight."

"Tonight?" Lui questioned, grinning.

I blinked at him innocently, having no idea why he was grinning. "Yeah. Rin asked if I'd come hang out."

"I don't know who I should worry about, Rin or Len," remarked Iroha, frowning in contemplation. She turned her gaze onto Lui. "Which one do you think she likes, Lui?"

"I'd say she's starting to like Rin," Lui replied, grinning as my cheeks burned red. Those two were insane. "She seems to be going to great measures to keep her and Len from doing it, after all."

"They're not going to do it, alright?" I snapped, resulting in laughter from my two companions as I sighed and sped up my pace. I needed better friends.

. . .

It wasn't until a month later that I slammed my head against my desk and admitted defeat under Lui and Iroha's gazes, and I felt horrible for confessing it, but I needed to tell someone. They'd guessed it long ago, after all, and I was certain they wouldn't tell anyone. "I think I'm in love with Rin."

"Finally," sighed Lui with a smile.

"What gave it away?" Iroha wondered.

I recounted what had happened the previous night. As usual, afterschool, I'd gone over to Len's and joined him and Rin in playing video games and watching television for a while. I'd begun to notice over the last while how I felt, but it wasn't proved until last night, when she'd curled herself onto his chest with a contented sigh. He'd casually kissed her forehead, and she'd murmured just as casually that she loved him. The way she'd said it and the way he'd not reacted had told me that they'd said it before, and I'd felt immediately so jealous of Len, not of Rin. I didn't want a boyfriend. I wanted Rin.

"Mm, that's tough," Iroha sympathized, looking a little lost now that I'd confessed. "There's not really much you can do about it, though."

"That's the worst part," I sighed, leaning my cheek on the cool wooden surface of my desk as I gazed out the doorway. "It's not fair. Why did the one girl Len ended up being serious about have to be the one I fell for?"

"Speak of the devil," Lui whispered in warning as Rin, Miku, and Aria made their way into the art room that Lui, Iroha, and I had already gotten ourselves prepared in. This was the only class where we got to see the other three since all classes where mixed together for this one.

"Hey," Rin welcomed to me and me alone, smiling so kindly that my heart ached. She took her seat beside me. A single glance at her caused my heart to race, and I felt immediately guilty. She was Len's girlfriend.

"Hey," I replied, turning my gaze to the canvas I'd begun painting. I could feel Iroha and Lui watching me and nearly snapped at them to leave me alone, but that would be too suspicious. "Are we hanging out afterschool?"

"Len and I are going out tonight," she murmured apologetically, becoming entranced with her painting as she spoke to me. Rin was definitely more suited for this class than I was. "We'll be back around nine, though, if you wanted to meet us afterward."

My sunken heart rose at those last words, to which I swiftly agreed. I could feel the heat of Lui and Iroha's gazes worse than before, but what could I do? I wasn't going to do anything, but I needed to be with her just a little more.

"Yo, Megumi."

I sighed irritably to Rin's giggle as I felt the usual weight of Len's fist tapping my head. I jerked my chin up to gaze at him. "What are you doing in here?"

"Came to see Rin," he stated while she froze in her brushstroke to smile at him. She smiled so sweetly that I felt jealousy clawing through me. "We're cutting class for our date."

Rin giggled. "We are, are we?"

He smirked at her and offered a hand. "Yes, yes we are."

With a laugh, she got up from her seat and began to follow his lead. I watched them go as they were stopped by a question from the teacher. He was a soft-spoken, gentle man, Kiyoteru, so he was really useless at times like these when the couple exchange mischievous looks before laughing and bolting out of the classroom. He called for them once more, but they were gone. He sighed and let the class fall back into peace, knowing that it was useless to try to retrieve the escapees.

"Bathroom," I announced a few minutes later when he glanced at me as I stood. After he cast me a nod of consent, I headed out into the hallways. I didn't actually have to go to the bathroom. I just needed to get out of there. It wasn't fair. I wished I'd noticed Rin before, before Len had gotten her. Why was she the first one he actually took seriously? It wasn't fair.

A shock ran through my body as I heard a sharp sound and a squeal of pain. I recognized her voice just from that noise. Rin. I ran through the hallways, pausing right when I saw them. Her sobs ripped through the air as she fell to the ground, her face jerked to one side as her hair covered her face from view. I wanted to run to her, to help her, but I was absolutely frozen. My eyes barely registered Len there, his eyes wide with horror as he took a step back and covered his mouth with his hands, shaking his head repeatedly.

"I'm so sorry," he breathed, and her tears broke the linoleum tiles. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." He repeated it over and over again as she cried, and I just stood there uselessly. What was I supposed to do? I had to do something, but what? What was I supposed to do in this situation?

After a while, she gently brought herself to her feet, and she made her way over to him. She pushed the fallen hair out of her face, and I saw the red mark pulled across her cheek. That didn't shock me as much as the tender smile on her face, however, and she gently lifted a hand up and stroked his face. "Shh," she whispered to him, ever so gently. "It'll never happen again, right, Len?"

She was still crying, and he was, now, too. Still, he promised through choked sobs, "Never. Never again."

She kissed him then, their tears mingling together. I stood there, petrified. What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to do?

He'd hit her.

. . .

I'd lied to her. I was a liar. Len wasn't a good guy. He didn't treat her well.

I couldn't stand to be around either of them anymore. It took weeks before, finally, they'd managed to get me back to Len's house, and my irritability was on high. I'd seen them. How could they? How could she take him back after that? How?

It haunted me, the thoughts of that day. I shivered each time I saw them together, and I still ran away whenever possible. It horrified me when Rin flinched upon Kiyoteru's reaching over her. Had he noticed? If he had, why hadn't he done something? Why hadn't I done something?

During the break, I wandered aimlessly in the hallways, avoiding anyone I knew even remotely. I entered that bathroom, the one that no one ever used, the one with the faded lights, and froze in the doorway when I heard a broken sob. I peered inside to see Rin biting down on her lower lip. Her left cheek was bright red, a fresh mark, and she was busy coating it with make-up. When I'd seen her that first day, had that been what she'd been doing? The horrific realization stung as it settled, echoed by the words Rin said now once more. "It'll never happen again."

I had happened again, had happened many times in the past. I dashed from the bathroom, terrified. What was I supposed to do? Why was she still with him if he was doing this? Dammit, what was I supposed to do?

. . .

"Shut up, Len."

Rin and Len both looked to me in shock as I said that. We were in my basement that day, playing videogames. I couldn't recall what he'd said, but I couldn't stop myself from exploding at him, just a little.

"What's your problem, Megumi?" he questioned, scowling. "You're being bitchy. Are you on your time of the month or something?"

I glared viciously at him and snapped, "What's your excuse for being rotten then?"

Len's eyes blazed, and I couldn't help but notice Rin shrink back. "If you're going to be like this, we're leaving," Len snapped, grabbing her harshly by the wrist. I couldn't stop myself from jumping up and smacking his hand away when he yanked her upward off the couch while she shrank back in terror.

"Screw you," I snapped. "What the hell's wrong with me stating my opinion?"

"You don't seem to be in a very sociable mood right now, Gumi." He stared at me, iciness creeping just below the surface until that final word, the use of my actual name bringing his horrid frustration right up to the surface. The way his eyes glimmered now terrified me. It was the worst expression I'd ever seen on his face. Was this the same face he showed Rin when he hit her?

"Why don't you give your girlfriend a choice then, huh?" I nearly shouted, feeling the anger steadily rising. Keeping it in for so long was killing me, and I couldn't help myself anymore. Rin seemed absolutely petrified, and it was only then that my consciousness registered that I might have been making things worse for her. Still, the fueled hatred held its control over me. "Why don't you treat her like an actual human being rather than a ragdoll?"

I could see his fist clenching at his side, and the other hand rose swiftly into the air. My eyes shut instinctively as I flinched, bracing myself for the impact, but it didn't come. Instead, the next moment, when I opened my eyes, both of my classmates had vanished. My heart continued racing as I shouted his name and dashed up the stairs right in time to see him closing the door, leaving himself inside and Rin out. He stopped, his eyes regaining their usual composure, as he stared coldly at me.

"What's going on with you, Megumi?" he questioned, taking a step toward me. I took a step back, terrified now. "What's got you all worked up?"

I drew in a shuddering breath, turned my eyes to stone, and stared him straight in the eyes. The words fell like blades in the silence. "You hit her."

He winced at the words, and his tough exterior fell. His gaze dropped, his hands forming fists, as he murmured, "I didn't mean to."

As his hand fell from the doorknob, Rin forced her way back into the house. She looked prepared to shout, but she stopped when she saw the looks on our faces. I stared at her, trying to let her know that I knew what happened with my gaze, but she didn't understand. So, gently, I repeated, "He hit you."

She flinched, turning her panicked gaze onto him, but he wouldn't look at her. Then, turning her eyes to the tiles below our feet, she nodded.

Slowly, breaking into the silence that fell between us all, I stated, "It's happened more than once."

Len nodded, then he looked up at me desperately. "I don't know why it happens, Megumi." He looked to Rin as her gaze filled with tears, staring back at him. "I love her so much. You have no idea."

I nearly laughed, but the heartbreak in his eyes stopped me, and I said, "If you truly loved her, you'd never do that to her."

None of us broke the silence that time.

. . .

It was a sound worse than a gunshot, and it caught my attention just as fast. In the falling rain, my eyes turned to Rin and Len as his fist made contact with her cheek. She slid onto the ground and caught herself on a tree branch, leaning against a trunk as the rain continued falling. On our way home from school, I was forced to dash back to Len and hold him back as I saw the rage still flashing in his gaze, insisting, "Len, calm down!"

"You can't leave me!" he exclaimed, breaking away from me easily and falling to his knees before the battered Rin. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her sharply, staring desperately into her empty eyes. "Please don't leave me, Rin!"

She looked away from him, all emotions drained, and said, "I can't do this anymore, Len. I've had enough. I can't. Gumi's right. I'm not a ragdoll." She paused, stared him straight in the eyes, and said firmly, "I've finally had enough."

"Len, stop it!" I exclaimed, but he pushed me off the moment I touched him, and I couldn't prevent him from hitting her once more, knocking her sideways, down into the dirt.

"You can't leave me!" he told her, desperation coating his voice as he stumbled backward, coming to the point when he realized what he was doing. "R-Rin . . . ."

Her shoulders shook, and it took me a moment to realize she was laughing. Then, she lifted her head. Her face was coated in mud now, the make-up washed off by the rain and revealing each and every bruise Len had left. She smiled at him and stated, "Is that all you've got, Len? It doesn't hurt anymore. This doesn't hurt."

We all fell quiet then, nothing but the sound of rain around us as we all lay, coated in mud. Len stared at her, horrified as he was forced to see everything he'd done to her. Her smile only stayed for a moment before her eyes teared and her lips shuddered. Her utterly heart-wrenching sob tore through the air as she wept every tear from every time he'd hurt her. I sat there, unable to do anything, as I realized just how useless I'd been all along. As much as I loved Rin, I'd done nothing for her. She'd gone through so much, and, all by herself, she'd had to bring herself to this. Enough was enough. I should have told Len that long ago, but I hadn't.

This doesn't hurt.

. . .

Six months later . . .

Miku and Aria barely glanced at Lui, Iroha, and I in passing in the hallway while Rin slung both her arms around one of Gakupo's, smiling up at the boy who'd treated her properly for the last month. I looked away from them, unable to bear it.

It had been half a year since that incident in the rain. I'd never told Rin how I felt in the end. After how useless I'd been, I knew it was beyond my rights to expect anything from her. I'd stopped speaking with her not long after she and Len had broken up, but she was happier now. Gakupo was good to her, unlike Len and I.

Len didn't come to school anymore. I hadn't seen him since they'd broken up, and I didn't plan on searching for him. That last day in the rain was the last time I'd really ever seen her or him again, but that was how things were meant to be.

Rin's eyes met mine in passing, and she offered me a polite smile. I returned it, of course, but I knew all it was was politeness. She had a new life now, one she deserved, and Len and I weren't a part of it.

Author's Note: Thank you, everyone, for your support on this story. This one was a very personal one for me as my mother was a battered wife in her first marriage, but she still loved him. I wanted the characters to show shades of grey. It's terrible what Len did, but he didn't mean to do it. Gumi wanted to help, but she never did anything. Only when Rin finally said it was enough did she manage to find happiness after offering him forgiveness so many times. I hope you enjoyed the story, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read it.