Well Hello my readers! I am alive! Haha

I have been an absolutely awful author lately and I usually have no excuse…but this time I think I do a little haha

You see right about the time school started I sort of became overwhelmed with a certain person…a young professor I had for my Economics class. He wasn't my usual type. He wasn't buff or brawny or loud or anything like I usually see as attractive. Instead he was soft spoken, shy and absolutely sweet. He was also a little chubby. You could clearly see how being different pained him. He would blush and stutter and be just too cute when I would talk or answer a question. And I fell head over heals for him. Now of course I kept my distance but in my head I started to formulate an idea.

As with much of my life all day dreaming turns slashy and soon this story began to take place. It consumed me and never before had the words flown so easily from my mind to my fingers.

I think in a way this was a healing story for me to write. Carlisle's torment in this is very much like the things I faced growing up a little bigger than my family. His emotions and actions are things I clearly remember happening to me growing up and I think I needed to do this for myself. This story is self indulgent and fluffy and I hope enjoyable for you all. I feel as if the world has been lifted when I finished this piece and I can go on to writing and finishing my other tales.

I hope you all love Chubby Carlisle as much as I have come to!

This story was also a point in bringing myself and author of the fic Nasty, DPD, closer as pen pals! She is brilliant and a wonderful soul! If you haven't read Nasty yet you are missing out!

The true person behind this story though is my Misty Haze who not only read every 2 pages I sent to her at a time but was a wealth of encouragement to me as well. This fic is dedicated to our friendship which has grown into a shining gem in my life. She is my rock. Love ya girl!

Anyways please enjoy and happy read!

Xoxo Philomina

Carlisle had been 9 years old when he first noticed that he wasn't normal.

As a child of that age and before he hadn't thought of himself as someone with any abnormalities, after all he played with the other children, liked to run and jump and ride his bike, he thought girls were icky, that slimly things were amazing, that school was a torture chamber and that ice cream was simply the greatest thing a kid like him could have…

Oh ice-cream… soft serve strawberry…he always had a thing for red colored anything. And the creamy sweet treat would melt in his sticky little dirty hands and would give him that all around sense of happiness and oneness with his friends who equally loved the treat.

It was perhaps this love of ice-cream that led him to the discovery that he was in fact different and not in a good way.

His cousins wedding that summer was what began it all.

Carlisle's mother, tall blonde and with a body to kill for had dragged him out to Kauffman's to get a new suit, the desire to make himself and his sister Rosalie a perfect blonde pair to be admired and awed over as the ideal country club children.

He remembered very clearly as the man in the stiff coat and the bad smelling cologne measured him and read his mother the size…

He remembered how her face twisted in a very unattractive way and she asked the man if he had done the measurements right.

"That can not be correct." She reasoned almost to herself. "Carlisle isn't that fat."

That was the first time she used the word.

The word that would carry him his whole life.

Fat fat fat faaaaaaaat.

On their way home he had asked her if being fat was bad. After all he didn't mean to be fat. He never tried to be at least. Maybe it was something he had done and not known?

All his mother did was purse her lips and tell him not to bother her she was thinking.

In hindsight Carlisle realized that his mother and father must have thought that he would have grown out of it. That his fat would be the harbinger of a growth spurt. His sister had one the year before.

And oh, how he wished he had. That the slightly chubby limbs would have stretched out over long limbs and a lean stomach.

But fate was cruel and suddenly all his mother was preoccupied with was making him skinny.

His summer turned into him being drug to doctor's appointments, personal trainers and weight loss clinics. Each told him the same thing with a shake of the head.

He was an over weight child. He needed to get skinny fast because if it started out young it would follow him into adulthood.

It was at nine that Carlisle found out that being fat was indeed not a good thing.

It was bad because it took him away from playing with his friends so his mother could take him to an aerobics lesson. It was bad because his father told him to put a T shirt on when he swam. It was a very very bad thing.

Over the summer his friends stopped calling on since he didn't have the time to see them. Training sessions took too much time.

He stopped going outside as much and more preferred to sit inside and read.

Carlisle who was made to feel huge did what he could to be as small and quiet as possible.

He played by himself and once school came sat in the back in the corner silently doing all the work perfectly.

As eleven turned into twelve, as training session and doctors appointment went on and on he and his parents were discouraged to discover that he wasn't getting any smaller. He grew in height but his girth stayed constant.

Oh how his parents wept and cringed that their son wasn't like his sister at all. How they had to buy clothing for him in sizes that were double digits and spend money on his "health". Carlisle didn't have ice cream anymore instead he got a couple of fig Newton's and a glass of water for desert.

If that wasn't bad enough he found another revelation when he turned 14.

It was during one of his aerobic classes at the YMCA.

In his whole life Carlisle had never been attracted to girls. They were nice to him and didn't make fun of him as much as the other boys did but he never wanted to hold their hand or kiss them or do any of the things the popular boys talked about doing.

He always thought that maybe if the right girl came along who didn't see him as fat or maybe if he got skinny enough to attract a girl he wouldn't have a problem falling in love with them.

But what he didn't count on that particular day was being very grateful that his T shirt hanging down low over his swimming trunks.

As he stood on the poolside waiting for class to begin, a young man a few years older was getting out of the lap lane.

He didn't have to wear a T shirt when he swam.

The sight of that muscled body walking towards the door of the locker room, beads of water caressing his body, running down chiseled sinew that was dusted with the lightest of red hair…he was perfect. His autumn red locks were plastered on his forehead wet and silky…like the melting strawberry ice-cream he missed and loved so much.

The man in the water gave Carlisle another reason to be different. Apparently his distaste for the female form and all things wet and gooey hadn't been a boyhood problem.

At 15 Carlisle realized he was gay. He also had a meltdown with his parents after a particularly humiliating vacation in which they suggested he stay inside rather than join them in the sun. He promised not to take his shirt off and instead spent the time under the umbrella reading a book on economics of the early Roman Empire. Though his sister sat and tried to include him he was too mortified to show his face from under the sun glasses and ball cap.

It had been the usual pain and sadness that had flowed him all his life that summer than led to the meltdown that ended the over exercising at least. He had been walking with the family on the board walk when they all stopped to get ice-cream…well his mother and father did. He was handed an icy tasteless sugar free fat free yogurt that burnt his tongue with its frostiness. Rose as if sensing his sadness offered him her strawberry cone.

He would never forget his mothers scowl and his father scolding them.

"Rose, he is fat enough as it is. What would people think if they saw us letting him eat more calories? We would look like we weren't doing our job to make him look better."

And there he was a chubby, hot sweaty moose standing amidst his family of sleek deer, a grubby cone clutched in his hand and people were obviously staring at him…and all he wanted was a taste of some ice cream. It wasn't until he looked up and saw the group of teenage boys laughing at him that he threw his yogurt on the ground and slide the chair back over to the ground and stormed out of the little parlor. He didn't need the beautiful tan men laughing at his fatty fat face anymore.

The little outburst stopped the exercise but earned him even less acclaim with his parents.

At 18 Carlisle was ready to go to college. All those years of being alone reading book after book paid off. He was going with a full ride to Rutgers to study economics and math.

His parents thought it was a waste but he needed to do this for himself. All his life he had allowed his parents to dictate his existence and now here he was…finally free.

Or so Carlisle thought.

He hadn't realized how far the complex they had given him had sunken. In his mind he was still the fat kid, the one that was a shameful ugly being. He would sometimes stare at himself in the mirror naked and feeling disgust rolling off him in waves. He wasn't huge he knew that but he wasn't small either. He was blonde and pudgy with narrow hips and a large torso. He had meaty hands and big shoulders. His face he supposed wasn't too bad. It was pleasant in a round way and he had nice eyes. But it all…it all was a mess. And he had tried! He had tried diet after diet workout after workout.

But Carlisle was stuck.

Just like his sexuality he was as he was. A large man. Even his doctors had assured him that sometimes people just were born big. There was nothing wrong with him and he even still exercised and as much as he was tempted he never would touch a fry or a burger….or ice cream.

It was strange how no matter how much he wanted to get over it he just couldn't. Carlisle and even his parents had accepted his sexuality in a way they had never done with his pant size.

All his mother had said was she felt sorry for him because no gay man would ever want anyone that looked like he did.

Was it sad that at 21 when he came out to them that all he could do was hold his head in knowing shame. Indeed who would want the blonde chubby nerd?

The thing was that there were people in the gay community who would find his form appealing. Watching porn was enough to show him that. But Carlisle didn't find the bears and chubs appealing. He liked small boys, with nice muscle and…he loved his red heads…his strawberry ice creams.

But what boy who could get any man would want to have a sweaty mass of fat rutting above them?

Which is why when he took his virgin ass to the internet and set up a hook up that Carlisle's worst fears were realized. The guy who came over was nice enough but he confessed he was a little drunk and horny as hell and that was the only reason he had stayed once he saw him. Sex was a messy embarrassing moment for him and when he had tried to turn the lights on the hook up said to leave them off so he didn't have to see what they were doing.

Like the pathetic loser he had gone along with it, lost his virginity and then cried as a grown man alone in his bed. Not since the ice cream parlor had he been so humiliated.

Over the years, though he studied got his doctorate in economics and filled his head with knowledge Carlisle kept his life at half full. His life was as plain as the all bran he ate with low fat milk for breakfast…uselessly trying to shed the weight he had carried with him his whole life. He lived alone rarely going out or having friends, his sister the only one he kept in contact with.

At 30 he decided to do a year of teaching.

And at 30 in that very teaching job, in the entry level economics class Carlisle came across the most tantalizing and sweet straw berry ice cream he had ever encountered before.

It sat in the front of the classroom, and its name was Edward Masan.

XxXxXxXx

He had hardly spelt at all the night before his first class. Carlisle had lain in his bed, tossing and turning for hours…anticipating the gentle tones of his cell phone waking him up. The signal that today he was going completely out of his comfort zone.

Bleary eyed he had dressed that morning in a bulky black suit and navy blue striped tie that was far too big and much too 'funeral director' he supposed for a young gay male to own. But clothing had never been his strong point and honestly when he was getting his doctorate he had forgone any sense of fashion and could recall some truly appalling plaid shirts and khaki pant combos. This suit no matter how much of a penguin it appeared was a security blanket. If it was hulking mass of material no one could see how his body bunched in odd places, or how he would no doubt be sweating and shaking in nervousness.

Giving a dissertation before a group of 50 year old peers was very different to what he was about to attempt.

Carlisle's drive to work was tense. He was revolving all the horror to come in his head so much that even Adele's beautiful haunting voice couldn't make him smile or bounce. Oh why couldn't he be like Adele? Someone big and gorgeous and confident? And she had that wonderful strawberry red hair to boot! Like him the British songbird was no small creature but her curves, though they did nothing for him sexually, were beautiful. She had talent where he did not.

Maybe if he could sing instead of writing papers that won awards but couldn't bring him a smile he would be less terrified of facing a small freshman level class?

He wanted to impart his knowledge, wanted others to see how economics was like real life monopoly, a game of chess, a bloodless but none the less brutal battle! Even as un exciting as it was he enjoyed what he did.

All Carlisle wished was that what he loved was more exciting to others…particularly something tall built and handsome.

When the hour of class had begun he shuffled around his desk, fighting off the looks of his new students, eyes trained on the desk grain, feeling the sweat and heat begin to emanate from his ugly body.

When he did look up the class was ogling his every move, watching how he fumbled and flubbed. Carlisle felt like his limbs were made of jelly that his voice was somehow as ugly as his form was, as if he wouldn't be able to use the chalk board because surly his body was too fat for them to see around. He found himself asking questions no one would have known the answer to and in a ditch effort to pull his students out of their obvious forming distaste for him, Carlisle reached for the technique he had hated when professors had used on him in classes but was a bit of an icebreaker.

"Why….why don't you all…t-tell…st-start around the room and….let-ts say about what our name is…and wh-what we are here for." He was such a fucking dumbass. Couldn't he at least get one sentence out without stuttering? Perspiration was dotting on his neck and chin and he knew that his jowls were glowing in all their ugly fatty glory. He wanted to run and hide but forced himself to listen attentively to each student shy or bored whispered answers to his questions. He wanted to know them and wanted them to get that.

No one wanted to be here and yet they were stuck together for an entire semester. For a whole semester a total of 4 months Carlisle would have to stand up here and be fat and awkward while they sat in stony uninterested silence listening to him ramble on.

And then the next young man was up.

At the head of the class room a little to his left, a man with the purest most beautiful strawberry ice cream hair and jade green eyes sat. His gaze was warm and shiny his face alights with intelligence and passion and warmth…and he was smiling. His smile was genuine and when he spoke Carlisle was swept away.

"Hello everyone! My name is Edward Masan and I am a returning student. I already have a degree in the culinary arts and am back for business. Some of you might know me as the behind the scenes chef at Napoleons' Pastry down on 5th." and he paused looking at Carlisle dead in the eyes. "I am so happy to be here Mr. Cullen. I can't wait to learn."

Barely registering the nod of his head Carlisle's thoughts were far far away

Those words…he knew that was going to be masturbation fodder for at least a week. Which was sad an pathetic because such innocent words should never cause the dirty thoughts he had running through his mind…of sweet strawberry colored hair tangled with his large hands as he guided that soft supple mouth up and down his cock…just like the guys in porn did. Edward would be able to take it and he would drool around his dick and lap and nudge at his balls. He could just imagine that pretty slim face bunched up in pleasure as he rode him moaning his name and his hands touching his….

His stomach…which was fat…and ugly…

How could Carlisle have forgotten he was fat?

That the last thing ANYONE wanted to do was to see him naked let alone have his big sweaty obese body rutting against them. Hell he hardly wanted to look at his own body when he stared in the mirror.

Immediately he flushed and barely listened to the rest of the students ramble their own experiences. If he wasn't sweating before he certainly was now. He found himself blinking hard and rapid as if trying to make them disappear when he began his lecture. He wanted to run home and curl up on his bed in shame, never look at his reflection again, and banish all mirrors in his house. He wanted to beat off in humiliation and loath himself afterwards, satisfying the post orgasm cravings with a punishment of carrots and celery sticks. He wanted to have time to forget the strawberry boy who sat watching him talk with a sweet smile on his face.

Carlisle wanted to pretend that he had never set eyes on beautiful Edward Masan at all.

But try as he might and despite his dark inner thoughts, he couldn't help but glance up at the smile and the attentive green eyes. For a moment they made him calm, and their genuine interest made him think that he wasn't as much of a boring waste as he thought.

The 50 minute class ended and suddenly in a whoosh the students fled, most likely groaning at the horrible job he had done, or thinking what other class they could fill with his once they dropped it.

Of course, just as a torment Edward didn't leave right away.

Instead he stood slowly, gathering his items and in place of a coat he threw on a clean white chef's jacket.

When he raised his arms the tiniest expanse of lean tummy appeared under his shirt and Carlisle felt more depressed than ever.

Simply perfect.

He fully anticipated Edward just sweeping out like the rest of his class mates but to his horror the strawberry boy walked up to him, satchel bag in place and eyes friendly.

"I am so glad I have someone closer to my age teaching this class."

Carlisle knew he had the ability to speak but it must have gotten lost in his fat neck.

He mumbled a nod and tried to smile but his heart was pumping too fast for him to concentrate.

"I had a professor my freshman year who was so old and his notes looked like they had been written on papyrus! And it was a pure lecture class…he didn't want to know what we thought about the subject…"

Edward trailed off and swung his body gently back and forth his grin easy and boyish. Carlisle rubbed his big sweaty palms together trying in vain to remove imaginary chalk. He had to move somehow…the nerves were getting to him.

"I…ah…thanks…I hope you enj-joy t-the class." Sweat was rolling off him now and he knew his face was the color of a tomato. Edward cocked his pretty strawberry head to the side and his brow furrowed at him.

"Hey…" and then he did something that no one save his sister ever did. He reached out a hand and gently placed it on his big meaty arm squeezed gently. "You don't have to be so scared. We don't bite and honestly you did fine. There's no need to be nervous."

Oh but there was a reason. Because he thought he was going to swoon from the tender gesture and kind expression on his face. Because even his parents when he had been young and sad could barely bring themselves to touch him. Though he could never have been sure if it was their disgust in his weight Carlisle knew that all through the rest of his years living at home he was hugged only by Rosalie.

That wasn't something one could readily forget.

But this man…this perfect beautiful man touched him without disgust or piety but out of true concern…that was something that later than night as he jerked off frantically in bed he couldn't forget.

And when he was finished and ashamed, panting like a cow he couldn't help but think about how nice it would be if he were as thin as Edward and he could cuddle up with the beautiful strawberry chef after a bout of amazing sex.

But instead Carlisle was cold and alone in his bed, humiliated at his thoughts and dreams.

XxXxXxXx

Class for the next weeks surprisingly got easier.

He found that the students genuinely wanted to learn and engage in the lectures and that once they seemed interested his nervousness lessened somewhat.

He still had short periods of panic and stuttering but for the most part he could get through a lesson without having to change a shirt for sweating after.

What truly made the difference was beautiful beautiful Edward.

Beautiful perfect Edward sitting in his chef's uniform in the front row, smiling at him every day like a beacon he could look at and latch onto in case he got scared. Edward as sweet as the pasties he made leading the class discussions on economics and giving the class some ease at which to participate.

Sexy soft Edward who stayed after class a little everyday to talk with him about little things. Slowly Carlisle was able to talk to him without stuttering, even giving himself the opportunity to gently ask questions about his student. Edward always seemed more than pleased to answer them and Carlisle learned that his student was everything he wished he could have been in his life.

Edward had grown up in a middle class Irish Italian family who swore and drank and ate and loved with as much passion as their heritages suggested. He had come out when he was 15 and his family had smothered him with love and support, even participating in the annual Pride parade in their city. He had gone to Culinary Institute of American and had graduated with full honors and now was returning to school to get a business degree so he could open his very own pastry shop. This would be his graduating semester and he had needed a credit for an econ slot hence his joining the freshman level class. He was so sure of himself so confident in his mannerisms and speech and his future. Even five years his senior Carlisle knew this man had his life together.

Try as Edward might he couldn't get any information about Carlisle however. He just couldn't bear to see those green eyes become bored or piteous as he mumbled his horrible life story to him.

What could he really say anyways? That he was a 30 year old loser? That though he had a comfortable life he had hardly ever lived it? And here was Edward…a lovely sweet strawberry ice-cream cone and well…that didn't blend well with Fiber One cereal.

It was one the last day of class as the students turned in their final papers and fled to a summer break that something truly remarkable happened.

Carlisle was gathering his briefcase together and as always Edward lingered behind. He didn't say anything this time, only watched him for a moment then handed him a sheet of paper with a phone number scribbled on it.

"After grades come out I want to meet you for coffee." He thrust the note into his chubby hand and Carlisle felt his neck flush. "Here's my number…give me a call please?"

And with that he swooped out of the classroom.

Later that night, lying on his rumpled bed Carlisle looked at the paper sitting on his dresser knowing that behind that number was his greatest desire…

But he was blown away mystified.

What Edward had just done was beyond being a friendly good student! If he was to believe social protocol he had in fact just been asked out on a date…or had he? No time or day had been set and Edward had left before he had the chance to even establish such information.

To be honest the whole thing seemed fishy to him.

No one in his entire life had ever asked him out and he hadn't changed at all. He was still fat still awkward and Edward had seem all of his faults as he stood in front of that classroom. Surely he had noticed how big his stomach was how he sweated and stuttered and couldn't keep eye contact with anyone…except him at times. How could that have been appealing enough to want to spend extended time with him? Why? There was nothing special about him at all and honestly he wasn't worth it.

In the recesses of his self hate Carlisle could only formulate two conclusions: Unlikely but possible was that this was some sort of cruel joke. That Edward was being malicious and was going to raise his hopes them dash them. Or a more likely possibility was that he felt sorry for his ugly ass and wanted to give him a taste of a life.

Probably the second for sure.

It wasn't until he had shown up for work the next day miserable and down trodden that a new conclusion seemed to appear…

And it came in a pastry box wrapped with a blue bow.

After classes ended Carlisle still did summer research and would come to the University every day during the summer weeks. It wasn't as if he had anything better to do that summer and his clean tiny office was safe.

What wasn't safe was the secretary saying he had a package on his doorstep that a nice young man had dropped off earlier that day.

The little bakery box was heavy with something and Carlisle felt his stomach pitch in dread at the thought of being so close to temptation.

But the note on top scribbled in black sharpie picked his curiosity and strangely warmed his soul.

It read: These are your favorite I'm sure of it. I hope you enjoy! A heart and then the initial of E.

Inside were strawberry tarts.

Beautiful glistening strawberry pointed little pies smiling cheerfully up at him as perfect as the smile of their creator.

Carlisle had never had strawberry tarts…it had been so long since he had anything sweet at all that he couldn't help but wonder as to what such a confection would taste like. Even on his birthdays, the painful moments when he had to return home and spend it with his mother and father he only got a sugar free diabetic cake with no frosting and hardly any flavor. It was a dry tasteless block of cake that his parents grudgingly plopped down with a candle in it. They always made sure to comment on how sad it was that he couldn't have a carrot cake like Rose did for her birthday.

And to be honest he really didn't have much a desire to eat sweets. Or perhaps the shame of eating such a thing outweighed the pleasure he might have gotten from him. Even if Carlisle lived alone as an adult now, no cookie or cake nor doughnut had ever entered his home. It was as if he knew that a situation would occur where he could see a cute man and literally turn beat red with shame because he knew he was still fat…and maybe just maybe had he not had that Oreo 2 days ago he wouldn't look so horrible.

But now...

Now here he was, receiving a gift from the only man in his entire life who ever gave a damn about him and the gift was his poison.

Walking into his office Carlisle set his brief case down and plopped into the desk chair, the box set on the table before him…open and calling to him.

He knew Edward was a chef, but how could anyone send HIM sweets? Wouldn't he know he was only adding to his problem? The thought of Edward making a joke of him or trying to embarrass him seemed a more real possibility now. How else could he take this delivery of pastries as anything but?

And yet…and yet…

Edward wasn't like that. Deep down Carlisle knew that the sweet strawberry chef wouldn't be so cruel as to taunt him. Was this truly a genuine gift with no mal intentions? Was the beautiful red head simply…seducing him? Courting him?

He flushed at the thought of Edward in his kitchen, half naked of course in some kind of tight fitting boxer brief he himself would never wear. He would be holding a pastry bag leaning over the beautiful tarts piping the sinful looking vanilla cream around the edges….slowly squeezing the long bag in his hands, pausing to take a sucking lick out of the tip of the bag and moaning as it squirted into those red lips and his tongue would peep out and…

Carlisle was certain he had the biggest boner in his life right now. None the less he faced the open pasty box with lust and longing clouding his features. Slowly his big hands gently plucked the tart out of the box and he marveled at its rich symmetry and perfection. He pushed the treat to his mouth took a deep breath and shivered at the smell of vanilla and fruit that filled his nose…

And Carlisle took a bite.

Suddenly the world was bursting with sensation! The flavors rolled around his tongue and set sensors of pure bliss to all parts of his body, the sweet and buttery crust the rich delicate vanilla cream and…unholy lovely apricot glazed strawberries.

Everything melded together and his world banished the grays and sadness the ugly colors of his youth and Carlisle moaned and sobbed delicately at the new awareness that overtook him. In that single bit he wanted to never eat a LeanCusine again or eat a rice cracker pretending it tasted good.

Even later when the shame overtook him and he bemoaned his figure in the mirror and did an extra mile on his stationary bike, there was a lightness about his heart…hopefully it had something to do with the note he had left his little strawberry chef next to the empty box.

He would play this game for now and the note made that clear. Try as he might Carlisle was still nervous about the whole thing, years of caution and disappointment leading him to keep his distance. But a little pen paling couldn't hurt right?

So he hoped Edward got his note. It read: 'You guess it that strawberries are my favorite…but you have not figured out which kind I like the most yet!

Carlisle'

It was a bold move on his part and he was embarrassed later that night thinking about reflecting on his audacity. He was never one to play coy with anyone. But he hadn't signed it with a heart even as much as he wanted to.

The next morning Carlisle had flown to the university and the secretary gave him a knowing smile nodding towards the door of his office.

Again a beautifully wrapped box sat with a separate note attached to it.

With trembling fingers he opened the letter and savored the contents.

Carlisle,

You seemed to like my tarts even though you claim to have a greater favorite. I accept the challenge to find out your favorite dessert with strawberries and want to invite you to my home on Saturday at 6 for an explosion of culinary feasting. Please please come! I want the chance to see you smile when you taste what I want to give you! Hopefully these chocolate dipped mascarpone filled strawberries will convince you!"

A heart and then his initial.

His answer later that day was very simple. An ok with a smile face next to the empty box that had once contained the sinful treats.

What wasn't simple was the next two days.

Weather it was the sudden forbidden sugar or nerves, Carlisle found himself completely bemoaned the rest of the week.

All of a sudden he was thinking about what to wear to Edwards home, what would make him look smaller more polished less round and ugly. He stood in front of his meager closet of sweat shirts, T's, flannel, and the occasional dress shirt, all in the same dull quiet shades of grey, black, brown and blue. Everything was shapeless, and unsightly promising that whoever wore it would fade into the background and be as quiet as they wished to be. His whole appearance was centered on being as small as possible, never drawing attention to his weight.

But now Carlisle had to pick something to look good in. Something that when Edward looked at his body he wouldn't regret inviting him over.

Then there was the fact of him having to EAT in front of the object of his affections.

Even as a young man Carlisle hated eating dinner with people. Always he felt that those around the table would be staring at him as he ate, looking on in disgust as he desperately tried to eat tiny and healthy. As his mother put it always calories were calories weather they came from a carrot or a French fry. When he was alone he had no problem eating his salads and bland chicken in peace. But bring on the gaze of the world and suddenly that smile pile of greens seemed like a stick of butter on his plate and he was the fatty eating it with two spoons.

How was his beautiful strawberry chef going to react watching his ugly double chin daintily nibble on the food he would lovingly create?

But the worst of it came as he sat on his bed before the date. The clock read 5:30 and he had to leave soon but Carlisle made no move to get up.

His head was bowed and his body felt hot and uncomfortable under the blue dress shirt, black tie and dress pants he had desperately worn as a final effort to make some sort of fashion statement.

He was scared out of his mind. And now it wasn't even about his style, or the food consumption but…as to why this whole thing was even happening.

He still could not understand how or why Edward would EVER be interested in him.

Why was thin lovely Edward taking the time the effort to make him dinner, to bring him treats and send him notes? He wasn't anything special! He was a lonely fat nerdy professor who stuttered when he was talking before people and couldn't look anyone in the eye.

Why would anyone want him?

He had repeated these fears last night over the phone to his sister Rose. She sighed and told him she had long given up on trying to undo the damage their parents had done to him.

"What's that supposed to mean Rosie?" Carlisle moaned into receiver. "I am fat; mom and dad were right in that aspect. And why isn't he? Why does Edward even want…this?" He motioned around his form even if she couldn't see. "I have NOTHING special about me."

"Carlisle, if you could just pull your eyes away from your PLUMP body…it's not FAT and it never was…then you would see that you have so much to offer in a relationship!"

"Oh? Enlighten me…" he grumbled.

"You have kindness, compassion, intelligence, and once you get past your nerves you are so well read and well versed in subjects that you can talk about anything! You are one of the gentlest men I have ever known and you are so sweet and you never have a bad word to say about anyone. And if you wanted to look at material things, you own a house a car and have a steady job…you are a STABLE…very desirable qualities."

But try as she did Rose hardly convinced him and it was with confused trepidation that he knocked on Edwards's door a half hour later.

The little Cape Cod was tiny and neat on the outside. Obvious care had been given to the landscape and the house had instant warmth that resonated from its brick walls and wine colored door. Carlisle on the stoop for a long while, heaved a great sigh willing his nerves to dissonant. He could do this…he had to do this.

The three gentle raps sounded much louder in his ears than he intended and he listened to the patter of approaching feet, nausea churning in his gut.

The door swung open and there stood his strawberry Edward, looking even more red and lovely in a crimson v neck shirt and deep indigo blue jeans. His hair was perfectly fluffed as always and his cheeks were flushed and rosy, eyes as bright and green as a grass. He looked so alive and merry and Carlisle felt his heart thud even more in his chest.

"I am so happy you could make it Carlisle!" And then before he could even register what was happening, Edward threw his arms around his large body and hugged him.

Edward touched him.

Wrapped his arms around his big gigantic body and SQUEEZED! It might have been for only a moment, just long enough for Carlisle to inhale how good this man smelled.

Like vanilla, cookies, and…he moaned internally…strawberries.

"I can't tell you how much this means to me!" Edward continued once he pulled back from him, hands still grasping his arms his face smiling.

The first thoughts that crossed Carlisle's mind was 'Did he feel my rolls? Will he rethink this whole thing?' but he shook the dark thoughts away and instead gently took Edwards thin forearms in his own and squeezed them delicately back.

"I am so happy you invited me here Edward."

His strawberry boy giggled and pulled away leading them into the house.

"You have no idea how nervous I was you wouldn't show up! I have been making food all day long for us! And more than that I couldn't wait to chat with you about some things OTHER than school!"

The house was everything Carlisle thought it would be. Deep earth tones splashed color all over the little house, giving a sense of peace coziness to the inhabitant. Candles had been lit but the aroma of savory food and sweets were what permeated the air. For the first time in his life Carlisle's mouth watered…and not just for the dinner…

"So this is my house!" Edward swung his arms around a little. "I super cleaned for you to come over today… I'm warning you though when you come over next time I might not have it this spotless…" he smiled cheekily at him, "I have a tendency to throw my underwear everywhere."

The words 'next time' and 'Edward's underwear' swirled through his brain making him nod dumbly.

"You…you have a beautiful home Edward." He whispered quietly looking down at his scuffed dress shoes.

It wasn't anything out of the ordinary for him but Edward suddenly caressed his shoulder and made him look up at his face.

"Hey…" he whispered softly, "Like I said that first day of class… no reason to be nervous! It's just plain old me in my home... us having dinner, so you don't have to look like a naughty little boy who got caught with something."

Carlisle smiled at that. "I'm sorry…it's just…I have never been on a date before." The word 'date' was out of his mouth before he could stop it but Edward looked completely none phased by it but instead smiled even bigger and started tugging him to the back of the house.

"Don't worry! I'll walk you through it! And I'm an easy date… besides I am the one having YOU over for a date." They walked through the kitchen and to back down of Edwards house and outside on the little concrete porch.

Now Carlisle might be all man, but when he saw the beautiful little bistro table all set with blue and green Terra Cotta plates and cups, a strings of outdoor lanterns lit around the square of the porch, soft jazz in the background, his heart swelled. It was so…touching. His strawberry boy had obviously put a lot of thought into this.

When they were seated, Edward assuring him that their dinner would be finished shortly in the oven, Carlisle found how surprisingly easy it was to talk to Edward. Not that he wasn't nervous because his palms still were soaked and his voice still trembled, but there was an easier calm to their talking.

"So…," Edward grabbed his glass of wine and crossed his legs leaning back into the chair. "You know quite a bit about me but I hardly know anything about you at all! Tell me about yourself."

The only time Carlisle had ever discussed anything about himself with someone non related to him was during a job interview. He wasn't used to this at all and shrugging his shoulders he replied.

"There isn't much to really know about me."

"Oh there has to be a lot to know about you! Hmmm maybe I'm being to general… Ok specifics, why did you want to become an economist?"

Ahhh that was an easy one. "I've always found the habits of finances and peoples spending habits interesting. There is something to be said for the way our world and companies work…and I wanted to know about the unfairness of certain business practices…maybe change them someday. To me economics isn't the cold numerical world most interpret it to be…its calculated and can be passionate and sophisticated as well as brutal evil and sometimes archaic. But that's what makes it so amazing..." he trailed off once he realized he sounded like the biggest nerd on the planet. A blush stained his face he looked at his big hands…

"I'm sorry…" he whispered, "I didn't mean to go off like that."

Edward who had been looking intently at him that whole time looked puzzled.

"What are you talking about? You were fine!"

"No…I wasn't I…I went off and was talking about something stupid…I shouldn't get that excited about something so boring."

Edward put his glass down and touched the big hands.

"You were seriously fine! You are passionate about what you do! And you honestly made me get goose bumps! The way you talk about it is so…" his free hand made a swirling motion in the air. "Intriguing! You completely captivated me! I can tell you love what you do and that is so important in a person."

"Still...I don't want you to be bored." said Carlisle.

"What made you think I was bored?"

He shook his head but this time met the green gaze, "Most of the people in my life… They don't like it when I talk about economics…"

Now Edward really frowned and cocked his head to the side. "Why would they… Well I think it is fascinating. And you obviously love it and it's something dear to you so why would I not want to hear you talk about it?"
That warm feeling Carlisle got when he first saw Edward smiling at him filled his stomach with fuzziness. This man…this beautiful, gracious genuine man wanted to hear him talk…And wanted him to tell him about himself. He was at a loss.

"I…well…most people don't even want to know about it. Or me…I'm not used to talking to…" He just had to come out and say it. "I don't get to talk with people much…as I am sure you can see I am not very…social. It's obviously another problem I have. "

"Hey those are your words not mine! I think you have a lot of interesting things to say…and I want to hear what you think and what you know." Edward smiled at him.

"It doesn't happen often." He smirked with little humor in it. "Or ever."

"What about past boyfriends? Didn't they want to hear what you had to say?"

Now this was embarrassing. "I have never had…a boyfriend." How much of a loser did this make him?

His date's eyes widened as if he was in complete shock. "Really? Never?"

Carlisle looked incredulous and leaned forward. "Yeah…of course I haven't… I mean who would want to?"

Edward looked at him his eyes suddenly sad and soft. "Did your parents say that?"

He nodded and looked down. "Go ahead just confirm what everyone else thinks of you…" he thought.

"I can hardly believe that being a little 'nerdy' as you say it is something bad Carlisle." At that moment the oven timer must have gone off and Edward jumped up saying he'd be back with their dinner.

Which was a good thing because he was in a state of complete and utter confusion.

Edward thought people didn't want to be with him because of his bookish personality? While his incompetence to retain any kind of normal conversation was a fault…Didn't Edward see him? See how ugly he was? How he was so…fat?

Not willing to wait and consider in implications of such an idea he got up and wandered into the will lit kitchen where Edward busied himself with what looked like some kind of roast.

He had never seen anything look so tasty. And he wasn't talking about just the roast.

Edward was simply beautiful in action. His movements were fluid and graceful and lent themselves to the idea that this was a man confident in himself and how he acted.

Edward looked up and smiled at him, "Surprise! I made roasted rack of lamb with a parsley mustard crust, couscous with Asian pears, and fingerling potatoes! I hope you eat red meat!"

The little bones topped with balls of succulent meat, looked like savory loli pops. And the side dishes were steaming their flavors into the air around him.

Carlisle thought they looked beautiful.

"I have never had lamb before."

"Oh! You are in for a treat then! This is one of my most favorite dinners ever!" Edward plated their food and took the heaped dishes in his hands heading for the back door again, "Come on, let's eat!"

He visibly gulped and followed, nerves clawing at his stomach.

When they were seating he picked up his knife and fork preparing to consume tiny bits at a slow pace…just as his mother and father always instructed him. Since he hadn't gotten a lot of food on his plate, he always savored every morsel of food he was allowed.

But what surprised him was when Edward snatched up a lamb rib and began to munch delightedly on the meaty end. He gave him a wink between bites.

"You don't have to use a knife and fork to eat these…I prefer to bring out my inner caveman and use my natural utensils."
"I've never… eaten that way before." Nothing said obese, like two fat fingers shoving food bare handed into his mouth.

Edward cocked his head to the side then took his fork and dug into the potatoes.

"That's sort of odd…didn't you guys have ribs or fried chicken growing up?"

He snorted. "Even if we had my mother never would have let me and my sister use our hands…"

"That's…that's so sad." But he smiled in a teasing way, "You have been missing out on a multitude of wonderful messy goodness! Go on! Your moms not here and I am insisting as a host you take that lamb rib in your hands and show it who the caveman here is."

Oh what the hell why not…he was going to look bad no matter what he did. Yet surprising himself was the lake of shame when he grasped the lamb and took a big bite out of it. Half probably having to do with how divine and lush it tasted…the other half was Edwards giggling smile and glee at his actions.

"See!" he about bounced in his chair he was so excited. "You look like you are ready to hit me over the head and drag me back to your cave to have your wicked way with me!"

And suddenly he felt so happy and light and GOOD. Like Edward's joy and smiles were erasing all his self hate, all his loathing…every bad thing he ever said about himself or those things others had told him.

It was as if Edward didn't see him so fat.

As untrue as that most likely was Carlisle wanted more than anything to bask in its glow for as long as he could.

After they finished, they lingered for awhile just talking.

"So do you think that I am crazy for opening my own business? From an economist's standpoint."

Edward was leaning across the table towards him hands folded under his chin and his eyes trained his every word.

"Not at all," he answered honestly. "I think its brave and a good thing to be doing in this day and age. We have far too many people afraid of taking business risks and starting out on new and exciting endeavors…and with what I have tasted so far you have a niche. People will pay good money for your creations."

Edward laughed, "Well at least I know you will…it makes me so happy you like them by the way. I was worried you didn't have a sweet tooth."

"To be honest…I don't really eat many sweets…although I suppose that wouldn't be obvious." And just like that he felt the same overtake him again. If anyone would have thought he indulged in sweets he wouldn't have been surprised.

"Well," his companion continued, "Most men don't like sugary things. They prefer a steak over a pie…although…" suddenly his voice became low and husky sending shivers down his spine. "I have found that I myself would rather have a cream puff over a lean piece of beef any day…"

Carlisle's mouth went dry.

"R…really?" he stuttered.

"Oh yes…" Edward stood up and swayed next to him trailing a hand over his shoulder as he slunk to the kitchen door. "It took a while to figure out but… things that are warm…and soft…and sweet…those are what just do me in." He waggled his eyebrows and disappeared into the house.

Carlisle was very sure of two things. One was that his dick was ram rod stiff. Second was that Edward for some unknown reason seemed to be attracted to him…or at least he thought so.

As of right now he wasn't sure what to think any more. His beautiful lively strawberry chef was seducing him big time and all he could muster at this point would be a few unintelligent words or grunts.

Edward re appeared holding two plates.

"So speaking of cream puffs I think I found your favorite!" he placed the dish down and smiled at him. "Strawberry filled cream puffs!"

He looked at the dessert and just knew it tasted sublime. He knew that it would melt on his tongue and tantalize him with its perfection exactly how Edward would.

So he ate and laughed and listened to the chef carry on, smiling at his exuberance and how he would be so thrilled with every word he spoke and every move he made. He didn't want to think about the why or how of this happening. He didn't want to think about what someone like him could be doing wasting their time with the likes of his fat ass. He would do that later tonight…alone in his room.

But for now he wanted to just bask in the way Edward doted on him, in how he didn't seem to care at least for now what he looked like under his frumpy suit.

They talked long after the last bites of the cream puff were scraped off the plate, Carlisle mostly listening to the way Edward spoke about his family and his life and his world. Several times the chef apologized to him for 'hogging the conversation' as he put it. But he was quick to assure him that his own life was so mundane that he was more than happy to listen to him.

It made him so happy to know that he wanted to just keep talking to him.

All too soon however the night ended.

And Carlisle stood in Edwards's foyer, hands becoming more clammy and tense as Edward did not simply open the door and show him out.

"I am so happy you came tonight…I know I keep saying that but it's true." Edward said standing before him; hands clasped tightly, his face alight and expectant.

He smiled shyly not able to grasp the genuineness of what he was being told.

"You keep saying that like I would refuse you…honestly…I'm the one who's grateful tonight that you wanted to spend time with me. I still can't understand why though."

He wasn't certain if he wanted to say that last part but it slipped out none the less.

Edwards hand on his arm made him shiver. Touching was something he so was not used to.

"Why do you keep thinking that I don't want to be around you?" his voice was soothing and soft.

"If I didn't want to have you over…or get to know you I would never have done any of this."

"But why?" Carlisle whispered. "Why do you want to know me Edward? I'm nothing special."

His strawberry boy cocked his head to the side and frowned again. "I don't know what made you think that, but I find you very special. The more I talk to you the more I want to be with you." With that he reached up and touched his face, and Carlisle could have sworn his heart stopped beating.

Those hands… lightly calloused and deceptively strong caressed the checks that had been a source of embarrassment all his life. A brief moment panic rushed through him at the thought of him feeling the fat in his face but everything left his brain as Edward moved forward and pressed a kiss to his open mouth.

His lips were as smooth and sweet as he could have only imagined. The only person he had any intimate contact with his whole life had been that hook up who in addition to refusing to look at his naked body had refused to kiss him as well. It would have been 'too familiar' as he had put it, dashing his hopes of getting a real kiss from a real boy.

But when Edwards kiss was like magic. It banished all those thoughts from his mind and made him feel 10 pounds lighter. Like he wasn't huge and ugly standing next to this beautiful man.

All too soon Edward pulled away and Carlisle whimpered at the loss. The chef smiled up at him sheepishly.

"I hope that was alright." He asked a deep blush…the color of strawberries darkened his cheeks.

He could only nod helplessly and breathe out, "Can you do it again?" to which Edward laughed and took his face in his hands again, pressing his muscled body against his own round one.

He barely had time to think about him feeling all of his obese form because he was getting kissed by his strawberry boy.

And oh how sweet this kiss was.

When his lips parted Edwards tongue was sweeping into his mouth, smooth and taunting showing him just how talented it was at bringing a man to his knees.

As if re awakening from a dream Carlisle found himself putting his arms around Edward, pulling him closer than before. When he touched Edwards tongue with his own the chef gave the softest little moan that made his cock spring to attention. That and he had a hand deliciously curled in his hair, tugging him ever closer.

Everything about him right now was on edge in the best of ways.

When those hands traveled down to his back he shivered and groaned aloud breaking the kiss…as magical as it had been Edward was too close to touching his tubby ass.

Those shining green eyes were full and fixed on him, a smile touching cherry red wet lips… Edward never looked so beautiful or edible as he did after their kiss.

"Wow…" his strawberry boy whispered, "That was…wow…"

He laughed in spite of his embarrassment, "Wow would be right…"

"Wow would include that you might be the best kisser ever. Holy shit you just about killed me!" Edward chuckled.

"I…I don't know about that." He shook his head and looked away. It was too much. He was already reeling from the kiss and the thought of being GOOD at something sexual was… odd.

"Aren't my lips too…big?" he asked.

His companions face contorted into confusion. "No…not at all? Why would you think that? I loved your lips if you couldn't tell…nice and full and luscious. Perfect for this." And he leaned up again and drew a lingering kiss from him.

Bliss!

He could have spent all day lip locking with Edward but the hour was late and he did have a faculty meeting in the morning.

Having to pull away from Edwards touch was harder than he thought. But before he left Carlisle paused at the door and mustered some of his new found courage.

"You know," he smirked at Edward who stood flushed and grinning, "You said you figured out my favorite dessert… the cream puffs were so good but…they aren't my favorite."

His strawberry boy just smiled at him deviously and replied, "Well I guess I will just have to keep trying…it's a good excuse to get you all to myself again."

When Carlisle got home that night he could barely dial his sister's phone number his fingers were shaking with excitement.

It was around 10 and he knew she would be awake.

"Rosie!" he said on the first pick up, "Rosie! He likes me he kissed me!" The feeling of a 12 year old girl swept through him as his sister huffed in amused frustration.

"I told you he liked you…why is this such a shock." Her question calmed some of his happiness and he replied.

"Rose come on… you aren't blind. I don't know how or why he does but for some reason Edward doesn't…see that. Or maybe he does and…I'm not sure. I mean clearly I am hug and fa…"

"Carlisle! If you say you are fat one more time!" Rose's scolding cut him off. "You are not fat! You are bigger but you are hardly a hippo."

As always he ignored her and just sighed in resignation that while this arrangement might not last it was something he would take for all it was worth…despite the pain he knew would be there once Edward really came to his senses.

In the next two weeks though everything he had come to think about himself was thrown off its axis. Carlisle did all the things he normally did. He got up, did a few miles on his exercise bike drank some coffee ate some whole wheat toast with low fat cream cheese and went to work. He sat at his office and got lost in papers for the next semester, and new articles that would change his teaching premises. He would be instructing an upper division class in the fall and his materials needed to be challenging and insightful. This would be his one and only shot at getting not only a full time professor position but also a grant to do some research. If all went well he would be set for many years.

Then he would pack up for the day, go home and do another round on his bike while watching the news, make a meager salad and then shower and sleep.

What was different now was the way Edward began to punctuate his life with all sorts of brightness.

From about noon to night the chef would text and tease him all day with aspects of his day. The first time he had gotten a text Carlisle was bubbling over with excitement. It had been a simple question of how his day had been with a smile after it.

It was as if the moon had come to his feet.

Edward would send him little stories about his day, about things he loved and things he did. The man was nothing if not spontaneous and he would regal him with tales of stopping on the way to a meeting to look at a pond with birds in it, or eat at a place claiming to have the best French fries in the world. Every day for Edward was a new and exciting adventure and each text made Carlisle fall more and more in love with his strawberry chef. Though both were busy this week, he still made it a point to call the professor each night, talking for at least an hour on the phone about nothing and everything.

He even found himself opening up even more and more to this man and loving every aspect of it. Edward probed him with all sorts of questions wanting to know his mind on everything from food and movies to politics and of course his favorite subject economics.

Sometimes during the day he had to take a moment because Edward's texts could…well take on a double meaning.

Like the other day when he was deep in the throws of an academic journal and his phone beeped a text from Edward. They exchanged innocent pleasantries and then he asked him what he was doing at the pastry shop.

The answering text nearly made him cum in his pants.

It read: I am watching my piping bag all heavy and thick with cream slide into this slim éclair….wondering how good it must feel to the éclair to be so full of a big thick bag of whipped cream.

The double meaning wasn't lost one him one bit.

Because suddenly Edward and the sweet desert looked very similar and all he could think of was Edward covered in chocolate and needing things filled… The fact that they were both sitting in a pastry cup didn't matter one bit…it only made them prettier.

He managed a smiley face and a LOL but it wasn't nearly what he was thinking in his head.

And he wished so badly he could have sent something back equally as naughty when Edward asked what he was doing but the phrase "My market value is rising to meet my consumer's needs" just didn't sound as sexy.

Carlisle had no game when it came to sexy.

Yet when they met for a movie night a week later, curled up on the couch Edward inched closer and closer to his stiff form. Wine glass in hand, his strawberry chef had tried to see if his favorite strawberry dessert as once again. An absolutely scrumptious strawberry shortcake laid half eaten on the coffee table its whipped cream forked away by large summer straw berries. Though divine as it had been Carlisle smiled shyly and shook his head. Edward just laughed and used the opportunity to cuddle himself into his side.

About half way through their viewing of Date Night (Edward was a huge Tina Fey fan) Carlisle noticed how Edward not only hadn't moved from his side but instead was spooned against his arm occasionally nuzzling his face into his shoulder.

He was scared stiff at first. After all the man was unbearably close to his generous love handles but Edward didn't seem to mind one bit…or he hadn't noticed yet.

Towards the end of the night Carlisle found himself petting the side of his strawberry boys shoulder, as Edward sighed into his neck and whispered, "You smell so good… what cologne are you wearing?'

" Ummmm… Calvin Klein One Summer." He may not spend money on a lot but he always enjoyed smelling nice.

Edward groaned softly and if possible pressed his face deeper into his neck.

"Mmmmm…it's so good…so sexy…" he hardly had time to reel from being called 'sexy' because Edward's lips were suddenly attached to his neck placing nippy little kisses all along the skin.

And he lost it.

Without a care for his stomach or meaty hands Carlisle pulled Edward into him, grasping at the touches he was receiving. He took the man's face into his hands and brought their lips together for a full on tongue in mouth kiss that sucked the life right out of him.

Edward squeaked in pleased surprise when he was tossed onto Carlisle's lap and the sound only spurned him on further. His hands ran all over the tight lean back and round ass that was soon deliciously grinding onto his tented dick in his pants. Pulling his mouth away he started sucking on Edwards neck the same way he had done to him earlier, savoring every inch of sweet flesh that colored pink and flushed.

Edward, he knees on either side of the couch was holding his head to his throat, mewling helplessly, tangling his fingers into his hair pulling on it delectably.

"Oh god….keep going!" he moaned into the air, making Carlisle move to that tender skin on his collar bone. "I've wanted you to do this for so long."

That made him pull away and Edward whimpered in loss.

"You have? You've wanted this?"

Laughing a little Edward sighed and perched his soft ass on his legs…about an inch from his dick.

"You seriously don't get that?" he took his face in both hands, "My 'cat in heat' actions from two seconds ago didn't give it away?"

"I…well….I guess yeah." He smiled sheepishly enjoying the feeling of those hands on him.

"Listen, you drive me insane with wanting this. All I can think about during the day is …kissing you… touching you…touching you here." Those hands moved from his face and began to move down to where his dick was pressed painfully hard against his jeans. He was paralyzed in lust.

"All I can picture is me…sliding down on my knees and opening up these pants and taking out your cock…licking it all good and wet…maybe drinking your cum and then getting you so hard again that I can slide myself up and down on it for you… I'll bet its huge…I think I could fit all of it inside but it's been a long time…on second thought," he winked at him, "Imagine how good it would feel…my ass hasn't had anything but my fingers in it for a good 2 years." Carlisle was aware he should have said something….should have moved and breathed and should have jumped at the chance to get to have Edward's warmth wrapped around him…to make him mindless with pleasure…to have him naked and bare before him…but that would mean something that made the raging fire in his dick cool and his heart crash into pieces.

Making love to Edward would require him to take off his shield of clothing…to stand naked in heart and body before him. He had only been nude in front of a doctor and that was still with a medical smock on. It wasn't the same.

If he took his shirt off… In a way that not even his parents would have allowed…he would see everything. He would look at his fat stomach his blubbery ass and all in plain sight. He would look at him and wonder why he had even bothered with him, would think how Carlisle could be so disgusting and be so bold as to continue their relationship.

Even now he questioned how the man in his lap didn't seem repulsed by what he was feeling under his wandering hands.

The strength of his shame forced his hand to gently pry Edwards face out of his neck. His strawberry boy's face was flushed and his red lips were moist and parted….eyes heavy with anticipation and utter lust.

But when Edwards hand reached to touch his middle section he tensed away from the idea of continuing.

Luckily he didn't have to explain anything as of yet. Edward laughed his voice raspy and low, "I should learn to control myself! I'm sorry! We are moving a little fast aren't we?"

He almost said 'Hell no! Let's go faster!' but this was a way out of everything.

"It's fine…I enjoyed it a lot." He smiled and sighed in relief as Edward climbed off of him and snuggled under his arm. He didn't want to think of how good it felt to have him there.

It would make that absence sure to come all the greater.

Edward took his hand and stroked his fingers.

"One day mister…one day I'll have these fingers in all of my pastries…"

What a seductive and terrifying proposition.

Later that week everything came to a head…and not in the sexy way.

For the next 5 days Carlisle had been ruminating on how exactly he was going to get around this whole naked thing.

Honestly he wanted nothing more than to rip Edwards's chef outfit off, throw him on the couch and see just how tight his ass was. He longed and groaned in the bed at night for Edward to be laying between his legs…cock in his sweet mouth…doing all sorts of things with his lips and tongue. He wanted to see the day where that pretty strawberry hair was gripped in his fingers as he thrust into him from behind…watching as they connected in the most primal of ways.

But Carlisle also had severe nightmares of what would happen when he took his shirt off…he could see his beautiful man lying there looking tempting and debauched. And then he would be naked and those green eyes would look at him in revulsion. It was far too easy for him to picture Edward hating him…after all being spurned by his weight was something he was very familiar with.

So what was he to do? Could he never speak to Edward again? After knowing such love such joy and sweetness could Carlisle break away from his Strawberry Ice Cream Chef, knowing what a single lick of him had done? Could he face the abhorrence?

Or….was there a slim chance…a hair's hope that maybe Edward would be that person to see him differently? Was there a chance that Edward could look upon him and see the man deep down past the fat?

All too soon, this impasse would be thrown to the wind, or to the weather as luck would have it.

Five days later as he still struggled with the pain of his indecision, a heat wave took over the city and air conditioners blasted with full force.

Temperatures reached far into the 90's, but Carlisle was comfortable as long as he didn't leave his home. Poor Edward however had a broken air unit and with the city's repairmen rushing to fix many an uncooperative air conditioner, he wouldn't get his replaced for at least 3 days. Carlisle felt so bad for him. His poor little strawberry ice cream boy was melting nightly, as they spoke on the phone.

When Wednesday rolled around the heat seemed unbearable as Carlisle left his car and walked up the short distance up Edward's driveway. Sweat glistened off his brow though it probably had something to do with the long pants he wore. Reveal meaty arms was one thing…his legs however would lead to his fat ass and he wasn't quite ready to show Edward any of that yet still…even in the heat like this. He could feel the polyester of his pants sticking to his thighs and he prayed to step out of the sun and into the shade of Edward's house. It may not be cool but at least he wouldn't be soppy with sweat.

The door flew open after one knock to reveal Edward in a blue wife beater and boxer briefs.

Carlisle was stunned.

Long lean strong legs that went on forever…shirt too tight and his skin flushed and red from the heat, flesh glistening under the sheen of sweat.

Never had a melting strawberry ice cream looked more tempting.

"I'm dying!" Edward exclaimed as he stepped in the door. Arms came around him and he sighed in bliss as the firm body was pressed against him and warm lips met his.

"I know it's awful!" he whispered a reply, simply glad to be back in the arms of his chef.

"How can you not be in shorts? I haven't gotten fully dressed in like 3 days!"

What a beautiful visual.

Forgetting himself Carlisle pulled Edward back into his arms and whispered, "That's far too nice of a thought..." He kissed his slowly, moving his hands down to grab that ass and yank his perspiring body against his own. The firm globes felt divine in his palms, and the fact that Edward molded himself into him and the professor was very away of the fact that his strawberry boys dick was warm and covered only by a thin fabric along his thigh…bliss.

But with a laughing squeak Edward pulled away. Taking his hands in his own he shook his head, "Oh no! We aren't doing that today! I am too hot to even try to get all sexy and sweaty! That's why I have an idea about what we can do today to stay out of the heat!"

Carlisle's eyes lit up and he gave him a geekish grin, "Are we going to a museum?" He loved museums…nice cool places where you could be alone with some of the greatest minds of all time…he hoped they would go to the science center museum…he loved playing with all of the public experiments.

Edward just giggled and shook his head, "No but that's a good idea…we should defiantly go sometime! An art museum would be a blast."

Hmmmm an art museum he could do. And seeing Edward around all colors and shapes would only make him lovelier.

"But," his strawberry boy continued, "I was thinking instead that to cool off we could go swimming at my friend's house."

Horror.

Absolute, panicked horror, fear and loathing flooded his gargantuan stomach.

He felt suddenly cold as images flashed though his mind of sheet like T shirts, laughing faces and doctors appointments. Of a friendless childhood, of a disdainful look, of disgust and pity. He saw gaze of his hookup rolling eyes, of that moment when he wanted to flip the light switch on and he was shouted at not to. He saw himself looking in a mirror seeing everything that was utterly wrong. He saw a perfect strawberry ice-cream cone melting in his fat hands, dripping onto the ground never to be his.

Edward was saying something about going to change then going to his place to get his own swim suit. He didn't even own one.

When he had scurried off into his bedroom, unaware of his inner turmoil Carlisle felt a cold sweat begin to form on him. He was terrified, and had no idea what to do. Edward may have felt may have touched but seeing was believing and he knew that as soon as his beautiful boy saw what was beneath his clothing he would never get to stand in his living room again, never get to taste his lips or feel his body or listen to that laughter that made his heart swell. He would be distanced out of disgust and Carlisle would have to face life with the knowledge that he had lost something irreplaceable.

Frantically he looked around for something to take his mind off the dark thoughts to figure out SOMETHING. He fixed his gaze on the large board of pictures Edward had in his home above the couch. He had never really noticed them before and now his thoughts were stuck on the images of his strawberry boy that featured him in some kind of beach vacation. His chest beautiful and smooth and tight as he smiled for whoever was taking the picture, carefree with not an ounce of self-loathing.

If Carlisle hadn't felt awful before he certainly did the moment when his eyes rested on a single small photo tucked snuggly in the corner of the frame.

Unbidden frustrated tears clogged his throat.

Beautiful strawberry Edward was in a bathing suit, on a sand dune smiling as bright and warm as he always did, his green eyes wet from wind no doubt and his hair skin flecked with water. Next to him, arm slung over a shoulder in obvious affection stood a man who Edward had mentioned in passing but he had never seen.

This was James the man Edward had dated for 9 months before he became single these past two years.

He knew they were still friends and Edward had assured him James was nothing more than a friend who was now happily married to another man.

But it didn't matter because in that single picture Carlisle saw what Edward had had…and what he deserved….and what he could never be.

James was built and muscled and tan…he was confident and sexy and obviously not afraid to show his rippled abs in public. He would be the perfect complement to Edward's beauty, the topping on the strawberry cone.

How was Carlisle going to ever measure up to this?

He wasn't and that revelation made a single hot tear fall from his eyes down the ruddy cheeks and into his fat neck.

He could never be beautiful or confident and he was never going to be.

"Carlisle?" Edward's soft voice startled him and he turned to see his strawberry boy in his swim wear a look of pure concern and alarm in his face. "What's wrong honey? Are you ok?" he stroked his hand along his arm but for the first time Carlisle pushed him away.

Big fat tears fell began to fall as he looked upon his love.

"I can't do this Edward…I can't…" his bit out.

"Can't do what? What's wrong?" repeated Edward as he tried to sooth him to no avail. With every step forward he took 2 back.

"This…us…everything…" he didn't even know where to begin. "I am not…"

He took a deep gulping breath and pointed to James' picture.

"I will never look like him Edward." And with that he turned ignoring Edward's calls after him and he ran out of the house nearly stumbling as tears clogged his vision.