This is a fanfiction idea I have had for a while. Feel free to comment.

The Lich Kings Guide to the Universe:

Chapter One:

Jaina Proudmoore awoke one morning with all the enthuisiasm and energy that usually gripped her in the mornings, which is to say none. She got sluggishly out of her bed, brushing her long, golden hair out from in front of her eyes and walking tiredly over to her mirror, where she set about preparing for the day. Once her straight blonde mane was properly straightened, she dressed herself in her normal clothes. That is, a low cut white shirt, that clung her curvaceous form a bit more than was entirely necassary, and a violet skirt. Still half asleep she made a noted to have the person responsible for the latest female fashion trends shot a the next opportunity.

It was only once she had rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and prepared for a day of paperwork, and desperately trying to defend the failing faction relations from a horde of idiots, that she noticed something out of the ordinary.

There was a roaring sound outside her window, seeming rather familiar, though she could not quite remember in her sleepy state what it meant. Still, looking out from the window with bleary eyes allowed her to see the source, a massive Horde of green skinned orcs just outside her city walls.

Most of them were carrying axes, though some were also wielding various swords. She wondered why they would need those, especially since they weren't wood axes, and they were clearly cutting down tree's with their axes. Silly orcs, didn't they know those belonged to her city. She made a mental note to complain to Thrall about...

Wait.

Thrall wasn't Warchief anymore. That was right, he had given the role over to Garrosh Hellscream...

Ten minutes later, after singlehandedly deflecting the Hordes initial assault on her walls with a flurry of deadly spells of both fire and ice. Jaina Proudmoore stood directly in front of Garrosh Hellscream, the new Warchief of the Horde, in parley.

"You know Garrosh." she said in a tired tone as she leaned on her white wood staff. "Your generally supposed to wait until after a declaration of war to attack a neutral city."

"Horde science sneers at the international rules of war." was Garrosh' response.

"One, there is no such thing as Horde science, the best you can do is copy Alliance tech. Two, How the hell did you even manage to become Warchief?" Jaina asked him in curiousity.

"Thrall randomly decided to become a hermit, and gave me the job."

"...Why?"

"Something to do with Deathwing, I don't really think anyone cares at this point though."

"Ah." she said "So where is Cairne Bloodhoof? Shouldn't he be leading the Tauren here?"

"Well, he's about a hundred miles west of here, and six feet underground." said Garrosh, twirling his battleaxe with gusto.

"Damn," she said "so that's one more hero of the third war uncerimoniously murdered by an insane blizzard."

"Actually I put an axe in his chest. Snowfall had nothing to do with it." replied the Warchief in a proud tone.

Jaina sighed "You know, I really should be swearing vengeance or something, but I honestly stopped caring a while ago."

"So that means I'll get off scot free then."

"Assuming that Thrall doesn't turn into a living black hole, and completely destroy the universes integrity, then yes you probably will get away with it." she leaned against the wall nearest to the audience who were watching from the walls of Theramore.

There was a pause.

"That was a rather odd hypothetical don't you think?' asked Garrosh.

"Yeah, it was now that I think of it." said Jaina "I'm still kind of waking up here."

"In any case are you going to surrender or do I get to burn down your city." said Garrosh "Please tell me your not going to surrender. I've always wanted to set this place on fire."

"How about I give you a counterpreposal." said Jaina dryly "You leave right now, and I'll consider not smashing your so called army into a thousand pieces and send you packing back to Ogrimmer in humiliating defeat."

"Big talk from someone outnumbered ten to one." replied the Warchief.

"Numbers have nothing to do with it." said Jaina bluntly "I can unmake reality to fit my will. You are what, a master at hitting people with sharp objects. Your not a threat. At all. I've got nothing to worry about."

"Is that why you've spent the entiriety of the last seven, weeping over your ex boyfriend who dumped you for a magical runeblade."

Jaina stood there, in utter silence as she realized what had happened.

She had just been burned by Garrosh Hellscream.

She had just been burned by Garrosh Hellscream.

"Well that's hardly fair." came a sardonic voice "I wasn't the one who chickened out at Stratholme."

They looked over to see Arthas Menethil standing casually to one side, with a very much intact Frostmourne. His white hair was a bit shorter, and his pale skin looked more alive, but other than that he was fully intact. He wore black armor, and held himself in his usual arrogant fashion.

SHE HAD JUST BEEN BURNED BY GARROSH HELLSCREAM!

Oh sure, Arthas Menethil, Lich King of the Scourge coming back was notable, but it paled in comparison to what had immidiatly proceeded it. She stood there, stock still, as the Orcish Warchief glanced over at Arthas.

"I thought you got killed by Tirion Fordring." said Garrosh.

"Alliance propaganda." said Arthas with a shrug.

"Figures." responded Garrosh "So, is it true you slaughtered the entirety of Lordaeron?"

"Technically I gave them all the chance to surrender or die."

"But you did kill them all." said Garrosh.

"Oh yeah." said Arthas "Nobody ever surrendered."

"Nice."

Finally somewhat recovered Jaina was able to move on to the next thing of importance. "Wha... I... YOU WERE REPORTED DEAD!"

"Like I said." replied Arthas with a shrug "Alliance propoganda. Nice to see you again Jaina."

"How does that even cover this situation?" she snapped "It isn't as if-"

"No time for that." said Arthas waving off her question with one hand "We need to go to a bar. Your going to want a drink when you hear what I have to say."

Jaina finally managed to regain her composure. "But shouldn't I inform Stormwind of your..."

"Don't bother it'll be a moot point in a bit anyway."

She stared at him uncomprehendingly.

He sighed and explained "I'm very sorry Jaina, but I'm afraid the world is about to end."

The Split Keg was a normal enough bar in Theramore. Founded by the war veteran John Ashwood, it was known for serving all manner of patrons. It was frequented by elves, dwarves, and men, and the occasional orc before the war.

John himself was a tawny haired man, originally from westfall. He had participated in the First, Second, and Third wars, before coming to Theramore to start a new life. In his life he had seen many strange things, and did not like to judge things by first glance. As such he frowned upon fighting in his bar, and many an unruly patron had been sent running for causing trouble.

Of course even he raised an eyebrow when Arthas Menethil and Jaina Proudmoore teleported in with one spell. Not that he got up from his chair, though as a commotion stirred up, he did reach for his gun.

"Oh my god it's the Lich King!" yelled one patron, drawing an axe as he and countless other patrons surrounded them. "He's holding Lady Jaina hostage! Kill him!"

"Wait! Don't attack!" said Jaina raising her hand in gesture of peace "He'll be leaving soon enough, he just has some information for me…" she gave the Lich King a sideways glance "…Which he insists we need to get over drinks. I don't know, I didn't quite get it."

There was a pause, in which Arthas waved to the patrons good-naturedly.

"Oh my god it's the Lich King!" cried the patrons "And Lady Jaina had fallen to the fell corruptions! Kill them both!"

"Ungrateful jerks." muttered Jaina, as everyone in the entire bar began drawing weapons, and converging on them as a roaring mob. Suddenly the sound of a gun being cocked echoed around the room, stopping everone in their tracks, as John Ashwood readied his rifle.

"Before you gentlemen start any trouble" he said in a polite tone "you should know that this weapon can fire fifteen shots in half a minute, and put a hole in a man from two thousand feet." he paused to cock it, and everyone flinched. "Now I don't like using it indoors, but I don't tolerate fighting. So sit down, and return to your cups, before things get ugly."

"…But he's the Lich King." said a Blood Elven woman amongst the crowd, brandishing her weapon.

"I don't care if he's Kil'jaeden the Deciever." replied Ashwood bluntly "I will not have patrons killing each other under my roof. Those are my rules, and if you want to take issue with my rules, you can take issue with me."

"Like you could stop me!" challenged the elf, while drawing forth an Elven blade, glowing with powerful magic "This is Quel'delar, re forged stronger to slay you! And I am it's chosen wielder! With this blade, I shall cut you down, butcher of Quel'thalas"

Arthas chuckled and hefted Frostmourne with a feral smile. "Feel free to give it a try, by the time I'm done, your race will finally have real a reason to call itself the Blood elves."

"DIE!" yelled the Elf, rushing forward, the Elven Blade of legend held high…

And then a gunshot rang out, and said Elven blade of legend exploded into a million pieces of twisted magical metal.

"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear." said Ashwood, reloading his gun with a deathglare on his face.

"That…. but… how…" said the Elf.

"Contrary to popular belief, being ancient does not automatically make something useful." Ashwood replied, his eyes narrowed as he pointed it at her again. "Something you blood elves should have learned by now."

"Why are you helping him!?" asked the Elf desperately as she stepped back "He's EVIL!"

"Evil… Good…" replied Ashwood casually, pointing his weapon at her. "I'm the guy with the gun. Get out!"

The elf turned and ran away, and Ashwood watched her go with an impassive glare. After a moment, he turned to face the rest of the quivering crowd. "Anyone else." asked Ashwood pleasantly. When no one responded he smiled. "Good. Now if that's all, let's all get back to our business."

Everyone went back to their cups as they were told, while Arthas and Jaina moved over to the bar, where John greeted them.

"My apologies for that." said Ashwood politely to Arthas, putting down his gun. "People here are on edge, what with the war and all."

"I wouldn't worry. According to him, the worlds about to end, anyway." said Jaina.

"Ah, I take it your friend has been having some success in his chosen career then, then." said Ashwood, nodding to Arthas.

The Lich King narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "Why does everyone always assume I have something to do with the end of the world!?" he asked "Just because I'm the head of an army whose sole reason for existance is to wipe out all life doesn't mean..."

He trailed off. Jaina didn't say anything. She didn't need to.

"Good point." conceded Arthas after a moment.

"In any case, I suppose someone should do something about this whole destroy the world thing." said Ashwood nonchalantly.

"Yes, I think so too." said Jaina with a laugh. "After all, we live in it, don't we."

"…Since when did the inevitable destruction of the planet become something to be discussed in casual conversation?" asked Arthas in surprise, causing the two of them to look at him understandingly.

"You have to understand Arthas, we have to deal with Eldritch horrors that threaten to reduce us to weeping husks of terrified flesh every other day." replied Jaina airily. "You get kind of jaded. After a while a couple zombies stop actually scaring you, you know."

"So that's why no one took me seriously when I invaded." Arthas said, somewhat sadly, taking a swig of his cup, before sighing despondently.

"If it helps." said Ashwood, polishing a glass while looking up sympathetically. "My friends and I think the quality of the villains plummeted after you were defeated."

"It does, thanks." said Arthas.

"Not to get us back on track here." said Jaina, cutting in "But can we get back on track? What is this threat that you keep talking about, precisely."

"Oh, them." said Arthas, his demeanor brightening a bit "Well, they are a race of powerful psychic beings from beyond the stars. From what I know of them they communicate psychically, and wield powerful weapons capable of obliterating the surface of an entire world."

"Great. More eldritch abominations with no backstory. Fun."" said Jaina in a tired tone.

"Actually their not Eldritch abominations at all." said Arthas "From what I can gather, they developed a method of travel which allows them to move through the great dark beyond without magic. Quite handy, actually."

"But what are they called?"

He smiled knowingly "They call themselves the Protoss."

Authors Note:

Its been years since I updated this fanfic, and I'm still not sure if I'm going to continue it. What I am going to do is bring it up to the standards of my other fanfics. This chapter is a merging of the second and first chapters, since they really should have been one chapter to begin with.