Chapter 1

The Punishment

Ahsoka POV

I stood before the Council, fearing what would happen to me. They all stared at me with hateful expressions that I tried to avoid.

Instead, I just look out the window at the beauty of Coruscant. It was nighttime and I always liked it best then. All the lights were on and you could hear the roar of the audience from the nearby arena. They raced speeders over there and I had gone there with Barriss once.

Now Barriss was severely injured and it was all my fault. If I hadn't rushed into there…

"Know why you're here, you do, young Tano," Yoda asked.

I said," Yes, Masters."

"Understand the severity of your actions, you do," he continued.

I winced as I saw the explosions and body parts. I could hear Barriss's screams and moans, myself crying. "Yes, Masters."

I saw Luminara give me a disgusted look. I can't say that I blame her.

Master Windu said," We have decided that you will be on Med Center duty for the next four months. Maybe that will teach you the value of life and health."

I nodded and exited the room with my master right behind me. He hadn't said a word to me since yesterday when he said," Get on the damn ship and hope that Barriss makes it."

"Ahsoka, we need to talk," he said to me.

I sighed and turned around. "About what? That I just caused the death of over five hundred civilians and clones? Or do you want to insult me about how I'm just worthless and pathetic?"

His face morphed into confusion. "Who said that you were worthless and pathetic?"

I rolled my eyes. "Pretty much everyone in the Temple. Haven't you noticed or have you just been looking for a new padawan to replace me?"

He placed a hand on my shoulder. "Listen, Ahsoka. You might've messed up, but I would never replace you!"

I tore away from his grip. "That's a lie! All anyone has ever told me is lies! LIES!"

Master took a step away from me. "Just calm down, Ahsoka."

I bared my teeth at him and said," I'll do what I want since I'm going to get kicked out of the Order! Who would want me here anyway?"

I ran away from him and tried to ignore the glares I got from Knights and Padawans.

I finally reached my room and collapsed onto my bed. I felt bile rising up my throat and raced to the refresher.

I leaned over the toilet and let it all come out. I finally got done and sighed. I felt a wave of heat wash over me and I fanned myself.

It seemed to get hotter and I took off my shirt and pretty soon all I had on was a bra and some shorts. I fell onto my knees and saw visions of red.

"Blood," I mumbled.

I was pulled into a sleep and that brought back the memories.

"Ahsoka, it's a trap!" Barriss yelled, but I could hardly hear her.

I was cutting down droids and tanks like no tomorrow and I didn't realize that we were outnumbered until it was too late.

I watched as my clone soldiers were killed in the explosions. Body parts rained all around me and Barriss.

For the first time in my life, I was truly terrified. I was that little youngling again, scared of what I was and the people with laserswords.

I took a step back and deactivated my lightsaber. "AHSOKA, NO!" Barriss screamed from behind me and tackled me to the ground.

I felt a searing heat on my back and realized that I had stepped on a mine. Barriss had probably just saved my life and when I looked up to thank her, I screamed.

Her body had burn marks all over it and one of her legs was missing. Her face was cut and bleeding and most of her clothes were gone. Her eyes were dripping blood and her nose was torn to bits.

I had picked her up and dragged her back to the camp through my tears. Master immediately loaded her and the rest of the clones and refugees and left that dreadful planet.

I felt myself being shaken as I sat up. I saw Anakin staring down at me with fake concern.

"Ahsoka, why are you throwing up on the floor?" he asked.

I looked down and saw that I had been throwing up even more than in the fresher. I glared up at him.

"I'm throwing up because the disgust that I bring myself now," I replied, meaning every word I said.

He rolled his eyes. "Ahsoka, you have no right to talk about yourself that way!"

I bared my teeth again and said," I can do whatever the hell I want to! Haven't we been over this?"

Anakin glared at me. "Ahsoka Tano, you can't do whatever you want to! There are rules that you need to follow!"

I laughed without humor and stood up. "Oh and I bet that you followed those rules when I saw you and the Senator getting into each other's pants!"

Master then did something surprised me. He hit me. Not a slap, but a punch in the face. I felt the full force of it and was knocked into my dresser.

I thought that Anakin would try and hurt me again, but he just stared at me with a blank expression.

He walked toward the door and said," I have a mission for the next three months. I'll see you when I get back."

I thought I heard him say," I'm sorry," but I shrugged it off. Nobody would ever feel sorry for me.

I dragged myself to the refresher and examined the wound. It had split my lip and blood poured down from it.

"It feels better than what I was feeling before," I said and grabbed a pair of scissors from the medicine cabinet.

I used the sharp edge to cut out the word loser across my wrist in tiny little letters. Blood spilled out from my cut, but I sighed in relief.

Anything would feel better than this feeling of depression that had settled over me.