Summary: An accompanying piece to my Female Shepard/Kaidan Alenko fic, "Serenade. Takes place immediately after chapter five. Kaidan and Shepard are recently married and expecting their first child. This little fic was heavily inspired by the Citadel DLC and has spoilers.

Piano – to play or sing softly or gently

"Well, it doesn't look too bad actually," Kaidan announced, stepping over the threshold and into what used to be Shepard's lovely apartment in the wards. "I bet a cleaning crew could get this place livable in just a few hours."

"If you say so," Shepard grimaced, following closely at his heels. Bits of broken glass and other debris crunched under her boots as she made her way farther into the living space. The luxurious apartment Anderson had gifted her, just weeks before his death and the end of the reaper war, was in shambles. The massive picture windows that once lined the entire left wall were now nothing but jagged empty holes, covered over with a shimmering blue stasis field. Anderson's precious books, along with the few personal effects Shepard had left there, were scattered everywhere, dislodged from their shelves as the reapers ripped the Citadel from its home in the Widow system and dragged it to Earth. The lovely art deco chandelier above the dining room table now littered the floor in tiny icicle-like shards and more than half the paintings her mentor had handpicked, had fallen haphazardly from their hooks and now lay broken on the dirty carpet.

"Okay, I know it looks bad" Kaidan soothed, "but structurally it's sound, which is more than can be said for a lot of the citadel, and we covered all the furniture with tarps before we left the last time, so most of that should be fine too." He moseyed up to her side and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her tight. "It just needs a few new windows, maybe a couple of bright throw rugs, and a good scrubbing. Like I said; give me a few hours. I'll make some calls, hire a few people…pretty soon it will be good as new."

"You're right," she smiled up at her husband, before turning into his arms and snuggling against his chest for a moment. "It could be a lot worse."

Truth was, if she let herself really think about it – something she tried not to do, even on her best days- everything could be a lot worse. It was more than a year after the end of the war, and while she was still mourning so much of what was lost, she'd gained much in return.

Despite being gravely injured in the final battle, Shepard was standing on her own two feet now, even if one of them had needed to be cloned for her. Kaidan was whole and healthy and wearing her ring. Their first child, still the size of a grapefruit at this point, slept soundly in her womb. The implants in her body, necessary for much of her basic life functions, were starting to fail – most likely due to damage they sustained when the crucible had destroyed the reapers. However, Miranda was diligently crafting new ones at an ex-Cerberus facility and was hopeful they'd be ready to implant after Shepard had given birth. In the meantime she was slightly weak and tired easily, but so far the drugs they'd given her to counteract this were working fairly well – enough so that she and Kaidan could finally take this trip to the Citadel to check out her apartment. In fact, Admiral Hackett and the council had even started giving her some mild duties to fulfill; all paperwork related and boring as hell, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

On a galactic level, most of the council races were getting along for the time being, all working together to house refugees, rebuild planets, and try to work out a way to get this massive space station back to the Widow System where it belonged; although that last one was going to take a few years. EDI had been restored at almost 100% of the functionality she's enjoyed before. Tali was attempting to apply the same technology used on EDI to resurrect some of the geth, with some promising results. It was all a balm on Shepard's guilty conscience; a way to not regret all the horrible choices she'd had to make to get the job done.

"You still with me, Love?" Her husband's voice pulled Shepard from her maudlin thoughts. She looked up at his loving gaze and matched his grin.

"Yeah," she answered. "I'm always with you."

"Good to know," he teased, kissing her on the nose. "Why don't you go take a look around? Make a note of anything that needs repairing or replacing right away. I'll go make some phone calls, okay? See how fast we can get this all taken care of so we can enjoy our shore leave."

"Sounds like a plan," she agreed, giving Kaidan's fingers a light squeeze, before turning to do just that. She paused a second later when he didn't release her hand.

"You be careful, okay?" he pleaded, the same, slightly desperate panic in his eyes, that had been there since the end of the war. It was if he expected her to disappear the very moment she was out of his sight. It had gotten worse since they'd discovered her pregnancy and worse still as she grew weaker every day. His free hand slid down to gently cup the slight curve of her belly. "You're carrying…"

"…Precious cargo" she finished for him, "I know. I'll be careful." She turned to go again, throwing a final quip behind her as she ascended the dusty stairs. "I'm always careful." Her husband's hearty laugh followed her all the way up to the second floor.

It didn't take long to catalogue what needed to be done in the two upstairs bedrooms. The shower door was shattered, but the plumbing still miraculously worked. Most everything just needed to be cleaned and the bedding in both rooms replaced. The apartment was dingy enough though, that even just manipulating a few items had left a grimy coat of dust over Shepard's entire body. She sneezed a few times as she scanned the book spines in the connecting hall and was glad she'd tied her long ginger hair back at the nape of her neck.

At the end of a row of lovely, leather-bound journals, she stumbled across a collection of datapads she'd all but forgotten about. Her overtaxed heart let out an awkward, painful beat as she slid the first one off the shelf and commanded it to play.

"You never asked me about this, but my wife just called, my ex-wife…"

David Anderson's voice, still as smooth and deep as the day he'd recorded this message, poured out of the data pad. Her mentor's words, once always soothing and encouraging, now formed an instant lump in her throat and an itch in the corner of her eyes. Not letting herself change her mind, she scooped all the data pads up in her arms and carried them over the coffee table in the center of the hall. The tarps covering the sofas were unbearably dingy, so extra care was needed while peeling the corner of one back, so she could sit down on a relatively clean surface.

Shepard couldn't believe how hungry she was for even one more second with this man, even if it was just a cold, recorded voice on a datapad. She listened to every word anew, pretending it was the first time and laughing at every silly joke he made. She heard him discuss his loving parents, his N7 training, and commanding the Normandy. At times, Shepard even spoke back, letting her voice carry across the empty room.

"Sure I can talk about Commander Shepard, big topic." The datapad recited.

"I'm sure you could," she laughed. "I'm afraid to hear what the whole story ended up looking like. Did you tell them about the day I enlisted; skinny farm girl fresh from the orphanage, looking for a place to belong? Did you mention how you were the first person in years to believe in me?"

"People are quick to judge," he continued. "they don't know the whole story, I don't even know the whole story."

"You came pretty damn close." She assured the voice.

"I trust her with my life."

"I'm sorry I wasn't more careful with it," she whispered, silent tears leaking out to dampen her face. "I wish I'd been better. I wish you were still here with me."

"I worry sometimes she forgets. There's a whole bunch of people who lose sleep over her getting home. Soldiers like the commander are pretty rare. A woman like Shepard? Even more rare.

Shepard couldn't even respond to that, so choked up she could barely breathe. She just sat there as the last message ended, holding the hard plastic so tightly in her hands, her knuckles turned white.

"Hey Shepard," Kaidan's voice carried to her from the stairs. She heard the light trapping of his boots as he entered the hall behind her. "There's half an army of workers coming up here in about an hour or so; window installers, upholstery and floor cleaners, and a bunch of people with brand new linens. They promise we'll be able to sleep here tonight, no problem. You want to go get out of their hair? Maybe get some dinner, take in a movie? I hear there a new…hey," he finally rounded the couch and got a good look at her face. Knees dropping instantly to the dirty carpet, he gathered her hand; prying the datapad from her cold fingers and warming them within his. "What's going on?"

"I think he knew." She murmured, reaching up to swipe at the tears on her cheeks. "When Anderson gave me this apartment he said it was to tie up loose ends. I think he knew he'd never get the chance to come back here. It was supposed to be his home with Kahlee, but he gave it to me instead. Why would he do that if he expected to survive?"

"I don't know, Love." Kaidan soothed, sliding up to sit next to her on the musty couch, "but it shows how much he cared for you."

"He did," Shepard hiccupped, "And he wanted the best for me. I never realized how much until just now. All the pieces are coming together. Anderson never got what he really wanted - a home with someone who loved him and maybe even a family - not until the very end and then it was too late. When he realized he'd never have it, he tried to give it to me. That's the real reason he wanted me to have the apartment."

Kaidan held her close, urged her cheek onto his shoulder and gently petted her hair. "He was a very wise man," Kaidan agreed. "It was one of the things I always admired about him."

Shepard took a deep, shuddering breath and continued. "Do you know, one of the last things he said to me, was that he thought I'd be a good mom? He wanted me to have this," she clasped Kaidan's hand in hers, rubbed her thumb over the wedding ring she'd placed there just a few months back, and pressed his palm to her swollen belly.

"He wanted me to have what he never could. It's just so unfair. Poor Kahlee didn't get her happy ending." A little broken sob escaped her lips. "What if that happens to us? What if the implants don't work this time," she whispered, "Miranda is hopeful, but not certain. What if we've beaten the odds too many times already? I don't want to leave you alone, with nothing but this big ass apartment and a load of regret."

"Hey, Hey," Kaidan palmed her face in his hands. His own voice was shaky now. "Stop, okay? Don't think like that. Everything is going to be fine. You are the strongest person I have ever met. If anyone can do this, it's you, especially if we're together. If Anderson were here, he'd tell you the exact same thing."

"You think?" Shepard forced a small smile and sniffed inelegantly.

"Shepard!" Kaidan forced his best 'Anderson Voice,' making Shepard giggle. "What are you doing moping about when there's a galaxy to rebuild? Get off your ass and go find something useful to do."

The commander laughed in earnest, throwing her head back and letting the mirth escape. "I love you," she finally said, leaning over to kiss her husband on the lips. "I don't know what I'd do without you here."

"hmmm," he murmured against her lips. "As I've said on numerous occasions, you never have to find out." Intertwining his fingers with hers, Kaidan helped her stand. "Come on," he urged, leading her towards the stairs. "I want to show you something."

Shepard followed obediently, curious as to what her husband had up his sleeve. He stopped before the elegant grand piano and whipped the huge tarp away, sending a mushroom cloud of dust into the air around them.

"Ugh! Really, Kaidan!" Shepard choked and gagged for a second as her vision cleared. "As if I weren't filthy enough already."

"Sorry, Love," he replied sheepishly, waving his hand around in front of his face. The little plumes of dust just danced around all the more. "I guess that move looked a bit more impressive in my mind."

Using the edge of the tarp, he brushed the piano bench until it gleamed and urged Shepard to sit next to him. "Did Anderson play?" he asked, as he lifted the lid off the keys and flipped the power switch.

"I don't think so," she replied pensively, as he played a few scales to warm up. "Maybe Kahlee did. This was, after all, supposed to be her home too."

"He wouldn't want you to feel guilty about that," Kaidan told her, his fingers beginning to eke out a soft, sweet melody. "Anderson loved you. He gave you this place so you could be happy."

"I know," she sighed, laying her cheek on his shoulder once more. The tendons beneath his skin shifted in tune to the melody as he played. "But how…"

"Shh…" he soothed. "Just listen." And then he took a breath, and the angelic sound of her husband's rich baritone swept through the dusty room.

"Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say.

I promised I would never leave you
Then you should always know
Wherever you may go, no matter where you are
I never will be far away."

Shepard's eyelids closed on a pair of silent tears, as she let each verse of her husband's song calm her nerves. Usually she was fine; the Commander Shepard mask so firmly in place, even she was fooled into thinking she was unflappable. But sometimes, in the quiet moments, when the mask was put away with the rest of those things left broken after the war, she felt just a bit raw. It was so very nice to have someone there to soothe the ache, to tell her everything was going to be alright, even if he didn't truly know that for sure.

"Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me.

Someday we'll all be gone
But, lullabies go on and on
They never die
That's how you and I will be."

The final note echoed across the foyer and Kaidan leaned down to meet her watery gaze. "You see," he said, brushing his lips against hers. "No one can ever separate us again. It's you and me, forever."

Shepard smiled and kissed him back, sure he could taste the salt of her tears. "I'll be here." She vowed. "You can bet on it."

Kaidan laughed and rose from his seat. "What do you say, we go get that dinner?" he asked, offering her a hand. "The cleaning crew is going to be here any minute and I think we both deserve a night out in the wards."

"That sounds like an excellent plan," she agreed, wiping away her tears once more and letting her husband help her up. They strolled, hand in hand to the door, but Shepard paused at the threshold and looked back. All the dust and debris would be all cleaned up when they returned. The beds would have new sheets and the windows would again be encased with glass. There would be no evidence of the current destruction. The apartment would be renewed and ready to be filled with love and laughter.

"Thank you," she whispered, hoping with all her heart that somehow the previous owner could hear. "I'll make you proud."

Author's notes:
Kaidan sings Billy Joel's "Lulliby"