Title: How to get mistaken for being homosexual

Genre: Romance, Comedy, High school, Drama

Rating: Rated R, for Unrated. Or Um, Just lots of sex in the future (maybe)

Warnings: Swearing, sex, gay-bashing, guy/guy, uh yeah.

Anything else you should know? The pairing is Kagami/Kuroko.

If you know, haven't figured that out.

How to Get Mistaken for Being Homosexual

Kagami/Kuroko

Class One: Where's Kuroko?

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"Alright class, let's get started." The female teacher brought her dainty hand upwards, placing her fingers inwards to make her hand into a fist before coughed awkwardly into her hand, she let her thin arms fall to her sides, smoothing out her dress shirt and dark as night pencil skirt.

"Roll call, um, Mai Kanda?" She said softly, eyes lifting upwards to gaze at her class — the black haired female raised her hand timidly, the teacher paid no heed, instead choosing to focus on the one thing she hates most at the beginning of the semester; the odd male in her class. Running a culinary arts class has its advantages when you're a man hater —a lesbian too boot—, rarely any males ever join your class, well, usually the scary bad-ass ones don't.

This year she was proven unlucky though.

"Um, Kagami Taiga." She whispered — hoping the male would suddenly realize that's not his name and wondrously one of her female students would admit to being male but dressing up as a female —just up Mrs. Danlies ally of women— and the hulk of a male sitting in the middle of her classroom would just go poof.

"Here" He said inattentively, propping his feet onto the desk in front of him — the teacher flinched, mourning the lost of her fantasies, she had already envisioned the well endowed chest of her cross dressing partner too be.

She almost, almost; —because gracious starting out lesbian teachers don't sulk— sulked as she looked at the next name, the kanji signaling that this person, as well, is male.

"K-Kuroko Tetsuya...?" She muttered out nervously, great she thought scathingly, another (most likely) scary ass male. She peered around the classroom with nervous eyes, her brows furrowing when 'scary-ass-male' didn't answer to her roll call, she gulped, what if the guy is bad-ass enough to just sit and glare at her till she realizes like an idiot an goes; 'Oh! K-kuroko-kun?' Now, she can't have that, she'd lose all respect from her seemingly attractive 17 year old female students.

but then — Usually even the baddest of bad boys aren't cocky enough to pull off that stunt on the first day of school, Kagami is a prime example of that. "Kuroko-kun?" She said a bit louder this time, looking around the class for another male, maybe —she hopes from the bottom of her very large chest— that the guy just happens to be a very quiet girly looking one.

"Does anyone know where Kuro-"

"I'm right here." A voice said flatly, she blinked a few times, looking blankly at the bright blue strands and matching pair of pale sky blue eyes. "Kuroko-kun?" she asked dumbly, obviously confused on why her student needed to stand right in front of her breathing space. Taking a discreet step back she muttered to the new-found boy; "Did you just get in?"

"No, I was here early by 10 minutes." She blinked a few times — her brows tilting inwards in confusion, again — that plain boring monotone voice, Kuroko gave a slight bow before moving towards the desk, back to an empty desk in the corner with a black bag on it, the kid wasn't lying. She blinked a few times before shaking off the eerie feeling and beginning her class.

"Now today we'll do something simple, chocolate chip cookies, who knows how to make those?" Dear god she hoped so, or else this semester would be a long one.

Everyone raised their hands.

"Great so everyone start makin-"

"Teacher," the plain voice said again, Kuroko she said just as plainly back in her head. Her eyes turned to look at the boy standing in her bubble, again. She mentally skewered him for being so close to her, he could go join mechanics or something!

"Yes?" She said dully —not letting her death wishes for the poor boy show—, slowly putting down her hand and letting out a breath.

"I can't make chocolate chip cookies, I didn't raise my hand." Kuroko said just as simply and Mrs. Danlies wondered briefly if the kid had any other tones of voice either then this damn monotonous voice, she grit her teeth and shook her head, waving the blue-coloured boy off.

"Its fine, you guys are going in partners." She desperately tried not to hiss out 'guys', cause really — she hates all males, Kuroko apparently didn't realize —and if he did, he didn't show it— and nodded before sauntering back to his desk. "Everyone!" She boomed, interrupting the mindless babble of the girls in her class. She had to keep herself from sighing dreamily at their cute little voices, glad the barbaric one in the center of her class kept quiet.

"I will pick your partners, since we only have two males, they will go with each other, okay Kagami-kun and Kuroko-kun?"

She looked over to the corner of the classroom where her silent monotone student should be — she blinked a few times, honestly she felt glad the kid left so quickly but before she could stop the flow of words she muttered to herself in disbelief; "Where could he have gone so quickly?" — not that she particularly cares.

"I'm still here." He stated off-handily before sitting himself beside the giant red-head in the middle of her classroom, she frowned narrowing her eyes, before furrowing her brows.

"Right" The teacher mumbled before making the rest of the pairs.

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"I'm Kuroko Tetsuya." The blue haired boy said with his —usual?— monotone voice as he placed his bag onto the steel table in front of him and his new partner, Taiga. The boy doesn't really like to talk, especially not to hulks like the red-head beside him, but he is a gentleman, and gentleman introduce themselves —and proceed the rest of the semester ignoring so called partner—.

"Kagami." The other replied with obvious boredom lacing his tone as the giant male wiggled his toes inside his shoes; Kuroko would've seemed frightened if he showed any emotion. His partner isn't just huge by height and build, his face just has a scary twinge to it as well.

Kagami is one of those guys you see on the world wrestling TV show Kuroko's father seems so fond of watching all day — hulking muscles that scream for attention and ripple with each movement, eyes that are just naturally made into slits to glare at everyone —Kuroko was thankful Kagami had chosen too keep his gross red eyes away from him— and sure Kagami is handsome, Kuroko has enough tact to bitterly admit defeat in the look department when it comes around honking.

But— He isn't so fond of spiky crimson locks that just scream to be dyed to a more normal colour, not that his hair is any more normal. Though, he doesn't do his own hair.

"Nice too meet you Kagami-kun, I hope we can get along well." Kuroko spoke out, almost forgetting that line with his distracting thoughts about the others looks.

Kagami snorted — either it was agreement or disagreement, Kuroko didn't know. He didn't really feel like asking, either. With a long discreet sigh he pointed to Kagami's right, before blinking once. As stated earlier; if Kuroko can help it, he'll avoid speaking.

The red-head furrowed his brows following the finger to where the ingredients laid, before looking back to his partner. "Can't you get them?" Kagami would've added a rude snort after his sentence, but instead a yawn stifled from his lips — alerting him that sleep is needed, he obviously shouldn't have spent all night playing that video game.

"I'd have to lean over you." Kuroko stated with obvious tone of 'I will not being doing that unless it cannot be helped.' Maybe, with Kuroko's monotonous voice, you can never just assume things. Kagami rolled his eyes, before closing them completely and yawning out his next words;

"Do it yourself."

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Now, Kagami isn't a so called 'genius' or even at the level average intelligence, but he has faith in his cooking skills.

And he has faith in others cooking skills, like how hard can it be to measure a cup of flour and pour a bit of chocolate chips? There's not much too it but that, really. So when he opened his eyes after a much needed nap, his senses finally coming back to life, the first thing he realized was that there's flour on his face, second thing being,

The chocolate chip cookies were moving.

Well, at least he hopes those are the suppose to be cookies. The gracious black and brown blobs could be misleading.

The third thing he realized, everyone (all the girls, even the teacher, was the teacher squishing one of the students boobs?) were screaming on the top of their lungs. He turned his head slightly to look at the impassive partner of his, who was obviously frowning, a slight down dip of the boys lips, his brows furrowed as if glaring at something, Kagami followed the boys vision.

Yup, the cookies were moving.

"Kagami-kun," Kuroko stated blandly shocking the male completely awake. "It seems my cooking skills have gotten worse, maybe I shouldn't have taken lessons from Riko-chan." The red-head almost retorted with a 'well, no duh Sherlock, the cookies are fucking moving!' but decided on doing something else first;

With a large swoop of his hand he bunched up the cookies into his fist crumbling them into bits before chucking the remainders at Kuroko's pale face. Serves the kid right for waking him up with stupid moving cookies — how does a person even get cookies to move? He'd have to learn this odd skill form this Riko girl later, that or let it go.

With a loud sigh —maybe a dash of yawn?— Kagami grumbled out a small "Moron." Before leaving Kuroko to the clean up, he has a nap too finish.

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"Your cookies started moving?" Riko — more known as the demon coach Riko Aida, screeched out in delight her hands flailing around over top her head as she imagined the sole thought of cookies being able to move on their own, Junpei Hyuuga, merely frowned beside her.

"I take it you started taking lessons from her." The black haired male said with a sigh evident in his voice as he raised his hand to point an offending thumb at the cheering starry-eyed girl.

"She's better at cooking than me." Kuroko stated dully in return, "which is why I'm taking culinary arts in school."

Hyuuga shivered, reaching up to push his glasses back onto his nose before groaning out a small almost inaudible sound of, "that's a scary thought." Aida merely elbowed him swiftly, the motion almost unseeable to the human eye.

"I'm a wonderful cook!" She boosted, before lowering her gaze to give Kuroko a sympathetic pat on the back, "well kid its okay, everyone is bad at something."

"I'm bad at two things." He droned out as if making the girl realize he isn't as good at something he wish he could be, but it doesn't matter, he hates that damned sport.

"Oh yeah, you're terrible at anything in basketball but passing."

"Yeah" he said annoyed —probably— one can never be too sure with Kuroko. He stood up with one fluid motion, dusting off the front of his pants, black ugly and old looking things, before smoothing out his shirt, flipping open his book and saluting his friends before making way.

He hates basketball, ever since his "generation of miracles" team in middle school full of middle schoolers playing sports in a way only full fledged pros can — he loved it at first, his teammates loved it, heck even the losing teams loved it at the beginning of the realm. But as one practices, skills develop, and so do attitudes to suit the skills. His basketball team then became a team, no, a 6-man squad of just that, them.

He's hated the sport ever since.

With a lazy sigh he tried so desperately hard to block the depressing thoughts from his head, trying to just enjoy the book he had picked up from the library. Actually he found it a bit embarrassing to read such a explicit novel — especially when the two main characters are both male, and kissing.

What had possessed him to read a sexual book about two men — he doesn't know, but the story line was proving to be decent, no need to bash a book because of the writers preferences in sexuality, or fantasies. He has a tingling feeling the author is a woman, usually woman love to write about such things.

He wanted to place the book back into his bag to hide it away —the small nagging thought at the back of his head reminding him no one sees him anyways— he decided against hiding the book, instead shoving his nose more into the pages — taking in the smell, the scrawl of the black inked words, white papers, obviously unread. He inhaled, keeping down the growing blush on his cheeks as he began to read a very sexual section of the book,

He exhaled —

"What the fuck?"

— he blinked.

Slowly he brought his book down from his face, quickly attempting to hide it, his actions stopped when the person he had, —is his foot on that guys face? Odd, he thought, Don't I know him?— grabbed his arms, dragging Kuroko forward so he stumbled forward a bit, his feet going onto both sides of the victims head as he leaned down, the book falling from his frail pale fingers and onto the chest below him.

"Fucking— Hey wait," the red-headed male blinked, eyes narrowing more, something I didn't think was possible. Kuroko droned sarcastically in his mind, before tilting his head, amusing the buffoon he had stepped on, he needed to get that embarrassing book back— quickly! "Aren't you that Kororo dude from culinary arts?"

He didn't bother to correct his name, merely nodding before looking down at his book — eye brows scrunching in concentration.

Now, only if he had mind-powers.

Sadly, he isn't intelligent enough for that.

"Oh, what's this?" Kagami asked dumbly as if the male had never seen a book, actually, Kuroko tilted his thought amused with his own idea of 'he probably hasn't even read one' before quickly whispering out a small,

"My book, I'd like it back." He tried desperately to keep his normal façade of monotone — but panic was rising in his chest, almost about to bubble over, just his luck to be noticed on one of the days he decides to read a sexual BL novel.

"Is it good?" Kagami asked, about to flip open the brown hard-covered book, Kuroko's blue eyes widened,

"No."

The red-head furrowed his brows, "if it isn't good, why would you be reading it so intensely that you stepped on my face, or did you step on me on purpose?" Kagami didn't sound delighted with that idea, and Kuroko didn't feel like having his face bashed in any time soon... But that damn book...

"I did." He decided to play on, almost sighing in relief when Kagami hadn't opened the book yet, choosing to glare at Kuroko like the blue-haired boy is a bother to even be existing — really, the book is what shouldn't be existing in your hand, this very moment. He wanted to drone out, but decided to play nice. As nice as he can play, at least. "No, I was putting the book away and wasn't looking ahead and I tripped, on your face." Its such a shame too, I stepped on such a nice face. He wanted to add, but saying homosexual sounding things while being caught reading a BL novel, not smart.

"Thanks, well as a apology let me read this book, ne?" — Kuroko wanted to hit his head into a wall, and he stopped to think, if Kagami became disgusted with him, he'd leaved him alone —or pick on him, but a bit of bullying doesn't hurt his feelings— and he wouldn't have to speak more then 0 words daily in culinary arts.

"Okay" he gave in, trying to keep in a smirk threatening to spill on his perfected monotone mask — Kagami smiled brightly.

Kuroko would've felt bad for sending the guy to his homosexual-induced-doom, but, Kagami had managed to make him speak at least three sentences today. Too much for his opinion, or likings. With a curt dip-bow of his head he went on his marry little way towards his next class.

His steps were considerably lighter that day —

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Now, Kuroko doesn't really believe in religions or gods, or anything in that matter. —Except that if you eat the insane amount of sugar that Murisakibara consumes, you will, no matter, will lose your perfect shiny-white row of teeth—

But just maybe, just maybe. Karma has decided to present themselves after 16 long boring years of not doing said action.

It had taken him a minute of blinking and memory searching too remember who the hell this gapping red-head was, and why he was looking at him with blush stained cheeks, red eyes wide as the man held a towel over his lower regions.

Right, Kuroko drawled in his own thoughts, the guy I harassed with a BL novel. Karma, obviously doesn't like straight guys reading BL novels —then is this his punishment as well?— He didn't bother to greet the gapping male, or say anything, in fact. He just continued placing his things in his usual locker and begun to undress himself, glad that Kagami at least had the decency to look away, blushing maybe, but still, he looked away.

"Kurokocchi!" A blonde boomed, quickly tackling the small blue-haired boy and hugging him tightly.

"Kise-kun, please remove yourself from me." He stated dully in return, this won't do well in attempt to fix my gay image later. That is, if he can fix it.

"Waaah! You're so mean Kurokocchi, even though we're dating."

No fixing this mess now.

Kuroko sighed.