A/N: So this is something I have going on tumblr. It's a 100 Themes Challenge dedicated to the sadly underrated crack pairing of Once-ler and Audrey. I'll be posting them on my other writing acconts (here and deviantART) so everyone can read them without having to dig around my archive. I know how annoying that can be.
Just a few things I want to note first:
Most of these are unconnected, they take place at various points in Once-ler and Audrey's life. For instance, you may find yourself reading a drabble about their married life, followed immediately by one where they have only just met. So don't expect much continuity unless otherwise stated.
Also,the vast majority of these will take place in an Alternate Universe, as that's the only way to make this pairing work. A few, however, will take place in the Canon Universe. It will be noted when one of those comes up, so be sure to pay attention to which Universe is listed before each one. Any drabble that takes place in the Canon Universe will be friendship ONLY. There are different types of relationships after all, and I'd like to explore how Audrey might react to the Once-ler in canon after everything he's done.
Okay, I think that's about it. This will be updated once the next ten have been written. If you'd like to read them before that, follow me on tumblr. The link is listed as my homepage in my profile.
Thanks, and I hope you enjoy!
Theme #98: Warmth
Word Count: 641
World: Alternate Universe
Genre(s): Romance, Fluff
Rating: K
Warning(s): None
Once-ler narrowed his eyes in anger at the blacken head of his last remaining match. It had gone out on him immediately after lighting, the result of a misplaced gust of wind forcing open that one window with the broken lock he'd stupidly put off fixing for weeks.
How was he supposed to know they'd get hit with such a massive cold snap? It was barely even November!
Pulling his wool jacket closer to his body, Once-ler let out a shiver and glanced at the young woman on the couch. She wore a coat of her own, though her was light brown where his was dark grey. It also had a furry collar, unlike his, and yet from her flushed cheeks and the way she held herself so tightly, it didn't appear to be doing her any good. That was at least one thing their winter coats had in common: they were both utterly useless and complete wastes of good money. That 200 dollars he'd blown on them wasn't coming back, no siree. It now belonged to a hoard of greasy, lying salespeople, who must've been having a good laugh at their customer's expense while they lounged around in their warm, cozy boutique.
Meanwhile, Once-ler and Audrey would be busy at home, turning into ice sculptures.
"You sure you don't have anymore?" she asked as he flopped down on the couch beside her.
He put a hand on his head and grunted out an affirmative response. Audrey sighed deeply and burrowed into the soft, yet not warm, cushions.
"Maybe we should've just gotten a heater," she said. "That fireplace isn't cutting it anymore."
"The fireplace is fine," Once-ler mumbled through his hands. "It's these stupid, cheap matches that are the problem."
'Besides, you're the one who didn't want an oil heater,' he mentally added.
She sighed a second time, and Once-ler considered looking up to see what she might be doing. Knowing Audrey, she would probably get up soon to go make them some tea. Not that it would help them much, but at least they'd have something hot to drink. Maybe he could hold his mug over his face and let the steam melt some of the icicles he just knew were forming on his nose right now.
Once-ler's ears picked the sound of Audrey fidget, and then he could feel her movements. What struck him as odd was that her weight wasn't lifting off the couch. Instead, it was shifting, shifting towards him.
Her arms snaked around his waist and pulled him closer to her. A sound escaped Once-ler's throat, but it didn't faze her. Using her shoulder, Audrey pushed his arm out of the way so she could come around and sit on his lap, hugging him tightly all the while and making Once-ler's face turn beet red.
"A-Audrey," he choked out. "What are you doing?"
"I'm cold," she said firmly. "I'm freezing cold and if I can't get heat from the fireplace, then I'm getting it from you."
Once-ler remained still for a long time after Audrey said this. She showed no signs of letting go anytime soon, she was even snuggling her face into his chest. It was admittedly a very nice feeling, and he would never pass up an opportunity to hold her like this. Once-ler blew out breaths he could see as he slowly but surely came to return her embrace. His body relaxed against hers and smiled softly.
"That's better," she whispered.
Once-ler nodded, then contently laid his head back. He felt a great deal less cold than he had a few seconds ago.
"Yeah, it is."
Theme #27 : Cigarette
Word Count: 385
World: Alternate Universe
Genre(s): Romance, Fluff, Humor.
Rating: K+
Warning(s): None.
A man was thrown out of the restaurant for smoking.
It wasn't so much the smoking that was a problem, as it was that he'd specifically asked for a non-smoking table right in the center. Audrey knew this because the man had been seated right before her and her date. By the time his drink order arrived, he was already lighting up and smoked away without a care in the world. Predictably, he was asked to put it out. Less predictably, he blew smoke in the waiter's face and took another drag.
Most predictable of all was the arrival of the manager, who threw the jerk out on his ass to thunderous applause. Audrey, not three tables away, was one of two people not whooping and clapping. The other was her date, mostly because he'd been too busy looking over the menu while all this was going on. As Once-ler debated under his breath whether crab cakes would make a better appetizer than mozzarella sticks, Audrey was staring at the door, watching the man stumble to his car while shouting obscenities and threatening legal action. She shook her head disapprovingly.
"It's amazing how rude some people can be," she remarked, picking up her own menu and flipping to the beverage page. "As if smoking wasn't a bad enough habit."
Once-ler gave a low hum and reached for his ice water, taking small sips.
"You know, I'd never smoke a cigarette," he said. "But sometimes I think about giving cigars a try."
Audrey frowned and raised an eyebrow. Once-ler responded with a similar, though more defensive, look.
"What? I think they look distinguished."
Audrey felt like laughing, and probably would have had she not wanted to spare her lover's feelings. In spite of herself, she began picturing him dressed up in that one nice suit he owned, leaning back in an easy chair, cigar in hand and smoke blowing out through puckered lips. Audrey's toes curled involuntarily and she forced her eyes back on the menu. She didn't want Once-ler to see her blushing, because then he'd want to know why, and lying to him was pointless because he always knew when she wasn't telling the truth. Audrey would've hated having to tell him how strangely enticing that mental image was, it would only encourage him.
Theme #57: Father
Word Count: 401
World: Alternate Universe
Genre(s): Family, Fluff
Rating: K
Warning(s): None
Nothing ever terrified Once-ler more than holding his newborn son for the first time. The tiny pink infant was curled up in a blue fleece blanket, sleeping peacefully. Once-ler imagined he was tired from all the screaming he did while the doctors were cleaning him up. By the time he was declared happy and healthy, the infant's cries had silenced, and he'd been resting in his father's arms ever since.
Audrey, exhausted from the day and a half of labor she'd endured, was equally dead to the world, if not more so. Her ball of knotted red hair splayed out all over the place, a fair bit of it sticking to her sweaty forehead. She snored softly, one arm tucked under her head to keep it elevated. Once-ler knew she'd never agree with him, but he thought she looked beautiful.
With her out, and no doctors or nurses in sight, Once-ler was left to watch his child slumber on, caring for nothing but a good meal when he woke up. Once-ler bit his lip hard, heedless of the pain. What he was feeling inside was far worse than it could ever hope to be. Closing his eyes, Once-ler thought back to his own childhood, to the earliest years he could remember. He thought of his father, that tall, skinny man who was a mirror image of him. That man had been quiet, very respectful and polite to everyone, whether they deserved it or not. At least that's what Once-ler could recall. What he focused mainly on were all the thing he didn't remember about that man, because he had never been around for Once-ler to experience anything with. The man's back as he walked off forever into the distance was the last and most vivid memory Once-ler had.
Unconsciously, he clutched his son tighter, almost waking him in the process. He placed a hand on the boy's bald head, his touch feather light, for fear that he might hurt him.
"Don't worry," he said, even though he knew the baby wouldn't understand even if he was awake to hear it. "I promise I'll always be there for you. You and your mother."
The baby fidgeted in his grasp, letting out a tiny whine before calming again. Once-ler couldn't help but smile as he gently rocked the baby back and forth, and spoke under his breath.
"I promise. I love you, Eugene."
Theme #48: Pup
Word Count: 564
World: Alternate Universe
Genre(s): Humor, Fluff
Rating: K
Warning(s): None
"Have you ever thought about getting a pet?"
Once-ler looks up from the frying pan filled with pancake mix at Audrey, who is in the corner, setting their small kitchen table. She's busy placing her fork on the opposite side of the knife and not even looking at him, leaving Once-ler to wonder for a moment if she'd actually said anything or if he'd just imagined it.
"Huh?" he says anyway.
As he half-expected, she looks up.
"I was just thinking, it might be nice to have one. Like a puppy or something."
She smiles wide and shrugs, and Once-ler responds with a single raised eyebrow as he crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the stove, careful not to disturb the pancakes or burn himself in the process.
"Why would we need that?" he asks, jabbing a finger out the window, where a group of bar-ba-loots are drinking water from the nearby pond and splashing at each other randomly. "We already have them."
"Once-ler, the bar-ba-loots are not pets," Audrey says, rolling her eyes.
"Well, let's think about that," says Once-ler as he brings one long finger to his chin in mock thought. "I'm always feeding them, they sleep in our house when it's raining even after I keep telling them not to, they're always running around in our backyard and messing with the clothesline… sounds like a pet to me."
"Once-ler…"
He goes on as if she hadn't just spoken his name in an annoyed, warning tone that usually meant he'd be sleeping on the couch that night. Leaving the stove, he walks to the window and pokes his head out, easily spotting one particular bar-ba-loot looking over some flowers within arm's length. Once-ler wordlessly picks him up by the scruff and pulls him in. The tiny animal is confused, but not unhappy, and instantly brightens up the moment he sees Audrey. He reaches wildly for her.
"Besides," Once-ler says, letting the creature drop to the floor. "You have Pipsqueak. He adores you after all."
As Pipsqueak runs to Audrey and nuzzles contently into her pants leg, she can't help but reach down to pat his fuzzy head. Picking him up into her lap, her face softens and Once-ler smirks triumphantly.
"There you go, now you have your puppy," he says. "Good thing I know the answer to everything."
He cockily walks off into the pantry to get out the new box of pancake mix, and Audrey gives his retreating form a flat look.
"Pipsqueak isn't a puppy, Once-ler," she yells.
"Yes he is, Audrey," he calls back.
Audrey exhales hard through her nose and shakes her head. One of Pipsqueak's paws comes to rest on her shoulder as he hugs her tightly, oblivious to the argument surrounding him. After a few seconds, she returns it with a small smile.
"Don't worry, Pipsqueak," she says. "He knows you're not a puppy, he's just being insensitive."
"AM NOT!"
This is followed by a punctuated thud as the very box of pancake mix Once-ler had been searching for slides off the top shelve and whacks him over the head, making him cry out in pain. Audrey can't stop herself from laughing, even as she puts her so-called 'puppy' back down and goes to help him.
Meanwhile, right in view of the bedroom window, two more bar-ba-loots steal their drying bed sheets again.
Theme #60: School
Word Count: 412
World: Alternate Universe
Genre(s): Family, Humor
Rating: K
Warning(s): None
They stood before the long, rectangular shaped building side by side, hand in hand. Once-ler sucked in air until his chest hurt, then let it back out as he glanced at his wife. Her head of red hair blew softly in the wind, and he could just see her lip as she bit down hard on it. That was good, now he knew she was just as nervous as he was about today.
And why shouldn't she be? This was a big step they were taking, one that could never be taken back once it was done. That's why they both had to be completely sure that they could handle it, that they were mature enough to take it all in stride.
"This is it," he said, squeezing Audrey's hand.
She nodded. "I know… I'm kind of scared."
"It'll be okay," Once-ler said, not sure why he was bothering to try and reassure her when he wasn't any calmer himself. "We always knew this day would come, and I think we're prepared for it."
"I don't know," Audrey shook her head. "I keep telling myself that I'm ready, that… well, after all the time we've spent together, I should know that it's going be okay, I just…"
Once-ler snaked her arm around her waist to pull her closer. His grip was tight, but not so much that he might accidentally hurt her, or give away that he might actually be looking to her for comfort too.
"We can do it," he said firmly. "We're ready now, and no matter what happens, we can endure together."
Audrey let out a sigh and leaned her head in, lovingly returning the one armed embrace.
"Okay," she said. "Okay, you're right. We can do this. I love you, Once-ler."
He responded by planting a kiss on the top of her head and making her giggle.
They grinned at each other, the faces of two people trying desperately to stay positive, even as their fears for the future threatened to overwhelm them. They would keep it up for as long as it took for them to get through this, together, just like so many other trials they'd faced. On a small patch of grass barely one foot away from the happy couple and their romantic display, 5 year old Gene gave a loud and angry groan.
"Come on, you guys," he whined. "I'm only going to Kindergarten! You'll see me again in six hours! You're embarrassing me!"
Theme #13: Gamble
Word Count: 766
World: Alternate Universe
Genre(s): Romance
Rating: K+
Warning(s): None
When you're trying to change the world, sometimes you have to take risks. Once-ler is fully aware of that. He has the calloused fingers from all-nighters spent making thneeds to show for it. He knows that his hard work may come to nothing, even though he likes to believe that his success is inevitable (because with a creation as innovative as the thneed, why shouldn't it be?). He doesn't let himself worry about what might happen if he fails.
He tries to apply this thinking to everything in his life, but that isn't always so easy.
When he is in the middle of town, standing at the center of the park underneath Audrey's favorite tree, hand in hand with Audrey herself, it's all but impossible. His mind is filling to the brim with worst case scenarios.
She'll say no.
She'll run away.
She'll laugh in his face.
She'll break up with him on the spot.
She'll reveal that she's actually a super spy on a top secret mission and that she needs to leave for some foreign country to stop a terrorist plot and then use her high tech spy gear to erase his memory of her before disappearing forever.
The longer this goes on, the more convoluted and ridiculous his imaginings become. Audrey is talking about something, and he can't even listen to her. The tiny box in his pocket suddenly feels like a stone. He holds it through the fabric of his pants between sweaty fingers and swallows hard.
This is it, he tells himself. The time has to be now. She's still talking, but it'll be easy to silence her, he just needs to do it already. He needs to put all his happiness on the line and ask, praying all the while that she'll say yes. Because if she doesn't, it won't matter anymore if his thneeds make him a success and his family finally comes to love and respect him. His heart might one day start to heal, but there would always be a huge chunk of it missing, one that only she could fill and hadn't wanted to.
But no, that won't happen.
It won't happen.
It won't.
Something must be showing on his face, because Audrey stops talking and frowns.
"Once-ler, are you okay?"
He opens his mouth, but his throat refuses to let anything even resembling a sound pass through. She continues to stare at him, concern growing, until he can no longer take it. His mind shuts down and he's running purely on instinct. He gets down on one knee, pulling out the tiny velvet box as he goes, and only now does his voice start to work again.
"Audrey, I know this is kind of sudden… I mean, not really sudden since we've been dating for over a year and all, I just um… wh- what I'm trying to say… I wanted to ask…"
Her eyes slowly go wide, realization dawning. Once-ler recognizes this, and he can't even tell if she's happy or terrified, but somehow, that look spurs him on.
"Audrey… will you marry me?"
Two seconds pass.
It takes Audrey two seconds to process this, two seconds that feel longer than two years to Once-ler. Two seconds is all his mind needs to do one final run through of every single terrible outcome this wager of his might have. Every instance of pain and regret he might face someday because of this moment, because of these two seconds.
Because she might say no.
On the third second, Audrey's face breaks into the widest grin Once-ler has every seen, and she lets out a scream that's still ringing in his ears long after she's jumped on him and crushed their lips together. He has to lean against the tree to keep them balanced, and then he returns her embrace with equal ferocity. He waits until they've calmed down a little to slide the ring onto her finger. They sit there, looking out at the night sky and holding each other tight, while Once-ler is filled with a happiness he never thought possible.
Because she had said yes.
She'd really said yes to him.
And why shouldn't she? After all the time they'd spent together, and all the times she told her she loved him and vice versa. Why shouldn't they eventually take the next step in their relationship. It's not like she'd ever indicated that she wasn't happy with him. They were always happy, even when they were fighting.
This is what both of them wanted.
He should've known his gamble would pay off.
Theme #30: Boredom
Word Count: 220
World: Alternate Universe
Genre(s): Humor
Rating: K
Warning(s): None
Once-ler was taking a day off from trying to sell his thneeds. He was in the living room, flipping around restlessly on the couch while blowing out air and groaning. Audrey, seated in the recliner with her nose in a book, was growing increasingly annoyed with this. She almost wished she hadn't kept pushing him to get some rest so that he didn't work himself into a coma. At least then he would've been quiet.
"Hey, Audrey!" he called out, staring with glazed over eyes at the ceiling. "I've been thinking…"
"What about?" she asked, equally distracted as she turned the page.
"About boredom," he said, sharply turning his head to her. "You ever think about boredom?"
"Nope," she answered. "I'm too busy thinking about that pile of dirty dishes in the sink with your name on it."
He finally showed some emotion at this, scowling at her while lifting himself into a sitting position.
"I thought you wanted me to relax," he said.
"I did," Audrey said, not bothering to look at him as she spoke. "But since laying around doesn't seem to help you, why not try something more productive? It's your turn anyway."
He smirked. "If that's what you're worried about, why don't I just go back to making my thneeds?"
"Just go wash the dishes, Once-ler."
Theme #19: Friend
Word Count: 394
World: Canon Universe
Genre(s): Friendship, Slice-of-Life
Rating: K
Warning(s): Not really a warning per say, I just wanted to let everyone know that this one contains some (one-sided on his part) Ted/Audrey. Also, please remember that this and any other drabble that takes place in the Canon movie universe is NOT TO BE TAKEN AS ROMANTIC. I cannot stress this enough.
When all was said and done, Once-ler could expect a visit from Ted roughly once or twice a week. The boy always had something to give him, be it marshmallows or pancake mix, even a new hat one time! Granted, it was an old one he'd found in his attic that smelled distinctly of mothballs, but it was the thought that counted. That it actually looked pretty good on the Once-ler helped too.
On one of these visits, Ted didn't bring a gift. Instead, he brought a young woman whom Once-ler recognized instantly, if only from the descriptions Ted was only too happy to give him over and over and over again. Once-ler noted, as he was shaking Audrey's hand and telling her how pleased he was to finally meet her (not a lie, in his defense), that her hair did not, in fact, glow like that of a sun goddess. Nor was her laugh the most beautiful sound to ever grace his ears. Seemed Ted did a lot of exaggerating when in that annoying, googly eyed state of his.
What a shocker.
Regardless, Audrey did prove to be good company. She was polite, she never spoke out of turn, and she seemed genuinely happy to be there. It was almost like Ted hadn't dragged her along for the ride in the belief that it was time she and Once-ler met face to face.
The kids stayed for about an hour, making small talk and drinking tea (or water in Ted's case). When it was time to go, Ted was the first one out. He called a farewell over his shoulder, just like all the other times he'd visited, along with the usual promise to return soon. It was Audrey who lagged behind, much to the Once-ler's surprise. His bewilderment grew when she approached his seated form, smiling warmly.
"It really was nice meeting you," she said while shaking his hand. "I hope you don't mind if I come again sometime."
Once-ler blinked. "You really want to visit me?"
Audrey gave a laugh, one that made Ted stop in his tracks and turn around with a goofy, lovestruck look on his face. Once-ler had to resist rolling his eyes, and achieved it by keeping his eyes on Audrey as she gave an answer.
"Of course! Any friend of Ted's is a friend of mine."
Theme #42: Hope
Word Count: 170
World: Alternate Universe
Genre(s): Romance, Fluff
Rating: K
Warning(s): None
He shares his dreams with her as they're laying under the moonlight in each other's arms. They've done this countless times before, talking until the sun comes up about everything and nothing. She'll groan over her professors assigning way too much homework, and he'll complain about another Swomee Swan laying eggs in his dinnerware.
Her head rests on his chest, and she can hear his heart beating, slow and strong. It gets faster whenever he talks about his thneeds, or his family, or the future. She understands his fears, and she wants to do what she can for him. There really isn't much, and she knows it, but that won't stop her. She has faith in his abilities; she truly believes he can become a success.
And so, whenever the thread of conversation comes to this, she hugs him a little tighter, runs a smooth hand up an down his arm, and reaches up to gently brush her lips against his.
"Don't worry, I know you're going to do great."
Theme #70: Rainbow
Word Count: 540
World: Alternate Universe
Genre(s): Family, Humor
Rating: K
Warning(s): None
When Once-ler bought Gene an art kit, Audrey had no idea what he was thinking. Here was their son, barely two years old and just learning how to walk, and Once-ler thinks now is the right time to start teaching him how to paint?
The toddler loved it, of course. He loved pretty much anything they set in front of him so long as it was colorful. Even Audrey had to admit, his squeals of delight over the little paint cups and brushes made her happy. Being so into painting herself, it would be nice if she could share that with her children someday.
'Someday' being the key word, as she was sure to tell her husband later that night.
"Seriously?" he said incredulously. "I'm helping to nurture our son's artistic ability. I thought you'd be happier."
"Our son is two, Once-ler," she reminded him. "He doesn't even know how to draw a straight line yet."
Once-ler snorted, putting away the last folded shirt in the top drawer of the bureau, then closing it.
"You're overreacting," he said as the two of them exited their room and walked into the living area. "I'm not expecting him to become the next Picasso, I just think it would be nice if we all had some kind of hobby we could share. You know, family bonding or whatever. Trust me, this is going to be good for… him…"
He trailed off when he saw it, but it was Audrey who reacted first. The throw rug she'd been carrying fell as her arms went limp and her jaw dropped. Once-ler at first didn't know what to make of this, until he looked into the living, at the floor specifically.
There was Gene, babbling in baby language as he picked up another cup of orange paint and poured it onto the floor. It joined many other colors in creating a messy rainbow blob that covered almost half the floor. The horrified Once-ler's own jaw had all but unhinged, and he felt no better when his eyes flicked to wife. Audrey's face as she glared back at him was redder than her hair. Once-ler's whole body shook with fear; he forced his mouth shut and gulped hard. Unfortunately, this also enabled him to start talking again. Probably not the best idea.
"I… I… Good work, son! That's a good boy. I really like your… uh… that… it looks great! So many colors, I see red and blue and yellow and purple and orange and, oh there's a lot of green in there. That's great! I love green. It's my favorite color, and it's your mom's favorite too! See, honey? I told you this would be good for him, he's already painting! He's uh… he'll be a performance artist! …heheh… isn't that great? A- aren't you proud of him?"
Audrey's eyes narrowed dangerously, and Once-ler suddenly felt he'd shrunk to three inches tall.
He spent the rest of the day washing all the paint off the floor, while Gene happily and obliviously played with the now empty cups. The job took hours and Once-ler was beyond exhausted when it was done, making the fact that he'd been banished to the couch for the night all the worse.