A/N: This is the real end. Thank you all for your reviews, your likes and alerts. I cannot thank you enough. This story is written for you.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. I don't own anything else that is mentioned.

Beta: lowi (thank you honey, I will name my first-born after you)

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." – child, age 4

He had dropped his huge bag on the porch, pressed the doorbell, and his intestines in his throat had listened to the soft ringing fill the ordinary-looking house in front of him. After the door had flung open, he had seen a small woman smile warmly at him, and a second later he had felt her arms around his torso, for that was only were they had been able to reach. He was that frigging tall.

As she had towed him and his luggage in – quite forcefully for such a tiny person – he had reassured her by answering her questions that yes, he had been eating properly despite of his absurdly lanky state, don't worry, Mrs Lupin. Smiling, he had also told her how the Potters sent their best regards, and that no, he hadn't really seen his parents in a very long time, but he actually didn't care, because, in kind words, they were a bunch of flaming arseholes. When she had just beamed at him instead of saying he should not be so foulmouthed and just see his horrible mother – immediately, in fact, she might be worried sick – Sirius had wanted to hug her again.

Yet he hadn't; he had just told her he was very, very sorry he hadn't visited in ages.

Mrs Lupin had only smiled at him in the same fashion her son always did, with just about noticeable wrinkles around her happy eyes and her lips curving upwards just a bit, and Sirius had known exactly where Remus had inherited his usual way of looking at Sirius. The bone-chilling stare (not glare, though) however – that couldn't possibly be inherited from this oddly happy woman.

"Ma'am, is Remus all right?" Sirius had asked as they had got inside the house, for the boy was nowhere to be seen. Dropping his bag on the floor and only hoping he hadn't seemed too worried or anything, he was just a friend here, he had quickly added, "It's just that... he knew I was coming today."

"Yes, he's –" the woman had begun as she had been about to take Sirius' heavy bag from the floor, but he had snatched it himself. Once more, she had turned her joyful face at him. "Thank you, darling. I checked in on him just a moment ago, and he is sleeping."

Sirius had frowned. "It's 3pm."

"Yes," his mother had said to him again, and a slight expression of worry had coated her smile. "He's been wrapped up in his school books around the clock the past two weeks, and he's been sleeping a lot after... well. Gotten used to our hollers, he has, and we've promised not to disturb him in his chamber. I've hardly seen him during daylight as he scampers around the house like a scared chicken. I keep checking in on him just to be sure he's alive." The concerned look yielded a bit, and she seemed hopeful again. "Maybe you could try to get some gusto in him? The poor boy needs a proper meal."

After nodding briefly as a thank you and a I'll try, Sirius had kissed her cheek and started to climb the stairs.

Even though Remus was the one of heaviest sleepers he knew, Sirius still knocked the door rather carefully as if he was afraid that the Hungry, Hungry Werewolf was to eat him alive. Swallowing heavily, Sirius whispered through the door, "Remus? Can I come in?"

However, as he got no response whatsoever, he quietly opened the door and peered in. "Remmie?"

The room was dark except for a small streak of light that was casting on the floor between the hastily drawn curtains. Sirius easily recognised Remus' sleeping back on the bed, underneath the window – come on, Remus sleeping? A sight he was able to identify with his eyes closed, if possible – and he saw that the boy displayed no signs of waking up.

Starting to think he should have hollered instead, Sirius stepped into the dark chamber.

After quietly letting his bag fall on the floor near the door, Sirius tiptoed soundlessly towards the bed, and still trying not to make a sound that would startle the other boy, he bent over the nightstand, clicked the switch of Remus' Muggle lamp on, and turned his eyes back to the bed.

A pair of glistening golden eyes greeted him, staring at him in return rather lazily, although attentively.

Sirius snorted quietly. "Who the bloody hell are you? Get bent, will you."

He tried to swat the dark brown cat away from skulking against Remus' back, but the animal managed to swerve his hand – of course it smacked Sirius right back as revenge, hissing at him and plunging its nails deep into his flesh as Sirius tried to move away from it as quickly as possible.

He failed horribly, and got four stingy holes on the back of his hand as a memento.

Naturally.

He shoved a fist in his mouth to quiet himself down, and took a half a step back, still steadily keeping his eyes on the animal.

The cat moved closer to the nook of Remus' crooked legs and nestled there, purring and glowering at Sirius, who bared his teeth at it like a proper dog. As the animal just watched him in a rather palled fashion, Sirius rubbed the wrist of the stinging hand, and growled lowly at it, "What, you think you're better than me? I'm going to grind my dog teeth up in your arse, you demonic hairball."

In a rather gratified fashion, the feline blinked at him, as a private demonstration on how to be overly self-satisfied with one's calculated actions.

Sirius muttered something under his breath while taking a dauntless step towards the bed.

Of course he only managed to make the animal hiss again.

"Quit hissing at me, you bastard arse," Black shushed the cat and headed for it with his hands extended forwards, ready to grab it by the neck and toss it straight to Scotland.

The cat had other plans, though.

What Sirius oddly enough didn't see coming, was that when he stepped closer until his knees touched the wooden edge of the bed and leaned over to the cat to snatch it, the animal plunged upwards with its nails drawn-out, again, yet this time leaving a red and undeniably burning mark on Sirius' right cheek.

Black, in contrast, wanted to leave a permanent mark on the cat.

"Come here!" he rumbled quietly, and attacked the already snarling and kicking hairball, finally being a man enough to actually touch it; he held it forcefully in place by its forelegs, trying his very hardest to keep it away from his own face and from all of the sleeping Remus.

However – and not surprisingly at all– by keeping his eyes on the animal and trying to dodge its flying spit, Sirius tumbled on his own legs, tripped over on the carpet, and took the screaming cat and the almost full, nearby bin with him when he fell.

As it freed itself from his grasp, the cat slapped Sirius' face once more, and he couldn't do anything but lie there on the floor in the middle of the trashed papers, catsmacked, and succumb to his horrid destiny.

His eyes followed the cat sideways from the floor as it made its way to the bed again, and soon enough they saw Remus, who had propped himself up on his elbows and was watching Sirius.

"Hello."

"Good day," Black grumbled in response from the floor, cheek scratching the rug, but made no effort even to sit up on his arse. He rubbed his nose, and mumbled to the carpet something Remus couldn't make out. In the midst of his words were, "I fell."

Remus breathed, "I'm sorry."

"The rug's nice, though."

"You met the cat?"

"Yeah. And believe it or not, demon spawn still makes me jumpy."

"Of course it does," Remus said quietly with a trace of a smile on his lips. He sounded as if a desert inhabited his throat. "But please, don't kill it?"

"It tried to kill me," Sirius whined pathetically, finally sitting up. He huffed desperately as Remus said nothing comforting to him, and picked up the fallen bin, starting to toss the rumbled papers back in it. "Since when have you had a cat anyway?"

"Since my grandmother couldn't keep it," Remus croaked, and slumped back on the bed. He brought a hand on his forehead. "She took another, this one, when Cystitis died, but... she found it to be too much for her."

"It's too much for me and I've only been here like three minutes. I totally get your grandma."

Remus said nothing and only lied on the bed. The purring cat imitated him, all the while gently groping his thigh, dangerously close to his groin.

The most ridiculous expression Sirius was able to pull at that moment was plastered on his face. "Obviously you two are having a moment there. Should I leave? I suppose I can watch photos of your early years with your mum, until I can come back."

The boy on the bed sighed movingly. "Ophelia's been here about two months, but only when I came home from school she showed up from her hiding place," Remus muttered. "She just prefers my company. No need to be jealous."

"I am not jealous," Sirius said heatedly back. "She's jealous of me!" To stress his words he tossed a paper in the bin in a very manly way. "And what a rotting name is Ophelia anyway? Sounds like one of my cousins. And they are..." He thought for a moment. "Rotten."

Letting out a small chuckle, Remus uttered, "My grandmother adored Shakespeare."

"Who?" Sirius stood up and moved the now-refilled bin next to the table. He dusted his trousers whilst keeping his eyes intently on Remus. "Good job, Beershaker. And what – wait. Did you... it's a girl cat?"

Remus turned to his side on the bed, facing Sirius. Again he smiled weakly. "Yes."

"Ooh, what an embarrassment. I got beaten up by a girl cat."

"I'd be ashamed of getting beaten by a cat altogether."

Suspiciously eyeing the cat, Sirius walked to the bed. Remus moved swiftly so he was able to clap his hands at the animal, and an half a second after he had done just that, it hopped off, giving Sirius the Stink Eye of the Millennium. Sirius first stared at the cat, and then gave Remus a doubtful glance because of it.

"See?" Remus smiled at him. "There's no need to be hostile."

Sirius pouted childishly as he sat on the bed next to Remus' legs. "The cat is hostile. I merely strained to survive." He puckered his brows a little and let his fingers pirouette on the duvet covering the werewolf. "How did you do that anyway?"

"Do what?" Remus asked, puzzled, and watching the slight frown form on Sirius' forehead.

"That clap-thing with the cat," Sirius told him, again meeting his eyes. "I mean... Dogs I understand, and me... But cats? No one can make them do anything. Cats are hairy jerks. How did you do that?"

Shaking his head, Remus said truthfully, "I don't know."

"Tosh," Sirius replied, throwing him an amused look. "You don't do anything without knowing what you're doing."

Remus bit his lip a bit, and said slowly, "I do you."

After the sentence had sunk in, Sirius huffed at him as if that told Remus something more than that he had cat-hair in his lungs. However, as Remus just kept smiling at him idiotically, Sirius leaned closer, showing his stingy cheek to him. "Fix me then, love. I'm all gammy."

Sluggishly tumbling up and sitting on his legs in front of Sirius, Remus took his face between his hands and examined it meticulously. His finger traced gently the line of the scratch. "We need to clean this up, or it might get infected."

Sirius showed Remus his horribly wounded hand, as well, and Remus said nothing as he took it in his. He just looked at him in the eye.

"I might need stitches, Remmie."

Softly Remus smiled at him, and brushed his thumb on Sirius' jaw, but quickly enough he moved away from the boy and leaned backwards to his night table. He opened the top drawer, and after rearranging things in it a bit, he pulled out a few cotton balls and a small, white plastic bottle. He placed them on the table, and after opening the bottle he took one cotton ball and wetted it in the liquid.

"What's that?" Sirius asked, keeping oddly still.

"Disinfectant," Remus said to the cotton ball. He gave Sirius a reassuring glance. "It cleans the cut."

"Figured as much." Sirius watched him handle the equipment with a professional touch. "Are those your –?"

"Yes," Remus said without hesitating while he turned to Sirius again. Sitting again on his legs, Remus pressed the moist cotton ball carefully on Sirius' cheek. "I use these all the time."

Black winced because of the cold and slightly pinching touch.

"Be a man now."

"I am a man," Sirius stated gravely as Remus carefully ran the ball on his cheek, after which he took it away, turned it around and pressed it on Sirius' hand. "I am a war hero. I deserve a manly... medal or something."

Again, Remus scanned the scratches. "Of course you do."

Whilst Lupin was leaning towards his night table again, Sirius saw a glimpse of his lower back, covered in thick bandages under his t-shirt. He swallowed and lowered his eyes. "Are you okay?"

Remus pulled out a small blue jar from the drawer, and placed it on the table next to the other implements. He screwed the lid open, left it on the table, and turned around with the opened jar and a cotton swab in his hands. "This salve speeds up the healing process on regular cuts, such as yours. Mine it makes more tolerable."

"Remus?" Sirius asked while softly touching the werewolf's upper arm. "The full moon was two days ago. Are you all right?"

Remus told the salve, "Yes."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. I should have been, here, because leaving you alone at –"

Lupin shook his head faintly as he lifted his gaze to meet Sirius' eyes. "Don't apologise. You don't have to rearrange your life because of me. I need to learn to be on my own during full moon anyway, so –"

"No, you don't," Sirius said sharply, scooting closer. "No. This time, I was just..."

"You were in Egypt." Remus smiled. "You hardly could've done anything from there. Don't worry about it. I'm all right."

Sirius frowned, fingering Remus' knee. "Really? Please don't lie to me."

"I'm just bruised, and they are healing fine. I wasn't even bleeding that badly." Remus looked at him warily in the eye as he took some of the salve on the end of the cotton swab. He leaned closer and spread it carefully on Sirius' cheek. "Please don't trouble yourself with it."

Sirius grimaced at the cold sensation on his cheek. "Trouble is my middle name."

"I thought it was Orion," Remus said gently without blinking an eye. He swept the rest of the salve from the swab on Sirius' hand, and lifted his eyes once he was done. "Sirius, I'm used to this. It's not like this was the first time I was alone, injuring myself." As Sirius merely watched him with a miserable pout on his face, Remus hurried, "Smile, please? You look pathetic."

"I just... cleaning this sorry scuff nipped for me. I can't grasp how you muddle through."

"Well," Remus began, and leaned into press a light peck on Sirius' cheekbone, right above the glistening mark. Against his skin Remus chortled faintly, "I think we have established quite a few times ourselves that I endure different forms of pain far better than you do."

"You're still on about that?" Sirius groaned as Remus pulled away to place the equipment back in the drawer. "Fine, we'll try again, and this time I won't –"

His sentence died as Remus moved back from the nightstand towards him, and slowly pressed himself against his chest, demanding Sirius to enfold his arms around him. He hanged onto Sirius just as he always did; and quickly the strangely desperate way changed into him frantically trying to breathe in the entire boy.

Being nicely squashed in the tight hug, Black managed to mutter quietly, "Oh... Hello. How are you?"

Remus eased a bit and pressed his forehead on Sirius' shoulder. His hands clung on his shoulder blades as he shook his head and whispered, "I missed you."

Sirius kissed his messy hair, and uttered, "Me too. More than it's healthy actually."

"I guess it's true, then." Remus smiled against him. "The saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"Sure," Sirius said. "But I wouldn't have minded fondling you during the past two weeks."

"That's not what it –" Lupin began, but he let it drop. "You're right. I wish you'd been here."

"Egypt could've been nicer, too. I almost jumped this one bloke at the market because he looked alarmingly like you."

"Well, I wish it'd been me," the geek chuckled against Sirius' t-shirt. "But I've only wanted to stay in bed. I hadn't the energy to go for an adventure abroad."

Sirius buried his nose deeper into Remus' locks. "Oh, if we're competing who's been more pathetic, I think I'll win. I borrowed one of your t-shirts."

"The green one? I thought I lost it."

"Yeah... It's safe, I've been sleeping next to it," Sirius fessed warily to his roots. "Sounds dodgy, but I swear it's true. When I closed my eyes it was like I wasn't alone with Potter." He huffed, and faintly shook his head. "How soppy can I be?"

Remus exhaled as he moved so his lips grazed Sirius' neck – he laughed against it a bit, making the boy shudder. "Two weeks, and we're like old women pining after their Hogwarts sweethearts."

"If that makes me an old woman, then you can call me Shirley."

Remus chortled again. "Shirley, you're the reason I haven't had any appetite in two weeks. I hope you're happy, making me absolutely miserable."

"You feel skinnier," Shirley said.

"I surely am."

"Also..." Sirius ruffled Remus' hair. "You know I love you, but this whole bohemian thing – you stink like you've started to rot."

"I know, I'm sor–" Remus pulled away, and squinted. "Bohemian?"

"I'm starting to become a proper dictionary," Sirius said and winked. "You can call me Dictionary Black. I'm here to teach you words and sleep under your pillow."

"That's ridiculous," Remus told him with a smile.

"You're ridiculous, love," Sirius said, poking Remus' nose with his index finger. "Ridiculously ripe."

"There hasn't really been anyone around sniffing me that much; I don't really know why my parents would want to do that."

"Well," Sirius muttered, and leaned closer again, kissing his forehead. "I'm here to sniff you, so please go shower?"

Once he had helped Remus to salve his lower back and change his bandages after the shower, Sirius had settled his stuff in the guest room, which was right next to Remus'. Granted, the room wasn't exactly his style with the exquisite flower papers and the white furniture, but he thought that he would probably sneak into Remus' room at some point during the night anyway, so he was all right with everything.

And the room definitely wasn't his biggest problem.

John Lupin stared at him sideways over the table. "So, lad. How come it took you this long to visit us again?"

Sirius sweated tremendously under that somewhat irritable stare (krhm, so here Remus had inherited it rather than from his mum), and he wanted to tell the man the absolute truth.

As if lying to a man staring Sirius like that was even an option.

He wanted to say that he had not visited, because he has been having inappropriate thoughts of Remus three lovely years now, and during the past year he strained every night not to shag him in his sleep, sir; and Sirius had somehow thought John wouldn't have appreciated him sleeping under the same roof as Remus when all that was happening. Also, to that exact moment the only thing your son, sir, had to do to Sirius was to give him a certain expression or say his name in a particular way, and Sirius would support wood so hard his pants would probably tear from the stitching – and no one would be able to tame the said boner except your son, sir. Yet, ever since they had finally gotten together and Sirius had tasted that oh so sweet, sweet loving – sorry, sir – he had learned to control his desire for the nightly molestation adventures in Remus' bunk, and Remus had finally given him the permission to visit his home again, so... basically everything was Remus' fault?

Sir.

Sirius lowered his utensils on the plate as he beamed at John. "I've been busy, sir."

"Doing what?"

John kept his eyes on the piece of roasted chicken he was carving on his plate. Sirius managed to take a quick peek at Remus who was sitting right across the table from him, and the boy's mother, who was at the end of the table on Sirius' right. She gave him a comforting smile.

Uh, what? Sirius blinked. Turning to John, he thought how he's been dreaming about John's son, talking about his son, talking to his son in his dreams... shagging his son, snogging his son, trying to do those two simultaneously to his son – usually succeeding quite well actually; wide awake and in the depths of his deprived mind. Also what passed his hollering brain cells was how he's been trying to make his son happy, but every once in a while accidentally only managed to make him mad by thieving his pants in the morning or barging in the bathroom whilst he was in the shower. Should John know he's been stealing kisses from Remus during classes, in the library, in the Owlery – that Sirius has stopped pranking Snape, who, by the way, was very appreciative?

Sirius swallowed heavily. "...Stuff with people, sir."

"What sort of people?"

"Mostly two-legged," Sirius answered truthfully. With widened eyes he pondered if he was going to die because of this conversation.

It was extremely likely.

Sirius agreed with his brain – well, at least we was to die in the company of Remus. He squinted as he stole a glance of the boy. Had he told Remus he wanted to be cremated?

"They sound legit," John said, and took a long sip from his water. He turned his eyes to his son. "Just like Remus here. He has two legs."

Sirius shushed his brain, and smiled at the older man. "Yeah, bendy legs are nice."

"So, what exactly have you been doing with them two-legged friends of yours, then? Anything sleazy?"

"No, just snogging," Sirius heard his mouth say. His eyes widened even more as he saw John narrow his eyes at him.

"Snogging?"

Bloody arsemouth! What the hell?

You should be sewn shut!

Sirius nodded feebly at John's quizzical expression, and oddly enough thought he should continue with a straightforward, "...And shagging, sir."

Good one.

John kept eyeballing Sirius as he stuffed boiled broccoli and baby carrots in his mouth. After munching his food he swallowed, of course, and repeated slowly, "Snogging and shagging? Is that what you young people do these days?"

Remus interjected, "Uh, maybe we could talk about –"

"Yes, sir," Sirius said despite Remus' warning voice, and naturally he didn't think through what he was to say next. His mouth just kept gabbing like it was the property of an idiot. And it was. "I'm constantly at it – when my partner's available and ready, that is. Consent is my thing, sir. Also it's fun, the shagging, and I don't have to exercise otherwise besides that."

Tell him the story of your life, will you.

"This partner of yours," John began, and missed the way Remus was drilling a hole in his plate with his eyes. "She's the only one you have? Are you hopping from flower to flower?"

"John," Remus' mother said gently behind her glass of water. "Play nice."

"No, no," Sirius said to her. Lovely lady. "It's fine, ma'am." After giving her an admiring smile, Sirius turned back to John, who was still giving him the Ultimate Lupin Stink Eye. What a spine-chilling experience, just as he had pondered earlier. "I only have one partner, sir. I was horribly reckless before, but... this might sound off, but honestly I had reasons for doing so. That said, I've bettered my ways since. I only hop on... one particular flower."

John nodded. "Do you make her happy?"

"God, I hope so, sir."

Remus smiled carefully to his mashed potatoes. The mash didn't smile back, but only thought there was something wrong in that idiotic face of his.

Sirius nodded at their direction. "Sir, I think Remus knows." After Remus had frowned at him as a subtle cue to shut the hell up, yet he had asked Sirius what he had meant by that, Sirius said, "You know if she's happy, don't you? You're... mates with her, yeah? Good mates. You know each other's minds, you know if my... girlfriend's happy."

Struggling not to bit his lips off, Remus noticed rather quickly that his parents were watching him.

Eagerly.

"Yes, she is very happy," he then said hastily to them whilst keeping his eyes on Sirius. Cautiously he continued, "Apparently she keeps thinking about you all the time."

"Really?" Sirius asked him, trying his best to cover a lewd smirk. "She said that? Brilliant." He turned to grin at Remus' mother, who was smiling back. "I knew she fancies me."

John grunted at his end of the table. "It's not right. Son, why are you friends with his lass and are not stealing her for yourself? You should. Be a man, Remus." John said, but since the people around him didn't even give him a glance and kept very quiet, he continued, "A man of your age should be exploring. Just like Sirius here!" He lightly smacked Sirius on the shoulder. "Bang anything that moves! Yes, yes, you have perfectly valid reasons not to, but you still should try to find a girl who's not only interested in looks. Snatch yourself a cute blonde who likes your..." For a second or ten he studied Remus' appearance. "Reading habit."

Remus lowered his glass on the table. "I don't want a girlfriend."

His father huffed, "What's the matter with you? Every bloke needs a lass! Why not?"

After taking a careful eyeful of Sirius, Remus said to John, "I know you want me to get a girlfriend, dad, I understand that very well." He turned his head and smiled to his mother. "You both have said that a thousand times. But... recently, I found myself fallen in love, and it changed everything in me."

"What?" His mother coughed. "You're in love?"

"What are you talking about, son?"

"Yeah, Remus," Sirius said flatly. "What are you talking about?"

"Sirius... I'm so sorry. I just..." Remus muttered as he dropped his gaze on the mashed potatoes again. "I can't lie."

The mash nodded sadly at him.

Sirius looked around the room, and as he returned to eye Remus, he looked horrified – like a frightened deer in headlights. Or rather... a dog. "What?"

"...Son?"

"Sirius, I've been... playing around behind your back, and I feel it should be me from whom you hear this." Remus left the mash alone and turned his eyes on Sirius, who was gaping at him.

"What are you talking about?"

As if it told them everything, Remus nodded in a doleful manner. "I've been having... relations with your girlfriend."

"What? Honey, that's not nice!" his mother then shouted. "If you plan on falling in love, don't fall for a taken girl! You know that! We've talked about this!"

"With my girlfriend?" Sirius asked so feebly no one at the table heard him.

Of course his boyfriend did.

"Good job, son," John said and smacked Remus on the shoulder blades.

Remus kept his eyes on Sirius as his mother growled from her seat towards the other end of the table, "John, that is not something to congratulate him for!"

"He's finally showing some symptoms of being a proper man," John said to her. His face lit up. "I think that's something we should be quite proud of." He smirked at Remus, who frowned in the direction of Sirius.

"But it's not right! A taken girl –"

"It's not right for him to be a man? What are you saying?"

"What are you saying, John? That he cannot be a man without betraying his friends? I did not raise my son to do this! He's a good boy! You have egged him into this with your nonsense!"

Under the yelling competition Remus intently watched Sirius, who seemed to fit perfectly amidst the shouting parents. Carefully Sirius mouthed, "What is this?"

"Be quiet."

"You've done a great job raising our son, darling," John said loudly to his wife. He gestured towards Remus. "But now that he's chosen the life of a scoundrel, I think it'd be best if I would continue from this."

"A scoundrel? What do you know about the life of a scoundrel?"

"Plenty!"

"You are a shopkeeper, John!"

"Yes I am," he admitted, and made a stabbing hand gesture. "But I've always stuck it to the man!"

"What man?" his wife yelled. "Who are you talking about?"

Finally tearing his eyes from Sirius, Remus asked the table, "Can I say something?"

His parents, who had unconsciously stood up from their respective seats, looked at him. The table said nothing.

Remus smiled to them. "We're still having guests."

"Oh! I'm so sorry," his mother immediately said to Sirius. "We should be ashamed –"

"I'm used to it really, ma'am," Sirius said without a delay. "This is actually nice compared to those wall-wuthering shouting marathons my parents held when I lived with them. Don't worry about it."

Remus nodded at him, and said to his parents, "This little adventure of mine to the dark side, over which you're now yelling, showed me that I'm not ready for a girlfriend. I can't get over my first love, so I cannot have anyone else. So please, stop pushing me."

"Son..."

"Dad," Remus interrupted him sternly. "Also I don't want to be a scoundrel. I like sleeping and reading, and reading until I fall asleep. I would be, without a doubt, the worst scoundrel ever."

"Son, I could teach you –"

"Mum," Remus said, ignoring his father completely and turning to the other end of the table. "You don't have to worry about me and... her. She wants Sirius, it's not me she chose."

Sirius was still frowning to the extent that he seemed constipated, and was not certain where any of this was really going. Remus smiled faintly as he turned to Sirius. "Your... girlfriend – every time I was alone with her, I tried my best to make her happy and, without a better word, satisfied with what I have –"

"Oh, darling," his mother muttered, shaking her head and rubbing her temples. Sirius thought she looked as though she was going to shatter.

Remus kept his eyes on Sirius, and didn't spare his mother even a glimpse. "But I realised that I cannot even begin to compete with you. Once, when I was touching... her, she wished out loud that these hands were yours." He pulled the saddest face he was able to muster. It was quite sad. "She gasped for air, and what came out was your name."

Not even daring to blink, Sirius stared Remus back. He seemed as if his brain had reached its full capacity with the information Remus had just shared with him.

Which was exactly what happened.

John grunted. "Son, you need to quit whinging and tell her who the man is in that relationship."

"John..."

The older man took the near empty water pitcher from the table, and shook it, spilling the water all over the table. "Make her yours! You take her and you kiss her. Kiss the crap out of her!"

"John, please!"

Tearing his lips from the pitcher's side, John finally quieted down, and placed the water on the table. He angrily took his fork, and shoved another round of boiled baby carrots in his mouth.

Regardless of his overly enthusiastic father, Remus held his eyes on Sirius' flabbergasted face. He tried his best not to speak too softly to him in front of his parents. "I've tried to make her understand that you cannot always be there for her, that she needs to learn to be alone, or with someone else." He quickly glanced at his mother, who was still shaking her head. "But she won't have it. She just wants you."

Sirius gaped back at him without being able to say anything.

Which was nothing new.

All of them were thinking what an odd moment it was. Remus' parents were trying to grasp the idea that Remus was indeed a bad, bad boy.

Why, of course he was.

Sirius, on the other hand, was having a rather hard time realising that Remus had basically just told him he had wanked off whilst thinking about him – in front of his own parents.

No, he was certain Remus hadn't masturbated in their faces during the five o'clock tea – if by certain one means absolutely not very sure.

John leaned towards Sirius and waved his fork at his face. As a few droplets of gravy flew on Sirius' cheek from the piece of chicken John's fork was holding, Sirius didn't even flinch. John muttered to him, "Lad, she sounds clingy. Ditch her."

"John!"

As Remus had pulled the front door shut after his parents, and locked it, he pressed his back against it and tugged Sirius with him by his shirtfront. He slowly caressed the boy's chest, and said to his face unhurriedly with an adoring smile, "Five days. Where do you want to start?"

Remus' parents had left for Scotland to visit his grandmother, and naturally they had asked if it was all right with the boys if they were to take the cat with them to see the Gran – Sirius had barely been able to hold onto his trousers as he had wanted to scream yes, take it with you and toss it to Nessie, please, it's trying to molest my beloved boyfriend.

He hadn't said anything, though, and with tearful eyes he had just watched them shove Ophelia in a cat carrier.

As expected, he had flipped the cat off once everyone had turned their backs to him.

Sirius had also done his everything to reassure Remus' mother that no, he was not going to sleep-murder her son because he was mad about the whole girlfriend business – and after hiding all the knives and nail clippers they had in the house, she had indeed believed him.

Remus had tried to protest, but according to his mother, he had no saying in the whole thing since he was already willing to fling his life to the mouths of engaged harpies.

What that had meant, even she had to be unsure of – but Remus had still smiled at her respectfully, thinking all the same how it was the very first time he had considered his mother to be an idiot.

He tried his best to ignore the fact that her idiocy had surfaced immediately after Sirius had walked through the front door.

That probably wasn't at all important.

Admittedly, it wasn't Remus' first time being in the house without his parents, but it was the first time he had a friend over while they were out. Even though his mother paid no attention to him, he had attempted to assure them that they were not going to starve, neither were they going to trash the house. Why would they even do that? James and Peter weren't there.

Sirius leaned closer and waggled his brows at Remus.

After giving him another doting smile, Remus asked, "So do you want to watch a film? I checked earlier, and there's one on the television. There always is around this time."

"We are finally alone, and you want to do that?"

"Five days has a plenty of hours to spend in bed, don't you think?"

"Yeah, sure, but –" Sirius began but Remus gently pushed him away. Not wanting to whine any more than he already had, Sirius watched as the geek started to make his way towards the kitchen, and after sighing in the most pathetic way possible, he walked after him, ruffling his own hair. "That Muggle television box thingy... Why do you have it again?"

Remus smiled to himself whilst he ambled towards the cupboards over the sink. "Well, they told me that at first they had it solely because we have a lot of Muggle family friends, but it's obvious they're hooked now. You saw my father last night, right?"

"Why did he yell at it? It doesn't say anything back." As Remus said nothing and only filled the tea kettle with water, Sirius sat at the table and smiled lopsidedly at his back. "He was pretty good with that Muggle car today. Why's that?"

"They both learnt to drive when they were young," Remus told him as he put the kettle on. He turned around and flashed the smile to Sirius. "They asked me if I wanted them to teach me. I've thought about it – that might be useful since I'm not really a fan of flying. What do you think?"

"Please don't do it," Sirius breathed immediately. Slightly frowning at him, Remus placed two teacups on the table in front of him. "It will kill you. Use the Knight Bus."

"The Knight Bus might kill me as well," Remus muttered as he turned to search through the drawers. Soon enough he was back at the table again, now holding two infusers and a pair of spoons. "I won't do it if you don't want me to." He stared at the table, and jumped. "...Ah!"

He turned around again, giving Sirius the impression of an adorable turnstile, and snatched a few packets of tea and a bowl of sugar from the kitchen counter. "Would you like biscuits?"

With a smile, Sirius shook his head, and watched Remus sit at the table across from him without the biscuits. He snickered, "Why don't you use your wand? You have one, don't you?"

Remus shrugged as he opened the infusers. "This is one thing I like to do with my hands."

"Not the only thing, though..." Sirius said under his breath as he ogled at the table. "But seven packs of tea?" He laughed as he took the nearest one. "You sure that's enough? What's your favourite of these?"

"This one," Remus said and tapped a yellow packed. "Yours?"

"I think I've drank this before, actually. It was pretty tasty," Sirius said as he inspected the red packet he had in his hands. He read from the label, "Includes bits of strawberry and real wine gum flavour." His eyes found Remus again. "Isn't this from Honeydukes?"

Remus nodded at him.

"All right." Sirius stretched out his hand. "A spoon."

"Yours is right there," Remus said, but after a moment of staring at Sirius' waiting hand, he sighed and gave him a spoon anyway. He watched Sirius shoving it in the packet he had already opened. "You are going to have that one?"

"You'll see." Sirius took a half a spoonful and put the red leaves in his opened infuser. Then he snatched the yellow packet that Remus had pointed at earlier, and repeated his actions. Remus frowned at him.

"You're... making your own blend?"

"And for you too," Sirius said with a smirk, and loaded Remus' infuser the same fashion he had filled his own.

"Have you made it before?"

"...No."

Remus blinked. "So it might taste absolutely horrible, yet you're still making it? Are you sure about this? Why don't we just have our own –"

Quite rapidly Sirius' eyes were on him. "Of course it won't be horrible. What are you saying? It's made of our favourite teas! They must be well-compatible!"

The kettle whistle went off, and Remus quickly stood up without saying anything else; with a few swift moves he was holding the kettle with a potholder in his hand, and he poured some of the water into their cups, over the filled infusers. The water turned dark red.

"Two, was it?" Sirius asked as he started to toss pieces of sugar into Remus' tea.

Remus nodded as he lowered the kettle on the stove. "Yes, and for you as well. Six is too much."

Sirius stared unbelievingly at him sitting down by the table again. Remus just smiled lovingly back.

"Fine, as if I needed that much sugar anyway," Sirius huffed, and managed to make Remus snigger at him. For a moment he just happily watched Remus concentrating on his teacup, and after the boy had gathered their infusers in the sink and sat at the table again, he said, "Ah… This film then. What's it about?"

Remus lifted his eyes to his face but kept stirring his tea. "Oh. It's a story of a family man who's disappointed with his life, and an angel comes to show him how he actually already has everything he needs to be happy."

Sirius frowned. "Is there any explosions?"

The lycanthrope thought about it. "No, not really. The man drives his car to a tree, though, and contemplates on killing himself because he is awfully miserable."

"Pete showed me and Potter something that exploded. It was brilliant."

"Are you certain he didn't explode the television set?"

Sirius' eyes gleamed excitedly. "No. There were Muggle cars flying about, and golden dead people and tits and this one badarse bloke in a great suit, and –"

"Well, this film is heart-warming," Remus told him briskly. "It's either this or Monty Python, and they don't really show that around New Year's."

Sirius stared at him again. "So... it's either suicidal people, or snakes? Sounds like my family reunion. Brilliant." He flashed a hopeful smile. "Maybe we could skip it?"

Remus blew into his tea. "You'll love it."

As he pulled his legs on the sofa, Remus glanced at his right and took in the sight of Sirius, who kept his peepers firmly on the flickering television and the black-and-white image. He frowned. "Are you all right?"

Sirius wiped under his nose and sniffled comfortlessly. "...Yeah."

"Are you crying?"

The boy gauged his eye. "Of course not, there's... dust in it, I think." His chin trembled immensely. "Or a cockroach, am not sure."

Remus stroked his thigh as a gesture of consolation. "It's all right to cry. I cried the first time I saw this, as well."

"I'm not crying, I don't do that."

"You don't cry? At all?"

Sirius shook his head, and cleared his throat. "Often I feel like crying, but I don't cry."

"So you didn't cry a few months ago when that Muggle singer died, what's-his-name, from America?"

"Wha–" Sirius' nostrils flared as he turned to glare at Lupin's questioning face. "Well, I'm sorry if I cried when the King died! ...Remus!"

Remus tried not to smirk at him. He nonchalantly wiped something off Sirius' shoulder. "You did cry, then."

"Okay, I wept!" Sirius went on, and feverishly rubbed his eyes. "For days! You would have, too, but you don't care!"

Shaking his head, Remus turned his eyes back on the television. "I'm absolutely heartless."

Remus opened his eyes at the feeling of something bony poking him in the nose.

He saw a hand wave in front of him.

"Don't sleep like that," Sirius said, and smiled at him as Remus lifted his eyes to see his face. "Your neck's going to be sore."

"I'm not sleeping," Remus mumbled against his shoulder. He raised his head a bit and tried to remove the drool stain from Sirius' shirt, but as he saw his attempts were futile, he closed his eyes again and pressed his head back against the fabric. "I'm just thinking very hard."

"Look, I just basically admitted that I cry. You could admit that you fall easily asleep."

Lupin rubbed his eye as he tried to stifle a huge yawn. "But I don't."

"Don't be so stubborn, it's unattractive."

"If you want some of me," Remus said slowly. "You're going to get all of me."

Sirius petted his left cheek. "I'm fine with that."

Remus' eyes drooped dangerously close again.

Of course.

Sirius smiled adoringly at him as he leaned closer to his face, and whispered, "You're seriously going to have an aching neck if you're to sleep like that."

"Mhh..."

"Here," Sirius said, taking Remus softly by his shoulders and leaned him into his lap the way the back of Remus' head rested against his beat buckle. "Nap there."

As Remus nuzzled his face into Sirius' thigh, burying his nose deep into the cloth and hauling his hands to grope his knee, Sirius gradually realised that the sleeping solution he had come up with had been the worst ever.

He tried to move the boy so that he wasn't breathing hot air straight into his leg, but the sleepy geek had something else in his mind.

Remus turned suddenly around in his lap, his face encountering Sirius' surprised groin, and he moved his hands behind the Animagus' lower back. Whilst his fingers tightly gripped Sirius' jeans' belt loops, his mouth, of course, met with his buttons.

And Sirius greeted the habitual feeling of wanting to ravish his boyfriend into a sex coma.

He tried to move Remus again. "Love? ...Wake up."

But Remus only pressed his mouth more firmly against Black's crotch.

Sirius felt the blood from his head rush straight downstairs, waving his brain goodbye and laughing at his speeding heart on the way.

Bastard blood!

As his brain was seriously lacking some juice, Sirius did what any other young man would have done in a similar situation.

He smartly slapped Remus on his arse.

Contrary to Sirius' expectation, Remus didn't even flinch. He just quickly opened his eyes and aimed them upwards, giving Sirius one of his unwavering stares. He growled lowly, "I've told you. I don't like being slapped."

Sirius laughed nervously. "When have you ever said –"

"Last night."

"Well, it's your own fault," Sirius whined. "You should stop doing that air thingy!"

"I can't stop breathing, now can I?"

"Towards little fellow there, sure you can."

Again Remus pressed his mouth against the slight bulge, and mumbled, "I thought you wanted this... And he's not that little."

"Remus..."

All the while as he listened to Sirius' pathetic bleating, Remus' fingers moved from his trousers to under his shirt, dancing on the skin of his lower back, and every now and then pinching him and making him jump forwards. Sirius tried not to bit his lips raw as he muttered Remus' name.

But just as he had once again gotten used to Remus' rousing nipping, the fingers left his skin alone and were right where Remus' face was, in front of it, opening Sirius' trousers and making their way under the harsh cloth. Sirius placed his left hand on Remus' neck and tugged his hair ribbon off, whilst the werewolf was blowing blistering kisses on the fabric, riskily close to the neatly opened line of brass buttons.

A thought of getting a nice, wet kiss on Little Sirius was burning on Sirius' mind.

Yet suddenly, before Sirius even realised the boy had moved, Remus was straddling his lap, and was hovering his lips above Sirius' slightly opened mouth.

"What did you say?" Remus murmured against him, unexpectedly moving his hips forward in the rhythm of his words, grinding his groin against Sirius'.

After swallowing hardly, Sirius whispered, "I said... your name."

"Please," Remus breathed. "Say it again."

Sirius pressed his eyes shut as Remus pushed more tightly against him. "...Remus?"

"Again."

"Remus –"

As he ardently tried to grind Sirius inside the fabric of the sofa, Remus closed his eyes as well, and crooned, "Are you mine?"

"Yeah, sure, of course," Sirius whispered into Remus' mouth, and brought his fingers onto Remus' trouser front. "I am..."

And then, obviously thinking that the boys needed something else to talk about, the doorbell decided to ring.

Remus muttered against Sirius' lips, "Stop ringing."

"Sorry," Sirius said back as his hands worked their way into Remus' pants.

The doorbell wanted to tell them that it was functioning perfectly fine – and later on it would be able to brag to everyone down at the Doorbell Academy that it had succeeded in a remarkable fashion, indeed, especially if its job was to bother people; Remus furrowed his brows as he pressed a kiss on the corner of Sirius' mouth. "You... Hmm. It's distracting."

"I know," Black exhaled. They realised in a very unhappy unison that the ringing had already turned into a non-stop noise and it was trying to break their skulls into pieces. "It's... so annoying –"

"Then do you..." Remus swallowed at the feeling of Sirius' fingers against his skin. "Have to do that?"

"Though, I'm not sure it's me..."

"There really is someone there, isn't there?" Remus asked Sirius' lips whilst the movement of his hips ceased a bit. "I... I should drive them away."

"Please kick them," Sirius whined as Lupin reluctantly stood up from his lap, red faced and slightly panting. The werewolf searched their surroundings with his eyes, and as Sirius realised what he was doing, he tossed Remus a pillow, which had been behind his back on the couch. "And quickly, hmm, love? I'm starting to hurt."

"You're not the only one," Remus said with a scowl, and hid his bulge behind the frilly pillow. He lifted his finger up, breathing heavily, "Just one second."

As Remus disappeared from him, Sirius pressed his face against the sofa cushion and seriously contemplated if someone was pulling a mean prank on him – a prank called The Time and Life of One Sirius Orion Black and Other Wretched Things That Might Make Him Suffer.

He also seriously wanted to know who was bothering them, and then punch them in their throat.

Not in that order.

Yet soon enough he got the answer to his question of which only his insides knew about.

Because, you know – Sirius didn't talk to himself.

Never.

"Hi!" James squawked as he entered the living room, carrying a bag of a size of a size suggesting it had been filled with five days' worth of change clothes. Peter, holding a sleeping bag, waved awkwardly at Sirius from behind James' back.

Sirius managed to keep his discomfort in as he politely addressed James, "Do you get paid for interrupting us, you utter knobhead?"

"Calm your tits, all right?" James said as he sat down on the sofa next to Sirius. He studied the room around him. "It's less than a week until the school starts so... We're here, yeah?"

"Yeah, but you very well could have waited at your place, you bastard!" Sirius snarled at him as soon as James looked at him again. "I haven't seen him in two weeks. Two weeks, James! You know what that's like? I can't –"

A bright red Remus, still subtly holding the aforementioned pillow in front of his groin, entered the room and cut off Sirius' train of thought. Lupin sighed in a drawn-out way, and asked James, "Is it all right if I set up the guest room for you two? Sirius... uh." He stopped, closed his eyes and swallowed. Then he tried again. "Sirius can sleep in mine. I hope you are able to share a room?"

"Sure," Peter said and waved his sleeping bag at Remus' face. "I'm all set. Were you cooking, by the way? Is that why you're so red?"

"Yes," Remus answered grumpily. "I always carry a pillow around when I'm cooking."

James nodded at Remus, who after throwing a very needy look at Sirius, left the living room with Peter, who was blabbering about beetroots and the time it takes to boil them thoroughly. Once they were alone again, James turned back to Sirius, and flashed a grin. "Missed me?"

Trying his best not to tremble, Sirius threw daggers at James with his eyes – those were the only knives in the house at that moment. "Yeah, and now I want you gone. Bye."

James detected an apple bowl on the table, and leaning forward he took the topmost, and judged it carefully. "You sounded pretty desperate last week."

"I am that now, too."

"So, how's it going?" James asked as he leaned back to the couch. He took a bite from the apple.

Sirius seethed as he warily started to button his trousers. "What do you mean how's it going? Haven't you heard a word I've said? Do you think I'm happy looking at your smirking mug? I want to be alone with him!"

"Gross."

"Not like that, you twat," Sirius whined and smacked his head on the backrest once his buttons were done. "I mean... yeah, like that too, obviously, but mainly in a way that you'd not be here, that we'd be alone. You know what that means, don't you? Without you? Alone?"

"Sure I do," James said cheerfully and took another bite. "Bah yoh mahan to beh wehot heh holhoh heighhe yeah, ho howble moh hayh mohnt khe yuh."

"How can you be sure?" Sirius muttered, and pulled the constricting fabric away from his crotch. "It might. I'm aching already."

James swallowed. "You should stop whinging and start thinking of me as your guardian angel."

"You're bloody far from an angel," Sirius said, and watched James shove his fingernail between his teeth. "What do you mean?"

"Tell me," James began, inspecting his finger. "What would've happened if I hadn't come here? Or Peter hadn't?"

"Oh, I don't know," Sirius answered, shrugging exaggeratedly. "At the moment I might be enjoying my free time with the person I want instead of sitting on the couch with you, bearing wood hard enough to break through steel."

"Yes, uh-huh," James agreed, waving the apple at Sirius. "You certainly would enjoy everything at first, but slowly yet surely you two would get fed up with each other – you see, staring at each other and only each other, all day long, every day... That, my man, makes people go berserk. You would start snapping at one another, driving each other bonkers until the point in which you cannot even stand to see his face anymore, and breathing the same air with him makes you want to set yourself on fire."

Sirius asked quietly, "Like us?"

"Exactly."

Now shaking his head, Black said, "No, that's not going to happen to me and Remus."

"You say that now, but after a little while you both fall into this pitch dark pit, where nothing exists except the wild urge to kill the very person in front of you," James went on, and a fearsome shadow moved across his face as he spoke. Sirius shivered because of it. "And even though you try to reason yourself – I love him; why would I do this – the need to quiet him down is too strong for your weak mortal body, and soon enough you witness yourself rummaging through your mother's medicine purse, trying to find cyanide to pour into your best mate's morning tea."

Without daring to blink even, Sirius stared at him. "...What?"

James nodded dolefully. "I'm glad she didn't take it with her."

Sirius breathed, "I'm sorry if I was annoying?"

"And I deeply apologise for shrouding your wand with my dirty socks."

"I didn't mean to smear your linen with honey," Sirius said. He moved closer to James. "It... It was an accident. Also the bugs..."

"Figured as much," James accepted instantly. "And... when I tried to strangle you –"

"That was an accident as well?" Sirius offered, and watched James nod silently. He extended his hand. "I'm sorry. Shake on it?"

"No," James said, and tugged Sirius into a bear hug. "You're my best mate, and I hate wanting to kill you."

"Yeah, it's nasty," Sirius mumbled, and then pulled away. "But... I don't understand. Tell me – if you wanted to murder me the past two weeks for being annoying, why did you follow me here?"

"There is a simple truth to James Potter," James started, and as Sirius merely stared at him with a deadpan expression on his face, an adorable smile preceded the incoming explanation. "And that is to make my friends immeasurably happy during my lifetime. Sirius, I'm here to teach you to open your heart's doors to the soul's calm sunshine, as Mr Alexander Pope suggests."

"What?"

James explained slowly, "Let me help you to be happy."

"I am happy!" Sirius growled. "I was immeasurably happy but now I'm mostly infuriated, seeing you before my eyes. Cheers for that! How can I ever repay you?"

James merely smiled at him.

"And during your lifetime?" Sirius asked. "You have, like what, 50 years! Why the hell did you have to start right now? That's not a proper reason to bother us!"

"All right," James started. "Today I came here because I don't want what happened to us happen to you two. Really, I want you two to be... happy." He shook the apple at Sirius. "Also, I do not want my only sane friend to lose his marbles and commit a homicide during the holiday. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man shouldn't slaughter anyone before finishing his school first. I need that, Sirius – I need one level-headed friend. Please, let me have that."

Sirius smiled to him. "That's the first time you've called me sane, James."

"I wasn't talking about you."

"Wha–" Sirius began but then he closed his eyes in passing as if to count to ten. "Please tell me you realise I only was frustrated the past two weeks because I wasn't with him."

"You sure were."

Sirius gawped at him. "I'm with him now, you bastard! Why would I be frustrated here?"

James seemed to think about it. "Yet apparently you are."

"That's because you are here! See the problem?"

"...No."

"Wait here, and let me get you a mirror, then!"

Remus stepped into the bathtub of his own small bathroom, and drew the pale yellow shower curtain around it. He opened the faucet, and had to take a step back as the cold water gushed out first, but with his hand stretched under it, he felt it warm up gradually, and was able to move beneath it.

Cold showers were more Sirius' thing than his, anyway.

Standing under the balmy water, he brought his hands to his hair and let the water run all the way over his scalp. Naturally he kept his eyes closed as he stood under the purifying feeling, but he opened them immediately as he took another step forward, letting the water spray on his back.

All he saw was pipes and the clinically white tiles on the wall in front of him.

He pressed his forehead on the aforementioned shower pipes, and closed his eyes again.

He just stood there in silence and let the water fell on his back.

Suddenly, it stopped.

Remus tilted his head back up again, getting the last drops from the faucet on his face. He swept his hair backwards, spat the water from his mouth, and turned slowly around.

Sirius pouted childishly at him. "You were supposed to wait for me."

Blinking at him, Remus ran his hand on his dripping face. "Sorry."

"I forgive you this time," Sirius said, taking a step closer and snaking his hand under Remus' armpit to open the faucet again. "Only because you look gorgeous."

Remus sniggered as he stepped aside. "Hardly the right word."

"It's exactly the right word," Sirius said and moved under the water. He gurgled, "Real...ly."

As Sirius watered himself completely, Remus took a shampoo bottle from the small holder hanging from the pipe. He opened it, took Sirius' blind hand and poured some of the liquid on it – a moment later as he saw that Sirius was completely wet, Remus helped him out by closing the faucet.

Sirius wiped the water from his eyes, and asked, "Are you even listening to me?"

He took a glimpse of the shampoo, and then Remus, who was smiling at him. Remus said, "Not when you're complimenting me."

From that look of his Sirius knew exactly what he was to do with the stuff. He brought his other hand to help and slowly spread the shampoo evenly on every finger on both hands. "Why not?"

Carefully, he slammed his hands on top of Remus' head, and lathered the shampoo.

Remus tittered as he was being shampooed like a little boy. He steadied himself by keeping his hands on Sirius' waist. His eyes caught the boy's tummy button. "Well... your compliments usually are quite absurd."

"You're absurd," Sirius huffed. He tilted his head to catch Remus' eyes. "I'm the King of Compliments, James taught me. When have I ever said anything that's been anywhere near absurd?"

Shaking his head, Remus took a soap from the holder and gave it to Sirius, who immediately started to move it against the werewolf's chest – Remus, on the other hand, opened the shampoo bottle again and poured a drop sized of a Galleon on his own palm. He eyed Sirius' long hair, and then the shampoo on his hand. "How should I –"

"Do it like you did before," Sirius said as he ran the soap on Remus' shoulder. He tilted his head forward a bit. "It's fine."

Remus foamed the shampoo into Sirius' scalp, and tried to gather the tips on it as well. He smiled faintly. "Do you remember how you complimented me on our first date? That was rather absurd, my dear king."

As Sirius closed his left eye, he thought hard about this. The soap left Remus' other shoulder. "You're... shaggable? It makes total sense."

The werewolf gazed at him. "That was on our second date after I had recovered from my concussion. Think again."

"No," Sirius began, and relocated the soap on Remus' stomach. "That was our first date."

"No, it wasn't." Remus smiled at him and stopped his hands. "Our first date was when you got me... liquored up."

Sirius nodded slowly. "And that has basically been all our dates. Not that I mind watching you get pissed – you always start singing."

After showing him the widest grin possible, Remus gave Sirius' hair the last scrub after which he moved again towards the shower. "I mean the time we got drunk in the middle of the day in the Three Broomsticks, before your Pie Confession? Recall that one? You said I was perfect."

With wide eyes, Sirius asked Remus' back quietly, "That was our first date?"

"In my book," Remus started as he began to open the faucet. "That was our first date."

Sirius moved quickly closer to his back, and as he put the soap away, he pressed his hand on Remus', thus stopping him. Against the boy's ear, he breathed, "If that's true... doesn't that mean you fancied me even then?"

Trying his best to hide the huge smile on his face, Remus looked over his shoulder and shook his head. "I never said that."

"But you did!" Sirius gently grabbed his waist (careful not to hurt Remus' bruises), and with a few quick moves, he pressed the lycanthrope carefully against the cold tile wall. He leaned closer as he watched Remus gasp because of the icy sensation. He studied Remus' face from close proximity. "You said, and I very clearly remember this because you just told me how it was on that lovely autumn day that you, Remus John Lupin, first fell in love with my stunning personality, and my gorgeous face and, ooh, this incredible rump –"

"What?" Remus laughed at his face. "You're so full of yourself!"

"And that right there is why you love me," Sirius said and waggled his brows. He pulled Remus from the wall, and brought his hands back to the boy's hair, ruffling them under the already dripping shampoo.

Remus smiled at him as he tried to keep the shampoo from his eyes. He said, "I do, don't I?"

Sirius stopped the lathering and feigned a baffled expression. "Do what?"

The werewolf just gazed at him with a ridiculous pout he had learnt from Sirius.

"Pet?" Sirius asked, moving his hands from his head to his sides – he carefully spread the soap from Remus' stomach to his sides and lower back, whilst he leaned even closer and tried to loom over the boy; failing at it, of course, since Remus was a mere inch shorter than him. "Do I need to tickle this out of you, like I did the first time you told me?"

"No," Remus quickly exhaled and continued immediately, "I love you, please don't tickle me."

Sirius smiled. "You do what?"

"I love you," Remus repeated without hesitation, but added, "Please don't tease me."

The smile broadened spread on Sirius' face, and he pressed a quick kiss on Remus' lips. "I wouldn't dare to goad the bloke I fancy."

Remus frowned. "Yet your motto is, 'Bet his bum while you can'. Even during classes, Sirius. Professor Slughorn probably thinks I suffer from a permanently reddened face."

Sirius just managed to shook his head at him as they heard James' voice behind the bathroom door.

"Moony," he puffed as if it was hard for him to breathe. "The film you put on for us..."

"Yes?" Remus hollered at him, trying not to halt his gaze from Sirius' eyes. "Did you like it?"

"It was brilliant!" James shouted back. "That man... I mean – he's me! I'm him, Moony! He was so breathtakingly splendid; it's unbelievable! So spectacular it hurts! I can't feel my legs! Can you hear me?"

Remus smiled at Sirius, and reached to take a soap from the holder. He said, with a slightly lowered volume than earlier, "I thought you'd enjoy it."

"What?" the voice behind the door yelled. "Anyway! Remember this, lads: I'm going to name my first-born child, were it a girl or a boy, after that man! Mark my words, I shall do it!"

His voice disappeared from behind the door, and Sirius and Remus were alone again.

So to say.

Sirius huffed something as Remus soaped his chest and shoulders, and without asking him to elaborate, Lupin said, "He means well."

"What?" Sirius asked whilst rubbing the boy's hair in return. "No, he doesn't."

"I heard you talking in the living room. He does."

A pout appeared again on Sirius' lips.

Remus turned him around, and started to soap his back. "I wouldn't worry too much about us if I were you."

"Why not?"

"Well," Lupin began, but he had to stop since the grin he had on his face made it hard for him to talk. He chuckled lowly. "Unlike you and James, we are much too different, personality-wise." Sirius did not seem to understand, so Remus continued. "Think about you two. At certain times you're both... rather volatile."

Sirius turned swiftly around. "What, I am not –"

Poking him in the chest with the soap, Remus interjected, "You two almost blew up a hole on the dormitory room wall fighting over which one of your names should be presented first on the Marauder's Map." Remus lifted his brows. "And how did it end?"

Sirius dropped his eyes. "We were last."

"Yes you were. Both of you."

"Which is ridiculous, by the way," Sirius mumbled as he lifted his gaze back to Remus' eyes. "Pete's name is before us! He only mapped out the kitchen, and left all the hard work for us!"

Remus just smiled at him as he ignored the ridiculous complaining – he turned Sirius around again, and ran the soap on his lower back. "Moreover, I'm fairly certain both you and James have some sort of experience with Lily, who can also be rather ill-tempered when someone irks her. Remember the time you thought it to be a majestic idea to pinch her knickers from the house-elves? That being said, think about what happens when Lily and James are in the same room when they're both irate."

Sirius stared at the pipes and whispered, "A massacre?"

"I wouldn't bet against it," Remus said flatly to his neck. "What I'm saying is that we are not like that. You are animate, passionate, and rather expressive, and I do my best to calm you down when it seems you're about to do something irresponsible, like blow a hole on a wall. I don't add any dynamite in the equation like James does."

"But you sure are fuming at times," Sirius said to him over his shoulder. "Every now and then. Like five weeks ago when you hit me with a book."

Nodding amusedly, Remus said, "I was a victim of circumstances. My time of the month was near, so I was on the edge; also the nude pictures of James didn't help at all."

"I try to remember that next time."

"Hmm, thank you." Remus smiled, and moved his lips to hover over Sirius' ear. "Look, we might not share too many personality traits, but there is something we have in common."

Sirius suggested immediately, "We're both incredibly sexy?"

"We are both total idiots."

Once again, Black turned swiftly around. He shook his head. "No... yeah, no. Not an idiot, not our fault. Potter made us idiots. I've never been an idiot before the plan. The plan..." Sirius nodded overdramatically at Remus' baffled expression. "The plan made me an idiot."

Remus smiled at him. "So you are an idiot then?"

"...Bugger."

"Anyway," Remus continued, and briefly kissed Sirius on the lips. "As I gather, he merely presented it to you. One must already be an idiot if the plan sounds suitable."

Sirius frowned. "So... you're indeed calling me an idiot? Cheers, love."

"Yes, but I am one as well, so we go perfectly together," Remus told him with a grin. His hand travelled on Sirius' stomach. "Just like the tea did."

"Moony, I need to watch it again!" James' voice sounded somewhat more distant. "Put some pants on already! How can I watch it again?"

Sirius groaned as if he was in pain.

Which he probably was.

"Help! How does this thing work? Pete, what are you doing? I don't think you should touch it like that!"

"We should go before they explode the whole house," Remus sighed, and opened the faucet again. "I haven't the slightest of idea what I would tell my parents if that happens."

Sirius huffed as he let Remus walk under the shower, and then naturally glued himself against the boy's back. "Who was the bloke in that film he was talking about?" he asked Remus' shoulder bone after kissing it.

"What of it?"

"Need to remember that one when that imbecile manages to knock Evans up. Leverage, you know?"

Remus tilted his head backwards and rested it on Sirius' shoulder. He laughed wholeheartedly at that. "Don't be daft. Lily's not going to let him name any baby after Dirty Harry."

A/N: I thank everyone who's been sticking with this story until the very end. I hope this made you laugh at least once. This is, indeed, written for you.

Leave a review if you enjoyed reading it, or... if you didn't. Cheers :) xo