Holycrap, I totally forgot about this! I mean I had it partly planned and then kept writing and re-writing and then all this time passed and...ohmygod I'm so sorry!

Uh, well I actually like the first chapter better...as in much better. But I just felt like it was incomplete...I don't like leaving things open ended...even though that's sometimes a good thing. And I found it really hard to write Ziva...dammit I need to watch more NCIS re-runs!
Also...I don't know how long it's been since I've last had time to write...teachers love to steal all my free time.

Anyway, I really hope you're not too mad and start sending me rotten vegetables..

Disclaimer: I am proud owner of a star of David necklace and some Goth stuff...but I don't own anything else NCIS related.

Her eyes were blinded by the bright light and she squeezed them shut again before she could even process where she was currently sitting. Still with the dizziness of sleep she shifted her weight from one side to the other, hitting her head on something hard and cold. She groaned and forced her eyes open again, blinking several times until she could see properly. A surprised sound escaped her lips as she found a pair of sea-green eyes looking at her. First she couldn't understand but then the previous night slowly came back to her and she realized that they must have fallen asleep on her bathroom floor. She sighed and moved to get up, supporting herself on the bathtub. He tried to do the same thing but she heard several joints crack at the movement and winced when his face turned into a grimace of pain. She helped him up as best as she could while he kept swearing under his breath. She was glad that he at least didn't seem to intend on keeping silent like the night before.

Still, no words were needed when they padded down her hallway to the kitchen where she started to put some kettle on but changed her mind and went to prepare two cups of coffee. His eyes were on her the whole time and she put a lot of effort into not looking back at him. With two steaming cups of much needed caffeine she finally turned, meeting his gaze tiredly, a weak smile on her lips. He muttered a soft 'thanks', which she took as a good sign, before he took a cautious sip. She herself didn't touch her cup after she'd set it down.

"So," she started, "How drunk were you yesterday?" He didn't answer her straight away and looked interestedly at his cup. She didn't push any further just now, knowing that he would talk eventually. He seemed to be in some kind of trance state, staring into empty space and barely moving, when she started to lose her patience. Usually she would be on her morning run by now and she began to feel the lack of routine. She was just about to say something when he looked up at her again and – much to her surprise – laughed.

"I wasn't drunk, Ziva," he said softly before taking another sip of coffee. That didn't surprise her, although his smile made her doubt her own judgement as well as his. She raised an eyebrow and reached for her own coffee, but instead of drinking it she merely analysed its smell. She loved tea, but something about the smell of coffee alone made her feel ...better. Tentatively she took a small sip, savouring the rich flavour on her tongue. She almost moaned with pleasure before she realized that she wanted to get an explanation out of her partner now that he seemed to be – more or less - rational again.

"So you weren't drunk," she said with a deep frown. "Then please explain why you turned up at my doorstep in the middle of the night, not saying a word and almost giving me a heart attack." Her voice was a bit louder than she had intended for it to be, but he didn't even blink. He turned his gaze up to the ceiling in an attempt to avoid her eyes. She took a big gulp from her cooling coffee to stop herself from snapping at him.

"Please don't do that Ziva," he said with a sigh and she couldn't stop herself from snorting at the statement, but he held one hand up to silence her before she could comment. "Just let me talk, okay?" She considered that for a moment before she leant back in her chair and nodded her head, waiting for him to continue.
"When I woke up I felt lost and close to a nervous breakdown. I had to do something, make sure you were alive and I know that it's silly but at that time it seemed like the only thing to do," he explained softly, his expression unreadable. "And then when I saw you it somehow made things worse because the images of my dream just came back more vividly. Then you were there sitting next to me and touching me and trying to make me feel better and I realized that I...that we...Jeez, you're a skilled investigator, I'm sure you can connect the dots, right?"

She couldn't connect the dots. She just stared at him and wondered what his facial expression could possibly mean. His eyes were bright even though he wasn't smiling and somehow she felt her cheeks turn hot without knowing the reason.
"Tony, it was just a dream," she whispered, more to assure herself than him, "nothing has changed."

He jumped up, startling her so much that she spilled part of her coffee. "Exactly!"
Now if his previous behaviour had confused her then she didn't know what to feel now. He beamed at her with the brightest of smiles and breathed in deeply.

"I am not following...?" she said hesitantly while she got up to get a wet cloth so she could clean up the mess on the table. While she started wiping around on the wood he paced back and forth, only sending her short glances every once in a while. When she finished she leaned against the table and waited for him to clear things up. He stopped and turned to face her.

"It's been three years, Ziva." She winced slightly, knowing only too well how much time had passed since that dreaded summer, but she didn't interrupt him. "Three years and nothing has changed. I mean of course things have changed. You're an American citizen now and NCIS Special Agent and all, but for me...nothing has changed." He took a step closer and took one of her hands in his like he'd done the night before, only this time it seemed less desperate. The contact still startled her.

"You sound like Abby," she said, looking away. She had a faint idea where this conversation was heading and she didn't think she liked that direction. Or maybe the problem was that she liked it a bit too much. He squeezed her hand to get her attention back.

"I realized that, no matter what happens, in the end I always end up at your doorstep. After Jeanne, after Wendy, every time dad got involved in some shit. You're always here. And lately I've been thinking a lot about that. About us-"

"There is no 'us', Tony!" she interrupted him harshly, yanking her hand out of his grip. "I do not know what kind of drugs you have taken but there is a 'you' and there is a 'me' and not an 'us'!" She was almost yelling at him, regretting her words even before she said them. His smile disappeared and his hand dropped to his side. He swallowed hard and his eyes darted around the room.

"There's always been an 'us'," he whispered as he met her eyes, wearing a determined expression. "That's the reason why I killed Michael, why I went on a suicide mission to kill the man that had taken you away from me and why I spent the last year for the right time to tell you all this!"

"This is ridiculous!" she shrieked, throwing her arms in the air, shocked by his confession and honesty, because for the last three years they had always left these things unspoken and hidden deep down within and now she didn't know how to deal with this. Suddenly she was scared. Scared of what he was saying, scared of change and – most of all – scared that this might just all be actually happening.

"Is it?" he asked, his voice gaining volume and rising an octave. "Is it ridiculous that I went to a children day-care centre to convince myself that they're not as scary as I remember them? Or that I talked to Gibbs about Rule 12 while you thought," he swallowed hard, "While you thought I was with Wendy? Or that I talked to Mr CIA about a million times because that son of a bitch kept forgetting your ring size?" The laugh that followed his confession was far from humorous and she looked to the ground, embarrassed. "Tell me, Ziva. Is all of this ridiculous?"

She was utterly speechless after this and she didn't know when exactly he'd come that close but he was directly in front of her now, she could feel his breath on her face. Before she could process her actions she grabbed his shirt and pulled him close while her other hand came up around his neck.

There was nothing close to the feeling of his lips on hers. As soon as their mouths collided, his arms came around her and held her while he kissed her back greedily, forcing his tongue into her mouth when she didn't seem to object. Frankly, she had no intention on stopping him. All rational thoughts had been thrown out the window when she'd decided to kiss him.
His kisses together with his intoxicating scent raised goose-bumps on her skin and made her heart pound as if she was running a marathon. Soon she found herself gasping for air as she ripped her mouth away from his so she wouldn't pass out.

"Yes," she whispered, still panting, while his forehead dropped on hers. She felt his eyes on her, but she refused to open her eyes. If she was just dreaming it would kill her to wake up now.

"What?" he asked confused, but with a smile in hiss voice.

"Yes, Tony, it is still ridiculous," she explained, and when he stiffened and sighed in defeat and his arms atarted to losen around her, she risked everything and opened her eyes to look at him. "But it is also the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me." Silence fell between them and they stared at each other. "It makes me feel...appreciated," she finally said and leant up to kiss him again. To her surprise he pulled away.

"Ziva...I do a little more than appreciate you and I think you know that, but if you don't belive me..." he paused to cup her cheeks with both his hands "I lo-"

She interrupted him by placing a finger on his lips, tilting her head to the side and giving him her most loving expression. "I know," she said, her voice stronger than she'd thought it would be. "It is just...this was all very sudden and..." she struggled to find the right words and his hands dropped from her face, "I...I need time to make sure...this is real," she gestured between them.

Tony sighed and his eyes turned sad, which confused her. When he looked at her again he smiled, but his eyes were filled with hurt. "This," he copied her gesture of pointing from himself to her, "is only as real as you want it to be. If this was all my mistake and I misinterpreted your actions all along I will do my best to...ignore my...my feelings for you. Just don't let me lose you." He whispered the last part.

She was stunned into silence and blinked a couple of times before she could make sense out of what he'd just said. He thought she was rejecting him. Rejecting the man that had been there for her in her darkest hours, had been her light, her warmth, her hope. And that man, the one person that she was terrified of losing, was exactly as terrified of losing her. And suddenly she knew that she did not need time to think.

"Tony...?" she said, taking his hand so he would look at her. "You will not lose me. You will never lose me, okay?" He nodded. "But you have to promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"Don't let me lose you either." As soon as her words were out his eyes lit up again and they didn't need words to reassure the other that they intended to stick around in the future. They always had the most meaningful conversations when not talking at all.

FIN

...erm...review please? *bad poker face*