Crash!

"The how manyth time was that?"

"Twohundrednintyseven."

"Oh dear."

"….."

"Aren´t you gonna help him?"

"No way." Cleaning his teeth with a leftover fishbone he kicked what was the source of rapid disappearance of an afternoon snack which happened to have the size of a small house. Pausing in his chewing on a cooked octopus leg the youngest in the group finally spoke, "Don´t wanna." He swallowed a big bite and lounged for the next; other than his answer completely ignoring all conversation around him. One had to have priorities. That didn´t mean, however, that the questioning Commanders wouldn´t get a bit more information.

"Ace wants Whitebeard dead, not us."

"Oh? Why that? I thought you were brothers. Shouldn´t you help each other out?"

"Are ya asking us to help him out? But no matter, Ace thinks, to have the world know his name he needs to kill your Oyaji. It´s his dream, so no help." He laid down on deck facing the blue sky, but he watched the two different sized, different styled and otherwise completely opposing Commanders from the corner of his eye amused. "If he doesn´t do this alone he might just quit, ya know."

"True," the twelfth Division Commander agreed easily, "what are your dreams, if you don´t want Oyaji´s head?"

Sabo shrugged, chewing on his fishbone. "I want ta be free. See the world, ya know, have adventures." He grinned wide. "I already have my dream."

Haruta laughed, clapping Sabo on the back as he sat up, enjoying the company of the Spade Pirates most agreeable/easygoing officer.

"What´s your dream, Luffy?"

"OEMP GOHMAF FIII PALHATS GEINGM!"

Vista looked questioningly at the blond with a raised eyebrow, who casually reminded his little brother that normal people cannot understand him if he speaks with a full mouth. This 'normal' did, naturally, include all inhuman and otherwise abnormal shipmates. But Luffy hurriedly swallowed, with bright determination in his eyes, alarming the Commanders of yet another crazy idea of his. Luffy wasn´t known for his sanity on the Moby Dick. Actually none of the brothers were. But Luffy was leading the list of unreasonable acts by far, even though he had been on ship just for a month and a half.

"I´M GONNA BE PIRATE KING!"

"Are you?" Vista asked politely, choosing to ignore the absurdity of his idea for now. "Ace is your captain. How do you plan on becoming King if you follow another man." He hadn´t really expected an answer, thinking that it was just Luffy being Luffy; meaning completely random, but seeing both brothers shudder he might have to reconsider.

"There… hadn´t been….a choice," Sabo, white as a sheet of paper, chocked out as Luffy threw himself with renewed vigor (meaning faster than the eye could see)on the last three legs of his octopus. It was obvious that his increased speed at eating came from a desperate attempt to forget what they had just been talking about. The two Commanders traded a glance; quietly agreeing that maybe they shouldn´t ask more for the sake of the two´s (remaining) sanity.

"Either Luffy tagging along with us," Sabo said grimacing, still shuddering at whatever thought, "or him facing unearthly wrath when tha Shitty Gramps visited tha next time. Luffy would never have seen daylight again ´till he was seventeen and ready ta join tha Marines. And we, as responsible older brothers, couldn´t let that happen."

"Him in the Marines?" Haruta completely forgot the changing the subject and just had to ask incredulously. It would have been suicide for any ship to take him on board. The Moby Dick was coping just barely.

A pale Sabo grinned wryly. "Yeah, Gramps is crazy like that. Ace and I were supposed ta join, too."

"Oh?" Both Commanders asked and simultaneously glanced at the last brother who cursed vividly with words even the two seasoned pirates hadn´t heard yet.

"Aren´t headquarters lucky you escaped."

Sabo grinned smugly. "Ya´d think so, right? But tha Shitty Geezer is still throwing a tantrum, and still hopes to somehow beat Luffy into a solider. He is even fiddling around with our bounties!

"Luffy still doesn´t have one, even though he is personally responsible for tha destruction of an entire fleet back in Paradise! Who says he didn´t mess with Ace´s and mine, too! And just how tha heck does he think he can turn Luffy! We have told him since god knows how long that all three of us wanna be pirates! He can´t just expect a 180° at a seventeen! It´s totally unreasonable!" The Commanders and audience attracted by Sabo´s rant sat down with them, occupying the space Luffy´s octopus had vacated.

"Totally," Luffy agreed, now finally finished with his Ace-special-snack, "he left us with bandits!"

"Yeah! There was no way bandits of all people would´ve raised us ta be fine Marines, but no, that of course didn´t matter! He´d still hit us with his stupid fist every visit and be absolutely surprised if we still hadn´t changed our ways! Tha old bastard is crazy!" Slightly out of breath he picked up a fishbone from his leftover, seeing how he broke his last and had nothing left to chew on, now.

"So", Marco decided to go out on a limp (and stop Sabo before he really started), "your Grandpa is with the Marines?" It seemed reasonable to ask if Sabo thought he had enough power to influence bounties.

"That's right," Sabo grumbled, frustrated over yet another bone he broke unintentionally and spit it out, "some high rank, he is supposed ta have. It tells volumes about them if they let him anywhere near authority.

"But let's change subject. Luffy is gonna start his own crew –

"-I´ll start in East Blue-"

" -when he turns seventeen.´ Till then we have to keep him away from tha monster."

"Well then, you´re lucky. No Marine ship comes anywhere near the Moby Dick." Haruta informed him happily, "They all value their lives too much to challenge Oyaji."

"Only Garp comes by every ones in a while for a drink, but, really he doesn´t- Woha!" The phoenix evaded a sharp projectile just at a hairs length. Sabo´s newest bone hit the center mast and impaled the wood. "What was that for….?" He trailed of when he saw the brothers frightening change in attitude.

Both had become unhealthily pale and stared at him like he just proclaimed the world ending. Then Luffy slowly started shaking and turned green with bulging eyes only to turn his shaking head to the mast above them, stretch his arm and jump up to the crow´s nest, looking around fanatically.

Sabo didn´t do any better, he buried his head in his arms and stated mumbling something about 'of all the places' and 'why him', but he jumped up just a second later and ran across the deck yelling for Ace and 'Shitty Gramps Danger'. His voice was definitely higher than normal.

After they had stared after the brothers for some times Vista cleared his throat grinning highly amused. "One guess on who the 'Shitty Gramps' is."

"I have a whole different respect for them now," Haruta commented nodding.

Silence.

"Who is gonna get Luffy down here? If he falls in the sea, Ace and Sabo´ll beat our asses to hell." A mass of Whitebeard pirates looked up, where the youngest brother was balancing unsteady on the mast, still green.

Later that day the three Spade Brothers could be seen crowding together in some corner of the ship, sticking their heads together whispering, and jumping whenever somebody caught them of guard during what the crew had dubbed as 'Avoiding-Garp-Plotting'. Ace had even stopped his constant assassination attempts on Oyaji in favor of their little session.

"Well," Marco started during dinner (which the three missed- that in itself should be alarming), "as entertaining as it is, shouldn´t we tell them that as long as they are on Oyaji´s ship Garp can´t kidnap them?"

The crew traded looks and then watched the three who were currently hiding behind the railing while one of them risked a paranoid glance at the sea every once in a while.

As one the crew returned to dinner, very much not interested in social services and enjoying every second of the show.

Three days later Thatch finally had enough. Their stupid fear was contagious and made everyone on board exceedingly paranoid and jumpy- not that he could blame them; it was Garp. The guy was legitimately batshit insane, but even Thatch´s jokes couldn´t lift the mood and that was unforgivable. Something had to be done.

The idiots were radiating an aura of horror mixed with desperation and panic as they plotted under deck in a corridor next to the kitchen this time. Not caring at all that they scared away everyone who wanted to pass with a black brooding cloud they emitted.

"Yo."

All three jumped few feet in the air and whirled around. Eyes wide and slightly blue in the face. Thatch barley suppressed a snort. Garp involuntarily gave him the best blackmail and pranking material; delivered on a silver plate. His oh-so-poor soon-to-be brothers. He loved them already.

"Fear not newbies!" He slung his arm casually over Sabo´s and Ace´s shoulder, who surprisingly (or not considering their state of mind) had not yet recognized him as a not-enemy. "The great master of hiding shall help you out." He laughed out loud when it finally registered that he wasn´t their greatest fear.

"Shut up and keep your advice to yourself. We don´t need it."

"Wait, wait, Ace. Why don´t ya let him try. We haven´t come up with anything helpful so far."

"Yeah, maybe Duck Head-"

"Duck Head?"

"-is really a genius or something."

Ace examined Thatch critically despite the fact that they knew each other fairly well already. Thatch being one of the rare ones caring and daring to approach the wannabe assassin.

"Well, do tell then. How do we hide Luffy from the damn Geezer?"

"Hey! You need to hide, too!"

"Yeah, whatever. Everything normal like a barrel or closet or bed is out. He´d find him faster than starved dog can sniff out fresh meat."

"Uhh…Huh?"

"The kitchen is out as well. Obviously. The showers might work, but there isn´t much to hide under/behind. And-"

"Garp can´t take you as long as you are on this ship, you know."

The three stared at him disbelieving at first, then pitying and envious.

"Ya never met him, have you?"

"W-What? Of course I have. I-"

"Then why´d ya think such a stupid rule ´d stop him?"

"He´d just throw Luffy in the water, claim that he no longer was on ship and be over and done with it."

"Gramps stops at nothing."

"…Oh… shit, well, that sucks."

"Right, so ya have some ideas or leave us alone. We´re on borrowed time here."

"Now, relax, Garp doesn't show up that often. It could still take month till stops by for the next time."

"Exactly our point. You don´t know when he pops up. The damn Geezer has the worst timing ever. Frankly I'm surprised we already had three days."

"And when he hears tha Spade Pirates met Whitebeard and haven´t pulled a stunt since it won´t take him long ta figure out just where tha hell we are. Then he comes with a planned visit. Seastone handcuffs homemade for Luffy and all."

"I don´t wanna be a Marine!"

"You won´t! We are planning! He still isn´t here! Thatch ideas or go! Now!"

"Uhh…well, right… How about we put your abilities to use?"

And as such the Fourth Division Commander, the future Commander of the Second Division, an aspiring Pirate King and a future Wild Card had their first meeting. Many were to follow. And the sight of the four of them sticking their heads together was going to be a feared sight on the Moby Dick. Most terrible and humiliating pranks always followed.

Well, now, this is the first One Shot of my Moby Dick´s Tales series. As you have noticed, this story has (slight) AU setting with both Sabo and Luffy on the Moby Dick. Other than that it is completely canon. This series will be made up out of One Shots that are all independent, but have the same setting. Hope you like it.

I´ve tried my hand at (light) cursing and I have to say that it an art in its own. How do you do it?

Sabo has a slight accent, because nobles normally don´t. Seeing how he hates his family I think he´d do everything to erase every trace of royalty from his person. xd

I hope you´ll let me know what you think of this. I´d greatly appreciate it. :)