Chapter Twenty-Seven

She dreamt of death.

Soft skin, ice to the touch, burned her fingers with its cold. Flesh, once supple and limber with youth, now rigid and unmoving. Beautiful blue eyes, vacant with the stare of death. Sobs echoed in her ears, the desperate grip of a devastated mother clawing at her hands as she begged no, please God, no.

Numb. Her chest felt numb, desensitized to the point of aching nothingness, and it hurt like a phantom limb.

She watched in detached horror as she reached out to stroke the boy's blond hair, the sinuous strands darkening wherever she touched. The locks lengthened and spilled over her hands, a fine river of copper orange that struck panic into her soul.

Sightless eyes lightened into arctic blue, the cherubic line of his jaw softening into the doll-like porcelain of an all too familiar face.

She screamed.

…

Castle woke abruptly, a distant pounding echoing in his ears. His head jerked up from his pillow and his vision swam as he tried to remember himself.

A large elephant print stared at him unwaveringly from across the room, and his nerves settled.

Right. Home. Beckett had sent him home. Home, where he'd sat next to Alexis' bed and watched for what seemed like hours as his little girl twitched and rolled and drooled in her sleep.

He'd never seen anything so ridiculously cute.

Then he'd fallen into a fitful sleep, plagued by dreams of a little boy with a bright smile and a sinister voice luring Alexis from his side. The incident at the mall was still too recent, and now he dreamed that instead of Beckett picking up Alexis, it had been a monster. Goosebumps ran up and down his arms and he shivered at the sudden chill breathing down his neck.

Children were so precious, and yet so very vulnerable to the predators that lurked behind every shadowed corner.

A light rapping filtered through his consciousness and he realized that was the sound he'd woken up to.

He checked the clock, saw a cheerful 2:31 blinking back, and stumbled out of bedroom, barely remembering to snatch his robe off the hook. God forbid, if it was Meredith doing another one of her show-up-out-of-nowhere routines, he was going to strangle her.

He scrubbed a hand across his face as he shrugged into his robe and threw open the door to the last person he expected.

"Beckett?"

She was half-turned away, just about to leave, he supposed, and when she turned to face him, she had her lower lip tucked between her teeth and her eyes barely reached his. He watched in fascination as a bloom of red blossomed on her cheeks.

"Hey, Castle."

"Was there a break in the case?"

"Ah, no. No," she said again, her eyes darting behind him. "Is—Can I…?"

He followed her gaze behind him and realized that he was making her stand out in the hall. "Oh, yes, of course. Come in."

He opened the door wider, but she didn't move. "No, I mean… Can I see Alexis?"

Oh. Oh.

Apparently he hadn't been the only one with nightmares.

He didn't say anything about the fact that Alexis was deep in sleep. They both knew that it didn't matter.

Impulsively, he took Beckett's arm and pulled her into the loft. When she didn't resist, he knew it must've been bad. An offer for a cup of hot tea teetered on the tip of his tongue, but the way her eyes glassed over told him that she only needed one thing right now. Without another word, he led her up the spiral staircase and down the hall to Alexis' room. Another time, another day, he might have liked to see what Beckett thought of his home, but now, all he could think about was how haunted she looked.

He cracked open the door, cringing at the possibility of the spill of hallway light waking up Alexis. She whimpered, curled up on her side and continued sleeping. Funny. The one day Alexis slept like a rock was the night both he and Beckett were beset by nightmares.

He held his breath as Beckett made her way into the bedroom, stopping only when she was close enough to make out Alexis' sleeping face half-buried in her pillow. Castle let out an inward sigh of relief when the corners of Beckett's lips twitched into a small smile at the sight of Alexis clutching Monkey-Bunkey tight against her chest. Beckett reached out to tuck the sheets higher around her shoulders and when she looked up at him, satisfaction and relief swirled around her eyes.

She led the way back out of Alexis' room, and already he could see the difference relief made in her stride. The slump in her shoulders had straightened and her steps decisive where before they'd been hesitant and unsure.

They ended up in the kitchen by silent assent, with Castle fixing them both a cup of hot chamomile tea and Beckett sitting on one of the island stools. He slid a little bowl of mixed nuts in front of her as he prepped the mugs.

"I was a new detective at Vice. My first case as a detective, in fact."

Her voice, soft as it was, sliced through the silence and Castle paused as he reached for the teabags before deciding that she probably didn't want him to look at her as she told her story. Keeping his back to her, he busied himself with the tea and dropping in a dollop of honey as she spoke.

"Anyway, this guy, he gets in too deep with a loanshark, and he can't make his vig. The loanshark snatches up his son as collateral. The Feds come in, there's a big task force since we figure we can take down the gambling ring along with the finding the boy. We go in, we find where they're holding him, but we're too late. The room was small, dirty, and he'd just been tossed there. Strangled. He was six years old. I still see him when I sleep."

He turned, the clinically factual tone of her voice belying the pain that haunted her every night.

He swallowed hard, a ball of grief for the young life stolen sticking in his throat and roughening his voice."You did everything you could."

She nodded, the greens of her eyes darkened by the specter of the child. "I did. It doesn't make it any better, though."

Beckett was such a fascinating study of complexities. She was so good at pretending to distance herself—to present this mask of unflappable professionalism—when the truth was that she hurt more than anyone else. It made him want to wrap her up in the softest of cottons and protect from the cruelties of the world, all the while knowing that she was probably the strongest person he'd ever met.

She had to be because she cared so deeply that it hurt all the more.

There was nothing he could say to lighten the burden of guilt and responsibility that colored her voice, nothing that could make the loss of such a young life any easier.

But he could take her mind off of it. At least for a little while.

"You know what we need?" He placed a mug in front of her and took a sip of his tea, hissing when it burned his tongue. "Ow, ow, ow! Hot."

"What are you, five?" Her lips twitched and the somber mood broken, but that wasn't enough.

"I'm going to ignore that. Anyway, back to what I was saying. What we need are some emergency smiley-face pancakes."

She favored him with a dry panning of her eyes. "Say what now?"

"Smiley-face pancakes. Give me ten minutes and I'll whip up a batch of the best pancakes ever."

"Castle, it's two in the morning. I'm not eating pancakes."

"Fine. Tomorrow morning then. I'll make you pancakes for breakfast."

"I'm not staying the night."

"Sure you are. Like you said, it's two in the morning. It's irresponsible to be driving so late."

"I took a cab."

"It's irresponsible for me to let you catch a cab at two in the morning."

"I'm a cop."

"Alexis will want to see you."

"Stop using her as a bribe."

"Hey, if it works…"

"You have an answer for everything, don't you?"

"Yup. And the guest room is already made up."

She shook her head, but he didn't think it was a refusal this time. "You're impossible."

"Impossibly good-looking."

He caught the napkin with his face, but the smile on her lips was totally worth it.

…

She woke up to the scent of bacon.

Mmm, yummy.

She stretched her arms above her head and frowned when she realized that Monkey-Bunkey had fallen on the floor. Oops. She kept dropping him when she slept.

Alexis slid out of bed and picked up Monkey-Bunkey with reverent hands, placing him back on top of her covers. Then she found Monkey-Bunkey the Second sprawled across the end of her bed, so she picked him up and put him next to the original. "No more falling," she scolded the stuffed animals with a wag of her index finger.

When she was satisfied that the Monkey-Bunkeys weren't going to take another tumble, she took care of her morning business, then made her way downstairs for breakfast. She stopped in the middle of the staircase when she saw that it wasn't Daddy in the kitchen.

"Kate!"

The detective looked up from where she was plating scrambled eggs, a big smile splitting her face when she saw Alexis on the stairs. "Hey, Alexis. You're up early. It's not even six yet."

Alexis nearly stumbled down the stairs in her haste, but Kate was there to steady her at the bottom. Alexis grinned, her eyes lighting up in pleasure. "You're here!"

"Yup." Kate stroked her fingers through Alexis' hair. "You hungry?"

"Yes. I smelled the bacon."

"You certainly are your father's daughter."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Come on. Sit down and I'll get you a plate."

Alexis climbed up into her usual chair at the dining table and settled onto her knees. She wasn't allowed to sit on the bar stools yet, at least not by herself.

It wasn't until she sat there watching Kate grab her Hello Kitty plate from the cabinet that Alexis wondered what Kate was doing here. Gracie told her once that her mommy's boyfriend sometimes stayed the night and then they'd have breakfast together too.

Did that mean—?

Alexis tried to tamp down on the excited patter of her heart, but oh oh oh they'd have so much fun if it were true.

Alexis waited until she saw Kate coming over with a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and waffles in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. Then she asked, "Are you my daddy's girlfriend?"

Kate stumbled and almost spilled the milk, but she managed to set it down on the wooden table with a loud thump.

"No. No. What makes you say that?"

Alexis shrugged, her brows knitting together as she tried to hide her disappointment. She really really wanted Kate to be her daddy's girlfriend.

"Alexis…"

"You stayed the night. Gracie's mommy's boyfriend stays the night sometimes too. "Then with a stubborn tilt to her chin, she added, "Gracie doesn't really like it when her mommy's boyfriend is there in the mornings, but I like it when you're here. Why aren't you daddy's girlfriend? Don't you like us?"

…

Castle woke in a state of disorientation for the second time that morning.

The savory aroma of bacon wafted through the loft, and he rolled over, taking a deep breath and savoring it. Then he groaned when he saw that it was barely light out and that Beckett had stolen his chance to wow her with his smiley-face pancakes and breakfast in bed.

Well, okay, maybe breakfast in bed was highly unlikely, but still. Breakfast was supposed to be his thing.

Then he took another deep drag of bacony goodness and decided that maybe it wasn't such a big deal.

Rolling out of bed, he slipped on a t-shirt and padded towards his bedroom door. He paused when he heard the murmur of voices coming from the other side and figured Alexis must have gotten up already.

Ah, his little overachiever.

He opened the door and was about to announce himself with his usual flair when Alexis' question froze him in his steps.

"Why aren't you daddy's girlfriend? Don't you like us?"

He hesitated for a terrifying moment because he wanted to know. God, he wanted to know why couldn't there be a them?

But he was also scared—scared that whatever reasons she gave would be too good, too thorough, and far too convincing to counter.

So he did the cowardly thing.

Stretching his arms above his head, he shuffled into the kitchen like he hadn't been eavesdropping. "Mm, I just woke up and literally smelled the coffee…and the bacon!"

Beckett swung her startled gaze to him and the relief in her eyes at his interruption was no surprise, if a little insulting. He ignored the sting and kissed Alexis on the top of her head before surveying the breakfast feast laid out in front of them. Golden waffles and fluffy scrambled eggs shared the plate with strips of bacon and neatly sliced fruit. Alexis had a glass of milk in front of her while Beckett cradled a mug of coffee.

Castle whistled. "Wow. This is some spread."

The tips of Beckett's ears flushed red, her tone sheepish as she said, "I kinda raided your kitchen this morning."

"If it means breakfast like this every morning, you're welcome to raid my kitchen any time."

Alexis, however, was not to be deterred. "See? If you're Daddy's girlfriend, then you could be here to cook breakfast for us all the time."

Oops. He'd forgotten how much his daughter could such a pitbull.

Beckett shot him a panicked look, those beautiful eyes of hers flared wide in shock. Go figure a four-year-old could render big, bad Detective Beckett speechless.

He was tempted to let her sweat for a bit longer, but then remembered that he'd really prefer to live to see his next birthday. "Pumpkin, Kate doesn't need to be my girlfriend to come over. Normal friends can do that too."

Uh oh. Alexis' bottom lip quivered, her eyes growing big and watery. The image of Puss the Boot superimposed itself over her. Uncanny resemblance, he thought.

"But Kate stayed the night, and only boyfriends and girlfriends stay the night. Gracie told me."

Ahaha…how was he supposed to explain the difference between staying the night and staying the night?

His mouth worked up and down, but nothing seemed to come out, and freaking Beckett was doing nothing to help him out of this little jam.

What was he supposed to just say something like, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much—

Bleh, God no. Wrong topic, and he'd never tell Alexis such a blatant lie, especially since he and Meredith had never been in love so much as they'd been madly in lust.

Then, in a stroke of divine intervention, the front door opened. Martha swept in, all bright neon colors and animal prints, and Castle wanted to bang his head on the table.

"Well! This is quite the little party." Martha slapped a pair of bright pink gloves against Castle's shoulder in mock recrimination, then leaned down to kiss Alexis on the crown of her head. She turned bright, curious eyes on Beckett and her lips flipped up in a knowing grin as she eyed the impressive breakfast spread. "So, what'd I miss?"

.

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A/N: Ahhh, I'm such a cop-out. Lol. Thank you for your kind words and for everyone who has continued to add this story to their favorites/alerts!