The sad thing is… Some of this actually happened. I swear. I remembered every word of dialogue with the help of my friends. Let's give thanks to my cousin, who basically kicked off this series of (factual) events. You can guess which ones! A girl can't give away all her secrets.

Basically, I'm suffering from a Teen Wolf withdrawal and this is the product of that. I should really unlike the page on Facebook, because those teaser photos are just killing me man!

PS: My best friends and I are raging Teen Wolf fanwhores and we love it. The show is actually better than I thought it would be. Dylan O'Brien/Stiles is the boyfriend of my delusions. (Yes, I know, he's replaced Taylor Lautner for my affections. That's how much I love him.)

The Real Teen Wolves of La Push: Months after discovering her pack mates' secret addiction, Leah is caught harboring one of her own. Teen Wolf spoilers inside, sorry!

Chapter One: Who's Your Alpha Now?

JPOV

"Lee? Are you okay?" I asked while we patrolled the woods. She let out a short sneeze and replied as she shook out her long, gray fur.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"The only time you get into these moods is when you're hungry, annoyed, or impatient."

"I'm hungry." She replied a little too quickly. I'd caught a flash of an image in her mind, but I didn't recognize it. She'd been doing that a lot lately, so I didn't think too much of it.

"All right. Don't tell me. Whatever." I said, hoping she'd give me at least an inkling of what she was thinking.

No such luck.

"The answer's still no Jake." She replied. "But you get points for trying."

We shifted back into our human forms and dressed, then began the long trek back to her house. I glanced at her as we dodged trees and shrubbery in the familiar beaten path. It's been six months since that fateful night when Leah had discovered that we watched and read the Pretty Little Liars series religiously. Luckily, she didn't mind watching it with us, even though she thought that we talked too much while watching it. Embry, Seth, and I were grateful. Anything that kept her from ripping us to shreds was good. She may have gotten much more bearable to be around, one could even say fun, but she was still a master at making us feel like steaming dog shit with a perfectly delivered insult and a raise of a brow.

"So what are you doing tonight?" I asked, as we approached my house. "Seth, Embry, and I are going to drive out to the city to get the new PLL book. But Seth wants to practice his driving too, so it may take a while. Wanna come?"

"Okay, first of all," she began as she unlocked her door. "Never abbreviate Pretty Little Liars like that ever again except in your head. You just sounded like a dumbass. Second of all, I will never get into a car with Seth again, unless he is sedated and in the back seat. Seth plus the highway plus you, Embry, and Quil…?"

As she trailed off, we shared a collective shudder at her memory. Seth, who's not the calmest of people, at the wheel of my car, Leah, whose temper is not stable even on her best day, in the front passenger seat, and the curvy stretch of road hugging the La Push cliffs was the ultimate recipe for disaster.

"So I'll take that as a no?" I asked, just to clarify. "Seth's getting pretty good. He backed out of my driveway yesterday and he didn't even cry."

"Jacob, take my word for it: hell no," She said. "But thanks for offering. I'm going to stay in and watch some TV tonight. But tell Seth that mom's probably going to callfrom her honeymoon with Charlie to make sure I haven't killed him. So tell him to be safe, or I'll have a lot of explaining to do."

"Okay," I replied, then waved and turned for my car. Leah closed the door behind her.

I made the drive to Embry's house pretty quickly. When I walked in, Embry and Quil were in the middle of their usual encouragement routine, i.e. scaring the living shit out of Seth.

"Seth. We believe in you. Just make sure you don't wrap us around the big, scary, dark trees that line the highway. Our blood will be everywhere and we might break a few bones." Embry.

"Yeah, and you might destroy Jake's car, and he'll never forgive you, then you might even go to jail for hurting us. You're too pretty for prison." Quil.

Seth was turning a very scary shade of green. I hurried to intervene.

"Shut up fucktards," I told them, and then tossed my keys to Seth, who fumbled and dropped them unceremoniously to the floor. "Seth, just remember that we're virtually indestructible shape-shifters, our doctor is a ten minute run away, and that my car would have to be hit by a meteor to even get dented."

"That's easy for you to say. You already know how to drive," Seth grumbled.

"Seth, just be lucky I like you enough to make this trip. You know that Barnes and Noble still gives me the shivers," I countered.

"We don't have to go tonight," he pleaded. "We can go tomorrow, when it's morning and the highway is bright and happy!"

"Nope," I said. "You've got to practice your night driving."

"How is it," Embry began. "How is it that you're all gung-ho about squaring off with an evil leech and then a group of even more powerful leeches, but you can't even drive down the highway at night? You're such a wimp."

"That could have been worded better, but Em has a point," I agreed.

"Oh, just shut up and come on." He muttered and rose, his pride wounded. "Let's go to the book store."

We piled into the Rabbit, Seth at the wheel, me in the passenger seat, and Quil and Embry in the back.

"Okay Seth. You can do this. Just breathe and ease out of the driveway, just like I taught you." He followed my directions. "Now ease into the road and keep an eye out for stop signs. We're not going to take the cliff road because I know you're still traumatized." He nodded at me gratefully. "You know the road we take to get to the Cullens' place?" He nodded again. "We're going to use that, but we're going to pass that up and ease into the highway. The big football game is going on, so there shouldn't be too much traffic."

"You'll be fine." I said, with a conviction I didn't feel.

He was definitely not fine.

Seth stretched a half-hour drive into two and a half hours of torture. And two of those hours were spent at the side of the highway, listening to him throw up. After he pulled over and scrambled to the edge of the grass for the fourth time, I decided to give him a break and took over driving.

So we made it the rest of the way to the Barnes and Noble, getting there an hour before closing time. We were supposed to go in, get the book, and come out.

It didn't happen that way.

Seth got caught up in the comic book section.

Embry became absorbed in the sale aisle, where they kept a good portion of cookbooks.

And Quil? He wouldn't stop playing with the train set in the kids section.

So I spent a half hour trying to find them and check out. Unfortunately, they have the attention span of toddlers. First, I found Seth and dragged him away from the comic book section. Then I found Embry, who couldn't decide between an Ina Garten cookbook ('She's so classy!') or a Giada diLaurentis cookbook ('She's got awesome tits!'). So then I had to push them toward the children's section where I spent ten minutes forcibly removing Quil from the train set.

However, the minute I turned around with a pitiful looking Quil held by the collar, the two fucktards had disappeared.

By the time I'd finally gotten them all together, I was thirsty; so I Alpha-Commanded them to go purchase the book while I got a soda.

That was a colossal mistake.

I'd just finished paying for my drink when I turned and looked into the face of my nightmares.

"Hi son!" The old woman from my last trip to Barnes and Noble was directly behind me and her hands were in the general vicinity of my ass. "Remember me?"

I gasped and made to move away from her, hoping she was just a figment of my imagination. Unfortunately, I stumbled into a nerdy, pale guy standing next to her.

"That's my grandson I told you about!" She said excitedly, her costume jewelry tinkling loudly with the flamboyant movements she made. "Marvin, this was the guy I told you about, you know, the one who likes those books about those stupid girls who get stalked by the ghost. Its fate I tell you, FATE!"

"Hi." Marvin said in what was supposed to be a seductive, 'come-hither' voice. Coming from his nasally drawl, it just came off like he was constipated.

"Um, miss. I think you have the wrong guy," I lied. It was probably not morally correct to play on a batty old woman's fading memory, but I was desperate. "Even if I knew what you were talking about, that series doesn't sound like something I would like."

She gazed at me speculatively, eyeing me up and down. I was almost afraid that she wasn't as batty as I'd thought, but then she sighed and her shoulders slumped. "But you look so much like him. I don't have my glasses though…"

I was relieved and nodded. Then the minute I went to move away from them. However, my luck had run out.

Seth ran up to me and shoved the book into my arms. "Hey Jake. Here's your book! Quil and Embry are waiting up front by the Nook station." He finally registered the two people standing near me. "Who're they?"

The old woman read out the title of the book I was holding and seemed to put two and two together. I was almost afraid that she would punch me in the throat for lying to her. However, she just smiled and patted her head with a palm.

"Of course you don't remember me, silly goose! It was such a long time ago!" She exclaimed. The normally oblivious Seth looked over at me with a look of comprehension spreading on his face. The old woman hadn't registered the look and continued on. "Well anyway, I remember you from last time and I was telling Marvin all about you. You two should go out."

She then went on to list all of his wonderful qualities, sort of like a used car salesman would hock a car.

"He has a great job as a computer programmer where he makes a ton of money so you wouldn't even have to work. He can also cook and cleans like a dream. Marvin also owns a very extensive collection of valuable graphic artists' novels, so you'd never be bored!"

I was half prepared for her to comment on his mileage and gas consumption.

"So, what do you think?" She finished. "Will you go out with him?"

I was frozen, the urge to laugh and/or cry was strong. With my brain in such scrambled disarray, I did the only thing I could think of doing: I grabbed a surprised and amused Seth by the waist and tucked my head into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry ma'am," I said, doing my best to project the look of a man in love. "But I'm taken."

"What the he-" Seth protested, shutting up with a well hidden pinch behind his arm. He let out a very feminine squeak. Luckily (or unluckily, if you think about it) for me, the old woman seemed to think that I was pinching another part of his anatomy. Seth caught on to my plan fairly quickly and stiffly slid his free hand around my neck.

"Yes ma'am. I took one look at Sethy-bear and love just hit me like a ton of bricks," I gushed, surprised at the ease of the lies pouring out of my mouth. The words left a bitter taste in my mouth, sort of like vomit.

"It was the same for me too… honey…" Seth replied. Instead of looking like a man in love, he looked slightly green. I needed to get this woman and her horny grandson (who, when I think about it, looked pretty turned on by the whole charade.) out of here before Seth hurled on my sweater.

The old woman clapped her hands and squealed. "Well that's just amazing young man! It's nice to know that you can still find a love like yours in such a crazy, evil world." She gestured to Marvin, who looked slightly saddened because of my 'taken' status. "Come on Marvin. Maybe next time."

She turned and began to leave. Seth and I were on the verge of disentangling ourselves when she turned back around. "If it doesn't work out, you know who to call!"

"Okay!" I said, desperate for her to leave.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't talking to you," she said, gesturing to Seth. "I was talking to your boyfriend!"

Does she have to be so loud about it? I wondered, feeling the sting of rejection. Seth smirked and waggled his brow at me. I could feel his head expanding with misplaced pride.

"I mean, it was a little too much to hope that you would go for Marvin. But your boyfriend looks like he's just in Marvin's league."

Seth's head deflated and he pouted at her unintentional dig and the idea of being in Marvin's 'league.' That sting of rejection that had flared in my chest disappeared.

"Well, toodle-loo, darlings," she trilled, and swept out of the café with Marvin in tow. Seth and I were frozen with shock for all of ten seconds.

"Get the fuck off me." I growled, because Seth was not letting go. He still seemed hurt at the woman's comment.

"What the hell does that even mean," he asked, groping his arm muscles. "I am a tall, dark, and handsome werewolf. I am so not in Marvin's league. I'm so far out of Marvin's league, I'm in Jupiter for Christ's sake."

"Whatever. If you tell anyone about this, I'm going to murder you in your sleep."

Seth snorted. "Like Leah will let that happen."

"She will if I tell her that it was you who ate the last piece of chocolate peanut butter turtle cheesecake." Seth paled and audibly gulped.

"Let's just go," He said, and I smirked, knowing that I won.

LPOV

"His username is Allison… And his password is also Allison…"

"Still want him in your pack?"

Unfortunately, this made me giggle like mad. I was in my element, watching my favorite show, eating fatty snacks and lounging in my battered bean bag chair.

Okay, I know what you're thinking.

What's an actual female wolf doing watching a campy horror series about wolves?

Shouldn't I be scoffing at it?

Don't I feel like I'm betraying my very nature?

Don't you feel like it cheapens the experience of being a wolf?

Who actually likes MTV? They don't even show actual music anymore!

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Whatever. Teen Wolf has got hot men who run around shirtless and sweaty for no apparent reason. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not betraying my nature. In fact, hot, sweaty, and shirtless men appeal to my nature very much.

And I know what you're thinking, but it's just not the same when you see constantly it with boys who are practically your brothers.

Plus, there are no vamps in sight on Teen Wolf. Gotta love that. I've had a lifetime's worth of vampire interaction. I didn't want them infiltrating my precious and relaxing 'My TV and Me' time.

I'd seen the first episode by chance after watching the lackluster MTV Movie Awards. I wasn't going to watch it at first, but then Rachel came banging in crying from a fight with Paul, whining about some new show she wasn't going to be able to see since Paul and Sam were hogging the TV for some football game.

So to shut her up, I switched the channel from my beloved HBO and flipped back to MTV. The show was just beginning, but I didn't pay much attention as I was grateful that she'd stopped crying. I escaped to the kitchen to make a bowl of pasta, when Paul decided to show up and ask her forgiveness. Since Rachel refused to go home and miss any of the show, they ended up hogging the couch and making out during commercial breaks, so I escaped to my room until they left, and by that time, I was curious as to what had gotten her so worked up. MTV had a second showing.

I was addicted by the half hour mark.

I don't know what happened. Maybe it was the main character's perpetual, slightly confused puppy dog eyes and his oddly angled chin and incredible body and REALLY nice boy-band hair that did me in. Maybe it was the main character's best friend's cute brown eyes and funny one liners that got me hooked. Maybe it was the misunderstood loner's leather jacket, smoldering eyes and awesome car that…

(bang bang bang)

"Leah! Open the damn door. We're hungry," Jacob's voice exploded through my thoughts. A chorus of agreements followed this declaration and my heart fell, knowing that Quil, Embry, and Seth were with him. I panicked. When he'd said that Seth was driving to the Barnes and Noble, I'd figured I'd have at least three hours to myself.

I could handle Seth (with a perfectly twisted arm) if he found out about my Teen Wolf addiction. I could even handle Jacob (with a perfectly seasoned steak) if he found out. Quil and Embry were almost idiotically easy. Give them Seth's special-edition copy of Call of Duty that he may or may not have forbidden me from touching, and they were putty in my hands.

But one thing I could not handle was all of them at once. I'd never live this down.

And it was the season finale of all things. The fuckers had impeccable timing, I'll tell you that.

"I can't," I answered back without moving from my comfy perch in a bean bag chair. "I just got out of the shower. Come back in an hour!"

"Leah, you're sitting in your bean bag chair surrounded by snacks and fully clothed," Seth argued. "We saw you through the window."

Shit. I was thankful that the television wasn't visible from the window in question.

"Why can't you just use your key?" I yelled, trying to buy myself some time.

"I lost it again Leah!" Seth whined. "Please let me in. I'm cold and hungry and… I puked on Jake's sweater when we were driving back. He needs to borrow a new one."

I may not be the world's best big sister, but when Seth used his pitiful whiny voice, I did feel a little stirring in my heart. I was halfway tempted to turn off the television, get up, and let them in.

Then Teen Wolf came off of commercial break. Pity time was over.

"I'm busy," I tried, already dismissing them again, all traces of heartstring tugging gone. "Just come back in a half hour!"

"LEAH!" Seth whined. "It's not like the Harlequin Movie Channel isn't going to show that movie again! How many of them can there be?"

I tried my hardest to ignore Seth's pitiful cries. But after a minute or so, he must have given up and convinced the others to join in.

So there I sat; the quiet of my comfort zone officially ruined by the fucktards I called packmates.

After a minute of them whining, I growled and jumped up when it went on another commercial break. "FINE! I'll open the door, but come in and SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

I threw open the door and took in the sight of the four of them standing on my porch. Jacob had a huge puke stain of some indiscriminant color and smell on his shoulder, Seth had pulled out all the stops on his injured-puppy dog face. Quil and Embry were smiling goofily, as per usual.

"Come in and be quiet. I'm watching something important and I don't want to miss anything," they stomped in in a single file formation, saluting me as they went by and ran to the kitchen.

Satisfied that they were suitably frightened of angering me, I went back to the living room and settled in to watch my show. It was in going into the last fifteen minutes of the show and it was jam-packed with action. I felt, rather than heard the boys clomping into the living room, chowing down on the entire contents of the fridge and pantry. Before they could say a word, I raised a hand and made a slashing motion over my throat without taking my eyes from the television. They got the message and piled onto our small, modest couch behind me.

If they breathed so much as a word in teasing, I was going to kill them.

JPOV

"What. The. Fuck?" Embry mouthed over to me, gesturing to the stupid show that Leah was entranced with.

"DEREK'S THE ALPHA! HE'S THE MOTHERFUCKING ALPHA!" Leah swooned into the phone, dewy eyed and transfixed with the guy who was supposed to be an 'Alpha.' I could hear my sister on the other end of the line, equally entranced with the guy-in-the-leather-jacket. I refused to call him an Alpha. That was an insult to Alphas everywhere.

I don't remember her being half this excited when I became the Alpha. When I'm the Alpha, all I get is back talk and reluctance. She'd probably follow this guy to Antarctica if she were in his pack.

Seth flashed me a look and I rolled my eyes. Quil, Embry, Seth, and I were piled on the small couch behind Leah, who was reclining on a beanbag chair, trying to see the show around her head. We didn't want to risk disturbing her because then she'd most likely injure us. So even though the CGI was hilarious in epic proportions, we were shaking with silent laughter, scared of angering her.

Sometimes I wonder who the real Alpha in this pack is.

It wasn't the dumbest thing I'd seen on TV, but I still couldn't understand the allure. The main character annoyed the crap out of me, his best friend would have reminded me of Embry or Quil if they were a little smarter. And that leather jacket guy was playing on the brooding thing a little too much.

This show was nothing but 'teen girl' and 'middle aged surburban mom' bait. I was almost ashamed at Leah for her love of this show.

Finally, the show ended on a shot of the main character and his girlfriend looking at a full moon of all things.

But the catalyst for our burst of laughter was the shot of the newly Alpha-ed Leather Jacket Man smirking with red eyes.

We'd been laughing for about five minutes when we finally caught our breath enough to speak.

"Jake! You can't be our real Alpha," Embry gasped, tears streaming from his eyes. "Where are your red eyes?"

"Yeah Jake! Looks like you've been doing it wrong all this time," Seth supplied with a hearty chuckle. "I mean, where do they come up with this stuff? It's so STUPID! OUCH!"

His last word was punctuated with a punch to the head, perfectly delivered by Leah, who looked thoroughly and utterly pissed. We all shut up immediately while she put her hands on her hips and glared us down. She shook her head and muttered beneath her breath about how immature we were. That was normal.

"Seth, that was strike two." She growled.

"What was strike one?" He argued.

"Leaving the razor on the bathroom counter. I don't know why you use it. You don't even have facial hair." She shot back.

"Oh, need a bandage for that burn, dude?" Quil laughed, then quailed at her silencing look.

"Okay. So now you know about my addiction," she said.

"Yeah, and its perfect payback for what you did to me last summer!" I argued.

"Shut up Jacob," She growled as she began to pace the space in front of us. "Now, I'm going to lay down some ground rules about this. As this is my favorite show and I don't get much TV time anymore because of you lame brains, I want to cherish this. You will not, under any circumstances, interrupt my Teen Wolf time again. I only let you do it this time because I'm in a good mood."

"This is her 'good mood?'" Embry quipped under his breath.

"You are also not to touch my Teen Wolf TV snacks. They are hidden in a place only I know about, under lock and key. This is the good junk food, not the cheap stuff and I know how fucking greedy you guys are. I already can't keep anything delicious, like my turtle cheesecake, in this house because you guys inhale everything like it's your last supper."

"Now I make myself clear?" She concluded. We all grumbled and nodded and shifted in our seats uncomfortably under her death glare. She gave a short, self-satisfied nod. "Good. You're dismissed. Go eat us out of house and home."

We all got up and shuffled to the kitchen while she straightened up the living room and called my sister back to squeal about that 'Alpha.'

"Jacob. You need to do something about her. She has us all by the balls. We're so freaking whipped." Quil complained, searching the kitchen for Leah's TV snack box.

"No! I'm the one who has to live with her. When she's angry, Seth feels pain… Lots of pain…" Seth complained, picking up an apple out of the fruit bowl and biting into it with a large crunch.

"Relax Seth. I'm not going to do anything. When she's pissed, we're all miserable. And I just don't feel like dealing with that either. It's best to keep the dragon happy so she won't breathe her fire at us."

"I'm with Jake," Embry agreed, then turned to Seth. "Dude, I thought she was gonna find out that you ate that last piece of turtle cheesecake. She looked so pissed off, I thought she might blow up."

"YOU WHAT!" Came a screech from the doorway near the kitchen. Seth looked petrified and attempted to hide behind me. I shifted to a corner of the countertop and waited for the fireworks to explode. Leah angrily burst into the room. She was so enraged, I could almost see the steam pouring out of her ears.

"Seth, I'm guessing this is your strike three?" I asked. He didn't get a chance to answer.

The first thing she did was tackle Seth to the floor. She had him in a headlock so quickly, it would have put a professional wrestler to shame. Seth screamed as Quil and Embry cheered him on. The noise nearly masked the sound of the kitchen phone. Since I was close to it, I picked it up.

"Hello?" I answered, just as Leah and Seth knocked over the nearly empty trashcan.

"Jacob? Is that you?" Sue Clearwater answered from the other end. "What is that noise in the background?"

"MOMMY! IS THAT YOU! HELP MEEEE!" He screamed as Leah twisted his hands behind his back. Embry and Quil were peeing themselves laughing.

"Leah and Seth are just having a disagreement." Seth looked up at my words and desperately tried to claw his way to me and the phone. Leah wouldn't let him. "I guess you could say it's a normal night in La Push."

And we laughed together as another crazy night came to a close.

THE END

(Please don't shoot me)

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a B average, a diet where I'm living off of nuts and berries and twigs and water to look good in my prom dress, household chores, driving lessons, extracurriculars, writing three scholarship essays a night, and college financial aid trolling? Do you?

By the time I wanted to do some fanfic writing, I was too busy falling asleep!

Hopefully this makes up for a little lost time. I think the next one I do like this will be a True Blood one or maybe a Glee one. I'm just doing it as I start watching TV again after a nearly nine month hiatus. The only shows I actually watched faithfully were Glee and Pretty Little Liars. For a TV whore like me (I thrive on horrible reality shows, like South Beach Tow on TruTV) that was fucking hard.

I hate senior year. But it's over. I'm going to college next year. BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO PAY FOR IT WITHOUT PUTTING MYSELF INTO MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF STUDENT DEBT! WEEEE!

So read up, review and tell me what you think! Also, let me know what story you guys would like me to update as my first official return to Fanfiction. Review, PM, and vote on the poll, which I'll be putting up as soon as I can figure out how to do it.