Summary: In the months following Jo and Ellens deaths team free will are having a hard time finding the rest of the horsemen. Then Dean is made an offer he can't refuse. One year. One year as Deaths apprentice, or someone he loves dies. His acceptance leads to a year filled with experiences strange even to the Winchesters, with love sometimes the only thing pulling (read: violently threatening) him through. But at the end of everything is it enough to stop the apocalypse? Enough to stop Lucifer?

Rated M for language and violent/sexual content.

Only one month had passed since Ellen and Jo were killed. Their deaths were like a raw wound amongst those that remained, and upon unspoken agreement, the women were never mentioned. One time Sam Winchester; the youngest brother, mentioned Ellens homemade chili in passing and he was instantly exiled into sigil duty. The wards on Bobby Singers house needed repairing and the angel sigils needed adjusting to allow Castiel free access to and from the house. Because even if he was as close to human as anyone had ever seen him, he was still an angel.

Dean watched this business with the same detachment that he observed everything with in recent days. His brother Sam has asked him if he was sick, Bobby called him an idjit and put him to work in the auto yard, and Cas…well Cas just gave him small, sad glances that cut deeper into him than any words the others had to offer. Words like "they died a hunters death", or "they did it to give us a chance", or the worst yet, "at least it was quick, which is a lot more than we can say about most hunters." Because it was a lie. Sure, Dean thought, maybe the explosion itself was quick and painless, but the lead up to it was anything but. Jo bled to death slowly, in agony for every one of her last breaths, and Ellen had to watch her daughter suffer that pain.

So no, it wasn't these meaningless, if well meant words that struck Dean. It was the glances; the swift flick of eyes bluer than blue over his face that cut him to the quick. Because Castiel didn't glance. Because the mighty, righteous, angel of the lord wasn't timid or cowed like the swift looks suggested, and Dean felt the pain in those blue eyes every time they avoided his gaze instead of connecting. Because Cas didn't glance when he could stare.

So even though Dean knew something was up with the angel, it still took him weeks (no one ever accused Dean of being quick to catch on) to realize that someone may be having a harder time accepting Ellen and Jo's deaths than he was. He was a human, and grew up from a very young age coping with death and sacrifice. It surrounded him in the life he and his brother lived. But it was the angel, the angel that was new to the very human emotion of grief.

Dean knew Cas has suffered before. He saw it on the angels' face every time he heard of; or worse yet, was the cause of one of his siblings death. But never before had he experienced it to such a human extent.

So it was upon this realization that Dean decided it was time to pull himself together, because if anyone was going to pull Cas together it was going to be Dean.

After dinner finished one night, and Bobby and Sam were quietly talking in the living room, planning their next move no doubt. Dean quietly excused himself and wandered into the wreck yard under the dim evening light knowing that Cas would follow him. Following Dean had become something of a passtime for Castiel in the previous weeks.

Dean popped off the lid of one beer and only hesitated for a moment before he did a second. He never knew what Cas might accept to eat or drink now that he was so close to being human. Sure enough, the falling angel took the beer by the neck and mimicked how Dean was leaning into the nearest junk car.

"You've come to a decision." Said Cas. Not a question, but a statement of Deans state of mind.

Dean took a swig from his bottle but didn't look at his companion. "Yeah I have."

When he didn't elaborate Cas set down his own drink and angled to stare at Dean, the first stare he'd given in weeks. "You have decided to place the blame where it rightfully belongs."

And hell, if Dean hadn't seen that one coming.

"What?" he half shouted.

"The deaths of Joanna and Ellen Harvelle could have been prevented if I hadn't been incapacitated by my brother and the demon. It is a logical conclusion that the fault of their deaths lie on me."

"Jesus Cas, is that what this has been about?

"I don't know what you refer to."

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face, because honestly if he had seen this coming he would've given Cas a talk weeks ago. "You know, the looks you've been giving me? Like one of your dick brothers killed your dog."

"But it wasn't a dog that Lucifer killed, it was Ellen and Jo-"

"Dammit Cas it was a metaphor!"

The angel averted his eyes at that, adopting the stance that Dean had come to associate as the 'dressing down' look.

"That's what this has been about then? You've been waiting for me to blame you and then what? Shout, throw punches, tell you to leave?"

Cas glanced sideways at Dean but didn't adjust his stiff posture. "I had considered all of those options yes." Damn if the guy wasn't honest.

"Cas I…" This was turning into a chick-flick moment, Dean just knew it. He could smell it miles away. "Man it's not on you. What happened to Jo and Ellen is all on Lucifer and Meg and her fucking hellhounds. Don't beat yourself up about it."

Cas looked like he wanted to comment on the irrationality of beating oneself up but thankfully it was one of those times he just took Deans comment in passing and focused on what he was trying to get across.

"Listen, you're running low on mojo right?"

Cas nodded tentatively at this as if assessing his 'mojo' status.

"Yeah, so if you had've tried to get Ellen and Jo out of there chances are you would've been trapped too, and then Sam and I would've had to come back in to get you out and by then the bombs would've gone off and we'd all be chattin it up with your Dad."

"I never thought of it that way."

"Of course you didn't. But that's why you've got me, I dumb it all down a little and make it easy for your massive angel brain to comprehend."

"Dean, I do not believe you are lacking intelligence as you allude to."

"Well thanks Cas, that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me." Dean gave the angel a wry grin and was glad his point seemed to be made. Cas didn't look so down anymore, or at least he was staring with the fierce intensity Dean had become accustomed to.

"Will you two stop flirting before I have to burn my eyes out?"

Dean chucked his beer bottle at Sam in irritation. "Bitch."

"Jerk. But actually Bobby found something, he wants you back at the house."

Turns out the 'something' that Bobby found was really nothing but small bouts of freak weather. Stuff like electrical storms, winds stronger than normal, and hail in August scattered across the country, but nothing that screamed 'horsemen'.

Dean leaned back in his chair and tossed a balled-up map at the wall. "This is bullshit!" he called. "If we take the time to check out every single one of these potential omens we're going to hunting down horsemen until-"

"Until what? The apocalypse?" Sam looked up from his laptop for what must've been the first time in hours and glanced around the room.

"Man, how can he just crash wherever?"

He was referring to Cas who was currently passed out on the sofa, drooling ungracefully on one of Bobbys books.

Dean glanced to the angel, trying not to feel concern that Cas was asleep. It was becoming more commonplace the further he fell to humanity but it was still disconcerting to see.

"I don't know, has something to do with losing his mojo I guess."

"Yeah, it's just strange to see an angel sleep. But uh, you guys both seem better?"

Dean gave his brother a glare, because he was not opening that can again. "Yeah, time to get back on the job." Then he got up and headed upstairs to his room, no closer to finding another horseman than they had been at the start of the day.

So this is chapter one! I've decided it's about high time I contribute to the world of Supernatural fanfiction. If there's any interest I'll definitely continue with this story.