JUST READ INSURGENT OMFG. SO GOOD. So I felt I had to write something for it right away, being the crazy fool that I am XD Spoiler alert for Insurgent!

Disclaimer; I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE DIVERGENT TRILOGY NOW THAT THERE'S TWO!

I take deep breaths. In, out. Inhale, exhale. I feel the sweet oxygen rushing into my lungs as they expand, and feel it come whooshing out again, recycled into carbon dioxide. Steady breaths. In, out.

It has taken me days since our return to the Dauntless compound for me to work up the nerve to do this. I heard Tris mutter something about masochism once, and she's probably right. Except I do this to train, not for some perverse pleasure of self-abuse. I would never be hit by Marcus willingly; that is going too far.

The dank concrete walls surround me, threatening to crush me in already, and the old yellowing lights flicker on and off, like dying lightning bugs. Graffiti covers the walls in vibrant colours, some new, some old and faded, like in my room. Fear God alone. That is my goal, the reason I keep coming back here.

Ever since meeting Tris, ever since loving Tris, I have begun to wonder if I am the same person, the one who only fears for himself, or for losing the life of an innocent, nameless woman. Tris is more than a faceless, unidentifiable woman to me.

Am I still Four? Am I still the nearly fearless Dauntless warrior everyone has made me out to be? Wars have a way of changing you, and your perspective, and it is usually not for the better. That much, at least, I have learned in my short life.

If I can't beat my fears, then I am not worthy to be Dauntless. Some sane part of my ever-diminishing brain murmurs that everyone has their fears, and that I am the best of them. I brush the thought away quickly, guiltily.

Marcus, my ever-loving father, drilled it quite heavily into me that I would never be good enough, brave enough, smart enough. I was good enough to be ranked first in my class. I was brave enough to leave Abnegation and join Dauntless. I was smart enough to leave when I could.

The only standards I have to answer to are my own, and Tris's. But if I am not good enough for myself now, I am most certainly not good enough for her, in my mind. So I am going back into my fear landscape.

Before I can lose my adrenaline-fueled nerve, I plunge the thin needle into my neck, emptying the amber liquid into my veins.

A thought flits across my mind; if Tris were here, she would ask to come with me. No, she would demand to come with me. A small smile graces my lips as I think of Tris, sleeping peacefully for once with no nightmares of the war. But I left Tris in my room, exhausted from the ordeal with Candor and Amity and their stubborn leaders. I brush the longing thought away.

The serum seeps into my bloodstream, and I can feel it rushing like a roaring river inside of me, sweeping away my doubts. I try to imagine strength building up inside of me, but somehow, it doesn't work.

I chase my remaining doubt away with the wall that I've hidden behind for so long, the protective fort I've lived in. Before Tris, the little Abnegation girl, casually strolled in and destroyed it with the force of an Erudite explosive or ten.

Tris. The only thing that kept me in Dauntless, when I was so close to just leaving. Is keeping me in Dauntless, or what little of it remains. I owe her everything. This is for Tris.

With that thought to fortify me, I stride forward with purpose, chin held high, and push open the door to the simulation's terrors. With Tris in mind, her fearless grey-blue eyes piercing and oft at the same time, the living nightmare ahead doesn't seem quite so wild. And so I step into the inky dusk, and watch the door swing slowly shut behind me.

Should I continue? Yes? No? I seem to have a thing for fear landscapes 0.o Oh well

R&R, like always!